Fry Moments

One Sweet Love

2011-12-02T23:07:00.000-06:00

So for the past few days I have been elbow deep in dough, sugar and cinnamon.

I have made 5 full pans of maple iced cinnamon rolls and 6 pans of apple cinnamon rolls. The 6' table is in the middle of my kitchen and will probably remain there until just before Christmas. I am already tired of walking around it, but it really makes things so much easier, especially rolling out the dough for these babies. Look how pretty that is!

Like a flower. ;) The pan above got a little ambitious on me and tried to escape it's confines so I had to go ahead and bake it this evening. Now I will have to fight to stay out of it, especially since there is no one else around to eat it right now.

I mean, how can you resist that?!?

Until,

D :)

Sugar Cane | NaBloPoMo day 30

2011-11-30T22:49:00.000-06:00

I scalded the milk, oil and sugar this morning, and then later added yeast, flour, and various other ingredients and created the most magnificent dough. After letting it rise for a couple of hours I pulled the 6' long folding table out of the garage, scrubbed it down and set it up in the middle of my kitchen. It's that time of year again! Time to make the cinnamon rolls!

The plan this evening was to roll out the dough and get a few pans made and ready to freeze, but my Kiddo had other ideas. He's been bugging me for a couple of weeks now for a new pillow. His current one is pretty lumpy and worn - we've had to wash it so much because of nose bleeds and allergies - the filling is shot. So tonight I made the trek to Target to get him a new pillow. I also picked up one of those allergy covers; it's supposed to be water proof and keep out all the allergen stuff. I put it on the new pillow and man, those things are noisy! But I thought I would give it a shot anyway and so I put the pillow case on over it and brought it to the kids' room, shortly after bed time. Kiddo rejected it in less than a minute, coming out of his room to ask for his old pillow back. So I took off the allergy cover and let him try it again and a couple minutes later he said he still wanted his old pillow. I gave him the old one back - by this time the little one was complaining about his pillow too (copycat!) so I gave him the new one. I laid them both back down and left them to go to sleep. I went into the kitchen to prepare to roll out my dough.

Five minutes later, I hear bickering coming from their room so I went in to see what was going on. Kiddo was standing in front of Port's bed and he had taken the cover off the new pillow and put Port's pillow back on his bed. I asked him what he was doing and he said he wanted to put two pillows in one case. And he wanted the pillow back.

Too late, kid.

I told him no, he couldn't have it back and he couldn't put two pillows in one case. He asked about stacking two pillows on top of each other so I gave him Port's old pillow and he pitched a fit. I told him to go to sleep and left him in his room. He cried and cried - Hubby and I both went in there to tell him to calm down and go to sleep. About 10 minutes later he came out of his room, marched up to me in the kitchen with his little hands all balled up into fists and he told me that he was going to "fuss and cry all night long if I didn't give him that pillow back!!"

Hubby and I burst into laughter.

We made him go back to bed - it's a good thing we both have a sense of humor. But 10 minutes later he was in there coughing pretty much non-stop. I brought him some water and when I walked in I discovered he was laying on the floor. I asked him why and he said he refused to sleep in his bed. *shakes head* Oh the DRAMA! I made him get in bed and once again I left.

10 minutes later he was still coughing, so I brought him a cough drop. When I left his room, I noticed that I had stepped over a piece of paper on the floor in the hallway just in front of his door. Thinking it was some random drawing that had some how made it's way to the hallway, I picked it up to throw it away. But there was some writing on it...

"Dear Mom,

Im stupid! Remember when I refused the pillow

Youll hate me by now.

<3 Kiddo Fry"

So, the teen years are going to be smooth sailing, right?

Until,

D :)

Save Me | NaBloPoMo day 29

2011-11-29T22:38:00.000-06:00

This morning Port was sleeping soundly way past his normal wake up time when the cat snuck in the room and tried to claim the pillow he was sleeping on. I heard Port fussing and walked in to find him up on all fours in the bed, grunting and growling at the cat while he was still in a half asleep state. He was not a happy guy. I can say I wasn't too happy either - darn cat. You just don't wake a sleeping monster; doesn't she know that??

Later on this morning I heard him happily laughing and squawking (yes, he squawks, and grunts and growls - so what of it?) and I came in to find he had set up this dinosaur invasion on the cat. She was not amused and she told me so by swishing her tail rapidly when I looked at her.

Haha! Take that, kitty cat! ;)

I am feeling better today - who ever it was that said a prayer for me, thank you. I felt it, and it worked. Some good things happened today and I really, really needed it. I am so thankful for His grace.

Until,

D :)

The Heart of Life | NaBloPoMo day 28

2011-11-28T23:35:00.000-06:00

I am feeling discouraged today, and hormonal, and a little too....real for my liking. I feel like I am running 90 miles an hour, working waaaay too hard and spinning my wheels, and at the same time sitting here doing nothing, waiting on something to happen. I am trying to trust, trust, trust when all my being is telling me to just take over and get something done. Make things happen. It feels like the more I try, the less I accomplish. The more I put into my house, the messier it gets. The more I put into my business, the less business I get. I feel a tremendous amount of weight on my shoulders.

But I have to have faith. I have to trust. I have to let go and not worry. This is what I am commanded to do, and this is what I strive for. But the day to day, today, is just wearing me down.

Yesterday I was having a hard time with the kiddos and I had been reduced to yelling. I hate getting like that; sometimes it seems like the only thing that gets the boys to do anything around here. At one point, after particularly upsetting Port, he came to me and asked to be picked up. He is still my little cuddly guy. I picked him up and he got on his knees in my lap so he could look me straight in the eye and he said, "Mummai, I want you to be nice to me."

ugh

The guilt just crushed me.

He threw his arms around my neck and gave me the biggest hugs. He hugged and hugged and hugged, and even threw in a sweet kiss or two before he snuggled down in my lap and cradled my arm. Of course, I just melted into a big ol' blob of adoration for my sweet boy and within less than a minute he had fallen asleep.

I wish I had a big lap to snuggle into when I was having a hard day. I wish that I could just ask the world to "be nice to me" and give it a hug or two and all would be better.

Until,
D

Throw Me A Rope | NaBloPoMo day 27

2011-11-27T23:21:00.000-06:00

"So throw me a rope to hold me in place

Show me a clock for counting my days down"

I love Sunday nights. They are usually the one night a week that I get to go to a place I love to hang out and sit with a friend and just chat. Granted, they are my Musing Mommies and Project 105 meetings, but when the meeting combines Starbucks and one of my best friends, you just can't go wrong. More often than not, the meetings are less "meeting" and more "therapy" than anything. I can vent, I can analyze or I can just enjoy regular conversation with an adult....who doesn't need me to get up and fetch anything...or wipe a rear end...or tie a shoe...or anything even remotely related to taking care of someone else.

Sunday nights ground me. The set me up with a moment of release of all the pent up frustration from the week and get me ready for Monday in a better frame of mind. I feel unbalanced when I have to miss a Sunday night meeting - during my busy seasons with photography, I am often booked with a senior session on Sunday nights. And usually for the rest of the week I wonder around trying to figure out what day it is.

I need more Sunday nights in my life. We all do.

Until,

D :)

Spell | NaBloPoMo day 26

2011-11-26T21:24:00.000-06:00

Here we are almost all the way through the month - I can't believe I have made it this far. And it really was relatively easy, mainly because for once, I didn't really think too hard about what to blog about. Now of course, that makes for a lot of "this is what I did today" sort of boring posts, but very few of you all still read my little blog anymore so I guess I don't have to strive too much for literary greatness in every post...

not that I ever did that in the first place. anywho.....

I have to say I am pretty proud of myself this week. I actually let. something. go. Haha! I didn't think I was capable. And it may only be temporary, but for now it feels pretty good. For the past couple of years I have been on this bizarre, mid-life crisis truth quest, and while it's been liberating and exhilarating, at the same time it has caused me a lot of stress and strife. It is a struggle to live like this, seeking truth from everything and everyone, when everything and everyone else doesn't function that way. There just isn't a lot of truth in this world. We have all been lied to and have lied about so many things for so long that the lies have become the truth. So often I find myself not knowing what to believe anymore.

So this week I was faced with deciding to stick up for what I know to be the truth, or to let it go and just let people believe what they want to and tell themselves whatever it takes to feel ok. It is hard. It is not something I like doing these days. I have very little tolerance for it right now, but after hashing it out over and over for a few days I just decided it's not worth it. So for now, I have let it go. And I hope that the effort it took to do that is worth the headache it caused me (and a couple of close friends - sorry!). It really just boils down to the fact that I have too much crazy in my own head to have to try to tame someone else's.

So anyway, now Thanksgiving is over we plow head first into the landslide to Christmas. And suddenly my totally open calendar is filled with meetings and get togethers and baking and crafting (cuz there will sadly be no buying this year) and photography sessions and seeing old friends, meeting new babies and supporting friends and family during transition. But isn't that life all the time? Why does it suddenly seem like everything is crammed into 4 short weeks?

I love this song - it's one of those I get lost in in the midst of the chaos that is constantly in my head. I can totally relate to the lyrics, and I miss those moments being on stage and having people in my spell, if only for a moment. I wish it were so easy to capture someone's attention. There are a couple of people I would absolutely love to be able to "have" for just few minutes, just to say the things I need to say.

Until,
D :)

Spotlight shining brightly
on my face
I can't see a thing
and yet I feel you looking my way

Empty stage
With nothing but this girl
Who's singing this simple melody
And wearing her heart on her sleeve

And right now
I have you
For a moment I can tell I've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you

Beauty emanates from every
word that you say
And captured the deepest thoughts
in the purest and simplest of ways
But you see
I'm not that graceful
Like you
Nor am I as eloquent
But just a simple melody
Can change the way that you see me

And right now
I have you
For a moment I can tell I've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you

And all my life I've stumbled
But up here i am just perfect
Perfect as I'll ever be

I have you
For a moment I can tell I've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you

In Your Eyes | NaBloPoMo day 25

2011-11-25T23:20:00.000-06:00

What is it about Thanksgiving that makes us cook SO MUCH food? I swear, it must be some sort of altered genetics that have been environmentally bred into us throughout the generations. Thursday was really just like any other day; I was cooking for the same 4 people I cook for every day, and yet I made enough food to feed at least 8 people, and probably more than that. And I didn't even make the stuffed jalapenos I was planning to have for appetizers.

Ah well.

Today was spent recovering. I had so many bizarre dreams last night and I am not sure why. I think I may have been on carb overload. Today I enjoyed myself again, but starting tomorrow I am going to do a bit of a cleanse - not so much in an official way, I just need to cut waaaay back on the yeast and sugar, drink more water, and get more veggies and clean foods in for a while. My friend, Kim, is starting a 10 day juice regimen and she will be drinking only fresh made juice for that time. I am thinking about trying to juice for one meal a day and see how that works for me. I am too dependent on protein to go on an all out juice fast; I just don't think I could make it. But I am hoping the increase in veggies and fruit will supplement some imbalances I am certain I have.

And I need to do this now because it is almost time to start making cinnamon rolls...

oh yes. :-D

Until,

D :)

Turkey Day | NaBloPoMo day 25

2011-11-24T21:25:00.000-06:00

Ahh Turkey Day! How I love your food.

How I adore your desserts!

See this tree? I picked this up in January for $10. Oh yeah, you read that right.

It's gorgeous and I love it. We had it up and decorated in about 20 minutes. (a little too quickly for the boys! lol) It's tall and skinny, just like me. :)

I hope you all have full bellies and happy hearts today and always.

Until,

D :)

Cooking By The Book | NaBloPoMo day 23

2011-11-23T22:56:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I shall make an attempt to cook a turkey. I have only ever cooked a whole one once before, waaaaaay back when I couldn't cook anything and I was newly married, and I ended up giving myself (not anyone else) food poisoning. haha!

And now you know why, 13 years later, I am OCD about washing my hands when I am cooking.

It should be interesting - I am not entirely sure how I am going to go about it yet. But if I had to guess, I would think it might involve cream cheese and rosemary...and it will be fabulous! Though, not traditional. ;) Accompanying the meal we will have bacon wrapped, stuffed jalapenos, some sort of potato (I am thinking mashed with bacon, green onion and rosemary), fresh green beans, and an apple pie type dessert (actual recipe yet to be determined).

What are you having for Thanksgiving dinner? I wish I had time for stuffing and chicken and dumplings and broccoli rice casserole (though I may still do that) and all the traditional stuff. But I am only cooking for 4 people and I really should be practical.

Right?

Until,
D :)

From Where You Are | NaBloPoMo day 22

2011-11-22T23:20:00.000-06:00

No words really tonight. Our family is mourning the loss of our Uncle Don. May he rest in peace.

Until,
D

You're The Inspiration | NaBloPoMo day 21

2011-11-21T23:37:00.000-06:00

So, you all may or may not know I am currently trying my hand at writing. I am in the process of writing one book and also mentally developing a second one. So occasionally my mental development hits inspiration and I have to spew the words out before they either 1) drive me insane, or 2) disappear, leaving me frustrated and extremely sad that the moment of pure, raw emotion was forever lost.

The following is a piece that I wrote back in July when the words swirled around in my head to the point that I had to either write them down or check myself into the loony bin. They were that strong and that powerful and controlling. So, I put this in one of my other blogs back then, and I tonight it just felt right to bring it here...

When you are young you are full of emotion and instinct. There isn't much control of either and when emotions are high (which they always are) you react on instinct more than logic. It is a magical and confusing and heart breaking time, and unfortunately, more big decisions about life are made in that time that shape who you are than in any other time of life. Make one wrong choice and you can send yourself hurling down a path that you may not want 5, 10 or 15 years from then. And by the time you are an adult it is too late to go back and change your path, and you are committed to too much to not risk everything you love to make the change.

When we are young, we live in the moment. We don't think about the future in more than a big cloud in the sky sort of way. We don't yet know the details, the day to day challenges and the little things that add up to big joy and big frustration. We don't yet realize how small choices can lead to big life factors; how the "big" decisions really aren't that important and how the time that we have is so unique and special, when we are young. Living in the moment is so exciting and dramatic, and when you are in your teens drama is a way of life. We feel, we experience everything as if it were the first time (and it often is) and our senses are heightened and electric with impulse and fire. We challenge. We challenge authority, we challenge ideas and we challenge...everything.

When I was a teen, I often challenged the weather. My moods and feelings were altered and were reflected in the sun, the wind and the storms. I soaked up the peace that the warm sun would bring. I would sit on top of my parent's van at night and watch the stars and follow the moon. I wished on falling stars, I talked to the sky. Storms brought passion and love and sadness. They manipulated events and feelings, the held promises of a future that I never got to see. I loved the weather and I thought it held power. I would stand in the wind and stare it down as if I could control it. I pleaded with the wind and the thunder and the stars to send me signs and answers to my troubles. And somewhere between then and now, I stopped listening and I stopped challenging. Now, thunder and wind sends me running for shelter and makes me worry for my children. I don't want to get wet in the rain and I certainly don't like driving in it or dealing with the mud the dog tracks in the house afterward. Storms lost their passion and their beauty and became little more than a nusiance.

I have been dealing with some things. Stress and emotions that I can't control any longer have forced me into a time of much reflection and deep thought. And suddenly I am looking to the outdoors and the solace of the quiet that it can sometimes provide; that quiet away from the distractions of electronics and children and things that make noise allows me to ponder the things that trouble me, or quiet my head for a moment of peace. I enjoy being in my garden, sometimes with music in my ears, sometimes not, and just letting my mind run where it wants to. I enjoy that time of living in the moment and letting raw feelings take over.

A couple of weeks ago I was in my garden and as I was finishing up my tasks a storm began to blow in. Normally I would have hurried into the house but for once, I felt I needed to stay. The wind kicked up and the sky turned pink and I stood there in the middle of my yard, face into the wind. I challenged it to blow on me, to knock me over. And as my hair whipped around my head and my eyes filled with tears from the debris blowing in and the emotion I was feeling, I felt my spirit awaken with an energy I haven't felt in many years.

When I come home late at night now, I pause for a moment to look at the sky. And that child in me is still there, pleading to the stars for answers. I have no more power now to interpret them than I did then, and I feel my heart breaking in the silence just the same as before. And yet I linger, thinking one more moment, one more glance to the heavens will be enough.

Until,
D :)

The Little Things | NaBloPoMo day 20

2011-11-20T23:28:00.000-06:00

I took my monkeys on a date tonight. It's been a lazy day; I had a headache for most of it and I just didn't feel like cooking tonight. Daddy was out on a photo shoot and so since it was just me and the boys, I thought we'd do something fun. They were so good and totally enjoyed the restaurant and all the fun decor; I was really surprised. And now I know I can go back there, get them a big bowl of chips, a stack of tortillas and some re-fried beans and they will be happy little campers. Best of all, we can all eat on the cheap! Woot!

I am looking forward to this week and having Kiddo home from school. We'll have one of his friends hanging with us most of the week, so the boys will have a playmate to keep them occupied. Now I just have to think of a couple of well placed activities to keep them all from getting bored. I think it will be fun!

Until,
D :)

Back To You | NaBloPoMo day 19

2011-11-19T22:19:00.000-06:00

Well if I thought I was tired yesterday, then I am downright exhausted today. I so did not want to get up when my alarm went off this morning - I was sleeping so well. :(

I still had some crazy dreams though.

I had a photo session today for a 2 year old - man, those littles are tough! She was super cute, but I am pretty sure that by the end of the session we (her parents included) were all worn out.

And I just haven't recovered. So, I am making this a short one tonight.

If you are travelling this coming week for the holiday, I wish you safe travels. I am still trying to figure out what we are going to do for Thanksgiving. We won't be going anywhere, but I still have to cook something, and I don't want to treat it just like any other day...or do I?

Until,
D :)

A Thousand Miles | NaBloPoMo day 18

2011-11-18T22:12:00.000-06:00

Sooooo, this is what I see when I look in the mirror today. Staying up till 3am did a number on me. ;-) I desperately need some beauty sleep. I had a lot I needed to get done today but I am just too tired to actually do any of it. I took a shower in lieu of a nap this afternoon and while it did perk me up briefly, I still sat at the computer and stared at a blank screen for an hour. *sigh* It was worth it though. I had so much fun last night.

Random thoughts...gonna let the crazy hang out a little. lol Forgive me, it happens when I am tired...

Ever feel like you are waiting on something, and you know it's important, but you really have NO IDEA what it is, or what to look for? And you know you will know it when it happens, but yet, you don't know what it is going to be?

I am waiting, waiting, waiting. And I don't know why. Whatever it is I am waiting for, when I think about it (of course, in a general sense), my heart aches, my head pounds and my my eyes feel that fullness that comes just before I cry. Like if whatever it was happened, it would be such a relief and a release and a joy, and it would be scary and life altering and...REAL. And I long for it; I try to will it to happen - ridiculous, really.

I can't seem to move on past the waiting, the holding pattern, the holding my breath every time I turn a corner. My dreams are getting more and more strange. I am dreaming of people I don't ever dream about, places I had long forgotten, and of worlds that don't exist. Perhaps that is normal for some people, but my dreams, for the most part, have pattern and some predictability. With the exception of every now and then, I usually dream of the same people and places. But lately, man, they have become really strange.

I am just too much in my head right now I guess.

Until,
D :)

Monster Mash | NaBloPoMo day 17

2011-11-17T22:29:00.002-06:00

Hanging with the girls tonight, posting with my phone... Here are some photos of what we are up to. :)

Hope you are having a fantastic Thursday!

Until,
D

Don't Know Why | NaBloPoMo day 16

2011-11-16T22:33:00.000-06:00

The area that I live in is seeing a lot of new development right now. What used to be a cow town on the outskirts of a major city is turning into a pretty bustling, modern-ish town. And near my house there are new neighborhoods going up right and left. What that means for most of the area is that the acres and acres of trees that were once there are now gone, and nice new homes with nice new streets are taking over.

Diving over to a friend's house today, I noticed that the majority of the property on one particular street I drive regularly is for sale. The old homesteads, old businesses and empty lots are all for sale, most likely to be bought by some retail corporation so a new shopping facility can go in. All of it is zoned for commercial use now, so I am sure in the next 5-10 year we will be surrounded by places to shop.

Sprinkled in between all of these older properties are new subdivisions. I was driving along and looking at the new houses, all grand and modern. But what I found myself doing, more often than not, was looking even harder at the old properties. The old houses - and ooh that one has a detached garage or an old barn and that one has an old horse stable...I was more intrigued and "dreaming about buying" the older properties that had so much more character. Those are the types of property I can work with! I can see myself holding photo sessions in the old barns, building a studio in the huge workshops and working the land so that I can make my very own little photography oasis.

I think my heart will always long for the old farm house on the big chunk of land that has more character than any custom built home could ever have. New and modern and subdivided is nice, neat and for the most part, worry free, but I guess I am just more of a country girl.

Until,
D :)

Bubbly Toes | NaBloPoMo day 15

2011-11-15T23:04:00.000-06:00

This is a beautiful site. Little Port was up at 5am this morning, SCREAMING because his brother got up to go to the bathroom and told him he couldn't come out of the room. And then Kiddo proceeded to leave the door open - Port was so dutiful standing in the doorway, but it upset him so much (he still likes to accompany everyone to the bathroom) he decided to wake everyone up with his wails. So needless to say he was a cranky monster by noon today. It was raining and dreary out all morning so when things cleared up a bit around 1pm, I decided to make an attempt at some grocery shopping. He promptly fell asleep about a block from the store. So, I did what any good mom would do and I drove to Sonic instead for a beverage and some quality Bejeweled time.

I am at the top of my leader board if that tells you how long I sat there playing... ;)

I brought him home and he woke for about half a second before falling over into this position on the couch. He slept like this for about an hour. It makes my arm tingle just looking at it.

I heard this line in a song tonight when I finally did make it to the grocery store (fyi, grocery shopping on Tuesday night is not recommended, at least not at my store, because they are out of everything and trying to restock before the Wednesday sales go into effect). Anyway, the lyrics:

"When you move like a jellyfish, rhythm don't mean nothing. You go with the flow. You don't stop."

I've been feeling like a jellyfish lately - absolutely no rhyme or rhythm to my life right now; just drifting along, taking it day by day. Some days are great, some not so much, and the water is still murky. I am so ready to plant my feet on something solid. Or land on the shore...or something.

...not that jellyfish have feet... oh you know what I mean.

Until,
D :)

Candy Girl | NaBloPoMo day 14

2011-11-14T22:40:00.000-06:00

Some things are bigger in Texas. Most things are even bigger in random truck stops in the middle of nowhere in Texas.

Until,
D :)

Miss You | NaBloPoMo day 13

2011-11-13T22:09:00.000-06:00

After a weekend of hotel bliss (a bed to myself with extra fluffy pillows and no one to wake me with requests for cereal and "playing trains"? yes, please!) we came home today with tired minds but many accomplishments. After dropping Kim off at her home, I drove to mine. Hubby had spent the weekend finally teaching Kiddo how to ride a bike and when I drove up they were practicing in the driveway. Port was riding his tricycle around in circles with his brother, and when he saw me pull up his little face broke into a huge grin. He hopped off his bike, and in one of those totally unreal sappy tv commercial moments he ran to me at full speed, arms wide open, screaming "Mummai! Mummai!". I jumped out of the car and ran toward him and when we met I scooped him into my arms and he threw his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. He was laughing and crying and so excited to see me - and I realized how much I had missed him. He is such a special little guy. Kiddo was too busy trying to show off his new bike skills that he didn't really greet me before he wanted me to watch him ride. I enjoyed spending some time with everyone in the driveway - the weather was perfect.

It was so good to get away. I do hope I have more opportunities to do it again in the future, but, today it feels great to be home.

Until,
D :)

Inspire Me | NaBloPoMo day 12

2011-11-12T23:44:00.000-06:00

Inspiration comes at the oddest times. I've been sitting here all day in a hotel room working on my business plan for the upcoming year, and so much has been accomplished. I have a good plan (almost complete!), new products, a totally new pricing structure and a huge head ache. Lol! I haven't thought this hard and for this long in a looooong time. My head hurts. Have I said that already?

Just as we were starting to wrap things up for the evening, my incredibly intelligent friend and co-planner/assistant/task master, Kim, had a brilliant idea. And as we talked through it, it became even better. I love it when an idea unfolds into a beautiful plan! I can't wait to see if it works.

I am so proud of what we've accomplished today and so thankful for the opportunity to take the time to do this. It has been a great weekend so far.

Until,
D :)

Backroads | NaBloPoMo day 11

2011-11-11T23:51:00.000-06:00

I love driving. I have always enjoyed getting in the car, cranking up the radio and driving the back roads to my destination. The freeway holds it's own appeal - fast and no fuss, but the back roads, the back roads offer so much more when you have the time to spare.

Back roads provide a glimpse into the lives of the people who love nearby. I love seeing the old houses, cars and interesting things that people collect. I love going through the old towns that have been long forgotten; I love seeing the picture-book perfect barns and dilapidated old houses. I love the rows and rows and rows of trees and every twist, turn, rise and fall of the pavement.

Tonight I had the pleasure of travelling back roads with my friend, Kim. I so enjoy traveling with good friends, and the always incredible conversations that come from being trapped in a small space. We are spending the weekend hiding out in a hotel in San Antonio so I can do some work on my business. I needed the time away from all the distractions of home so I could concentrate and focus on the lofty goals I have set for myself. I am hoping that in the short time that we have here we can be productive.

Thankfully, the hotel does not seem to have Food Network on the cable provider. ;-) Shew!

Until,
D :)

Real World | NaBloPoMo day 10

2011-11-10T23:18:00.000-06:00

Random thoughts...

This world that we live in is amazing. It's bright, it's beautiful, it's mysterious and ever changing. It has so many amazing and wonderful features, 99% of them I will never see. And people - people are even more fascinating and wonderful. The human mind is something that, even with all of our vast technology and endless study, will never be completely figured out.

I am fascinated by behavior. I WISH, oh how I wish, I could figure people out.

We are all here together on this beautiful planet with these fascinating minds and we are just screwing it all up.

I was chatting with a friend today and we were talking about people we thought were "good" and those that were not so good, and it occurred to me that no one really knows 100% how another person is - what is truly in their heart. We only let people see what we want them to see. For most, we try to only show the good parts, the accomplishments and the kindness. Others gain satisfaction sharing weaknesses and faults. But in most cases, there is more to someone's true personality and heart than what they ever show.

So where, in all of this, is the reality? There really is no reality anymore. Heck, even reality TV isn't "real". Young rock star wannabes put "amateur" videos on YouTube that are made to look like they are just hanging out in their living room playing the guitar and singing to the camera. But if you look closely, you will notice that there are several camera angles throughout the song and there is no background noise at all - hmm, could they perhaps have recorded in a studio??

The point is - there is very little these days that is completely raw, real, or unscripted. And we, as friends and family and acquaintances, are just as scripted and fake with each other. We censor ourselves, we put on airs, we proclaim innocence while hiding what we really do, we say we are one way when we are the other. We scold those that don't "do right" as we do the same wrongs. There is no reality. Social media perpetuates this by providing us with check boxes and categories to define who we are (or who we want people to think we are) on our profile. It provides a platform for us to say things that we don't have to actually subscribe to or even believe in, but people *think* we do because we trust that what is said (and our interpretation of it) is the truth.

What frustrates me sometimes more than anything is that when I see someone being fake, there really is nothing that can be done about it. As we become more electronically social, we become less personable and calling someone out on bad behavior or telling someone how you really feel is quickly becoming a lost art. People get offended and for some reason many feel we are no longer allowed to point out when someone exhibits bad behavior.

I try to be as real as I can. I am overly honest to a fault, but I still have things that I don't talk about. I am by no means a saint, either. But I just wish more people would be real and stop trying to be someone they clearly are not. Be real. If you don't have anything interesting or compelling or valuable to say, don't say anything - or better yet, say something if you feel you need to but be REAL. Be honest. Be boring. It's OK. Truly. I am tired of trying to sift through all the smoke and mirrors to find the truth.

Until,

Water Of Love | NaBloPoMo day 9

2011-11-09T22:41:00.000-06:00

Did you know that I co-host a weekly podcast? Well, I do! We have been podcasting for 2 years now and I truly enjoy it. For those of you who don't know what a podcast is, I guess the best way to describe it is this. It is like a radio show (ours is about an hour and comes out weekly) that is pre-recorded and can be found on the internet. The recordings of our show can be accessed on our site, on Facebook or on iTunes.

On the show we talk about a lot of different things. We interview moms like us, moms not like us, entrepreneurs, authors, business owners, inventors, dads, and many other interesting people. We have shows about daily life, hot topics, cooking, controversial ideas, lifestyle and many more. Our show is fun! And the great thing about it is that Kim and I can give our honest opinion about the things we love and the things we don't love.

About a month ago, in my endless quest to find a dishwasher detergent that actually worked, I came across an AMAZING product called Lemi Shine. And without going into boring detail about it, let me just say that the Lemi Shine not only completely revitalized my dishes (I know, it sounds impossible, but everything looks like NEW) but it SAVED my dishwasher. I was honestly thinking we would have to replace it soon, and now it looks and cleans like brand new. So I was over-the-moon excited about Lemi Shine and I mentioned it on our podcast.

Well, through the awesomeness that is Google Alerts, the CMO at Lemi Shine found out about our podcast and within a day he had contacted us and within a couple of weeks we got to interview him on the show! BUT, that is not even the best part - the BEST part about it all is that not only is Lemi Shine an amazing, natural, environmentally friendly product that actually works, the company that makes Lemi Shine is a FANTASTIC, honest, trustworthy, earth conscious, and generous organization of great people. It was not only a joy to interview Dustin (he is a super fun and interesting guy in his own right), but it was an honor to be able to speak with and help promote such an amazing company. And the reason I am telling you all of this is because Lemi Shine is doing an AMAZING thing right now in partnership with Living Water International. Now through December 31st, Lemi Shine is matching donations dollar for dollar up to $50,000 to help provide clean water to children in Ethiopia.

Please, I beg of you to click that beautiful blue button above or the one in my right sidebar, take a look at this project and give what you can. Even a small amount can make a life saving difference. And with this amazing program, your donation, no matter how small, is DOUBLED. Less than $10 will provide clean water, life SAVING water, to a child. The small sacrifice of that $4 latte or your $2 sonic drink for one day will save a life!

Until,
D :)

PS. If you would like to leave a comment for me below (and make me soooo happy!) and you found this post through Networked Blogs on Facebook, you have to click the x in the circle at the top right of the page so that your browser goes directly to my blog. It's some sort of programming glitch that I can't seem to fix, but once you do that the comment button should work perfectly. TY! <3

Stop and Stare | NaBloPoMo day 8

2011-11-08T23:49:00.000-06:00

I don't think God ever intended for an apple to be that big. Holy moly!

I will be getting this post in for NaBloPoMo just in under the wire. Port was feeling better today, but still a little fussy every time he ate. He would cry out and grab his tummy but then deny that it hurt him. He's such a tough little dude. I am so thankful he is feeling better though.

This being November, the month of the all important of Thanksgiving, I have been thinking a lot about the things I am thankful for. Many of my Facebook friends are participating in the 30 Days of Thankful thing where you post something each day that you are thankful for. I have some weird, irrational feelings about posts like that on Facebook so I don't tend to participate (long story, for another time I suppose), but I have enjoyed seeing what everyone is thankful for. Most people make it sappy and meaningful, but some have fun with it too and as sure to mention their thankfulness for things like coffee. ;) (now those are the posts I can support! lol)

I am thankful for many things, despite this sucky year and all that has happened. I have many blessings. I also have many hardships, but I am even thankful for them in a way because they allow me to shine through them. They allow me to really see what God is doing in my life and they humble me on a daily basis. One of my fb friends, Lori, posted this today:

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I am so thankful that God uses the people in my life to show me His grace and to remind me of His love. I could not have made it through these last few months without His power, and so I intend to "boast all the more gladly about my weakness" so that I may glorify Him.

Until,
D :)

I Feel Fine | NaBloPoMo day 7

2011-11-07T22:27:00.000-06:00

This photo brought to you by my crappy iPhone camera, the letter P and the number 3. ;-)

My poor little dude is not feeling well. He started out the day strong, but didn't/couldn't eat lunch and by 1:30 he crashed hard. I had to go up to Kiddo's school for a parent/teacher conference, and Port was playing Legos in his room with Hubby. Hubby said he just suddenly got up, walked over to the cat, laid down on the floor and went right to sleep. He slept there for a few hours. Dinner was a little touch and go, but he made it through and managed to hold down a small portion of mac-n-cheese. He cuddled and was puny through the evening but got a sudden burst of energy just before bed (of course!). Hopefully he will be close to 100% tomorrow. I can't stand my pumpkin being sick. :(

And why is it that some little ones, when plagued with a tummy bug, decide that is the perfect time to kiss mommy right on the mouth, repeatedly??

I feel fine, I feel fine, I feel fine, I feel fine........

Until,

D :)

All There Is | NaBloPoMo day 6

2011-11-06T23:45:00.000-06:00

It's been a long day. We went to church this morning and then when we got home I had to do a couple of loads of laundry, clean the kitchen, wash the dog and pick up a little around the house. Then I had a senior session in the next town over and after had to rush home and make dinner before heading out again to my weekly podcast/book meeting.

When we got home from church and had lunch, I noticed that Port didn't eat anything. And he picked at what I had served him in a way that was not his usual picky eater self, it was more of a "that sounds disgusting for some weird reason" sort of way. After my senior session, I asked Hubby if Port had eaten anything all afternoon and he thought he had eaten some goldfish crackers, but it turns out I don't think he did. So when I was making dinner Port was complaining of being hungry. I gave him a little bowl of goldfish and he tried to eat one but hollered almost immediately saying his tummy hurt. So a few minutes later he was "hungry" again and I gave him half a banana. That seemed to sit well so he tried to eat the other half and just a minute later he was spewing it all over the bathroom.

Thankfully he gives us some warning before he gets sick - he yells really loud.

So because I was in the middle of cooking dinner, Hubby had to deal with the sickness. That was not a good idea - I should have had him take over the dinner. Hubby doesn't handle sickness well. When I found him pale as a sheet in the hallway while Port was standing in the tub in the bathroom, I knew I needed to task Hubby with finishing up dinner.

Thankfully Port was much better after that episode, and he even ate a whole piece of toast during dinner. He did this a few weeks ago - he got up one morning and threw up twice and then was fine.

I hope that was all there was.

Until,
D

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room | NaBloPoMo day 5

2011-11-05T21:12:00.000-05:00

I often feel like I am slow dancing in a burning room (a great song by John Mayer, by the way). But this song (it's John Mayer day!) has popped up on my Pandora station twice today - I absolutely love it. I can sooooo relate to this song too!

If you are a listener of the podcast I co-host, you know that I tend to talk my way through and then around things and say what I feel and then backtrack/justify a ton trying not to offend anyone. But so many times, when I finally get the nerve to say what I really feel, I just can't stop myself. It's like opening flood gates. The good thing is, that the people that are my close friends know that I never mean any harm or judgement in what I say, and that anything that is my opinion is just that, mine. You don't have to agree with me, and if you don't, I am ok with that. How I feel is how I feel. The bad thing is, I often misjudge the "closeness" of some of my friendships and feel comfortable saying what I feel when I shouldn't. The older I get, the less I like having to censor myself.
And sometimes I just can't shut up. I have conversations in my head, long after the subject has been laid to rest or abandoned. It drives me nuts, but often in those conversations I find the truth I was trying to speak in the first place. That part is great, but unfortunately by then it is usually too late to speak it. That's the worst.
I am at such an odd place in life right now. This year has been so hard and it isn't getting better any time soon. I am eagerly awaiting the new year on a false hope that "starting fresh" will make things better, when I know the reality is that it won't. Turning the calendar over to January 1 isn't going to make my problems go away. So there is a hope and a dread all wrapped up in one pretty bow in my head. I am pretty sure that on top of all this, I am in full on mid-life crisis mode. It makes dealing with the day to day stuff pretty trying. While part of me is trying to be this confident adult that I should and can be right now, part of me is still clinging for dear life to the 18 year old in my head. I want to just be able to be myself (the grownup) and say what I feel when I feel it (the 18 year old). Sadly, not everyone is comfortable with that.
I hope that I can soon find a peace about life that I am currently lacking. Or, if I can't, I hope I can find a way to make changes that will help me feel better about my life and find the contentment that I seek. And along the way, I would like to find at least one or two people that can handle me - all of me - the happy, the sad, the stupid and the funny, the moody, the foodie, the earthiness, the height of me and the skinniness and...the stupid mouth.
Until,D :)

Play That Funky Music | NaBloPoMo day 4

2011-11-04T22:28:00.000-05:00

There was a moment, just - a moment, a couple of months ago that I thought I might try to teach myself to play the guitar. I felt like my life was falling apart and I just wanted something to do that was different and hopefully therapeutic, and also relatively easy (or so I thought). It's not that I thought learning the guitar would be easy - far from it. I just thought it might be a bit less difficult because I actually took a semester of guitar when I was in college. Surely, I thought, I could pick it back up and at least be able to play a few chords.

nope

I have owned a guitar (and that lovely pitch pipe in the image above) since I was about 8 or 9 years old. And yet, I never learned to play. My parents couldn't pay for lessons, and my dad, who knew how to play a little bit, didn't try for long to teach me (I actually don't remember him ever trying to teach me, but surely he did). I wasn't interested in it enough to teach myself when I was young, but when I needed an instrument credit in college, it seemed to be the logical choice. I did alright in the class; over the course of the semester I developed the calluses needed to hold the strings. I kept the nails on my left hand short and the nails on the right hand long to pick with. Playing was pretty fun, but as soon as the class was over, I put the instrument away. With the exception of a few brief moments to show the kids, it hadn't seen the light of day until this summer.

I pulled it out one night and found my training books and tried to will my fingers to remember how to hold the strings.

But they couldn't remember, I didn't really have the finger strength, and my nails were too long. I guess a brief knowledge of a few easy chords aren't as easily remembered as something like say, riding a bike.

Though I wouldn't want to see myself try to ride a bike either.

Maybe someday I can afford to take some lessons. Until then I will have to be content with singing to the steering wheel. ;-)

Until,
D :)

Feels Like Home | NaBloPoMo day 3

2011-11-03T23:25:00.001-05:00

So, this is what I do. This is what I love. I have been a lot of things in my life; I have worn a lot of hats. And while I have many very strong interests, this, photography, is something that no matter how busy I am, no matter what is going on in life, when I am shooting I am loving it. It feels like, home. I get excited about it, nervous about it, scared...and I love going through it and being exhausted when it's over but still being so revved up that I can't settle down right away when I get home. I love pulling the images up on my computer and seeing all that I have captured. It's like Christmas - I get to open hundreds of little presents with each session. Even if the session doesn't go how I had hoped or something is off, I know that there will always be something stored on that little square card that will make me smile.

For the first time in my life I really feel like I have the potential of being successful in my "job". I really feel like I can be creative, or even not be creative, and still turn out quality work. It thrills me to the core to know that what I did with the camera made someone happy. For the first time in my life, I really want this thing that I am doing. I really want to make this business something I can be proud of. Now that Hubby is unemployed, my business has taken on a whole new meaning to me. I am more determined than ever to make it work; to make it into more than just a really fun hobby that helps me pay for more camera equipment.

The only other thing that has ever come close to photography is music. For as long as I could remember, I wanted to be a singer, and I tried for many years to get to a place where I felt confident enough to pursue it professionally. Unfortunately, that confidence was never really there, I never felt talented enough, and my fear of failure defeated me. Now, I still dream of a life that involves being able to sit on a small stage with a guitar or piano player and sing to an intimate audience. And I suppose there is still time for that; maybe it will happen some day. But I know that singing will never be a full time profession for me. I do hope I get to make it a regular hobby some day.

So, with this passion, and this tangible need for my photography business, I am constantly thinking about it. I think about the business, how I can improve it, how I can provide my clients with the best possible experience, how I can provide amazing products, how I can take on more clients, how I can improve my style, and how I can do it all and maintain some sort of sanity. I think about how I can educate myself, how I can get more organized, how I can update and maintain my website...the list goes on and on and on.

But with 2 little ones around (ok, just the littlest little one mostly) it is darn near impossible to get anything major accomplished that will help my business. I have so much I need to do that I can't do in 5 minute intervals - which is what I am awarded with when the precocious Port is around. So, I am investing in myself and my business and I am booking myself a hotel room for a weekend this month and locking myself inside so I can get some work done.

I started my to-do list today for what I want to accomplish on this all important weekend, and I think I may need to extend my stay for about a week. Or two. heh.

There is never enough time, is there? What extremes have you gone to in order to make your life/job/world better?

Until,
D :)

Someone Like You | NaBloPoMo Day 2

2011-11-02T21:42:00.000-05:00

I think like most moms, am constantly wondering what my kids think of me. Am I the mean mom, the nice mom, the fun mom or the ____ (fill in the blank). Sometimes I think I am being the good mom, and my oldest will mutter something under his breath like "you just don't care for me" and I wonder what the heck gave him that idea. But I guess, in the eyes of a 7 year old, not allowing him to do something he wants to do, even if it's what's best for him, is the equivalent of "not caring". I am fairly certain Port thinks of me as the pushover mom; and perhaps I am just that more often than I care to admit.

And while I am always wondering what they think of me, I don't put much time into how they see me. I mean, I see me like this.

Or at least that's how I imagine I look, even when my hair is in a bun and I have no makeup on. ;) Sadly, I don't always, nor often, look like I do in the above image. But a girl can dream of days like that, right?

I guess I am pretty lucky that Kiddo is a pretty good artist. Through his drawings, I sometimes get a glimpse of how he really sees me.

Apparently I somewhat resemble Nanny from Muppet Babies cartoons. I am so tall I don't even fit on the paper! (and apparently I also wear my cat pajamas with jeans?? shh! Don't tell anyone!)

This next drawing, while sweet, is a bit disturbing...

What is up with my hair???

Oh well, at least I have a head in this one.

Until,
D

November Rain | NaBloPoMo day 1

2011-11-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

Since it's been almost 2 months since my last post, I thought it might be a good idea to once again participate in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) again this year. And luckily, since yesterday was Halloween, I am fresh and ready to go with some fun pictures to share with you.

First, in case you are coming over from NaBloPoMo or are new to my little blog, that chick on the left is me. That is probably the newest images of me - I sort of have a thing for self portraits. However, this lovely capture was created by my wonderful friend, Kim, over at KimberlyTM Photography. Kim has, until now, mostly been a "thing" shooter (and mostly flowers), but she was interested in me giving her a little portrait photography lesson of sorts so we went out a couple of weeks ago and played. She also does hair, so I have to give her props for my fabulous cut and color. And yes, that is a blue streak on top and blue underneath. I LUV it!!

So, yesterday, the boys had a blast trick-or-treating in our friend's neighborhood (our hood pretty much sucks for ToTing) again this year. We started the door to door trek just before dusk.

I had some fun with my wide angle lens - his cute little cookie face looks even cuter all distorted. ;)

And of course, Kiddo had to get in on the wide angle lens action too. I can't believe he actually looked at the camera! That, my friends, is a rare thing.

And on Friday last week we made our annual visit to the pumpkin patch for some pictures and a ridiculously expensive pumpkin. Here is Port with his shaggy hair, Molly the Cat who goes EVERYWHERE with him, and his little pumpkin.

And Kiddo with his pumpkin (notice he is NOT looking at the camera. *sigh*)

And my sweet guys together. This was the reward for the yearly excursion. ;)

It feels good to be back to blogging again. Hopefully I can once again make it through the November challenge.

Until,
D

Come Away with Me

2011-09-15T15:41:00.000-05:00

I can't make this stuff up.

I know I complain a lot - it's part of my personality that I am trying to change and staying positive is really a challenge for me. Especially now, with everything that is going on - well, you know. So I tell you this today not because I am complaining or because I want some sort of sympathy, it's really because it is just so tragically funny that I have to tell someone, because I don't believe it myself. This is truly, pretty much a "typical" day for me lately.

Yesterday I wrote a post on the subject of clean eating and my immediate struggles with the 30 day challenge. But what I didn't tell you were the small details and obstacles I had to overcome in order to maintain a positive attitude and stay on track, just in the time span of yesterday afternoon. And trust me, I did vent, and whine, and moan and groan to 1 person, only because I couldn't contain myself and I know that she will still love me today when it is all just passing trouble. (you know who you are, and thank you, I love you!)

Yesterday, on the whole, wasn't too bad. I spent the better part of the day at a friend's house with little Port; a weekly thing she and I and one other stay at home mom have started doing in an effort to have a "work" day for us where we can get something done, still have a friend to talk to if we need it, and have a place for the wee ones to play where they will be, for the most part, out of our collective hair. ;) So far, it is working out great, and I look forward to going each week. So that part went well, and we all filed out of her house right in time to go pick up our school aged kids from school. Port and I headed to Kiddo's school, and arrived about 8 minutes before the dismissal bell. We had to sit in line on the main road (the whole pick up procedure saga is a post for another time, but let's just say, it was not ideal), but I was hoping the wait wouldn't be too long. After about 15 minutes, the line began to move and we all eased our cars closer to the school, inch by inch.

I have found there are 3 types of drivers in traffic like this. The Few - drivers that remain a safe distance from the car in front of them and maintain pretty good focus and attention when inching their car along the way. The Annoying - those that stay 20 feet back from the car in front of them, don't pay attention when the line moves forward because they are busy fixing makeup, digging in their purse, turned around swatting at the child behind them or playing Bejeweled on their phone (which isn't supposed to be in use in the school zone anyway...). And the Impatient - those that inch their car up, literally, by the inch, and they are so close to the back of my car they practically could see my Bejeweled score on my phone...er uh, they could reach out and touch my car. The Impatient has somewhere very important to be that is not where they are, and they should have been there an hour ago, so God forbid anyone get in their way because given the chance, they will Run. You. Over.

I had an Impatient behind me in the pick up line. And even though I tried to stay a close but safe distance behind the car in front of me, and I made sure to move up at any and every opportunity, the Impatient didn't think I was going fast enough and 2 minutes after the line began to move...

She rear-ended me.

Oh yes she did.

Thankfully, she basically just tapped the luggage rack we have in the tow hitch on the back of the car, so no damage was done. But the Impatient didn't know it was there because she was trying to EAT my back bumper. So of course we had to park our cars, get out, smile apologetically at each other, inspect the damage, laugh, mumble something of concern like "are you alright?" and then back away from each other and hastily retreat to our vehicles before the line moved up enough that someone could cut in front of us. Good times.

Two minutes after that, the a/c compressor on my car began to cut in and out rapidly, and the car started to over heat.

Day number 86 (85? 423? I've lost count) of over 100 degree temps in Austin and the time was up on my a/c usage. It was a hot ride home. Top it off with Port screaming the WHOLE way because we only picked up one boy at school. He wanted to pick up 2 boys (Kiddo and his buddy). His whole world was ending and we all got to listen to it. Can someone say tired??

Ah home, the place where you can get away from the craziness and relax with your loved ones... NOT.

We get home and soon after I discover that the soap door on the dishwasher somehow got stuck and the soap packet I had put in it didn't dissolve, leaving my dishes completely filthy. So instead of cleaning the horribly messy kitchen in preparation for the evening's dinner, I had to rerun the previous night's dish load (and try not to look at the kitchen mess that was driving me bonkers). Also, the load of laundry I had run the day before sat too long and mildewed, so I had to run it again. We had a friend over for the boys to play with and about 10 minutes in, they were running around and somehow hit the pull chain on the ceiling fan in Kiddo's room, sending it shooting up into the fan blades, ripping off the tire at the end of the chain, shooting it across the room and under the bed, and then tangling up the chain so tightly around the stem of the fan that it pulled the lights to the off position and I could NOT get it untangled. While I was trying to get it unwound from the fan, Port pulled a cup of water off a top book shelf (why was it even in the room???) and poured it all over himself and all the toys all over the floor. This dousing led to him screaming at the top of his lungs and my last frazzled nerve spontaneously combusted.

Five minutes after that, Kiddo set a chair on top of a rock he found at school (and had left on my living room floor) and then drug the chair across the floor, cutting a nice, squiggly groove in the hard wood. At that point, I was ready to throw in the towel. I sat down to settle my head (and vent to the above mentioned friend) and I got a nose bleed. Joy.

Like I said, I just can't make this stuff up. Writing it all out feels silly - but it's just so dang funny. I felt like Niles in that crazy scene on Fraiser (I know, I am dating myself here) - remember it? The one where he tries to iron his pants, cuts his finger and ends up starting a fire? I've shared the clip on here before, but it was a few years ago. Well, here, enjoy a thankfully much faster paced snippet from my life these days (only without the fancy apartment and snooty friends...)

Until,
D :)

All At Once

2011-09-14T21:50:00.001-05:00

"They say women, we're the stronger. Somehow we always make it through.

Well, that ain't what I feel right now. I don't even think it's true."

Tomorrow...in a couple of days...whatever. lol Sorry to leave you hanging. I somehow lost yesterday in a sea of frustration and whiny children. Such is life. ;)

So anyway, my wonderful friend and gorgeous face behind Body By Dottie, set up a challenge on Facebook to eat clean for 30 days. The challenge started on September 6th, so we are only a little more than a week in. The first day didn't go so well for me because the day before we were dealing with this.

Yes, that would be a Central Texas wildfire less than a mile from my house leading to a mandatory evacuation. We had about 30 minutes to gather up the things that we just couldn't leave behind, cram them in our 1 working car, and drive...anywhere.

Stressful? Yes. Scary? Yes. {excuse me while I toss this clump of hair in the trash}

So yeah, that was fun. Thankfully we were able to come back to our smokey house with no electricity later that night, but the next morning we almost had to evacuate a second time when there was a flare up in the same location.

Needless to say, I was not concerned with what I was eating on the first day of the 30 day challenge.

The second day I did much better though. When I decided to do this, it was mainly in support of my friend, and also to cheer on other friends who were trying it out for the first time. I really believe in clean eating - and while the "program" that is used in the book for weight loss is not something I really need right now, I know that it always helps to bring awareness back to what I eat, and I always eat healthier when I make time to pay attention and plan it out a little.

So my plan really was not a plan, just a vow to "do better" which, given my current circumstances, is quite an accomplishment. My first step was to try to limit my refined sugar intake or, at best, take it out all together. My afternoon soda habit was getting out of hand again, and so the sodas had to go. I thought, while I was at it, I would eliminate bread and yeast too, but I realized that I actually don't consume much of that anyway.

I made myself eat breakfast (I am normally not hungry for several hours after I wake up); two eggs with some homemade garden veggie salsa. For lunch I had my usual big salad ("it's like a salad, only bigger"), a snack of turkey and cheese when the boy got home from school, and then a normal, clean dinner. I was pretty hungry all day but I figured it was because of the lack of sugar. Day 2 went about the same, and with the same intense hunger and some shakiness. I realized that by cutting out sugar and bread/yeast, I wasn't really eating enough calories. And I don't need to lose any more weight! So on the evening of the second day I made a loaf of homemade honey oat whole wheat bread and some coconut butter. The bread, coconut butter and a drizzle of honey along side my eggs in the morning makes all the difference! No more hunger (though I am not opposed to a little throughout the day) no more shakiness and lots of satisfaction.

I shot a wedding on Saturday and so the clean eating pretty much went out the window that day. But that is ok; the great thing about it is that it's super easy to get back on track when you are ready. And on high stress days, it's nice to treat myself to something comforting, knowing it's not going to be hard to overcome. I hope in the coming weeks I will be more disciplined, and can experience better skin and more energy in the process. I will keep you posted. :)

Until,

D :)

Tonight, Tonight

2011-09-12T23:25:00.000-05:00

"I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it."

As you know, if you are a friend, family member or reader of this blog, things have been a little stressful for my family lately. And I, as usual, have been feeling it, and living it, and freaking out about it, and worst of all, trying to ignore it. And the thing about extreme stress is that when you ignore it or deny it or try to pretend it's not there instead of DEALING with it in a healthy way, it starts to mess with your body. And boy, is it a devil if you let it be.

So, I have been internalizing my stress. I've been putting on a happy face and pretending to be positive instead of being genuinely positive (not on purpose; I am still trying to get the hang of REAL positivity - fake it till you make it, anyone?) and for the past 9 months or so my body has taken the beating.

It started out with weight loss. And before you all start hating on me, I wasn't NOT eating or anything - on the contrary, I was and always have eaten more than my fair share. But for some reason I was dropping weight. And for a while I worried about that too, thinking something might be wrong with me. But I think now that it was the combination of being 3 years away from my last pregnancy and all of the stress I wasn't dealing with. When Kiddo turned 3, I dropped a lot of weight too (I guess 3 years is just the magic amount of time for my body to recover) though back then I was helping it some by changing my diet and eating healthier.

Then, in the past few months, my skin has been messed up. I feel like a teenager again, dealing with all that mess. I haven't felt like I was in my own skin in quite a while.

And in the last 2 months, at the height of the stress, my hair has started falling out. Ladies who have had babies, you know how when you get pregnant your hair gets all thick and gorgeous, and then when you have the baby it starts falling out by the handful? Yeah, it was like that, only worse. And I don't have a lot of hair to begin with, so it was even more disturbing.

Then, the bonus problem of them all - for about 3 weeks now I have been having heart palpitations. It gets better for a day or two and then something comes up that is stressful (ex: my grandmother's passing) and it picks back up again. So some days I am fine and some days I spend all day feeling my heart do little hiccups. When it does it all day it is exhausting physically, so I have spent a lot of time being tired.

So, something needs to change; I am a hairless, zitty mess (no, not really, but it feels like it!). I am working on the mental aspects of dealing with the stress; taking time for myself, talking to trusted friends, eating better, drinking a lot... ok maybe not the last one. But I am trying to break the cycle, get used to our new "normal" and "let go and let God", as they say. I think I am getting better, but it's really going to take some time.

All that is to say that - through the past 3-5 years one of my goals and what I feel is a great accomplishment, was changing our diets to healthier eating. Now, my idea of healthy and other's ideas of healthy are often 2 totally different things, but overall my goal was to get us back to eating REAL food with real ingredients. I stay away from convenience foods, prepackaged foods and most anything with ingredients I can't pronounce. In the last year or so I have tried to move away from high fructose corn syrup and preservatives. (I made brownies the other night to satisfy a craving, and in my laziness I used a boxed cake mix - BLECH! It was so gross - I can't even stand to eat the fake stuff anymore. I can taste it like it's poison!)

So we eat pretty clean around here, but when my friend, Dottie, created a 30 day Eat Clean Challenge to start on September 6th, on Facebook, I thought it would be a good way to get me back on track, and hopefully give my hair, skin and energy levels a kick in the pants. If you are not familiar with Clean Eating, it *basically* involves eating how I try to do anyway - with no artificial ingredients or additives, but it also encourages little to no sugar and no refined ingredients (like white flour) as well. I think it's a great program, and so I signed up to do the challenge, even though I am doing sort of a modified version.

And tomorrow I will tell you all about it!

Until,
D :)

Going Home

2011-08-31T20:00:00.002-05:00

I have a friend who has experienced a great loss in her life. Well, I suppose I have many friends who have experienced great losses. But this friend in particular, when remembering her loved one that is gone, often finds solace in butterflies. When she sees one, she feels like it is her loved one, coming to just say hello, or remind her that he is watching over her, or that he loves or misses her. And I too, because of my great love for her, now find comfort in them as well. I have seen them at unusual moments and in times of sadness, and they remind me of the blessings in my life and that, though we may lose our earthly bodies, the spirit and the energy that makes up those we love never dies, but instead moves on to greater, more powerful things. And the best part about the butterflies is that they always seem to show up for me when I least expect them.

Last night I put my boys to bed and then raced out to my garden, as I do every day, to quickly harvest and tend to it before I lose daylight. I gathered the daily metric ton of okra and came inside with my bowl, and set it on the kitchen counter. I had other things to do and so I went about my evening and didn't get back to the bowl of okra until I was shutting things down for the evening. As I picked up the bowl, I noticed something sitting on one of the pieces of okra.

It had been there, unnoticed, waiting patiently for over 3 hours. I extended my hand towards it and it hopped right on my finger, as if it had been waiting just for me. I carried it outside to release it, and it wouldn't leave my hand.

I tried setting it in the tree overhead, and it wouldn't climb on to the branch. I tried showing it the porch light - not interested.

I even tried putting it on the rim of that soda can in the background, thinking the sweetness left on the rim would be enticing enough to persuade it to leave me. No dice. No matter what I did, it hung on to my finger, walked around on my hand and sat content for a good 10 minutes. Even taking the pictures didn't spook it.

At one point I got pretty close to it, so I could look at it's face, and it startled and jumped back just a bit on my finger, then crawled around to the backside of my hand. And yet, it still wouldn't leave me.

My grandmother passed away this past Monday. We were not close, and I haven't seen her in many years. There have been and I am sure there will be many times in my life that those facts make me feel guilty, but obviously now there is not much I can do about it, so I am trying to come to terms with it and let it go. I am thankful she is finally at peace and out of the horrible pain she has been in for so many years. And, being a highly spiritual woman, I know she was ready to go home to Jesus. I find great comfort in that and am relieved that she is no longer suffering.

When I finally convinced the butterfly to sit in the tree, it did not go willingly. And I wonder now, if it was a message I didn't catch until today - if the butterfly was there for me, to bring a sign, a farewell, a moment of wonder and amusement. Could it have been the spirit of my grandmother, bringing a goodbye, or perhaps my friend's lost loved one, checking in on me in case I needed comfort. It could have just been a coincidence and a stubborn being that thought my hand was home. I am not sure what I believe, but I do think I can take something from the experience. There is good and comfort in the simplest things, we just have to open our hearts (and hands) to receive it.

Until,
D :)

Something To Talk About

2011-08-22T10:25:00.001-05:00

Today is the first day of school! Kiddo started first grade today and he was absolutely thrilled to be going back to his favorite place. He almost fell out of bed this morning when I woke him up - he jumped up so fast! He ate breakfast, brushed his teeth and got dressed in record time and then we had to sit around for 10 minutes waiting for the right time to go.

Lots of things have been happening this month - so much that the thought of blogging about them is overwhelming, which is why I haven't posted anything in a while. Basically, life as we knew it came to a halt and we are starting on a whole new journey of craziness and uncertainty. The last week of July, Hubby was finally laid off (we've known it was coming for about a year now, we just didn't know when), and in the same week our van broke down, Hubby had a health scare, some other medical stuff and he started working from home. Basically, July sucked. One day, I reminded Hubby to pick up some adhesive to re-attach a loose tile in the bathroom, and when he went to check on it, this happened. Yay.

But there were some good moments. Kiddo lost both front teeth. He looks and sounds adorable now. ;)

There was lots of gardening, despite the 105+ temps for the past 65+ days, my plants are still growing. Even this guy was HUGE.

Every few days, this is what I pull in from the garden. The tomatoes are gone now and the zucchini has been demolished by squash bugs, but the okra and peppers are still going strong.

Pickled okra...need I say more?

Kiddo's birthday is coming up and so he had a very small, very awesome party last Saturday with just a couple of his best buddies. I made cupcakes.

Everything seemed to be looking up, but then on Sunday, our other car broke down. So now we are down to a couple of road bikes and a dual-sport motorcycle with expired inspection. Hmm, I wonder if I can get 2 car seats strapped to that thing???

Thankfully we have amazing, wonderful, kind and generous neighbors that allowed me to borrow one of their cars so I could take Kiddo to school this morning. It is so nice to have angels so close! Kiddo did not want me to walk him in to his class, but after I complimented him on his shirt and how cool he looked he allowed me to go in. He walked in like he owned the room, marched straight to his locker like he had been to it a million times before, tossed his backpack in and greeted everyone in the room. He is a superstar! ;)

We are potty training Port right now, and that deserves a whole blog post to itself. It is quite the adventure.

Thanks for reading - I will try to update more often now.

Until.
D :)

From Where You Are

2011-07-15T21:37:00.000-05:00

Today is one of my high school friend's birthday. I don't get to see her much anymore - she lives across the country and so we don't find ourselves in the same place too often, but I do miss her as I miss a lot of my friends from high school. Because of the goodness that is Facebook, I am able to keep in touch with a lot of people I wouldn't normally. I love that part of it. I feel like even though we are scattered everywhere, we are still somewhat close, even if it is only through electronic media.

Anyway, my friend, as I was reminded today, had a birthday party 20 years ago that I attended. 20 years - it seems like an incredibly long time when I say it, but it still feels like yesterday sometimes. So she had this birthday party, it was the summer before our senior year, and it was an amazing night. The party was co-ed (sorry Mom and Dad) and a sleepover, but I honestly didn't know it was co-ed until I got there. (I promise!) I don't remember much about the party except for a few things - my friend's mom did a belly dance - which was so cool! I had no idea Mrs. K did that. I remember not sleeping - we all pretty much stayed up all night. The one thing I do remember though, a bunch of us walked the neighborhood most of the night. Sometimes it was a large group, sometimes just 2 or 3 of us, but we must have trekked miles and miles going up and down the streets.

The things that were said on those walks that changed my life. The conversations, the revelations - it changed me forever. I fell in love for the first time that night, and in the process my tender heart took on a new rhythm.

And here I am 20 years later thinking of that night, while I sit on a Starbucks' patio, miles from where it all began. And I wonder where the next 20 years will lead me.

Do you know where you were 20 years ago? Can you pinpoint a day like that? It is weird to me that I can, and that it is still so very clear in my mind.

But then, epic nights like that usually are.

Thanks, L, for having that party. I am grateful for the memories.

D :)

Linger

2011-06-15T13:09:00.000-05:00

Oh HI!!!!!

You know, back in April when I said "see you in June" I wasn't really serious about it. Honestly - I thought I would take a week or two break, and then be right back on it. But, like I mentioned, things have been crazy busy and this month is no exception. Since I last posted we've had more of our share of all the fun stuff - sickness, more ear infections (yes, that is plural), doctor's visits, walking out on doctor's visits, Kindergarten graduation, weird happenings, funny stories and the like. I could have blogged for days, but I was too busy living it to write about it. Maybe someday I can get some pics in shape to put on here and tell you some of the stories, but for now a brief recap will have to do.

The last week in May I shot a double header wedding weekend with Allen; working about 9+ hours on Friday night (getting home after 2am) and then 12 hours on Saturday after only about 5 hours of sleep. The experience was made even crazier because on Sunday we loaded up the family and drove to Houston so I could shoot a newborn session that Monday morning. And the best part was, my back went out Sunday morning. Like, way, way out. I was miserable. But, praise God for ibuprofen because if it hadn't been for the mega doses I was taking every 4 hours I wouldn't have been able to move for days.

My back was out all that week and actually got worse mid week before it started getting better, but I was back at it again with another wedding that Saturday in San Antonio. Thankfully, my sweet friend, Jen, was able to come along too and help me out - she was so awesome about carrying all my gear and making sure I was ok for the long day. The 3 of us (Allen, Jen and myself) make a great team. I love working with them both!

The next weekend, Hubby and I dropped the kids off with the inlaws and took a little 4 day trip of our own for our 12th anniversary. We drove up to the panhandle and traveled along the Texas portion of Route 66. It was a fun trip; I will talk about it more later when I get some good pics edited. And this coming weekend, I will once again be traveling out of town for another wedding. It will be good to see some old friends and to be working and doing what I love.

ANYWAY - the reason I am posting today is because 1) I have been thinking about the blog a lot and trying desperately to get back here and post, 2) I have a ton of stuff I should be doing so this is a GREAT distraction and 3) I am feeling nostalgic today (thank you hormones - you ROCK. not) and thought I would share a bit o' history with you. (the following bad photos are courtesy of my iphone)

It all started this morning when I pulled an old t-shirt out of the closet. I haven't worn the thing in years (like about 15 years!), but somehow it has worked it's way to the top of the "old t-shirt" stack in my closet.

I put it on and loved the softness and the roominess it has. Waaaay back in the 90's, we wore boxy t-shirts that were about 10 sizes too big. ;) This particular shirt was a souvenir from the Texas A&M Boot Dance of 1994.

But Dawn, you didn't go to A&M, how did you end up at the boot dance??

Oh my sweet curious friends, let me tell you. :) The A&M Boot Dance is like a college version of the Junior Prom. And according to numerous sources, "Each year Boot Dance is held for the Junior Class. Although the name reflects the Senior Boots the Juniors in the Corps of Cadets will have the privilege to wear starting at Final Review, this dance is designed for all Juniors at Texas A&M, including those who are "non-reg" (not in the Corps)" So, one of my best friends was in the Corps and he invited me to the dance. It was such an honor and so much fun. I didn't have the money for a dress as I was a poor college student myself, so I had my mom make a dress for me.

And here is where I need to tell you (though I am sure if you have followed this blog for any amount of time you know this) that I have absolutely no fashion sense whatsoever. And in high school and college - UGH. I needed serious help. But, I had found a dress pattern that I loved and my mom was kind enough to make a couple of dresses for me from it. Unfortunately, I choose an oh-so-UNflattering, Lamé fabric (ACK) that I thought was so awesome at the time. (someday I will show you the many, many sad, sad dresses I had that were made out of Lamé. you will be horrified. lol)

Hey, it was the 90's. What can I say?

Anyway, my date was, as I said, one of my best friends. I was suffering from a completely shattered heart at the time and he was my rock. He knew my story, he knew my heart and he was always there for me no matter what. For many, many years, Mike was the only guy I could trust. He was the only one I could totally be myself with and he was an incredible friend. He is the kind of guy that parents LOVED, he is a gentleman and kind and always made time to help out, listen and advise when needed. For years he would call me every couple of months or so to chat and catch up, and there are many times now that I miss his calls.

Life, time, space, miles and memories get in the way some times. And the older I get, the more I lament the mistakes I made and the times I didn't soak up the moment as it was happening.

The night of the boot dance was awesome. I remember getting ready in my hotel room; excited to be going to a dance and yet terrified because I had no idea what to expect. It was extremely humid that day and my hair was not cooperating, as usual, so I tossed it up on my head (always a good idea at the time, but always a hair style I regret later). At some point in the night we all (Mike and I and a few friends and their dates) ventured up to the top of a parking garage and took in the lights and the stars. We danced awkwardly at the dance to groups like The Cranberries and Ace of Base (lol) and I recall a few snapshots in my head of a party afterward. All in all I remember it as a great night.

I am sure I thanked him then, but in case I didn't - Mike, thank you for a great night and a wonderful memory I will forever hold dear. You helped me keep my sanity back then, and for many years after and I am forever grateful to you for that. I know we've lost touch, but I hope that wherever you are and whatever you do you are happy.

Until,
D :)

Hope for the Hopeless

2011-04-29T22:59:00.000-05:00

I made it through!

I made it through federal Taxes, local sales taxes, a wedding, 3 senior sessions, a family session, and EKG for Port, an ENT exam and nasal blood vessel cauterization for Kiddo, image submission for CPP certification and traveling to Houston for a baby shower - all within the last 3 weeks.

I made it.

And now I have a nasty case of bronchitis?? that is trying to make me hack up a lung. But, for the most part, I am still breathing and moving.

This has been the craziest month, and I am so thankful for all the opportunities and the business. But I am also looking forward to slowing things down a bit in May.

Well, after the 2 senior sessions, senior Safari, 2 newborn sessions and 2 weddings...

yeah. So maybe...June?

Life is good. Kiddo's ENT appointment went really well. He had a full hearing test done, which I think determined that he has some hearing loss, but his ear drums are still healing so they weren't concerned. They collected a "sample" of his nasal secretions and determined that there was no bacteria present. Hopefully this will mean the end of the recurring ear infection. They cauterized his nose (after some bullying and a huge guilt trip, but that is a story for another time) and hopefully it will stop the nosebleeds. He has a followup appointment in a couple of weeks. The dr did NOT recommend tubes (thank goodness!) but does want us to give the boy Allegra every day and do nasal saline washes TWICE A DAY.

uh, yeah. I'll be lucky if I can get him to do it once. We haven't worked up the courage yet...

After a week of Allegra, I didn't notice any difference in his sniffing or sneezing. I am not sure it's working for him at all. And I hate to keep putting drugs in his still developing body.

Port's EKG was awesome. It seems weird to describe a procedure in that way, but it really was. We made it to the dr's office about 30 minutes early and they got us into a room within 5 minutes. The nurse was really great, Port was calm and collected the whole time and the whole thing was over in about 10 minutes. We left 15 minutes before our scheduled time! The dr called me, when I was still driving on the way home, to tell me the results of the test, and everything looked normal. The whole thing was a great experience.

The garden is taking off, finally. I am harvesting lettuce, sugar snap peas and a few spinach leaves here and there. I have planted green beans for the 3rd or 4th time now (I lost count). The squirrels keep digging up the beans and eating them, so this time I built a contraption to hopefully keep them out.

Hopefully it works. So far so good. I know they can still get in it, but I am hoping that since it's not so easy anymore they will move on to other things.

And now I shall go hack and cough myself to sleep.

Until,
D :)

I Could Write a Book

2011-04-14T22:32:00.000-05:00

I should be working right now, but I am actually waiting for a file to download so I can complete a client order, and with our impossibly slow internet speeds, it may take a while. So I thought, while I wait, I would tell you a story.

A few weeks ago I was in Houston on business and that night I was a little bored. I started posting movie lines on my Facebook page, to see if anyone could recognize them.

Apparently I am pretty old, and have weird taste in movies. But that is a story for another day...

So a couple of my friends hit on some of the lines I was quoting. The thread took off with others quoting their favorite scenes from my favorite movie, When Harry Met Sally. One friend (hi Kelley!) quoted the scene with Sally and Harry in the diner when Sally is telling her story of days of the week underpants. In case you are not familiar with the genius that is this movie, here is the scene...

Sally Albright: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants.
Harry Burns: Ehhhh. I'm sorry. I need the judges ruling on this. "Days of the weeks underpants"?
Sally Albright: Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, "You never wear Sunday." It was all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me.
Harry Burns: What?
Sally Albright: They don't make Sunday.
Harry Burns: Why not?
Sally Albright: Because of God.

I love this scene! It's hilarious! I also love it because, I too, once had days of the week underpants.

And I didn't have Sunday either.

I was a kid, and I loved those stupid things. They were so special to me; I remember getting excited when they were clean and I could wear them again. However, at some point, Wednesday went missing.

What happened to Wednesday?? Where was Wednesday? Where had I left it? It was all suspicious.

Wednesday was missing for what seemed like an eternity. I remember it as a few weeks at least, but my memory could be incorrect. Anyway, one day my dad came home from work with a really funny story to tell. As it goes, he was talking to a coworker, and he casually stuck his hand in his pocket. He noticed that it felt like there was something in there, so he pulled out the unexpected object. In his hand, right in front of his puzzled coworker was

Wednesday.

Can you imagine being an adult and pulling a pair of little girl's unders out of your pocket. Um, yeah. Dad was not amused, I am sure.

I love that memory.

Until,
D :)

That's Life

2011-04-12T22:24:00.000-05:00

So let's see....where to start?

We are still alive and kicking - relatively speaking. I had thought our health problems were taking a turn for the better and then on last Wednesday, after t-ball practice, Kiddo started complaining of another ear ache. Things went from bad to worse very quickly and he was up all night with excruciating pain in his right ear. Sometime in the wee hours he said he felt a pop and a whoosh of fluid; the ear drum had blown and he found a bit of relief. I made an appointment for him for Thursday afternoon, and while he wasn't experiencing any pain in the left ear, the doctor said it looked really bad too. He actually physically cringed when he took a look in Kiddo's ear!

So, the doc referred us to an ENT. 3 massive double ear infections and 2 double ear drum perforations (the left ear blew later that day) in the past 3 months - something needs to be done. He said it could just be a resistant bacterial infection (the first infection was bacterial), or it could be allergy related, so we are trying yet another kind of antibiotic (which I am really having a hard time with) and I am pretty sure the ENT will recommend tubes. I truly hope it is something we can avoid. The pediatrician wanted to try using some Flonase along with the antibiotic, but I informed him that Kiddo has a big problem with nosebleeds and so he decided to skip that step and go straight to the specialist. I am hoping I can see about getting the angry blood vessel in his nose cauterized and we can be rid of the nosebleeds for a while.

Kiddo's first t-ball game was last Saturday. I was in Houston for a baby shower, so Hubby did the game with the boys. Kiddo had a great time, and even hit 2 home runs!! He was so excited! Hubby said it was quite comical; if a kid made contact with the ball and hit it off the T, everyone would start running the bases and scrambling for the ball. I guess you can't expect much else from the first game with a bunch of 4-6 year olds!

Port had an awesome birthday - so awesome that he is still asking me every day for more presents and grandparents and birthday cake. He looks all over the house for boxes and bags, and whenever the Fed-Ex guy comes by with a print order, it takes me 10 minutes to get Port to understand that the box isn't for him. He cracks me up. He loved his "happy birthday", as he calls it. I can't believe he's really three.

Kiddo's ENT appointment will be some time next week. This week, however, I get to take Port for an EKG. When he was a newborn, he failed his heart test in the hospital (it showed an abnormality). I was supposed to schedule a follow up EKG for him at 6 months old, but I totally forgot. And now, I have been reminded by the pediatrician a couple of times and we are also about to lose our health insurance (Hubby and the kids; I haven't had it in years) so I decided I had better get it done while I can.

We are losing our insurance soon because Hubby is now officially a temporary employee with his company. The buy-out is complete, and the remaining employees of the old company will be laid off as soon as the transition is final. yay. I am trying to stay positive and look at this as a good thing; I think the not knowing the exact end date is what keeps me up at night. I just don't know what to expect.

Pictures from recent events to come; right now I am swamped in client edits and so personal images are in the back of the line.

Some good lines from Kiddo the other day - I shared these elsewhere, but I wanted to put them here to keep:

Walking out of the school: "I wish I could lay in bed and poot all day."
Driving Home from Sonic: "Mumma, when I grow up I am only going to vote for you." Me: "You are?" Him: "Yeah. Don't you want to be president?"
Sitting at the Table: "I only like giving myself wedgies. I don't like giving them to anyone else, just to myself."

Until,
D :)

Under the Sea

2011-03-25T20:04:00.001-05:00

I drove into Houston last night for some biz-nuss today and so I am writing this from my inlaw's kitchen. The week has been pretty busy. Hubby stayed home on Monday because he still felt bad, and he went back to work on Tuesday still feeling bad. The kids seem to be ok (finally) though both have felt warm at various times throughout the week. Port is dealing with some sort of wicked rash type thing - it's too complicated to explain.

I am so done. And I am still denying germs entry to my body. Nope. No way.

On Wednesday, Kiddo had his first baseball (t-ball) practice. Thanks to the generosity of G&H he will play baseball every week for the next couple of months. He is so ecstatic! He did pretty well - he is one of the biggest players, and one of the oldest too, but definitely not one of the most skilled. Poor guy, he is just not a runner. But he tries and he has fun so I am happy with that.

Hubby is supposed to take Kiddo to practices but he had a photo session this week so Port and I took Kiddo instead. It was quite the chore trying to keep Port out of the way and off the field. He wanted to play too! And it's not set up like I had hoped with the kids on a field and the parents sitting on bleachers behind a fence. It is all open and there is no where to sit but on the ground. The parents that had obviously been there before showed up with camp chairs - smart thinking.

Port did get a big kick out of watching Kiddo do the drills. And he shouted and cheered him on from the sidelines. It was the cutest thing ever! The mom sitting next to me thought it was sweet too. When Kiddo was moved way down the field where we couldn't see him, Port took to cheering for the other kids too. "Good Job! Yay! Keep it up! Good job, Guys!"

Like I said...I want to keep him in my pocket. ;-)

So, I am in Houston today and after doing the thing I needed to do I stopped off at Old Navy to see if I could pick up an item of clothing I forgot to bring with me. They didn't have what I needed so I was leaving the shopping center parking lot when out of nowhere this lady ran a stop sign and plowed into me. Joy.

Thankfully no visible damage was done to me or my car. It was actually a very strange accident. I was in the CRV and she was driving this big honkin GMC suburban type thing. And when she hit me, 1) I barely felt it 2) it barely made a noise - no typical car to car SMACK that usually happens and 3) her car basically did little more than pick my car up and set it back down a foot to the left. On the other hand, her bumper was crushed on one end, dented in about 3 inches and smeared with grey plastic from my bumper. The most bizarre thing ever.

We exchanged information, but I don't think anything was done to my car so I guess there really is nothing for me to do. She said she had a friend with a body shop so she was going to be fine. Well, good for her. I wanted to ask her if she planned on actually stopping at stop signs from now on, but I was nice. This is the second time I have been in an accident (where I was driving) since we moved back to TX, and both times the accident has happened in Houston. And, both times it was when someone was approaching a place where they should be stopping and they were looking in the other direction instead.

So that was the excitement for the day. I am looking forward to getting home tomorrow and diving back into work. So much is going on right now that I don't like being away from my office for too long.

Tonight G&H are at a church function and Port and I are at their house. Port fell asleep on the way to church so I just brought him back to their place. I am bored and now torturing my friends on Facebook with obscure quotes from old movies.

It's a party up in here. ;-)

Until,
D :)

Sick Love

2011-03-21T13:26:00.000-05:00

{the best I could get of the Super Moon on Saturday.

It was already high in the sky and I was hand-holding the camera with a 200mm lens.

I'm so sad I missed such a great photography opportunity. }

...aaaaand on Saturday Hubby came down with some sort of flu like crap. Seriously, can we be done with this for a while? I don't even want to blog anymore because I don't have anything good to report. It sucks. I came home from the wedding I shot that night and he was shivering on the couch, running 103* fever.

He was down for the count on Sunday and stayed home from work today. I have been fussing at him constantly to not touch things - I really don't need to be caring for sick people and get sick myself. I just can't. There is no one to take care of me.

I am ignoring the fact that I feel nauseous. Nope. Not happening.

Meanwhile, I sent Kiddo to school today - he was feeling fine, but he still can't hear anything. I don't know what his teacher is going to do. I feel for her. I can't imagine wrangling 15 other kids and dealing with one that is temporarily deaf. At least he feels fine though. Port, on the other hand, fell asleep on the couch at 6:30pm last night and when I poured him into bed at 7 he was burning up. He woke up this morning slightly warm, but otherwise seems fine. I hope he stays well.

So let's see - what can I talk about that is good today? We have the basics - good. The weather - good. Coffee - good. My garden - good. Business - good.

So many "buts" in my head. "But, the tire on the van is about to fall apart. But, every time we turn on the a/c the condenser ices over and freezes. But, the sink is leaking and the floor is still messed up and this is falling apart and that needs repair and there is no money...." *sigh*

The "buts" keep getting in the way...

Oh! Oh! I thought of some cuteness!

Port - he is speaking a lot more now and coming up with some zingers. He's very empathetic to people's emotions and he tries to comfort us when we get upset. He is always telling his toys and the animals, "ees ok, don't worry, ees ok". So a few weeks ago we were on our way to pick up Kiddo from school, and I was about to pull out on a road just outside my neighborhood. There is sort of a blind corner there, and sometimes people come flying around the corner just as you are pulling out. So I attempted to pull out and a car comes flying around the corner so I stomped on the breaks. I said to Port, "hold on, Baby!" as we lurched to a stop. He then said in his cute little voice "ees ok, Mummai. Don't worry. You are Sooooo pretty!" :-D

A few days later I was changing his diaper and we were having fun; I was tickling him and blowing raspberries on his tummy and he was just eating it up. When I got him all dressed again I stood him up on the bed where I was sitting and he threw his little arms around my neck. He stroked my hair and put a big kiss on my cheek and said, "oh Mummai, you are such a good girl."

I just want to keep him in my pocket forever.

Until,
D :)

Ache

2011-03-18T23:37:00.001-05:00

I know, I fell off the planet. The day of my last post, Kiddo came home from school with very bright, red cheeks. By dinner time, he had developed a lacy rash on his arms. Because I was going to be working on my birthday Saturday, we decided to go out that Friday night for my birthday dinner, and everything went really well. It was a nice night; normally I am hesitant to take Port out to restaurants because he is just at that age that he is very difficult to deal with. He doesn't like to sit still, he can get really loud and that, among other things, makes most meals out pretty unbearable for me. But anyway, I guess the birthday mojo was working for me and dinner was a very pleasant event. By the time we got home, Kiddo's rash had spread to his legs.

Thankfully it was only Fifth Disease, so he didn't have any other issues; he just looked funny. Within a couple of days it was gone. I shot a beautiful wedding with Allen on Saturday and then on Sunday had an amazing senior session in Lockhart and McKinney Falls State Park. It was a fun but tiring weekend. On Monday, I had what I call a wedding hangover - after shooting weddings I am often very sore for the next few days. It didn't really hit me until Monday though; I guess it was because I had a long session on Sunday as well.

The week went pretty well and then on Friday I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Every part of my body ached and I was in serious pain. At first, I thought maybe I had finally succumbed to the flu. All these weeks of not getting what everyone else had finally caught up to me. But, as the day went on, I realized that if I didn't think about the pain, the rest of me felt fine. I had no other symptoms aside from that. It was very strange - I felt like every joint in my body had severe arthritis, with the pain multiplied by 1000. I ached in places I didn't even know could ache. My hands, feet, ankles and knees were the worst, but I ached in my arms and my neck, my collar bone and shoulder blades. I had a headache as well.

And then I remembered, when reading about Fifth Disease, a little blurb about how it is much worse in adults. I remembered reading that adults suffering dealt with body aches and joint inflammation. And I remembered that a sweet friend of mine and her husband were afflicted with the same thing after their children had Fifth Disease. It all became clear.

Fifth Disease is sort of like Chicken Pox in that, once you have had it, you are very unlikely to get it again. Apparently I had never had it as a child.

Thank your lucky stars if you did.

I had to stop Google-ing it after a while, because I started hitting all this information on complications that can result if you have an autoimmune disorder. I am so thankful that it didn't activate or irritate my lupus, because it could have been very scary.

But, it still was brutal. Ibuprofen took the edge off, but for the most part it was just tons of unrelenting pain. The third and fourth morning was by far the worst. Swelling had set in and I would wake with my hands and feet looking worse than they did when I was pregnant and had pre-eclampsia. I couldn't get my rings off and things like typing and writing were very uncomfortable. I couldn't grip anything and was afraid I would drop anything I touched.

The second day just happened to be Saturday. I was scheduled to shoot a wedding in Dallas with a friend and fellow photographer. It was a full day event.

I have to say, I think that wedding saved me. The drive there and back (4+ hours each way in the car) was brutal. I popped ibuprofen every chance I could and just tried not to think about it. But once we were there, the adrenalin kicked in and I really didn't feel too bad for most of the day. The only time it really bothered me was when I tried to sit down and my knees just couldn't handle it. It was a blessing that I *had* to move all day.

Sunday was pretty painful, but thankfully I had the wonderful distraction of dropping the boys off with my inlaws for a few days! Woo hoo! Monday was pretty bad too, but as long as I stayed active the pain was manageable. The more I moved, the better I felt.

We were all supposed to go to Big Bend for spring break, but with all the pain I was in, and the wonderful addition of Kiddo getting an ear infection, we canceled our trip. Thankfully, Grammy and Happy volunteered to take the boys on Sunday for a few days for fun, so we, of course, let them. The boys had a great time, but Kiddo's ear infection got worse and moved to both ears, and by the time we got the boys back on Wednesday he was running a fever and had burst an ear drum. The other ear drum burst later that afternoon. I was starting to feel a lot better on Wednesday, thankfully.

So we got the kids back and then I was up all night with Kiddo and his poor ears. He was in a lot of pain. I took him in to the dr Thursday morning and sure enough he had perforated both ear drums. The goo and big glops of gunk that were coming out of his ears was totally disgusting. He got another script for antibiotics and some drops for his ears and he began feeling better that day, thankfully.

The only bad part is, he can't hear a thing.

The only way he can really hear us is if we get right in his right ear and yell.

*sigh*

So that's where I've been. I am shooting another wedding tomorrow and have another senior session next weekend. I am a blissfully busy girl.

Now, if I could only get everyone healthy. ;)

Until,
D :)

Satisfied

2011-03-04T21:23:00.000-06:00

This is one of my favorite all time songs and I had forgotten about it until Pandora blessed me with it tonight. I think I have shared it here before, but I think it's worth sharing again, 'cause we all need reminding sometimes... Have a great weekend!

First, the lyrics...

If you love somebody
You better let it out
Don’t hold it back
While you’re trying to figure it out
Don’t be timid
Don’t be afraid to hurt
Run toward the flame, run toward the fire
Hold on for all your worth

Cause the only real pain
Your heart can never know
Is the sorrow of regret
When you don’t let your feelings show
So did you say it?
Did you mean it?
Did you lay it on the line, did you make it count?
Did you look ‘em in the eye & did they feel it?
Did you say in time?
Did you say out loud?
Cause if you did Hun
Then you lived some
And that feeling inside
That's called satisfied

Busy people walkin’ by
Can’t help but worry some
So many things to do
So little love gets done
Empty hearts everywhere
Drowning but dying of thirst
If we want love, it’s not that tough
Start by giving it first

It's easy to give
Baby can't you see
Just close your eyes open your heart
And do what comes naturally
So did you say it?
Did you mean it?
Did you lay it on the line, did you make it count?
Did you look ‘em in the eye & did they feel it?
Did you say in time?
Did you say out loud?
Cause if you did Hun
Well then you lived some
And that feeling inside
That’s called satisfied

Horses were built to run
And the sun was meant to shine above
Flowers were made to bloom
Then there’s us
We were born
To love
We were born
To love

So did you say it?
Did you mean it?
Did you lay it on the line?

So did you say it?
Did you mean it?
Did you lay it on the line, did you make it count?
Did you look ‘em in the eye & did they feel it?
Did you say in time?
Did you say out loud…
Because if you did Hun
Well then you lived some
And that feeling inside
That's called satisfied

The beautiful Jewel singing Satisfied.

Fall From Grace

2011-03-04T19:48:00.000-06:00

I suppose I should blog something, lest you all think I jumped off a bridge last week.

hmm...

Literally, about 2 minutes after I hit "publish" on that last post, my sweet friend, Kim, knocked at my door. In her hands was a beautiful little pot full of daffodil plants! Daffodils are my favorite flower, and consequently my birth flower as well. I love how delicate they are, their quiet beauty, how they are tall and slim and how they bloom each year just in time to drag us out of the coldness of winter. I love them so much! The rest of the day was just as beautiful, with clear blue skies, perfect weather and fairly agreeable kids. Thank you, God, for always, always reminding me that even when things look gloomy, your perfect Grace is right there, waiting for me to see it.

I've been thinking a lot, lately, on the subject of Grace, and finding that sometimes, thankfully, we receive it even when we don't ask for it. And sometimes, as with a situation I found myself in this week, we have it to give to others when we don't even know it. And when Grace comes over you, it is an amazing, peaceful, freeing feeling. I found a quote that I think sums it up perfectly.

"Grace means more than gifts. In grace something is transcended, once and for all overcome. Grace happens in spite of something; it happens in spite of separateness and alienation. Grace means that life is once again united with life, self is reconciled with self. Grace means accepting the abandoned one. Grace transforms fate into a meaningful vocation. It transforms guilt to trust and courage. The word grace has something triumphant in it." - Yrjo Kallinen

Grace happens in spite of something. Indeed.

One of my saving graces is my garden. It helps me focus, relax, center, and release. Oh and it helps my grocery bill too. The peas, broccoli, onions and some of the lettuce and spinach have sprouted already. I think I am going to plant some green beans this week because I just can't wait any longer. I love fresh green beans! The area where I planted carrots has sprouted with ant hills. *sigh* Let the war begin. It is so hard to rid the garden of ants!! Basically all you can do is annoy them enough that they move. I am tempted to give them a place to go; perhaps dig a little patch of the yard that I water frequently.

Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace. ~Mary Sarton

Until,
D :)

Crazy For You

2011-02-24T13:07:00.000-06:00

When I stare at the screen for a long time before starting a blog post, it is usually because I either have nothing to say or I have so much to say that actually putting it into words seems like the hardest thing in the world. And right now, I am in the second position - with too many thoughts going through my head and all of them making sense in their own way, but no one stepping up to organize them in some readable form. So I will try to get them all out - forgive me if it makes no sense.

I am sad today. Try as I might, I just can't muster up a happy exterior for some reason. I am not writing this for sympathy or anything like that - just for the sheer fact that I really just want to say it out loud (relatively speaking) and get it out. I know I tend to complain a lot. Most of the time it is just to let out the built up steam and help me to chill out a little. But in that release I try to gloss it over with humor or some sort of false cheerfulness, just to make myself feel less pathetic.

But today, I am just tired of glossing. And today I want to let it out. I debated on whether I should just put this on my other blog, the one no one reads, but it's just not as cathartic to spew your guts to no one. So, if you don't want to read about my sadness, come back later. The gloss will be back soon.

Sometimes all the little things just get me down. They overwhelm. I stuff them down and distract myself to the point of not even paying attention to much of my life because it is just easier to be in denial than to deal with things. And I know that my life is good. I know that I am blessed beyond measure. Let me just get that out of the way before people start wagging their fingers at me. I know that it could be much worse. Let me just have a moment to vent and purge then I will go back to counting my blessings. ok?

Sometimes I just feel sad. And really, there is no one reason for it; no one real thing that makes it particularly worse on some days and better on others. Sometimes, I am just overwhelmed and depressed. It happens. I get over it, eventually. Sometimes I need to talk about it, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I think I do but I don't want to burden anyone with my baggage so I don't. And sometimes I, and I think everyone, just needs a good cry. And no, I am not hormonal right now.

The weather today isn't helping. The gloomy, rainy skies and gray, gray, gray everywhere just drags me down. I could not live somewhere that was like this all the time. I used to love the rain. I used to love a good storm and I used to love starry skies and breezy nights. When we lived in Arizona, one of the things I missed the most about Texas were the rain storms. I missed hearing the rain on the roof of the Camp (my parent's camp house I mentioned last week), I missed the thunder and the lightening, the rippling of the water with each drop, I missed the drama of it all. I loved the energy and the emotion that a good rain storm would bring. I loved the smell of the air and the wet ground afterward. When we moved back to Texas, we relished all the things that made up storms and we were glad to be back among them.

But then the kids came along and somehow the wonder and the fun of a good storm was taken away from me. Now I curse the storms that come at night, threatening to wake my children from peaceful slumber. I grit my teeth and tense my shoulders when I know I have to pick up or drop off the boy from school when it is raining. I don't like the mud the dog drags into the house after a storm floods our yard. My joints ache and my head feels full when the humidity reaches a peak before a storm. And the worst, I don't like how the storms change my mood.

And so today I am overwhelmed with life and problems and all that has been heaped upon my tiny plate, and I just want to run away. I want to find that place again where I could sit and listen to a storm with delight; where I could lie on top of the car in the driveway and watch the stars, where I could dream big, romantic dreams and not have to be responsible and practical and think about people other than myself. I miss the days of being able to make a choice and it only affect me, not everyone around me too. Perhaps I am just feeling selfish, perhaps I am longing for a freedom that a responsible person with a family doesn't have the luxury to afford. Perhaps I am just looking for an escape. Perhaps, I just miss the way things used to be.

I wouldn't give up my life and my family for anything. But I do sometimes long for things to be less complicated. I long for healed relationships, I long for closure, I long for things that should have been said. I wish I knew why things happen the way they do; why people come and go, what the purpose of it all is. I wish God would grant me that wisdom so I can understand and heal. So many people, new and old, have moved in and out of my life in the past few years, and I wish I could just sit back and take it all in with the same kind of understanding that one only gains long after the time has passed. I want to know now why things are the way they are so that I can appreciate them for what they are instead of constantly questioning everything. I want to see God's beautiful and perfect plan. I want to understand.

And I want to forget. I want to forget the bad storms and the sad times. I want to replace them with the good memories - they seem to be so much weaker than the bad ones in my head. I want to not worry about everything all the time. I want to just live my life, happy, content, and not constantly looking over my shoulder for the next thing that is going to fall in my lap. I want to just be and enjoy.

The rain has stopped. The sun is peeking out from the clouds and the birds are singing. My heart is racing and for the umpteenth time today I am experiencing a rush of adrenalin. Why? What is going on that I don't know about? What am I sensing in some subconscious form that makes my ears burn and my heart race? And why is it happening so often right now? I wonder if I am sick or if I am just connected to something beyond my own understanding.

Ok. I will put the crazy back into the box now. The men in black coats with the mind erasers will be at your door shortly. ;) But, if you have ever felt this way too, I would love for you to share that with me in the comments. While I am not looking for someone to make me feel better, it would be nice to know that someone understands and feels the same sometimes.

Until,
D :)

Dance In My Dreams

2011-02-23T21:49:00.001-06:00

This week started out completely sucktastic when, after a sleepless night, the boys woke us up at 5am by kicking the wall that adjoins our rooms. I finally gave in and got up at 6 and ended staying up because they were ready for breakfast. After dropping Kiddo off at school, I took my chances and took Port to Walmart to pick up some much needed items. After spying a Cars nightlight, Port screamed all throughout the store because I refused to buy it for him. Then he screamed all the way to the grocery store because I didn't get him one of the birds that was in the parking lot!! He fussed all through the grocery store and ended peeing all over me in the checkout lane. Then he cried all the way home because he was wet.

There just isn't enough coffee and chocolate to make up for that.

Kiddo came home that afternoon complaining of a headache and he was running a fever. Other than the headache he felt fine, but I kept him home from school on Tuesday just in case. Apparently there is some weird virus going around that only gives you a headache and a fever. Tuesday he acted fine even though his temp went up and down a couple of times. Really the only indication that something was wrong was his red face and glassy eyes when the temperature rose.

He was a bit weepy though - a little more dramatic and cuddly than usual. But at dinner last night he kind of freaked me out when out of nowhere he started crying. I asked him what was wrong and he cried out, "What am I gonna do if you die?!?"

{commence to melting into a puddle}

It took me quite a while to get him to calm down from that one. I don't know what possessed him to think of something like that. But I have to say it left me feeling uneasy. When I picked him up from school today he was pouty and mopey and said he missed me and that he was homesick all day. This boy LOVES school - I don't know what the heck is going on with him right now.

And of course, Port has been really snotty the past couple of days. Last night he woke up repeatedly screaming for a tissue. Poor guy.

The weekend was fabulous - I was able to get out and plant one of my gardens. I seeded for carrots, broccoli, brussel sprouts, onions, peas, lettuce, spinach and some early cukes and zucchini. I put some seed in a sprouter last Friday for several kinds of peppers and tomatoes, and within 4 days the tomatoes sprouted! In a few weeks I will plant the other bed with the tomatoes and peppers, green beans, dill, basil and okra. I already have garlic growing there that I planted last fall. I can't WAIT until it's ready! I would really love to try some potatoes this year, but I am afraid I am out of room. Maybe in the fall I can try for a small crop.

I am convinced that Port thinks the only reason I have the garden beds is so that he can dig for worms. The boy LOVES finding worms and holding them in his hand. He asks me repeatedly every day to go out and find worms. It was fine when I was going out there to turn the soil in the empty beds, but now I have one planted and am about to plant the other. I don't know what he's going to do when he can't go out there and dig anymore. He's gonna be MAD.

Anyway, today I placed an order with Gardener's Supply Company for some fertilizer and some plant supports (thanks, Mom, for the gift card!) and then I received a catalog in the mail this afternoon and already have another 10+ things I want to add to my list. *sigh* If only I had some extra cash. Ah well.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was back in college in the music building and a bunch of us were getting ready for a school prom-like dance. Dr. Barrett and one of my high school guy friends was there helping out and a bunch of us girls were putting the finishing touches on hair and makeup. I was trying to help out a few of my friends but then suddenly my left hand started tingling and itching. I looked down at it and little thin brown worms started coming out of my hand. They would come out really tiny, and then grow pretty big and long and I would drop them. It didn't really bother me in the dream - I kept scratching my hand and shaking off the worms, but I couldn't help my friends like I wanted to. So we finally finished getting hair and makeup done and we jumped in a bus and headed over to the high school. When we got there, I realized I hadn't changed into my dress so I asked my high school friend to drive me back over to the college to get my dress. But the darn worms wouldn't stop coming out of my hand, so I couldn't communicate properly and he didn't understand what I needed.

For an hour after I got up this morning my left hand felt funny.

I don't know what it means, but I think I will lay off digging up worms for Port for a few days. ;-)

Until,
D :)

Teach Me

2011-02-20T19:07:00.000-06:00

Guess I'm gonna trip down memory lane a bit longer...

My thoughts have lately been, for the most part, in the past. I think what started it was that last week was the annual TMEA (Texas Music Educators Association) convention weekend. I had thought that it would be neat to dig up a bunch of old TMEA pics and post them to Facebook throughout the weekend, just to have a little fun. But, like most things, I never got around to doing it (and I couldn't find a ladder...).

So the TMEA thing got me thinking about other past things and my mind has been trapped in the past for a couple of weeks now. (By the way, have you seen the exit ramp? I'd really like to get off this road now.) And tonight I am preparing dinner and it started up all over again.

I was slicing some onions, chopping up garlic and jalapenos and scoring an avocado and suddenly I was back in the early 90's. I could see myself at a kitchen counter, making guacamole for the first time. Then it occurred to me, Dr. Wayne Barrett, my voice teacher of 6+ years, taught me how to make guacamole.

He held a voice studio get together every year (or was it every semester??I can't remember) and we would meet at his house, eat a bunch of yummy stuff and hang out; Sometimes we'd sing too. It was always a fun event. At one of the first gatherings I attended, Dr. Barrett asked me to make the guacamole for him.

I had never made that before. People did that???

I was a HUGE guacamole lover (still am) and I was so impressed by both his knowledge and his expertise on the recipe. He always used fresh tomatillos, which were something I had never even seen at the time, much less cooked with.

And with this new found knowledge, I soon began making my own guac - and still prefer it to store bought and most restaurant creations. Now that I am thinking about it, it was probably one of the first things I ever learned to make from scratch - and probably the beginning of my love of cooking.

So thank you, Dr. Barrett, for opening my eyes to a world of cooking and baking and...homemade guacamole.

Until,
D :)

I'm a Pepper

2011-02-19T20:24:00.000-06:00

This is going to be an informative, hard hitting expose on something big in my life. So hold on to your britches, sit tight in your seats and keep reading. I am about to tell you...

Why I stopped (and then started again and then stopped) drinking Dr. Pepper!!!

I know, you are all shocked and on the edge of your seats. If you have known me for any length of time beginning in about 6th grade you know that for most of my life, Dr. Pepper has been my drink of choice. If allowed, I would have indulged in them 24/7. I loved the taste, I loved the fizz, I loved the way it made me feel - which most of the time was relaxed and happy. How could a drink hold so much power??

My love for Dr. Pepper started when I was in junior high, I believe. My parents didn't allow me to drink any kind of soda, except on the weekends, and even then it was only one, maybe 2 a day. When we went on vacation to their camp house, I think I was allowed one a day, no matter what day of the week it was (oh how wonderful!). When we were at the camp though, Mom always stocked up the little ancient ice box on the porch with all kinds of fun flavored soda, including the ever elusive Nehi Peach, so I usually varied my soda consumption to accommodate the availability of those rare treats. I enjoyed a Coke every now and then, but I particularly liked grape soda and the Nehi Peach. Those were my favorites. But my beloved Dr. Pepper was never far from me, even when we were at the camp.

Some day I will have to write about the camp. What an amazing place that was.

Anyway, I became really hooked on Dr. Pepper back home when my mom started purchasing those little squatty, rounded bottles of it (the glass bottles were the best). At the time, we had a pool table in the living room of our house, and on Friday nights and through most of the weekends we played pool. It was always a treat to sip on one of those bottled Dr. Peppers while shooting with my dad or various friends. I looked forward to it every week.

The obsession with Dr. Pepper grew as I went through high school, fueled by the greatness that is a Taco Bell Dr. Pepper. I don't know what it was about Taco Bell that made them so good, but there was nothing that compared. (That is, until we discovered Sonic. Oh mercy. My Dr. Pepper obsession was brought to an all new level when paired with the exquisiteness that is Sonic ice!)

And when my friends and I started getting driver's licenses, my one-a-day-only-on-the-weekends rule was sort of out the window. Sorry, Mom. Never mind the fact that 45 or 50 cents could buy me one in the vending machines after school; that special treat boosted my energy for after-school rehearsals and practices.

All through college I continued to drink Dr. Pepper. When I went home on the weekends I made sure to grab a 12 pack or 2 from my parents garage and put them in my car. Mom always kept me supplied. And in my adult life after college, it was my go to beverage. It's amazing that I still have kidneys...

And so I was a Dr. Pepper drinker. Forget the cola wars (Coke wins hands down anyway), I never had to make a choice. I am not even going to talk about the laughing stock that is Mr. Pibb - puh-leeze, it's not even in the same league. That stuff is nasty. Being a Dr. Pepper drinker becomes part of your identity in a weird sort of way.

Then working 2 or 3 jobs at a time hit and Starbucks came into popularity and I developed a love for coffee. With motherhood, coffee became my best friend. I still loved Dr. Pepper though, and had one every afternoon as my pick-me-up from the 3pm slump.

But in the past few years I have developed an obsession with eating healthy and removing many of the artificial ingredients and other bad foods from my diet. Never once did I consider abandoning my Dr. Pepper - someone had to keep the company in business. But then, it's funny that when you make major healthy changes in your diet, you also start to really taste things that you may not have noticed before. I can always tell if something contains ingredients that are chemical in nature or processed. I still loved Dr. Pepper though, and just like an addict I enjoyed the fizz, the tickle of the bubbles on my nose, the feel of it in my throat and the satisfaction I got from drinking it. But the flavor was not what it used to be.

Then, not too long ago, I was dealing with a lot of minor health issues. Something was causing my body to be out of balance. It was reflected in my skin, my hair, my mental clarity (or in this case lack of) and I was experiencing a lot of discomfort through headaches, nausea and dizziness. After doing a lot of research I realized that I was most likely suffering from candida, and I immediately cut out all sugar and carbs from my diet. The Dr. Pepper had to go.

At first it was tough - there was about a 2 week period that I had to actually make myself busy during the slump time so I wouldn't constantly think about getting a Dr. Pepper. It probably took a month or so of not drinking it before I stopped craving it. And because I wasn't drinking any soda at all, I had to give up on the fizz and bubbles that brought me so much delight. I developed a love for unsweetened tea (when water just got too boring) and was doing fine for a while. But like most things, after about 6 months, occasionally I would really want a soda so I would allow myself one. Every time I tried to drink a Dr. Pepper it just tasted all wrong. I can totally taste the chemicals now! It's awful! I started drinking Coke instead, which surprisingly didn't have that same chemical taste.

I have tried to drink them every now and then since, and each time the flavor gets less offensive, but it is still just wrong. I think Dr. Pepper may be ruined to me forever. I tried to drink one today and couldn't finish it.

I suppose that is a good thing. But still, it's the end of a big piece of my life. It sounds ridiculous when I put it out there like that, but it is what it is.

And now you know the rest of the story. ;)

Until,
D :)

Rat

2011-02-15T22:20:00.000-06:00

I am writing this and praying that my internet connection stays on long enough for me to complete the post today. We have been dealing with internet connection issues for a couple of weeks now - trying everything we can and asking everyone we know and nothing is working. It gets better, it gets worse. Some computers will connect others won't. Some will connect some of the time and then at other times they won't even "see" the modem as an option.

*sigh*

For someone like me who spends 12+ hours a day on line, it is frustrating to say the least.

So, we have a deck on the back of our house. It is built up to meet with our back door (obviously) and so there is about a foot (give or take) of space between the ground and the boards. It's the perfect spot to house any number of wayward critters. I have personally seen a 4+ foot snake slither up in there. I am certain that the dog, when let out into the yard almost every day, is not chasing phantom animals as she bolts out and immediately starts trying to cram her nose between the slats. So, I wouldn't be surprised if we had a family of possum or raccoons living up under there. Shoot I would even expect it. We keep two big bins of pet food in Rubbermaid bins by the back door, so I know that some of the critters stop by on occasion to see if we've dropped any kibbles for their midnight snack.

Our house is also surrounded by many, many trees. And because of all the woodedness (my own word, I know) - we host more than our fair share of squirrels and birds. At times it is a nuisance. And there have been several times that I have gone into the garage late at night and heard the scurry of what could only be a mouse or other rodent. Our house is old; it kind of comes with the territory.

Anyway, I am used to it and as long as I don't see anything in the house I am ok. Well last week when we had been experiencing all those days of hard freeze, I was just waiting for something to try to come into the house. And sure enough, I was sitting here at the computer one morning and just happened to look up at the ceiling. The air vent is right above my head. And there, in the air vent, was a rodent. It was walking around on the grate, just hanging out.

Yeah, I kind of freaked out a little.

In as fast as I could type my distress to my husband, the mouse/rat was gone. Then I got to worry all day about how exactly it got in there, and how on earth we were ever going to find the hole. Then, I sort of forgot about it.

The next morning, I happened to look out the back door and sitting there in all his/her fuzzy cuteness, munching on a piece of dog food, was my furry friend. I tried to get the boys to come to the door to see, but the commotion scared it over to my potted plants in the corner. It perched up on the side of a pot and finished breakfast and before I could grab the camera it was gone.

I know a lot of you reading are grossed out, but I kind of felt sorry for the little guy. It was very cold out.

I didn't think much more of it after that.

We were enjoying the absolutely beautiful weather today and Port was running in and out of the house. He was playing with the dog outside, chattering away to her in the only way little boys can talk to their dogs. It was pretty cute to listen to. At one point things got quiet, and then I heard his chatter grow increasingly excited. I was working on something with my back to the door when he ran in.

"Look, Mummai, a MOUSE!"

I turned around just in time for him to shove this in my face.

It was IN HIS HAND.

I screamed and jumped and then immediately tried to calm myself down so I didn't scare him. He is at that age where a bad reaction scares him pretty bad so I tried to make light of it. I grabbed him by the wrist and led him back out the door to make him drop it. After scrubbing hands and arms and changing his shirt, I went back out to dispose of it. I couldn't tell how it died - there was no slobber or anything to indicate the dog did it, and it hadn't been dead for long as it was still warm.

Port was very upset that he couldn't play with the "cute little mouse". He didn't understand that he couldn't touch him and pet him. I felt so bad!

I know it's silly for me to think that was the only one, but I have to say I do feel relieved that I know it's not camping out in my attic or air vents anymore.

Later this afternoon I returned the favor by putting a rolled up pill bug in Port's hand. He was fascinated until it started to open up, and it scared him to the point of hysteria.

oops.

We spent some time turning over the dirt in the garden. He loves looking for worms and holding them in his hand. But they don't wiggle too much. ;)

Until,
D :)

Be My Baby

2011-02-14T17:26:00.000-06:00

Things are busy - I am sure you understand. I hope to get back to a regular schedule starting this week. So stay tuned for more blogging!

I managed to get both of my youngin's out in the back yard yesterday and we had some fun taking pictures on the hammock. Enjoy.

I may need a wider lens to capture all that goofiness. ;)

Today, I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day. I love all the people in my life in different ways and am so appreciative of them all. Even the ones that drive me crazy. ;) Mwah! Much love, hugs, warm looks, sweet nothings, longing stares, chocolates, flowers, and whatever else makes you feel special and loved today. May you see the beauty and love that is right in front of you and embrace it today and forever.

Until,
D :)

Upside Down

2011-01-29T22:24:00.000-06:00

I couldn't be a nurse.

Sure, I can take care of my kids for a few days while they are sick. It's the mommy in me that allows me to do so, but even my "mommy-ness" has it's limits. After so long, all my empathy and understanding and gentleness and kindness just gets sucked dry. I start feeling like a caged animal. I want to claw at my skin and run screaming out the door... My hat is tipped to the nurses and professional caretakers to the sick and elderly. I just couldn't do it.

I just wrote a big long post, and then realized it was almost the exact same thing I wrote last week. whoops.

So where I left off was on Friday. Hubby was feeling better, but on Saturday he relapsed and was back in bed for 2 more days. He finally went back to work on Tuesday. Port thankfully started feeling better on Sunday, but it was at the peak of Kiddo feeling bad so it was pretty frustrating for him. He wanted to run around the house after being cooped up and immobile for most of about 4 days, and Kiddo could barely move. Port would cry and cry that he wanted Kiddo to run - it was truly pitiful.

Kiddo was still spiking a fever off and on all day Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday he finally seemed to be heading back to his normal little self, but for some reason he had almost completely lost his hearing. He said his ears didn't hurt or feel full, but we had to yell right in his face for him to know what we were saying. I thought I was going to be able to send him back to school on Thursday, but then right before bed on Wednesday night he spiked a fever again. It shot up to 104.5.

I was at the end of my patience and sanity by that point. I had been dealing with 3 sick people for a week. I got very irritated with Kiddo - not one of my finer moments for sure. Thursday morning I was done and defeated, so I called the doctor. Turns out he has a massive double ear infection caused by a mycoplasma infection. The boy had walking pneumonia. The doctor said that is probably what all the boys had - most people get over it on their own and it presents itself in very much the same way the flu does. And they are normally misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all because it goes away in a week or so. But in Kiddo's case, the ears presented the infection and it was clear that was what he had. So, he got a big ol' dose of antibiotic and is starting to feel better. His hearing was a lot better yesterday, but today it seemed to be gone again. He went back to school on Friday (after missing 5 school days and being sick for a whole week!) but he was totally exhausted by the time I picked him up.

And Port was doing fine all week until I brought him over to my friend's house for a bit while I took in a meeting with a bride. When I picked him up he was warm. Today his nose was running all day and this evening he had a lot of goop in his eyes. I cannot do this again!

Tonight Kiddo started talking about wanting to go to bed at about 6PM. That is not a good sign either.

Me? Well, so far I seem to have escaped it. I started running a fever last Friday. That day I went to the grocery store and bought a 2# bag of clementine oranges. I finished off the bag on Saturday and bought another. I just kept eating oranges - every time I could think about it; every time I walked into the kitchen I peeled one. And I hate oranges. I am a huge fan of citrus, but I have never been able to eat oranges very often. But I did; I ate them all day for days. Each one was like a shot of afrin - they would clear up my sinuses and they made me feel so much better.

And I never got sick. The fever stopped Friday night and I was spared this nasty thing that took down my whole family. So far, so good. I am still eating them, just not as often. I am kind of getting sick of them. In the last week I've consumed probably 7 pounds of the clementines. Ick.

I may be glowing orange by Monday.

Until,
D :)

Fever

2011-01-21T23:07:00.000-06:00

Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick.

That's what we are over here at the Fry household. Ugh.

I had a FANTASTIC time in San Antonio at the Imaging USA convention. I will have to give you a recap soon when I can put two thoughts together. Right now I am fighting a fever and severe sinus pressure, so forgive me if this doesn't make a lick of sense.

So when I got back Tuesday night, the boys were in bed. When we got up the next morning, Port had a little barky cough for about an hour. I was a bit concerned, but Hubby said he hadn't noticed that either boy was feeling bad, but he did say that Port had fallen asleep several times on Tuesday in random places.

A couple of hours into Wednesday morning, Port started running a fever. This kid does not do fevers half way. When he gets one, it comes on fast and strong and HOT. Before I knew it he went from fine to glassy eyed, teary and red. I started the Tylenol, Ibuprofen rotation. And let me tell you, if I wasn't on time with it almost to the minute his temperature would shoot right back up immediately. Without meds, he was running right at 105 degrees, with meds he cooled down to a balmy 102. Poor guy, he was miserable. It's funny though, even when feverish he still wanted to play; he just couldn't do much for very long. He did alright that night but Thursday morning was running a very high fever once again.

Hubby started feeling bad Wednesday night. It started with him as more of an allergy type thing. He had a hard time at work on Thursday. By the time he got home Thursday evening he was a walking zombie. He went straight to bed and spent most of the evening there. Port was still running a super high fever - just before bed time it spiked again despite the meds and I ended up putting him in the tub for almost an hour to cool him down. After that he felt much better and even started running laps around the house. Kiddo started complaining that night of an earache, so I loaded him up with some ibuprofen right before bed.

Hubby couldn't sleep at all and laid in bed moaning for a few hours before moving out to the couch. At about 3:30 AM, Kiddo got up to go to the bathroom and didn't make it. Hubby was so out of it (I think he was running a super high fever) all he could do was wake me up and then go back to moaning on the couch. I got Kiddo cleaned up, gave him a dose of Tylenol (because he was running a fever at that point) and put him to bed in the spare room and went back to bed. I decided right then that Kiddo wasn't going to school today, so when we got up finally it was well after 8. Thank goodness for the extra sleep; I think we all needed it.

Port's fever was back down to low grade today without meds and he felt so much better. He got upset a few times because he wanted to run but Kiddo couldn't run with him. He just didn't understand it. Hubby spent most of the day in bed and is feeling much better now.

I started running a fever this afternoon, but I am doing my best to fight it. I really don't want to go through what Hubby went through.

Kiddo's fever began spiking this evening - poor guy, he could barely walk when I put him to bed. I didn't want him trying to navigate the ladder to the top bunk, so I laid out sleeping bags on the floor for both of the boys to sleep in. Kiddo was so miserable; I could barely get him off the couch. Hopefully tonight was the worst of it and he feels better in the morning. Hopefully everyone feels better before it hits me fully.

Because it will hit - and I don't know if I'll be able to power through this one. Mommas should never get sick.

Until,
D

Old Things New

2011-01-14T22:18:00.000-06:00

Gosh I can't believe it's been over a week since I blogged here. I apologize for the absence. Things have been pretty crazy around here, as usual, and I am finding I am so tired in the evenings that I can't really complete a thought on a blog. I haven't been really feeling up to par either, so I am particularly tired most days.

Anyway, the excitement this week - Kiddo lost tooth number 3. It was pretty funny because his 2 adult teeth that are growing in take up more space than the 3 he lost, so when the tooth fell out I couldn't really tell where it came from! Poor kid; I hope he is ok with having crooked teeth for the rest of his life.

It has been bitterly cold here (and by bitterly cold, I mean below 70). I am about done with it. I don't mind staying in the house all day, but for some reason, when it's cold outside I get cabin fever much quicker than usual. I guess when I do actually go outside, I need it to be sunny and warm.

This weekend I am headed to San Antonio for my first ever photography convention. I am all scheduled up with classes and workshops and I just can't even begin to express how excited I am. I will be away from the family for 3 1/2 days, which will be...well weird. I mean, it will be great, and I know I will enjoy it immensely, but I will also miss my guys something awful. I don't know how parents deal with being away from their children for long periods of time - I don't think I could do it. 3 days seems like a lot to me, though I know it's really nothing.

So my goal is to take lots of pictures and some videos and make this thing super fun - so don't be surprised if you see a bunch of stuff from me on line for the next few days. Speaking of, here is a quick shot I took of a 4-wheeled "senior" that I found while I was out on a high school senior photo session last week.

The boys have been such a mess today. Port has been acting out all day - to the point that I am ready to put him on the curb. We hosted my father in law for two nights this week while he worked on some stuff on his property and I think all that excitement was just too much for both my little guys. I am not sure Port has slept at all for two days. Today came to a head with Kiddo when I had to completely separate him from his brother by making him stay in my room with the door closed. Every time they were within 5 feet of each other they were fighting over something. I kept pulling them apart and they kept seeking each other out; little magnets! As soon as Kiddo was hidden away, Port went looking for him - and they had just been at each other's throats minutes before! Some down time apart did Kiddo a bit of good, but Port was still a mess. He ended up tantruming (I know, not really a word) to the point of needing a time out, twice. During the second one he worked himself through it to the point of calming down, and when I brought him out of his room to apologize and get some cuddles, I picked him up, he laid his head on my shoulder and promptly fell asleep. Poor little dude.

He woke up just before dinner time and was still a mess. A fun bath and some butter cake with fluffy chocolate icing made it a little better though. ;-)

I took the above image of him when I had the great, great pleasure of grabbing a quick lunch with my high school prom date! Mark happened to be in town on business and he invited me to lunch. It was so great to see him again - I think it's been about 10 years (was the last time at Mike's wedding??). I think I only said a couple of stupid and/or embarrassing things, so overall I think it went well. I wish we'd had more time to chat. Unfortunately I had to rush off after only an hour so I could be on time to pick Kiddo up from school. Next time, I think we should get both our families together - with our 2 boys and Mark and Tanya's 3 girls together it should make for quite the interesting evening!

I would post a picture I took of Mark during lunch, but I was only able to snag one and his eyes were closed. You lucked out this time, Mark, but I will get you next time. ;-) Thanks again for a great afternoon!

There is a ton more I could say but I really don't want this to be a brain dump post. I hope you all have a great weekend!

Until,
D :)

Clever Love

2011-01-04T22:09:00.000-06:00

2011 has been quite the year already. Not a whole lot has changed so far - the house is still a mess (and probably even worse than usual because all the new stuff is E-VRY-WHERE. I am catching up on work stuff (I think), sort of, I guess. I managed to get some organization done on my desktop computer's hard drive and on a couple of external hard drives as well. I organized most of my client photos from last year.

So yay me.

heh

Anyway, the boys are adjusting to the "back to school" routine by screaming and whining at all hours of the day and night, asking to go to bed early, falling asleep during story time and then screaming, laughing, crying and playing for hours after the lights go out. whee! It's fun around here.

Port had some fun with the cat today. She was not amused.

This evening as I was preparing dinner, Kiddo asked me (as he usually does) what we were having. I told him we what we were having exactly and he replied (as he usually does) with, "What?" So I simplified it and told him chicken and pasta, to which he replied (as he usually does) with, "awww man, again!?!?"

As I am sure you can guess, I don't particularly appreciate that response so I sent him to his room. And in a brilliant parenting move I thought I would teach him a lesson (you sense the sarcasm here, right?). When dinner was ready, I fixed plates for everyone and set the table. The boys (all 3) were playing in the kids' room and I called them to dinner. Kiddo's plate had nothing but 2 pieces of plain white bread on it.

Kiddo asked me why he had bread and in my most dramatic voice I informed him that if he was going to complain about what I cooked for dinner, then I was no longer going to cook for him.

I expected shock. Maybe tears. If I was lucky, he'd pitch a fit. His response?

"MMMM! I love bread!" and he happily devoured both pieces and then bounced up from the table and took his plate to the kitchen.

*sigh*

Some coolness here though - we have a new addition to the family. He's very pretty...in an old, rusty sort of way.

And he has a great smile.

I can't wait to get him to participate in a photo session. I think he will really shine in front of the camera. Again, in an old, rusty sort of way.

Speaking of old and rusty, I am back to being a red head. I love being a red head - I just wish it wasn't so hard to maintain. My hair does not want to be red right now. But I will color it into submission.

I will. For a while at least.

Until,
D :)

Release Me

2010-12-31T21:45:00.000-06:00

Well I didn't want to end the year on my blog with that depressing post from last week. Things actually got worse from there. The tummy bug hit Port pretty hard. First there was a day of high fever (105 at the highest) and then there was a day of vomiting. I was thrown-up on more times than I care to recall and ended up doing multiple loads of laundry throughout the day. Port handled it really well, I have to say. He didn't really cry much; you could tell it freaked him out a bit, but he always recovered quickly.

Thursday night we took a risk and took the boys to look at Christmas lights at a couple of local hot spots. Thankfully we didn't have to get out of the car. Port was so distracted about the pretty lights that he did great. Of course, when we got home he threw up again a couple of times.

The next day was a day of horrible diapers and almost more messes than the vomiting caused. By Friday night I was pleading to God for some relief!

Saturday, Christmas morning, was such a blessing. Port woke up excited and energetic and everyone else felt good too. There was no more vomiting, no more bad diapers and everyone could eat!

{mmm, homemade caramel apple cinnamon rolls!}

Yippee!! The boys were super excited about their gifts and I think Hubby got more play time out of the boys' toys than they did!

I am so thankful for a beautiful Christmas day! God is certainly good. We were able to enjoy the morning; some enjoyed it a little too much!

We even made it to the inlaw's place for dinner. I made my first ever brisket in the oven. It turned out pretty good but it looked horrible! I am not sure how to make a brisket look pretty, but next time I attempt to cook one I will have to do a lot more research.

So yes, Christmas was great! I would like to wipe the couple of weeks leading up to it from my memory (except for the time spent with family of course), but thankfully the big day was great. The rest of this week was awesome too - we got to spend more time with our family and Hubby and I even got 2 1/2 days of kid free time while the boys stayed with the inlaws just a few miles up the road. It was so nice to be able to have a couple of date nights! I got a ton of work done and slept in for 3 mornings. Pure delight! By Thursday though, the silence was getting to be too much and I missed my boys terribly. I had a family photo session that afternoon and left straight from the location to go pick up my boys.

Port acted so strangely. When I showed up, I walked up to the house and he was playing in the living room. He could see me through the door and he was all smiles. The problem was, the door was locked and I couldn't get in (Grammy was in the back of the house and didn't know I had arrived). My poor baby was twisting the door knob and trying with all his might to open the door and he couldn't do it. I walked around to the back of the house to try the back door and it was locked too. By the time I got back to the front, my baby was in tears. Grammy finally heard the commotion and unlocked the door. Port cried and cried and clung to me for dear life. It was as if he had repressed all the sadness of me leaving a few days before and finally it all came to the surface when I returned. He wouldn't let me out of his sight for the rest of the evening. When we got home, he didn't want to go to bed and ended up screaming and crying for about 45 minutes before passing out. He was so exhausted, but didn't want to sleep in his bed.

We had a pretty good day today, and we decided to stay home tonight and have our usual low key New Year Eve. With so much that has happened in the last few weeks, I just really didn't feel up to another night out. I cooked a bunch of snacky, finger foods for "dinner" and we all enjoyed a "feast" (as Kiddo called it) and the kids went to bed on time. Woot!

(for the record, jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese and blue cheese, wrapped with bacon and baked are DIVINE! YUM yum, yummy, yum, yum!)

ahem

So tomorrow begins the new year and I am so excited at all that is on the horizon. I am ready to let go of the bad things that happened this year and start out fresh and positive. I have some great personal stuff coming up this year and also some really great business stuff too. I can't wait to see what happens with everything and of course, share it all with you.

I'll close this with a partial quote from a post on my facebook page (that I stole from my cousin - she got it from dailyword.com) ...

I release and let go, ready to make the most of this present moment.

As I reflect on the events of the past year, I recognize successes and failures, gains and losses. Each event has taught me something and made me wiser. Knowing this, I acknowledge and release the past year in gratitude.
In contemplation of the coming year, whether I am excited or apprehensive, I know the spirit of God will empower me to meet every situation with confidence and strength. With this in mind, I release any concerns I may have about the future.
Today I am ready to stand tall in this present moment. I appreciate the now, perfectly balanced between the blessings of the past and the promise of the future. This is the moment of power and action. I am ready!

He has made everything suitable for its time.--Ecclesiastes 3:11

Wishing you an amazing New Year full of great fun, happy family, yummy food, fond memories and overflowing prosperity! See you in 2011!

Until,
D :)

Fall to Pieces

2010-12-21T18:32:00.000-06:00

I was going to blog today.

I was going to blog about how much baking I did last week and all the ingredients I went through - 16 pans (give or take) of cinnamon rolls uses up a lot of butter (about 5 pounds), flour (about 10 pounds) and sugar (about 5 pounds). It was fun though and I am having so much fun handing out pans to friends and family. I love cooking for people!

I was going to blog about my parent's visit and how great it was. There was good food and presents and fun with a gingerbread house.

But then...

This morning happened.

We got up to find that Kiddo had vomited some time in the night, and had slept that way for quite a while. His tummy has been "off" all day.

Oh dear.

And Port has a fever and possibly a tummy ache - but he can't tell me for sure what is wrong.

And I have been feeling quite a bit queasy myself today. My head feels like it's filled with jello.

And then...Hubby went for a bike ride and stopped on the way home to do some last minute shopping, and returned to his car to find that his bike had been stolen. And if you recall, our car was *just* broken into a few weeks ago and his cell phone, a small radio and 2 light stands and umbrellas were stolen then.

I am trying to piece together what is left of my holiday spirit, but I am finding it difficult to hold it all together.

I see small, beautiful moments and lovely places in all the chaos.

But in all I am pretty bummed and not feeling like I should.

I need better glue.

Or I may end up looking like this on Christmas Day.

What gets you in the holiday spirit?

Until,
D

Scattered

2010-12-16T10:16:00.000-06:00

Since my brain (from now on simply, Brain) has packed up and left for Tahiti, I better get this all out while I am feeling a moment of clarity.

Some Kiddo Speak from this week (for your reading pleasure);

In the car with Hubby:
Kiddo (6yrs old): "What if someone put some gunpowder in a cannon, then put me in the cannon and shot me out of it, and I flew through the air over there to that Jack in the Box and crashed through the roof? I would order a lemonade. And a cheeseburger...because I found some money and it was enough..."

Last night at Dinner:
Kiddo: "Mumma, for my birthday dinner I would like to have pot roast and split pea soup."

(um....)

So yeah, my brain has left indefinitely. I have a feeling all the sugar I have been feeding myself lately has something to do with it - Brain just can't handle the stuff and has gone on extended vacation until I do myself a favor and detox. Sorry, Brain, that probably won't happen until after the holidays.

On Tuesday I got pulled over on the way back from the grocery store. 47mph in a 40mph zone. "So Mrs. Fry, was there an emergency?"

I realize this is a standard question, but I really have to stifle a snicker when they ask it. Do they honestly believe that 1) if there was an "emergency" I would *only* be driving 47mph and 2) if there was an "emergency" and suddenly a cop was following me, that I would stop to chat??

Ah well. Counting my blessings that it was only a warning (and I didn't even have a valid insurance card on me) so many thanks to the police dept.

Yesterday, not only did I whack the top of my head (on the bottom of a kitchen cabinet) so hard that it made me see stars, but I also loaded up Port and headed up to the school to pick up Kiddo an hour earlier than I was supposed to.

The two certainly are not related in the least...

I hope Brain is enjoying the beach.

Until,
D :-)

A little number to get you (and hopefully me) moving this morning. Turn it up!

Sunrise Sunset

2010-12-10T23:31:00.000-06:00

Today was an absolutely splendid, gorgeous day. It was the kind of weather that draws you to the windows when you are inside, and once outside you can't do anything but smile. It was the perfect temperature, had the perfect amount of sun and clouds, and a very gentle and unobtrusive breeze every now and then to move things around as gently as possible.

My back started bothering me off and on a couple of days ago, and by this morning I was pretty much immobile for the better part of the morning. The more I sat, the stiffer and more painful it got, but if I tried to stand, I couldn't straighten out enough to walk properly. What little movement I could do resembled something a bit like Tim Conway when he played the old man character from the Carol Burnett show. Yeah, it was fun. And of course, it was one of those days when Port won't leave me alone and constantly wants to either sit on the couch or play on the floor. Both locations hurt me way worse than sitting in a chair. When Hubby got home I snuck out and tried to get some shopping done without the kids. I shuffled into the first store and for a good 30 minutes walked around in a hunched over, hand on the small of my back, old lady walk. The longer I walked, the straighter my back became. After about an hour and a half I was finally walking straight and the pain had decreased to almost nothing. 3 hours and 2 more stores later I returned home with nothing more than some Christmas gifts and that pesky burning sensation I get on the left side of my lower back when it's bothering me. That, I can deal with.

But the day - wow it was so nice to be out in such a beautiful climate. I just wanted to document it before the cold front comes in a couple of days from now and I am once again layered in cloths and jackets and shivering next to my space heater.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Saturday I woke extremely early and drove to Dallas to do a newborn photo session. It was hard getting up so early, but it was a fun drive there and back. I left before sunrise. Going through the Starbuck's drive-thru when it was dark was nothing new, but usually my purchases occur at night, not in the wee hours of the morning. By the time I reached the freeway the sky was beginning to lighten.

The birds were awake.

I watched the sunrise as I drove; it was a beautiful site I hadn't seen in a long time. I enjoyed the solitude and time to think, but I knew soon enough the initial rush of getting on the road would fade and the oh-my-goodness-I-had-to-get-up-at-5AM was going to catch up with me.

Because I was so tired, I needed things to keep me awake, thinking and alert. I thought about taking pics of course, but at some point it also occurred to me that I could record video and post it to Facebook from my phone.

Genius!

Don't get me wrong, I did not think anyone would be interested in 30-60 second videos of me driving from Austin to Dallas, but it was still a fun thing for me to do.

I ran into a lot of fog on the way.

And then was blessed with a beautiful reminder of who is really in charge. Too bad I didn't get the best picture of it.

And eventually I arrived in Dallas. The session - well, it was difficult. That sweet baby girl did not want to rest for me. She was far too excited and wanted to stretch and look around and be held by mommy instead of laying like a little super model in my cozy blankets and pretty wraps. So, we tried all the tricks and I did what I could for 3 hours and then packed it up to head home. On the way out I stopped at a McDonalds just outside of town. It was brand new and beyond cool. Well, as cool as a McDonalds can be I guess. It had a play area for the kids inside that basically was just a few tables and 3 or 4 big screen game centers (I guess they just decided to toss the whole, "pretending to be somewhat healthy" thing right out the window with the actual playscape). The kids can sit in front of the screen and play different games. There were also tall tables in the dining area with the same big screens for the adults to play with. But I think the best thing about the restaurant was the sign at the door.

We totally need those in so many places! lol!

After being on the road for a while, the day started to wear on me. I tried singing, recording myself singing, videoing myself singing, running through the radio stations, anything I could think of and still the road was lulling me to sleep. Thankfully I received a few well times voice mails and phone calls and thanks to my friends I made it to the next Sonic I could find for a much needed Coca Cola pick-me-up. I recorded this last video, and decided to turn the camera on myself. Why? I have no idea. I had been up since before 5AM and had spent, at that point, about 6 hours in the car. Please excuse how tired and awful I look.

Yeah I don't drink Dr. Pepper anymore. That is a story for another time I suppose.

Stopping at Sonic was enough of a refresher that I made it home safely. It was just in time for sunset.

Until,
D

Ready

2010-12-03T16:35:00.000-06:00

It's finally ready!

I am so excited. If you remember, back in August of 2009 I ventured up to Dallas for a few days to hang out with the amazing Rachel Anne Ridge of Home Sanctuary fame. She and I worked together on a book project of hers and I had an absolutely amazing time.

Well, after lots of life and other responsibilities got in the way, the project was put on hold. However, I was so pleased to find out a couple of months ago that things were back in motion, and just last night I received the news. The book is finished!!

I am so incredibly honored and humbled to be a part of this. My role was very small, but the end result is so awesome. I really hope that the book is amazingly popular for Rachel; she is so deserving of great success.

To see the story of how the book came to be, you can read today's Company Girl Coffee post. If you would like to order a copy of the book for yourself or a friend, you can click here. It would make an awesome Christmas gift for all the girlfriends in your life. The story is precious, the pictures are beautiful and the sentiment is uplifting and joyous. I hope you enjoy it. I know I will treasure my copy forever.

Until,
D :)

Hurt

2010-12-02T15:52:00.000-06:00

The day started out bright and early, about 30 minutes before my alarm was to sound, when I pulled a sleepy Port on top of me in the bed. He was warm and snuggly and went right back to sleep, as did I. It was only 30 minutes later that I discovered the reason he was so warm; he was wet.

Good morning!

About 30 minutes after dropping Kiddo off at school I received a call from the nurse. Kiddo had fallen in his classroom and landed head first on to the back of a chair. The nurse (a substitute for the regular nurse) told me that they had 4 head injuries yesterday and that Kiddo's was way worse and she asked me to come pick him up. I was a little perplexed at why a bump on the head was enough to send him home, but the nurse knows best, right?

He wasn't bleeding, his pupils were not dilated and he had not thrown up. But she wanted him to go home and rest. When I walked into the nurse's office, my brave little guy began to cry. But it wasn't because he was hurt or even because he looked like this...

It was because he didn't want to go home. He was worried about missing school. Poor guy.

On the way home though, he figure out that going home could be a good thing after all. He told me that when you feel bad you get to sit on the couch and watch tv all day. And as soon as we got home he stripped off his school clothes and put his jammies back on.

I suppose he wanted to fit in with Port and I, who were still in our jammies.

Yes, I went to the school in my jammies. Give me a break, I hadn't even had my first cup of coffee yet!

Anyway, he seems to be fine. He had a little headache for a while but some Tylenol took care of that. The bump is bruising up nicely and will be the star of the show when we take our family portraits this weekend. Whee!

I took the boys to Sonic during our afternoon snack time and allowed Kiddo to get a root beer float. On the way there, Port was excitedly exclaiming "hooray ice cream!!" over and over. When we pulled into the parking space to order, I turned around to find him sound asleep. Whoops! Kiddo and I still enjoyed our treat (cheddar peppers for me), and baby brother got his later when we got home.

Twice today Kiddo has asked me if we could go on a "money walk". According to him, a money walk is when you go for a walk and look for money lying on the ground. He said that is people need money they can just go on a money walk and pick up all the coins they need off the ground.

Maybe he hit his head harder than I thought...

Until,
D

Hallelujah

2010-12-01T12:24:00.001-06:00

Geeze it feels like we skipped November entirely! I can't believe December is here already. It's time to really get moving, get stuff done and take on all the extra that comes in preparing for the holidays.

I need to trim the hedges out front so we can put up lights, clean out the house a lot more so there is room for decorations inside, and do all the extra cleaning that goes into having people come to visit. For almost 2 solid weeks around Christmas we will have family in town. It will be a crazy time for sure.

And of course I need to get on with all the baking and such that I am prone to do. I will be making several batches of home made cinnamon rolls in various flavors, coconut balls and Christmas cookies galore. I waaaay overdo things around the holidays. It's already started; last week I made a banana pudding and this week I will be making an apple pie (due to some fruit I bought for Thanksgiving week and then accidentally left at home). I suppose we have to work our way into the sugar frenzy.

As I mentioned yesterday, the holiday music has already made it's appearance in the house. I have loaded up my phone with my entire collection and it has brought me such joy. Something else came across my facebook feed today that I wanted to share. It brought me to tears (though I cry at everything). This, in my opinion, is the best kind of flash mob...

Enjoy!

Until,
D :)

The Last Song

2010-11-30T21:49:00.000-06:00

It is the last day of NaBloPoMo, the last day of November. I can't believe we are already this far along in the year and so close to Christmas. I am still neck deep in editing and orders and deliveries, and I still need to get my own family photos made and a holiday card designed, ordered and sent out. I already feel like I am behind the game and December 25th is looming ever closer over my head.

I wish I could muster some happy happy today, but to be perfectly honest I am pretty stressed out and feeling blue. I'm not sure what has come over me. The boys were being whiny (though they are playing together really well right now) and it is just adding to my stress and frustration.

I am feeling very stifled lately. I'm not sure how to describe it, other than that. I feel like I have so much to say and I can't say it. I feel like I can't be myself right now and I really want to. I am so busy, and it is a good thing for sure, but the weight of my responsibilities is sort of crushing my spirit at the moment. I am sure it is only temporary, but it hurts nonetheless. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes.

It is that horrible feeling that makes one daydream of packing a bag and running away for a while. Shoot, sometimes I don't even want to pack. I want to be irresponsible and grab a credit card and just have some fun. I want to make everything right for once - fix all that is broken and replace all that needs replacing.

I want to free myself, if only for a little while, of the things that keep me tied to my office chair. I am sure I will get some sort of break toward the end of the month, but the urge to run is very strong right now.

I need to figure a way to get the words in my head out of there. They are making me crazy.

Thankfully I can now safely listen to Christmas music without too much ridicule so I do have some relief. The songs remind me of no particular person, event or stage in my life like most do, but only of happiness and family and God. I have had Frank, Bing, Elvis and others in my ears all day and it is wonderful.

Until Port runs up to me and screams, "Mummai, no SINGING!"

Where was that suitcase?

Until,
D :)

Collide

2010-11-29T13:37:00.000-06:00

I was adding a few things to my Amazon wish list this morning (it is Cyber Monday afterall!) and I decided to fill out the little info box on a few of the items, just to help people who might be shopping for me this Christmas. Most of the stuff on my list is strictly for ideas - not necessarily the exact items I want should someone be so inclined to make a purchase.

Anyway, a couple of the things were pretty basic. Some of the things on there are for the boys, so my comments were general. Then I filled out the comments on some of my things. And I noticed that all of my comments went something like, "mine broke/fell apart/wore out so I need another one". How sad. lol!

I guess I am dealing with a lot of broken things right now. Stuff, people, hearts...sometimes it is all overwhelming. And today I am feeling the weight, especially in the people and hearts category. There is so much sadness in this world. Every day there are people out there that do good deeds that go unnoticed, or worse it seems it's all for naught. But I have to keep reminding myself that there is good in everything. Even if the outcome seems bad, somewhere along the way lives were affected, people changed, memories made. And when sad things happen I have to look beyond the immediate and search for the bigger meaning in it all.

We are all broken. We are all messed up in one way or another. And life is a constant battle between doing the good that is naturally in our hearts and giving in to the also naturally occurring anger, the sin and the defeat that we face in so many aspects of our lives. When bad things happen we want to give up, give in and stop doing the good. Because it seems so pointless sometimes. But you just never know how your actions affect the world. Life is much bigger than all of us. I firmly believe that good brings about good, always.

As I am writing this, Howie Day is playing on Pandora - the song is Collide. The lyrics identified by my brain, cutting through all the noise in there...

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

When taken completely out of context of the song as a whole, it kind of illustrates my point. And that is, no matter the good we do, the effort we put in or how successful our efforts seem, sometimes bad things happen. Things that don't make sense suddenly are the truth. And even if it shakes you and tears your world apart, in a bigger way that we may not even understand, the good has still been done. And in that good, we collide.

Across the room, across the state, the country or even the world - we are connected in ways we may never understand.

Until,
D :)

And just because the song is really pretty, I'll post it if you want to listen.

The Show

2010-11-28T23:16:00.000-06:00

Only 3 more days left of NaBloPoMo and maybe then I can get back to posting something a bit more interesting. The good thing about this, I guess, is that is has me "writing" every day, even if it is only for 5 minutes just before midnight.

I had an amazing newborn session this morning! The baby boy was 15 days old and super sweet. He let us maneuver him every which way for a good hour and a half before he got hungry or even showed the slightest signs of annoyance. He didn't want to do every pose we tried, but he did most of them pretty well.

I was absolutely amazed at how well the boys played together for the rest of the afternoon today. They got along so well! They spent a good part of the afternoon running in and out of the house, making up all these silly games. Then Kiddo decided that they were going to put on a "show" for Hubby and I. So after dinner (in the pitch blackness of the back yard) Kiddo drug us out on the back porch and they did their performance. It was so cute - it mostly consisted of Kiddo running around and making things up while Port copied everything he did. It was pretty cute! Kiddo had set up a bunch of "obstacles" that he ran around and jumped on a few times, and then he played some sort of frisbee game then he ended the whole show with a song and dance number. We were cracking up the whole time. When he finished the song, Port took over and started singing the theme song from the Cat in the Hat show on PBS. That was hilarious!

It's probably going to be a rough morning after we drop Kiddo off at school. Hopefully the readjustment to our normal schedule won't be too hard on the little guy.

Until,
D :)

Bring Me To Life

2010-11-27T22:48:00.000-06:00

{beautiful sky, shot with my iPhone, somewhere outside of Crowley, Louisiana}

I am sitting here tonight eating some banana pudding. This is a fantastic recipe! I usually just make banana pudding with nilla wafers, bananas and well, pudding. I never would have thought to add anything to that. But holy moly, adding cream cheese?!?! Genius!

Anyway, we came home today after a very long 4 day trip and I am just flat out exhausted. I had to make banana pudding tonight because I accidentally left a huge bunch of bananas here instead of taking them on the trip like I had planned. Port eats bananas a lot - they are one of the few things he will eat on a regular basis so I try to keep some in the house at all times. I left the bananas and the other fruit I bought for him (grapes and apples) here and when we got back today the whole bunch was on the verge of being too ripe. My freezer is already full of over ripe bananas that I will someday use for banana bread, but I didn't want to toss these in there too so I made the pudding. So yummy!

It was fun visiting with the family but I am so glad to be home. I don't much care for living out of a suitcase (or in this case a duffel bag. I don't own a suitcase!). Tomorrow I get to spend the better part of my morning with a beautiful newborn boy as I am doing a newborn session. I am so excited! I also have another newborn session in Dallas coming up sometime in the next week or so.

Some day I will have a chance to sit down and breathe. I am thinking it will be sometime around February.

Until,
D :)

Mental Jukebox Selection today: Evanescence, Bring Me To Life. I can't get this one out of my head today.

Flash

2010-11-26T23:07:00.000-06:00

Tonight Hubby and I had the opportunity to get out by ourselves for a little bit. We headed down to the local mall and took a short walk in the freezing cold. Then we ended up at the Cheesecake Factory afterward for something warm to drink and yummy to eat. I was checking my Facebook on my phone and saw that there was a recent flash mob on 6th street. Hubby didn't know what a flash mob was, so I looked up a couple of YouTube videos for him to watch.

I thought you all might be interested as well, so I linked up a video below. I think they are so cool and would love to see one in person.

Enjoy!
Until,
D :)

Glee Flash Mob in Seattle.

Thankful

2010-11-25T23:18:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Today we took a 4+ hour drive to visit family in southern Louisiana. Hubby rode in a car with my inlaws and my brother in law, and my sister in law, my boys and the dog rode with me. The drive over was nice - I got to spend some good quality time talking with my sis-in-law, and it was a refreshing change from traveling with the Hubby. I am sure the other car with the inlaws was alive with conversation as well. We arrived at our destination, and after a quick check in with our hosts, we ventured down the road to visit for a bit with Hubby's grandmother. She was in pretty good humor, but didn't want to come have lunch with the family.

While most of the adults were visiting, Happy (the kids' grandfather) and I took the boys out front to the pond to feed the ducks, turtles and fish that reside there.

(yes, Port's pants are way too big)

They went through half that box of Goldfish, though I suspect Happy ate his fare share too! ;-)

We made it back to our cousin's house for lunch. Of course, the food was great. After a few hours visit we got back on the road to come home. Hubby rode with the boys and I on the way back. We actually drove into a cold front and at one point and watched the temperature gage drop 9 degrees instantly. Over the next 30 minutes it dropped continuously for a total of 27 degrees. It was crazy how quickly it dropped.

Overall I missed my mom's cooking and seeing that side of the family, but it was still a great day.

I hope you all had a wonderful, food and family filled day as well.

Until,
D :)

Blessings

2010-11-24T23:24:00.000-06:00

I know, I know, yesterday's post was total weirdness. It is a prime example of the times I have a much bigger idea in my head, and I just can't condense it down small enough to get it out of there in some sort of logical fashion.

So I don't know if today will be much better. I just have so much swirling around in there that I don't really know what to blog about. And with it being Thanksgiving and all the stress, travel, planning and reflection that involves, I am left in a very strange mental state; a balancing act between trying to be present and in the moment and still deal with the gravity of life and relationships and everything else that is brought to the forefront this time of year.

I am so thankful for so many things. We are blessed in an immeasurable number of ways, and I simply am in complete awe that we are so fortunate. I know I complain a lot, but you have to know that deep down I can see the bigger picture. I know how lucky I am and how much worse it could be. I still live an amazing life. I have a wonderful family, the best job I could ever hope for and so many unbelievably wonderful friends who are perfect for me in so many ways.

My friends. I don't know how I would survive without them.

It's funny, I have friends that I talk to every day, others that I converse with a few times a month, and others that I only interact with a few times a year. And they are all so special to me, each in their own way. What I find so amazing is that no matter which friend I am with and no matter what situation I am in, that friend always knows the exact right thing to say.

I thank God for my friends. I love you all.

Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving! May your tummy, your glass and your heart be full!

Until,
D :)

Right Now

2010-11-23T22:46:00.001-06:00

Another post where I don't make any sense. Forgive me.

Time is a funny thing.

We may follow a clock, a watch or the display on our phones, but we are never really on the same time with each other. Because we each live in our own present, we, in many ways, anticipate what others will think and feel and do once they catch up with our thoughts and our actions.

We write a letter or address something as simple as a Christmas card, and instantly we are in the future. We envision the recipient receiving it and we see in our minds their reaction. We can see it clear as day; the opening of the letter or the email, gazing at the picture on the card we picked out and we can see the smile on someone's face. Or their tears. Or their anger.

But until it actually happens it isn't reality.

Living in the moment is so hard. We plan for the future, we plot our next move, we look forward and prepare for things to come. And meanwhile someone else is living in the same time as you, doing similar things and their reality may or may not include you without you ever knowing it. It can be confusing and difficult when those realities collide.

In such a technology based world we are in better sync than ever. And yet in some ways I think it is worse because we can get ahead of ourselves. We've taken the surprise out of surprises - the "heads up" is the way to communicate and keep everyone in the know. Sometimes something very special and endearing about life is lost in this "instant communication" world.

While I am so thankful for technology and instant information, I occasionally wish I didn't have such quick access to certain things.

Until,
D

Break

2010-11-22T22:39:00.001-06:00

Um, yeah. Ok.

So, I know I complain a lot, but I really don't like to. It's just sometimes things are easier to deal with if I can share my feelings with others. Most of the time I find someone who has been there before that can sympathize with me or at least say, "Hey, I've been there. It will get better." or even "Hey, I've been there and it sucked." It makes me feel better to know I am not alone.

Ok, so maybe I do like to complain.

But I try not to complain all the time. At least I try not to whine about things. But today, man today I feel so bad for my Hubby. And for our situation right now. And just in general.

I have mentioned a few times how everything seems to be breaking around here. The washer is now possessed - working just fine sometimes and refusing to agitate at others. I haven't a clue what is going on with that thing.

I came home from my awesome weekend to find that the door handle on our microwave spontaneously broke. It basically has pulled away from the door and bowed out, making it very difficult to open and shut the door. The good thing is we actually have 2 microwaves in the kitchen, and another in the closet that we don't use, but the one that broke is the one above the stove and not exactly something that is easy to remove and replace. And, it is the one I use all the time because it is at *my eye level and I can see everything in it better. I don't like the other one. But beggars can't be choosers I suppose.

Something I haven't mentioned here is that it is very likely that my husband will lose his job at the end of the year. I can't really go into details because nothing is official, but that seems to be the way things are headed and so we are trying to prepare for the inevitable. The housing market as we all know, really, really stinks right now, and since he is in that field it is pretty unlikely that he will be able to secure employment elsewhere any time soon. So, we are preparing for him to start working on his own, and are trying to secure the things he needs to do that effectively. We purchased a new desktop computer and are setting up our spare room as an office just for him. Otherwise, we are on a spending freeze until...well, probably forever.

whee!

But then today happened - oh JOY! Hubby went for a bike ride and was attacked by a dog while he was riding the trail. The dog (a vicious black lab, by the way *eyeroll*) bit his ankle pretty good; he's got three puncture holes.

Hubby had the dog owner text her information to him on his phone (which was back in the car) and he thought everything was fine...until he got back to the car.

The car had been broken into. The passenger side window was smashed and his phone and a portable radio were gone. Thankfully they didn't find his wallet, which was also in the car, and they left his very expensive bike wheels in the back. The glove box had been ransacked - not sure what they were looking for, but they certainly made a mess doing it (now that I think about it, they were probably looking for the wallet).

Sooooooooo - we had insurance on the phone, but the deductible was still $50 (for them to replace it with a different, poorly rated phone) and the window is going to cost about $90 to replace. I probably don't need to mention how much we can't afford this. grrr

If these things happen in threes, then how many are we up to now? I am pretty sure it's more than 3.

Tonight we recorded our weekly Musing Mommies podcast, and of course, this episode was about the things we are thankful for. Surprisingly, it wasn't too hard to come up with some blessings. Even in all the crap, the day to day stuff that happens and gets me down, I know that things are still good. Life is good. Family is good. Friends are good.

God is good. And faithful. And I know He is watching over us and taking care of us. No matter what is thrown at us, we will come out of it ok.

Reminding myself that God is still good. Always.

Until,
D

Marry You

2010-11-21T22:51:00.000-06:00

I had such a great couple of days this weekend. The drive to Dallas was very fun. It was so great to get to know my friend and very talented photographer, Allen, a little better. When we work together, we don't get to sit and chat too much, so it was nice to have some quiet time to discuss all sorts of things.

And discuss we did! I am pretty sure there were only a handful of subjects we didn't cover.

The portrait session I helped him with that afternoon went smoothly. The vineyard we shot at was pretty, even though it was right off the freeway. That whole area would be a good place for a portrait session - there were some very nice office buildings across the street that would make for a nice backdrop as well. The winery building was small but beautiful and had some great areas to shoot in. And of course, there were the grape vines. This time of year the grapes are gone (or in some cases, shriveled on the vine) and the vines are beginning to yellow and dry out. But the rows still gleamed in the sun and made for a great photo op.

Friday evening after the shoot I met up with one of my dear friends from high school. We had dinner at Olive Garden (yum!) and had a chance to chat a little on the drive home (and a little more while circling the neighborhood just so I could finish my story! haha!). Once back at her place and after her kiddos were in bed, we all hung out on the couch, watched a little tv and played on our respective iPhones! lol! It was fun!

Saturday morning we got up and ventured out to a beautiful shopping center not far from their home and did a family photo shoot. It was so much fun running around the pretty shops before everything opened for the day. A huge Christmas tree was already up and decorated, the grounds were immaculate and the whole thing was perfect for a session.

After more visiting and lunch, Allen picked me up for the wedding. We headed over to the church and then were called to come out to the bride's home where the bridal party was getting ready. We shot some there and Allen left to find the guys. I rode with the bride and her maids in the HUGE limo out to the church. That was such a trip! I have never been in a limo that big before.

The girls got dressed at the church. There were a couple of pretty tense moments when the bride discovered she didn't have the chapstick she was addicted to, and when they were trying to get her into her dress. The zipper was a little messed up and the dress was pretty snug, so it took about 10 minutes to actually get her zipped up. I felt so bad for her; she was on the verge of panic for quite a while.

Thankfully everything worked out; a groomsman was able to run to Dillards for the chapstick and the zipper eventually cooperated. The ceremony went off without a hitch, and I got to shoot with a 5D Mark II and a beautiful 200 mm lens. About 10 minutes into the ceremony, Allen sent me over to the reception site to get detail shots. The reception was at the winery and it was soooo beautiful when they had it all set up. The tables were tight - they were seating 325 people in a room that really was more suited for about 250 tops. It was very difficult to get between the tables. But, we had so much fun and the reception was a blast. The couple left to a shower of sparklers that lit up the parking lot so beautifully. I got to stand up on the bumper of the limo and take some overhead shots of the getaway, taking in all the guests, sparklers and a running bride and groom.

Allen and I decided to drive back home that night, and we got on the road a little after 11PM. In order to keep each other awake, we talked the whole time. I did pretty good most of the way, but I really fought falling asleep for the last hour or so. My eyes were crossing even though Allen was talking to me. He did great driving and didn't seem tired at all. We got back to my house a little before 3AM and then of course I was wide awake. It took me about an hour to settle down and go to sleep, and I was so thankful this morning that the kids didn't know I was home so they left me alone and I was able to sleep in. Hubby took them to church so I could rest, but it left the house too quiet so I used the time instead to take a shower in peace, clean up a bit and vacuum the floors. So much for resting!

It was a great weekend, but I am totally beat. My whole body hurts, I have a headache and I am still fighting dozing off. So I will wrap up this incredibly boring blog post and call it a night.

Until,
D

Marry Me

2010-11-20T23:55:00.000-06:00

I can blog from my phone!!!

We are on our way home from Dallas. It's going to be a pretty long drive back. The wedding was so much fun! I have a ton to talk about, but it is very difficult to do this on the road. Have a wonderful weekend!

Until,
D

In Person

2010-11-19T23:21:00.000-06:00

I am here in the Dallas hanging out with one of my oldest and dearest friends and her family. We see each other so rarely, that it feels like I can't get words out fast enough to talk about all I want to with the time we have together.

I am not a phone person. I mean, I will talk on the phone all day if I am able, but it takes a lot for me to get up the nerve to actually call someone.

So face time to me is priceless. Sitting across the table from someone, or next to them in the car, or together on their couch - it is my favorite time with friends.

And so I will soak it up while it lasts. Hope you have a great weekend!

Until,
D :)

Wake Me Up Inside

2010-11-18T22:59:00.000-06:00

I thought yesterday's 4:30 wake up call was bad enough, but when the screaming started this morning at 2:30, I would have given anything for a couple more hours of sleep. I tried to ignore him; I paced the floor for several minutes thinking he would just settle down and go back to sleep. But when I went back into the hallway for the 3rd or 4th time to listen, I noticed that not only was he crying hysterically, he was actually out of bed and at the door.

He never gets out of the bed unless it's really bad.

So I opened the door and found my little sweet boy absolutely soaking wet from his neck to his feet.

Major wardrobe malfunction.

I don't know what happened with his diaper. And I really don't know where all that pee came from, but he was a mess. And he was freezing. Poor guy.

I got him cleaned up and dry and warm and there was no where to put him because his bed was soaked too so we went to the couch. He fell back to sleep relatively quickly, and I laid there most of the night under him, listening to the annoying whirring sound the dvd player was making. I had forgotten to turn it off when we went to bed.

Getting Kiddo to school this morning was trying; he was moving slow and I had no patience from the lack of sleep. But we made it, and once back home I was thankful when Port wanted to play outside for most of the morning. I've been falling asleep at my desk all day. Everything was going as well as could be expected until I heard Port crying out on the back deck. I walked out to find him standing on the step, with his pants and diaper halfway down his legs. The fantastic part was that he had pooped first! Woo hoo!

Soooooo, since he was covered, I had to carefully carry him into the bathroom and just hose him down. He had made such a mess!

Seriously, this is not the week for my washer to go out on me. OMG the laundry!!!

This afternoon the boys were playing in the back yard and had a fight and Kiddo threw a big wooden steak at Port and hit him in the head. It left a nice goose egg and a little busted spot. Seriously, what is with that? Do you remember when he threw a rock at Port's head??

ugh

On a good note, I am leaving tomorrow for a weekend in Dallas to shoot a family session for one of my clients and a wedding with Allen. Thankfully I am riding with him so I don't have to worry about driving. I am so excited to see my friend and her family and do the session for her. It should be a wonderful and fun weekend...if I can stay awake!

At least I won't be dealing with anymore potty accidents. I hope.

Until,
D :)

Accident

2010-11-17T15:24:00.000-06:00

As I write this, it is not even noon yet and we have already had an interesting day.

Well, interesting by a mommy's standards I guess.

Port woke me up at 4:30 crying hysterically. I don't know what his deal was, but we ended up on the couch. I could sooooo close my eyes right here in my chair right now and fall into a beautiful, blissful deep sleep.

But there is too much to do.

Kiddo wet the bed this morning just before he woke up and he made a mad dash for the bathroom but it was too late. I got him cleaned up and off to school and then once we were back home Port's diaper exploded and flooded what he was wearing too.

Then I find out that Hubby got rear-ended on the way to work. Thankfully it was just a tap, but the guy hit the rack on the back end that is bolted to the frame of the car. So, there could be unseen damage to the frame. Joy.

Then, the clothes washer decided to stop agitating. And my computer has crashed twice today, and this is after the monitor went out on me temporarily yesterday. I picked up Kiddo from school and he informed me that he left his one and only jacket on the playground today and he *thinks* it will be in the lost and found tomorrow.

So I think I'll quit today. I can't take anything else.

Until,
D

Simple

2010-11-16T22:12:00.000-06:00

I am trying to keep up the momentum on the house clean out. I haven't really done much more, but the wheels in my head are still turning and plans are being made. My goal is to try to donate as much as I can and preferably do it to places other than Goodwill. I do think Goodwill is a good organization and it is very easy to make donations there, but I kind of want to do something more - I want some of there things to go directly to people in need, rather than into a store where anyone can walk in and buy it.

For example, one of the local dry cleaning companies is collecting coats for kids, so I am planning on cleaning out our coat closet and donating our old coats there. I want our unnused clothes and baby items to go to a shelter or a children's home. Of course, I will try to sell a few things too if I can, because in this process of purging one of my goals is to turn our spare room back into an office for Hubby. Part of our office clutter problem is that we don't really have any shelving or storage solutions for all our office supplies and equipment. If I can make a few bucks selling some of our stuff, that money will go toward a few shelving units and some boxes and organizational items.

Another area that needs a good purging is the boys room. I really need to get in there and clean out all the outgrown clothes and toys. There is so much stuff just piling up because there is no where to put it out of the way.

Of course I could say that about all the rooms.

I am trying to keep my eyes open for a place to recycle magazines and phone books. I will try to sell some of the trade magazines we have to Half Price Books, but I am pretty sure they won't want back copies of Rachel Ray and Real Simple. ;-) So those will have to go to recycling. I read online that you can actually compost old phone books as long as you remove the pages with colored ink and plastic covers. I am not sure how I feel about the yellow paper though - surely there is some sort of dye in that, right? I really don't want all that being infused into my vegetable garden. I am sure that the ink isn't much better either.

There really just isn't any way to get away from all the chemicals in everything. But that is a discussion for another time.

Until,
D :)

Head On

2010-11-15T23:11:00.000-06:00

Another day, another post forgotten until it's too late for me to think. I promise to be more on top of things tomorrow. Today just had too many errands, whiny kids, dirty dogs, smelly diapers and dirty dishes.

I pulled up to Kiddo's school today to pull into my usual parking spot so I could pick him up and as soon as I turned off the car my phone rang. It was the school nurse. The moment she told me who she was, my heart stopped. Kiddo was in her office, but thankfully it was only for a bump on the head.

That's pretty sad when you are thankful for a head bonk.

He got hit with a locker door and has a pretty good little goose egg on his forehead. I am so thankful that my first call from the nurse did not involve epi pens or medical assistance. *shew!*

So that was the excitement for the day.

And with that, I am taking my weary body to bed. I will leave you with today's mental jukebox song.

Lovely, by Sara Haze

Until,
D :)

Where I Stood

2010-11-14T23:00:00.001-06:00

I cannot count the number of times in my life I have wished there was a way to record all the thoughts in my head. I get to thinking about something and is swirls around and swirls around and works itself out to the point that it sounds so good - and of course at that moment the thoughts are perfect and I have no way of getting them out of my head and in written or recorded form. It is frustrating. Often I think of things so deeply that even if I can sit down to write, I can't make it come out the right way. Or the thoughts are so complex with so many layers that I couldn't possibly express them in a way that makes sense.

I am not trying to say I am highly intelligent or anything, but my thoughts sometimes go into great detail that I find fascinating to me. And based on the response I get from my blog readers and the podcast listeners and my other various outlets, I am sure there is an audience that would appreciate them. But it kills me that they may never be heard. I need you to just get in my head and sit around there for a while, listening and looking at the pretty pictures my thoughts create. I think it would be interesting.

I know that at some point technology will find a way, but for now I have to sit down at the computer each day and desperately try to remember what it was I wanted to talk about and how to say it. And so many times, while I am doing something else, I find myself thinking of the perfect post from start to finish and then I sit down to write it and with the click of the first keys, poof! It is gone.

That is how this post came to be. It was perfect in my head when I was standing in the kitchen making Kiddo's lunch a minute ago, and when I finished that and sat down to write I couldn't remember a darn thing about what I wanted to say, except for the part about getting in my head. I should have been recording a voice memo into my phone while I was making his sandwich.

Darn it.

I guess I will try again tomorrow.

For tonight though, I will let you in on a little corner of my brain. It's over there to the left, where the jukebox is sitting. Today's selection has been playing on repeat all day. It came up on my iPhone shuffle this morning and has been with me ever since.

Where I Stood, Missy Higgins

Until,
D :)

Picky Picky Head

2010-11-13T13:08:00.000-06:00

For months I fought the dinner time battle with Port. He is an extremely picky eater, and so every night I would serve him up a plate of what we were having and every night I would toss the same plate of food in the trash because he wouldn't eat it. Every night we fought with him about sitting at the table, and 9 times out of 10 he would end up crawling all over me while I was trying to eat my meal.

It was frustrating and infuriating and I became so tired of the battle.

And you know, parenting is all about picking your battles. I got to the point that I didn't want this one anymore. I also realized that part of the problem is that Port still isn't really on our schedule when it comes to eating. I can regulate breakfast and lunch, but he was still hungry every night around 5PM. Unfortunately, that is right when I am either cleaning the kitchen or just starting dinner; there is no way that I could have dinner ready that early. And it doesn't make sense to do that as a family - Hubby is never home from work that early.

I even give the boys a big snack when Kiddo gets home from school. It still didn't change the fact that Port is ready to eat at 5 every day. And if I don't let him eat anything at 5 in the hopes that it will make him really hungry when supper is ready, it always backfires on me. Either he bugs me and cries and stays underfoot the whole time I am making dinner, or he works himself into a tizzy by the time dinner is ready.

So, a couple of months ago I stopped trying to conform him to our schedule. I feed him what he wants at 5 (usually a hot dog, cheese, sandwhich or nuggets) and then at dinner time I give him vegetables and fruit that I know he will eat. Many times it is nothing more than a banana and some carrots or grapes, and some times it is a banana, some carrots and grapes. haha.

*cough* I said he was a picky eater. No seriously though, he will also eat apples and pears, raisins, cranberries, cherries, strawberries, and blueberries. Occasionally I will give him some beans if we are having them, or chicken and okra when that is what's for dinner.

And let me tell you, it's not perfect or ideal, but it is sooooo much better! He doesn't always stay at the table, but he does sit long enough to eat something. And I don't have to worry so much about wasting the food anymore. I wish he would try more foods and be more open to tasting stuff, but right now I don't have enough energy to fight him on it. Later on, when he is older and better at communicating, I will try to get him to taste new things.

Until then, I am stocking up on bananas every week.

Until,
D :)

Busy Being Fabulous

2010-11-12T21:51:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the craziest time of the year for me. I have 3 photo sessions this weekend, next weekend I will be in Dallas for a couple of days shooting a family session and a wedding, and I have 2 sweet mommas who's babies are due on the 15th. I will be working in newborn sessions for them both. I am so blessed to be able to do all of this and I am excited about it even though it will be pretty stressful.

This is nothing new of course, it is always the busiest time of the year. I just have to keep reminding myself to take it all one step at a time, one day at a time, and to do what I can, when I can. It will all get done and I will have so much fun along the way.

Now, if only I could ship the kids off to the grandparents for a few weeks... ;-)

Until,
D :)

When I Come Back Around

2010-11-11T10:57:00.000-06:00

In the fall of 1999 I graduated from college. Finally. After many, many semesters of floundering, changing my mind, and failing classes, I finally got my head together long enough to finish up a major in vocal music education and get myself a degree. I took my EXCET exam, barely passed, and was awarded with all level general music education certification.

Getting married in the spring of '99 really helped; at that point all I wanted to do was finish something, anything, and have that accomplishment. I didn't want to drop out and have all that time and money be a waste, and I was concerned about having something that could potentially get me a nice job if I needed it.

If I wanted it.

See, even though music has always been my passion, teaching music never was. But, heavily influenced by my family and friends, it was what I studied in college anyway. And I guess, to me it was more about filling the need, the primal desire to sing, that kept me in the program. Singing was all I ever wanted to do, and I took the opportunity to do it in the only capacity I felt I could.

And all of this is not to say that I never enjoyed teaching - my student teaching experience was really fun and I did enjoy it immensely. But I never had an excitement about it unless I was right there in the thick of it. I didn't want to do it if I didn't have too. Of course, the hours didn't help either - have I mentioned before that I am not a morning or a scheduled person?? Yeah, that was a HUGE disadvantage to teaching.

So anyway, in the fall of '99 I received my degree and since it was technically in the middle of the school year, I decided to take some grad classes (what was I thinking???) and substitute teach until I could apply for full time school positions in the spring.

Because that is what you do when you acquire a teaching degree, you teach. Right?

Hubby and I sort of had a desire to move to Austin. If we had to stay in Texas it was the only place we could really see us living, so I started researching school districts in that area. I was told by several people that the Round Rock school district was one of the best, and from what I could tell the pay scale was slightly higher than the other districts. It seemed like fate when that spring an elementary school music teacher position in a Round Rock school opened up, so I sent in my little, pathetic, blank resume. When they called me in for an interview, I put on my most teacherly attire and drove the 3+ hours from Huntsville to Austin. I pulled into the parking lot of a school I had never been too, in a city I had only dreamt about and sat in my car for a few moments to collect my thoughts. A teaching job wasn't really what I wanted, but it made sense and it would provide us with some security so it was the most logical choice. I loved working with the elementary aged kids when I did my student teaching and I felt that level best fit my personality and inexperience. So I went in to the school, totally aced the interview (they LOVED me) and then I came back to my car. I sat in the space and stared at the wood fence that lined the parking lot. It was done. Either they would offer me the job or they wouldn't. I prayed for God's will and drove back to Huntsville.

A few days later they offered me the position.

I had the weekend to think it over and make a decision, so Hubby and I once again drove to Austin to look for housing. This was way before the internet made shopping on line for housing easy, so we had to make the long drive. We spent all day Saturday looking at dumpy apartment after dumpy apartment and then drove back on Sunday looking at dumpy house after dumpy house. We returned to Huntsville Sunday night exhausted and weary. There just wasn't anything that we could afford on a teacher's salary. We couldn't take into account Hubby's potential salary because we weren't even sure he could find a job right away.

Even back then we were practical. Sort of.

So on Monday when the school called me back for an answer, I turned them down. Something about it was so easy, and yet I knew that that decision would change the trajectory of my life forever. I never went into public school teaching, and instead Hubby and I uprooted everything we knew and moved to Arizona the next summer to start a totally new life together.

I haven't thought about that school or that decision in years. I couldn't even remember the name of the school or where it was. And in my mind, it was almost as if the whole thing was a dream. It really didn't even exist in that "former" life of mine. So much has changed since then.

Last night, I pulled into the parking lot of an elementary school in Austin. I was there to judge an art competition for the students participating in the Reflections Art Program. I pulled in a parking space and looked up at a wooden fence surrounding the lot.

I was at the same school, in the same parking space that I sat in almost 11 years ago.

Life is a wonderfully mysterious, amazing thing.

Until,
D :)

Let Beauty Awake

2010-11-10T11:37:00.000-06:00

Port woke me up this morning with his diaper in his hand.

The boys have been getting up earlier since the time change - it's not as bad as some of my poor friends, but I certainly don't like being woken up before my alarm goes off. I suppose it is pretty nice when I am greeted with a sweet smiling by and a gentle "good mownin mumma". But when the wake up is an open wet diaper tangled in a pair of pajama bottoms sitting on my chest, it doesn't exactly start my day off right.

I don't care to get up before my alarm either, because it leaves us too much time to get ready in the morning. And if there is downtime I get sleepy. I like to get up and keep moving until we are out the door. But anyway, I suppose it could be worse.

The other night when I was out with my girlies, I recalled a story I never blogged that you might be interested in reading. It was from our vacation to Arizona a couple of years ago. If you are new around here or don't remember, Hubby and I took the boys on a 2 week long trip to Flagstaff for our annual family vacation with the inlaws. Kiddo was almost 4 and Port was only 4 months old. I blogged the first few days of the trip but I am pretty sure I never finished it out. {on a side note, I titled almost all of them with the songs from Ralph Vaughan Williams' Songs of Travel. I thought it was pretty brilliant... ;-) }

To refresh your memory (or get you up to speed), we drove to Arizona, stayed in Flagstaff for about a week and then drove back. We were packed into our little CRV and towed a trailer with the stuff that didn't fit in the car. Port was still very new, and thankfully sleepy, and I was pumping 8xs a day to feed him. On the drive there and back, we traveled pretty unplanned; that is, we didn't really reserve hotel rooms or anything along the way. We basically landed where we did, found a hotel and would stay the night. We stayed in a few dumps and a few pretty cool places along the way.

On the way back home we were in New Mexico (I think) and had come to the point that we were ready to stop for the night. We started looking for a hotel and it just happened to be time for me to pump again. I had no problem pumping in the car, but since we were so close to stopping I decided to hold off until we found a place to stay. We found a seemingly ok Motel 6 (they are always a crap shoot - sometimes decent, sometimes awful) and decided it had the best rate that we were going to find in that area. Being the end of the trip, we were a little tapped out financially and really wanted to save some money. So we stopped, paid for the room and then towed the kids up to our room. As we walked through the hotel grounds, I was disturbed by one, the sheer volume of people staying there, and two, the overwhelming smell of pot coming from several of the rooms.

uh huh

We went in our room and it became very clear that we would never be comfortable there; with all of the loud ruckus in the pool and the doorways of other rooms, there was no way we could rest. So, Hubby went back down to get us out of the room (and get our money back) and we decided to try the Motel 8 across the street. It looked pretty nice; it had much newer construction and a very tall fence around the perimeter of the property. The lobby looked like something out of a 5 star luxury hotel and when we walked into the room - AMAZING! It was so beautiful! I was so relieved to be somewhere comfortable, quiet and nice!

The room itself was set up in a pretty unusual way. When you walked in the door, the bathroom with toilet and shower was to the right. Walking in lead you straight through the vanity area; when walking in and opening the door to the right, there was a huge 6+ foot wide mirror on the left. Looking in the mirror from the door you could see the bed room portion of the room in the reflection. So you walk in, are immediately in the vanity area and then walk through to the bedroom. The beds were on the right, tv on the left and sitting area at the far end of the room next to a big window.

So if you followed that - that was the general layout of the room. Basically one big rectangle with the bathroom tucked off behind the front door.

We got the boys settled inside watching cartoons and since I was about to explode, I set myself up to pump while Hubby went back out to the car to get the rest of our things. I set up on the bed and did my thing. And being that it was just my family, I didn't really care and I was so tired, I didn't bother with covering anything up (you know modesty flies all out the window when you become a mom; especially the second time around). So the boys were watching TV and I was pumping and all was right with the world. After a few minutes I hear a key card in the door and it begins to open. I say to Hubby (who is coming in the door), "so did you get everything ok?"

I looked into the vanity area to the mirror which showed me a view of the door. It cracked open and a head popped in and a man with a big smile on his face saw me...

and his expression immediately changed to horror.

As did mine, because the man was not my husband.

As I scrambled for something to cover myself, he mumbled a hasty, "oh my God I am so sorry!" and scurried out the door. I can only imagine what he thought I was doing, hooked up to some sort of medieval torture device.

I was too tired to be terribly alarmed. I figured it was the cleaning crew or something with the wrong room, and I was pretty sure they'd walked in on much worse. But then, the phone rang. I answered it and the concierge was on the other end.

"WHO ARE YOU and WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THIS ROOM!?!?" the voice yelled at me. I calmly gave her my name and told her we just checked in a minute ago. I asked her what the problem was. She replied that someone else was assigned to that room and she gave it to us by mistake and that her horrified guest had just walked in on me. She realized she had messed up and quickly got off the phone with me without so much as an apology.

I wonder how long that poor man had nightmares...

Until,
D :)

Throwing It All Away

2010-11-09T22:08:00.001-06:00

So today I tossed out 419 pieces of paper that the kids have drawn on. Most of it was Kiddo's drawings. I kept about 30 that were really great/unusual/memorable and tossed the rest. Several coloring books were tossed as well.

419. Yes, I counted.

It's not that I intentionally counted, but I just kept a running tally in my head, counting as each piece went into the trash bag, much like I counts the steps I take or measures in music.

What you don't count your steps everywhere you go? Oh, must just be me then.

The music measures, well that would be the result of years and years of training.

Anyway, the pages filled a 33 gallon trash bag. Please don't get onto me about recycling them or shredding them or all that - if I waited until I got around to shredding, it would never happen. If I could figure out all the rules for recycling paper and then had to sort all the pages based on whether it was colored paper or marked on with marker, crayon or pencil, or if I had to sort based on the presence of glue or staples or whatnot.... yeah, the stacks would still be sitting there.

I try to be as "green" as I possibly can, most of the time. But right now I am just going with the momentum I am feeling and getting rid of stuff.

Baby steps.

I also cleaned out a fully packed-to-the-gills-running-over 13 gallon trash can full of plastic shopping bags and took them all to the recycling bin at HEB. I completely filled their bin. My apologies to HEB. At least I was able to do the right thing with those. Of course, then we got home and Port had a poop-tastic diaper. A plastic bag would have come in handy to dispose it. Thankfully I had a plastic bag full of onions, fresh from the store. It worked just fine.

Aren't you glad I talk about poopy diapers?

The weirdest thing happened today when I was at the grocery store with Port. We were in the frozen food section and he was babbling away, making no sense but just happy as a clam, when out of the blue he screams, "My ear!! My ear!!" He whined in pain and laid his head down on the cart. I looked at him and rubbed his head and didn't see anything alarming or unusual. Almost as quickly he sat up and was fine. I thought he may have had a brief ear ache or something; he's had a lot of sinus drainage lately. I had pretty much forgotten the whole thing until we got out to the car and I put him in his car seat. That was when I noticed his ear was swollen and red. Upon closer inspection, I discovered a spot that looked like a pin hole. It was as if someone had poked him with a needle.

I have no idea what got him. There wasn't anyone else in the isle that I can recall and I certainly didn't see any flying insects. My best guess is that he was bit by a spider, but the hole was really big. I can't imagine what kind of spider could leave that large of a puncture wound and not be seen in the process.

Ahh the mysteries of HEB...

I shall leave you with the mental jukebox song of the day. A friend introduced me to the tune, and now I can't get it out of my head.

Until,
D :)

Dear John, Taylor Swift

House of Cards

2010-11-08T22:26:00.000-06:00

I really have nothing to blog about today.

Well, I take that back, I have lots to blog about, but I made the mistake of waiting until the evening to open this thing up and frankly, my brain started turning off the lights and shutting things down about an hour ago. The doors are locked, the windows have been checked, the dog has been fed, the cat has been put out and my little brain is dreaming of it's warm pajamas and ratty old robe, washing it's face and drinking a big glass of water before snuggling down into the deep recesses of the many blankets on it's bed.

Oh wait, no, that's just me. Except for the part about having everything shut down and done.

I still need to make a school lunch and turn off everything in the house. The dog is snoring and I have no idea where the cat is. Hubby of course, is already in bed, leaving me to shut it all down by myself.

Such is life.

Anyway, I spent most of the day today (when I wasn't editing photo sessions) thinking about what I need to do to like my house again.

Yes, I hate my house. Hate it. Hate every square inch.

You know why?

Because I can't see a square inch because of all the crap we have around here.

It has officially taken over. I am so sick of it all that I hate just sitting here. I hate looking at it. I just want to move and leave everything behind. We keep stuff for the most rediculous reasons! Sometimes we don't even have a reason for keeping it. For example, today I threw out a pair of jeans. They ripped right in the middle of the derriere about 6 months ago and I have been holding on to them. WHY!?!?!?!?!? What on Earth could I possibly do with a pair of jeans that allows my rear to hang out?? Seriously. I don't know what "logic" told me to wash, fold and put them back in my closet. I pulled them out on Halloween and didn't even remember that there was he huge tear! Thankfully my Hubby pointed it out before I left the house and mortified myself once again.

So anyway, I threw them out. Good riddance. There is SO. MUCH. STUFF in this house that is just like those jeans - broken, unusable, unfixable, and yet we hang on to it for some strange reason.

Part of me feels guilty for filling up a landfill with all of this stuff, but I finally realized that my house was turning into a landfill! I can't live like this!! Pretty soon my friends will be calling the producers of Hoarders.

So yeah, I am a little dramatic, but seriously in need of a change. I have got to get rid of at least half the stuff in this house. It is stressing me out and depressing me.

Any ideas, helpful hints, offers to help? I am open to any and all suggestions.

Until,
D :-/

Day by Day

2010-11-07T22:34:00.000-06:00

I am too tired to make this into anything that makes sense, so it will just be random thoughts today.

***********

Last Tuesday night my Hubby loaded up his things into a friend's car and they took off together for a long drive to Arizona.

Thankfully their trip went rather well (for the most part) and they made it home safe and sound.

I was home alone with the kiddos for 4.5 days.

By the end of day 1 I was already getting a bit frazzled. By day 2 I was ready to pull my hair out.

So on day 3 I loaded them up and drove them to Houston to visit with my inlaws.

Thankfully, I was able to meet up with a couple of my very best girlfriends for dinner that evening. The plan was to get to Houston, get the kids comfortable with the grandparents and meet up with my friends at the restaurant for dinner. Unfortunately I left a little bit later than I had planned and ended up pretty much dumping the kids and our dog on my inlaws and sprinting out the door. (sorry guys!)

I made it to the restaurant before my friends, and put our name in for a table. The place was packed - our wait was supposed to be 30-35 minutes, but we waited for over an hour.

I felt so bad about myself when my friends showed up. They both looked amazing - all dressed nice and hair and makeup done. I was in a nasty gray long sleeved t-shirt and dirty jeans. I had planned on taking a shower before the drive that afternoon, but had to bathe the dog instead. So while they were looking nice for an evening out, I was a disheveled heap of greasy hair, dirty clothes and body laced with the lovely scent of dirty dog, dog shampoo and fast food french fries.

Ahh the joys of being a mom.

I am sure my friends didn't mind too much, though they did sit on the opposite side of the table. ;-) We still had a great evening that ended all too soon. I really wanted to keep talking, but I could tell they were both tired. There is just never enough time.

Until,
D

The Things You Say

2010-11-06T14:16:00.000-05:00

In the car yesterday:

Kiddo: "mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo.."

Me: (gritting my teeth and saying in a warning tone) "Kiddo..."

Kiddo: "mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo... Mumma do you know what 'mo' means?"

Me: (flatly. trying not to rip my hair out) "no."

Kiddo: "It means be quiet. (brief pause, then) mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo, mo..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later, still in the car...

Kiddo: "Mumma, how do they make sugar?"

Me: "It comes from a plant."

Kiddo: "What kind of plant?"

Me: "A sugar cane."

Kiddo: "A what?"

Me: "Sugar Cane."

Kiddo: "What kind of cane?"

Me: "Sugar."

Kiddo: "Then what is second?"

Me: "What do you mean, what is second?"

Kiddo: "What comes second? When they are making sugar?"

Me: "I am not sure how they do it. We will have to look it up later when I have access to the computer."

Kiddo: "I think they add salt."

Please send the men with white coats.

Until,
D :)

Oh Lone Stranger

2010-11-05T23:51:00.001-05:00

I had a really rough evening with the boys last night. After such an early wake up that morning, I think we were all pretty worn out by dinner time. It was bath night, and per the unfortunate "usual" lately Kiddo highly protested taking a bath. Port wasn't too eager either, which is weird for him. So they both whined and fussed and generally protested all the way to the bathroom. Then they whined and fussed while getting undressed. Then Port peed all over the bathroom floor while I was waiting for the tub to fill up. Joy. As if I hadn't had enough pee to clean up that morning.

So by the time they actually got in the bath, I was beyond frazzled. It was all I could do to keep it together and my goal was for them to play in the tub a little bit while I relaxed. But the whining and the fussing and the arguing just didn't stop. They weren't playing with each other, they just fought over the toys and everything else they could find.

At one point Kiddo accidentally tossed a tub toy out of the tub and he asked me to get it for him. When he asked, he forgot to say "please" and so as I was getting it for him I reminded him that he needed to say it. He just looked at me with a blank stare. Thinking he may not have heard me over Port's rendition of "Oh Lone Stranger" from the Veggie Tales, I repeated myself, "you need to say please".

Again a blank stare.

By then I had already handed it to him and so I said, "say thank you" and again he just stared at me.

This is sooooo not how I raised him.

And, being at the end of my rope already, I just snapped. I grabbed the toy out of his hand and tossed it in the trash. I told him that if he wasn't going to be nice and say please and thank you then he didn't deserve the toy.

He then told me he didn't want to live here anymore.

I offered to help him pack.

I know, I know, probably not the best way to go about it - but I was so done. I just didn't have my wits about me and I snapped. Of course he immediately "changed his mind" and took it all back, but I was determined at that point to teach him a lesson. I told him that he could forget about going to school and seeing his friends because since he was moving out of the house he would have to get a job so he could pay for a place to live. That upset him even more so I dropped it and let him marinate on it for a little while. Then when I was getting him out of the tub he sheepishly asked me if he had to go pack his stuff. I told him no, and then we had a nice long talk about the power of words. How, when you say something to someone, even if it is just because you are angry or upset, and even if you take it back or apologize, the other person can forgive you but it still hurts. I told him that words are one of his superpowers and that he needed to be very careful about what he says to people. I reminded him how he felt when one of his friends told him she didn't want to play with him anymore. He immediately got upset at the memory - it was the perfect example because even though he and his friend have since made up and are playing together now, the memory of what she said still upsets him. I told him it was the same thing when he tells me he doesn't want to live in our home anymore. I told him that Daddy and I work really hard to provide a place for him to live and clothes to wear and toys to play with and food to eat. I asked him how he thought it made us feel when he said something like that.

He seemed to understand it. So we went about the evening.

As the boys were getting ready for bed, I was putting the sheets back on the bunk beds. Kiddo kept getting underfoot and I was struggling with the sheets and the whole situation pushed me to the limit again. I snapped at him to move and as he did he busted out into another chorus of "Oh Lone Stranger".

That was it for me; I put them to bed 20 minutes early because I couldn't take it anymore.

Thankfully they didn't notice and went right to sleep.

Until,
D :)

Barefoot and Crazy

2010-11-04T20:04:00.000-05:00

A blood curdling scream woke me at 5:15 this morning. I shook my head to wake myself more quickly and listened as Port called for me over and over. It didn't sound like he was going to give up and go back to sleep, so I decided to go in and check on him.

It was a good thing I did because I walked in to find him completely undressed. He was lying in his bed crying into a blanket. I picked him up and he was like a little popsicle. It was cold in the house, so he had to be freezing. I felt around for his diaper but couldn't find it. I found his pants; soaked. I felt the bed; soaked. Wetness. Everywhere.

*sigh*

I took him in the spare room where we keep the diapers and cleaned him up and redressed him. There was no way I could put him back to bed so I took him to bed with me. We tossed and turned until my alarm went off at 6:45

*yawn* (no really, I actually just yawned. lol)

Once everyone was up and getting ready for school, I had the chance to look in the bed for the missing diaper. I found it, still intertwined with his pajama bottoms, completely dry. He must have disrobed before he even went to sleep. Poor little guy was probably cold and wet all night.

So today has been challenging to say the least. Thankfully I had a date with a friend to drop him off at her house for a few hours so I could get some work done. And work I did - thank goodness! The time flew though. I think I need about a week of days like that just to get caught up.

Or I would take a few days like this if I had to... (please excuse the grainy iPhone pics)

Of course the cat might not like it too much. ;-)

They slept like that for almost 4 hours yesterday. It was a long nap, but he really needed it.

Now, should I use duct tape or some other form of adhesive for the diaper tonight?? ;-)

Until,
D :)

Another Layer

2010-11-03T10:08:00.000-05:00

On Friday the school sent all the Kindergarten kids home with a giant "turkey feather" cut out for them to decorate and bring back to the school this week. As usual, when Kiddo came home, he pulled everything out of his backpack and scattered it all about and I didn't find the "feather" until late Sunday night. Then, in a swift stroke of pure genius on my part, I placed it in a stack of "important papers" {cough} on my desk and it was once again forgotten (more like buried...). Yesterday, after school, Kiddo asked me about it.

It took some digging, but I eventually found it. I had Kiddo read the instructions to me and he decided that he was going to decorate his "feather" by drawing something on it in marker. I thought it was a great idea - he is an amazing artist so I just *knew* he would come up with something awesome. He got down on the floor of the kitchen with a set of markers and went to work. I went back to my computer to finish up editing a family session I shot a couple of weeks ago. Every now and then I was brought out of my zone by giggles and laughter coming from the kitchen, but I figured Kiddo was just drawing something funny.

Well, I was right. Sort of.

20 minutes later he came out of the kitchen with the feather, giggling wildly. He was very proud of his creation and couldn't wait to show it to me. I took one look and almost fell out of my chair.

Kiddo had drawn a bunch of the Veggie Tales characters - not unlike him as we are pretty Veggie Tales obsessed right now. The problem was...he drew them all, um, uh...

passing gas.

Oh yes! He is all boy, that one.

*sigh*

Each character had a lovely expression on their face and a cloud emerging from their back end with the word "pfffft" written inside. And as Kiddo roared with laughter and giggled so much he teared up a little, I frantically scoured my brain for an idea on how to fix this atrocity.

I came up with a plan. I cut up several pieces of colored construction paper into little geometrical shapes and instructed Kiddo to create a paper mosaic with the pieces; thereby completely covering up his "artwork". Thankfully he agreed and worked on it for a bit before bed. He will finish it up today after school.

Thank goodness for layers. ;)

Until,
D :)

Treat Me Right

2010-11-02T10:30:00.000-05:00

We had a great Halloween! Despite it being on a Sunday, I think it worked out pretty well. Our pumpkins were designed by Kiddo this year. He drew the faces he wanted and Hubby carved them for him. They are very Veggie-Tales-esque. The one on the left is the spitting image of the Peas in those cartoons.

For the second year in a row we were invited to hang out with Julia and her family in their neighborhood. They always do up Halloween in a big way - the majority of the houses on her street and on the surrounding streets go all out with decorations and candy, and several even set up barbecue pits and big screen TVs and make it a block party. One of the neighbors sets up a little kid friendly haunted house in his garage every year, and it is the hit of the block!

We were so thankful to have a fun, safe place to go where the kids could hang out with their friend. Kiddo and 2 of his buddies showed up in the exact same costume! We were overrun with Darth Vaders. lol!

Kiddo's old Dash costume fit Port perfectly, so that was his "choice" for this year. Poor guy, he may never get an original costume while his brother's old one still fit him. Thankfully, at this age, he doesn't care.

There was a little light saber fighting between the forces of good and evil...

Here is our whole crew setting out to trick-or-treat. We had a pretty good sized group this year.

One of Julia's neighbors dressed as Facebook! I loved her costume! Or should I say, I "like" her costume! ;)

Kiddo of course was an old pro at the trick-or-treating part, but it was quite humorous that at every house he would boldly announce that he was allergic to peanuts. A couple of times I saw him pull back his bucket when someone tried to put a Snickers or other nut product in it. While I am very proud of him for being verbal about it, it was a bit embarrassing that he was making such a big fuss about it. I kept telling him to just accept what he was given, say thank you, and then when we were done we would trade out with our friends that could have the peanut candy. But he insisted on telling every single person that he couldn't have peanuts and he would ask for something that was peanut free.

I have to say it made me proud.

Port was a little hesitant at first to go up to strangers and get the candy, but after a few houses he was doing great. He would very cautiously approach and then just stand there in silence. Then he would sometimes whisper a thank you before cautiously walking away. At times I couldn't get him to let go of my hand to go up to the house. I think next year will be a good one for him when he finally understands what it is all about.

We made the rounds and made it home before bedtime (yes!). The boys were exhausted and completely zonked out before I even made it back to the living room after putting them to bed.

Sadly, Hubby stayed home to hand out candy to the kids that came by our house, and he only had about 4 visitors. Our was the only house on the street with the lights on, so not many even ventured up our street. So pitiful! Now I am left with all this candy and I have no idea what to do with it. I certainly can't eat it all so I may just send it to work with Hubby. I know it will get eaten there.

Hope you all had a wonderful night of spooks and fun. Now it's time to bring on the official Holiday Season! I am pulling out the Christmas music! Woo hoo!!!

Until,
D :)