"I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it."
As you know, if you are a friend, family member or reader of this blog, things have been a little stressful for my family lately. And I, as usual, have been feeling it, and living it, and freaking out about it, and worst of all, trying to ignore it. And the thing about extreme stress is that when you ignore it or deny it or try to pretend it's not there instead of DEALING with it in a healthy way, it starts to mess with your body. And boy, is it a devil if you let it be.
So, I have been internalizing my stress. I've been putting on a happy face and pretending to be positive instead of being genuinely positive (not on purpose; I am still trying to get the hang of REAL positivity - fake it till you make it, anyone?) and for the past 9 months or so my body has taken the beating.
It started out with weight loss. And before you all start hating on me, I wasn't NOT eating or anything - on the contrary, I was and always have eaten more than my fair share. But for some reason I was dropping weight. And for a while I worried about that too, thinking something might be wrong with me. But I think now that it was the combination of being 3 years away from my last pregnancy and all of the stress I wasn't dealing with. When Kiddo turned 3, I dropped a lot of weight too (I guess 3 years is just the magic amount of time for my body to recover) though back then I was helping it some by changing my diet and eating healthier.
Then, in the past few months, my skin has been messed up. I feel like a teenager again, dealing with all that mess. I haven't felt like I was in my own skin in quite a while.
And in the last 2 months, at the height of the stress, my hair has started falling out. Ladies who have had babies, you know how when you get pregnant your hair gets all thick and gorgeous, and then when you have the baby it starts falling out by the handful? Yeah, it was like that, only worse. And I don't have a lot of hair to begin with, so it was even more disturbing.
Then, the bonus problem of them all - for about 3 weeks now I have been having heart palpitations. It gets better for a day or two and then something comes up that is stressful (ex: my grandmother's passing) and it picks back up again. So some days I am fine and some days I spend all day feeling my heart do little hiccups. When it does it all day it is exhausting physically, so I have spent a lot of time being tired.
So, something needs to change; I am a hairless, zitty mess (no, not really, but it feels like it!). I am working on the mental aspects of dealing with the stress; taking time for myself, talking to trusted friends, eating better, drinking a lot... ok maybe not the last one. But I am trying to break the cycle, get used to our new "normal" and "let go and let God", as they say. I think I am getting better, but it's really going to take some time.
All that is to say that - through the past 3-5 years one of my goals and what I feel is a great accomplishment, was changing our diets to healthier eating. Now, my idea of healthy and other's ideas of healthy are often 2 totally different things, but overall my goal was to get us back to eating REAL food with real ingredients. I stay away from convenience foods, prepackaged foods and most anything with ingredients I can't pronounce. In the last year or so I have tried to move away from high fructose corn syrup and preservatives. (I made brownies the other night to satisfy a craving, and in my laziness I used a boxed cake mix - BLECH! It was so gross - I can't even stand to eat the fake stuff anymore. I can taste it like it's poison!)
So we eat pretty clean around here, but when my friend, Dottie, created a 30 day Eat Clean Challenge to start on September 6th, on Facebook, I thought it would be a good way to get me back on track, and hopefully give my hair, skin and energy levels a kick in the pants. If you are not familiar with Clean Eating, it *basically* involves eating how I try to do anyway - with no artificial ingredients or additives, but it also encourages little to no sugar and no refined ingredients (like white flour) as well. I think it's a great program, and so I signed up to do the challenge, even though I am doing sort of a modified version.
And tomorrow I will tell you all about it!
Until,
D :)
Showing posts with label Epically Long Posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Epically Long Posts. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Crazy For You
When I stare at the screen for a long time before starting a blog post, it is usually because I either have nothing to say or I have so much to say that actually putting it into words seems like the hardest thing in the world. And right now, I am in the second position - with too many thoughts going through my head and all of them making sense in their own way, but no one stepping up to organize them in some readable form. So I will try to get them all out - forgive me if it makes no sense.
I am sad today. Try as I might, I just can't muster up a happy exterior for some reason. I am not writing this for sympathy or anything like that - just for the sheer fact that I really just want to say it out loud (relatively speaking) and get it out. I know I tend to complain a lot. Most of the time it is just to let out the built up steam and help me to chill out a little. But in that release I try to gloss it over with humor or some sort of false cheerfulness, just to make myself feel less pathetic.
But today, I am just tired of glossing. And today I want to let it out. I debated on whether I should just put this on my other blog, the one no one reads, but it's just not as cathartic to spew your guts to no one. So, if you don't want to read about my sadness, come back later. The gloss will be back soon.
Sometimes all the little things just get me down. They overwhelm. I stuff them down and distract myself to the point of not even paying attention to much of my life because it is just easier to be in denial than to deal with things. And I know that my life is good. I know that I am blessed beyond measure. Let me just get that out of the way before people start wagging their fingers at me. I know that it could be much worse. Let me just have a moment to vent and purge then I will go back to counting my blessings. ok?
Sometimes I just feel sad. And really, there is no one reason for it; no one real thing that makes it particularly worse on some days and better on others. Sometimes, I am just overwhelmed and depressed. It happens. I get over it, eventually. Sometimes I need to talk about it, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I think I do but I don't want to burden anyone with my baggage so I don't. And sometimes I, and I think everyone, just needs a good cry. And no, I am not hormonal right now.
The weather today isn't helping. The gloomy, rainy skies and gray, gray, gray everywhere just drags me down. I could not live somewhere that was like this all the time. I used to love the rain. I used to love a good storm and I used to love starry skies and breezy nights. When we lived in Arizona, one of the things I missed the most about Texas were the rain storms. I missed hearing the rain on the roof of the Camp (my parent's camp house I mentioned last week), I missed the thunder and the lightening, the rippling of the water with each drop, I missed the drama of it all. I loved the energy and the emotion that a good rain storm would bring. I loved the smell of the air and the wet ground afterward. When we moved back to Texas, we relished all the things that made up storms and we were glad to be back among them.
But then the kids came along and somehow the wonder and the fun of a good storm was taken away from me. Now I curse the storms that come at night, threatening to wake my children from peaceful slumber. I grit my teeth and tense my shoulders when I know I have to pick up or drop off the boy from school when it is raining. I don't like the mud the dog drags into the house after a storm floods our yard. My joints ache and my head feels full when the humidity reaches a peak before a storm. And the worst, I don't like how the storms change my mood.
And so today I am overwhelmed with life and problems and all that has been heaped upon my tiny plate, and I just want to run away. I want to find that place again where I could sit and listen to a storm with delight; where I could lie on top of the car in the driveway and watch the stars, where I could dream big, romantic dreams and not have to be responsible and practical and think about people other than myself. I miss the days of being able to make a choice and it only affect me, not everyone around me too. Perhaps I am just feeling selfish, perhaps I am longing for a freedom that a responsible person with a family doesn't have the luxury to afford. Perhaps I am just looking for an escape. Perhaps, I just miss the way things used to be.
I wouldn't give up my life and my family for anything. But I do sometimes long for things to be less complicated. I long for healed relationships, I long for closure, I long for things that should have been said. I wish I knew why things happen the way they do; why people come and go, what the purpose of it all is. I wish God would grant me that wisdom so I can understand and heal. So many people, new and old, have moved in and out of my life in the past few years, and I wish I could just sit back and take it all in with the same kind of understanding that one only gains long after the time has passed. I want to know now why things are the way they are so that I can appreciate them for what they are instead of constantly questioning everything. I want to see God's beautiful and perfect plan. I want to understand.
And I want to forget. I want to forget the bad storms and the sad times. I want to replace them with the good memories - they seem to be so much weaker than the bad ones in my head. I want to not worry about everything all the time. I want to just live my life, happy, content, and not constantly looking over my shoulder for the next thing that is going to fall in my lap. I want to just be and enjoy.
The rain has stopped. The sun is peeking out from the clouds and the birds are singing. My heart is racing and for the umpteenth time today I am experiencing a rush of adrenalin. Why? What is going on that I don't know about? What am I sensing in some subconscious form that makes my ears burn and my heart race? And why is it happening so often right now? I wonder if I am sick or if I am just connected to something beyond my own understanding.
Ok. I will put the crazy back into the box now. The men in black coats with the mind erasers will be at your door shortly. ;) But, if you have ever felt this way too, I would love for you to share that with me in the comments. While I am not looking for someone to make me feel better, it would be nice to know that someone understands and feels the same sometimes.
Until,
D :)
I am sad today. Try as I might, I just can't muster up a happy exterior for some reason. I am not writing this for sympathy or anything like that - just for the sheer fact that I really just want to say it out loud (relatively speaking) and get it out. I know I tend to complain a lot. Most of the time it is just to let out the built up steam and help me to chill out a little. But in that release I try to gloss it over with humor or some sort of false cheerfulness, just to make myself feel less pathetic.
But today, I am just tired of glossing. And today I want to let it out. I debated on whether I should just put this on my other blog, the one no one reads, but it's just not as cathartic to spew your guts to no one. So, if you don't want to read about my sadness, come back later. The gloss will be back soon.
Sometimes all the little things just get me down. They overwhelm. I stuff them down and distract myself to the point of not even paying attention to much of my life because it is just easier to be in denial than to deal with things. And I know that my life is good. I know that I am blessed beyond measure. Let me just get that out of the way before people start wagging their fingers at me. I know that it could be much worse. Let me just have a moment to vent and purge then I will go back to counting my blessings. ok?
Sometimes I just feel sad. And really, there is no one reason for it; no one real thing that makes it particularly worse on some days and better on others. Sometimes, I am just overwhelmed and depressed. It happens. I get over it, eventually. Sometimes I need to talk about it, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I think I do but I don't want to burden anyone with my baggage so I don't. And sometimes I, and I think everyone, just needs a good cry. And no, I am not hormonal right now.
The weather today isn't helping. The gloomy, rainy skies and gray, gray, gray everywhere just drags me down. I could not live somewhere that was like this all the time. I used to love the rain. I used to love a good storm and I used to love starry skies and breezy nights. When we lived in Arizona, one of the things I missed the most about Texas were the rain storms. I missed hearing the rain on the roof of the Camp (my parent's camp house I mentioned last week), I missed the thunder and the lightening, the rippling of the water with each drop, I missed the drama of it all. I loved the energy and the emotion that a good rain storm would bring. I loved the smell of the air and the wet ground afterward. When we moved back to Texas, we relished all the things that made up storms and we were glad to be back among them.
But then the kids came along and somehow the wonder and the fun of a good storm was taken away from me. Now I curse the storms that come at night, threatening to wake my children from peaceful slumber. I grit my teeth and tense my shoulders when I know I have to pick up or drop off the boy from school when it is raining. I don't like the mud the dog drags into the house after a storm floods our yard. My joints ache and my head feels full when the humidity reaches a peak before a storm. And the worst, I don't like how the storms change my mood.
And so today I am overwhelmed with life and problems and all that has been heaped upon my tiny plate, and I just want to run away. I want to find that place again where I could sit and listen to a storm with delight; where I could lie on top of the car in the driveway and watch the stars, where I could dream big, romantic dreams and not have to be responsible and practical and think about people other than myself. I miss the days of being able to make a choice and it only affect me, not everyone around me too. Perhaps I am just feeling selfish, perhaps I am longing for a freedom that a responsible person with a family doesn't have the luxury to afford. Perhaps I am just looking for an escape. Perhaps, I just miss the way things used to be.
I wouldn't give up my life and my family for anything. But I do sometimes long for things to be less complicated. I long for healed relationships, I long for closure, I long for things that should have been said. I wish I knew why things happen the way they do; why people come and go, what the purpose of it all is. I wish God would grant me that wisdom so I can understand and heal. So many people, new and old, have moved in and out of my life in the past few years, and I wish I could just sit back and take it all in with the same kind of understanding that one only gains long after the time has passed. I want to know now why things are the way they are so that I can appreciate them for what they are instead of constantly questioning everything. I want to see God's beautiful and perfect plan. I want to understand.
And I want to forget. I want to forget the bad storms and the sad times. I want to replace them with the good memories - they seem to be so much weaker than the bad ones in my head. I want to not worry about everything all the time. I want to just live my life, happy, content, and not constantly looking over my shoulder for the next thing that is going to fall in my lap. I want to just be and enjoy.
The rain has stopped. The sun is peeking out from the clouds and the birds are singing. My heart is racing and for the umpteenth time today I am experiencing a rush of adrenalin. Why? What is going on that I don't know about? What am I sensing in some subconscious form that makes my ears burn and my heart race? And why is it happening so often right now? I wonder if I am sick or if I am just connected to something beyond my own understanding.
Ok. I will put the crazy back into the box now. The men in black coats with the mind erasers will be at your door shortly. ;) But, if you have ever felt this way too, I would love for you to share that with me in the comments. While I am not looking for someone to make me feel better, it would be nice to know that someone understands and feels the same sometimes.
Until,
D :)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Marry You
I had such a great couple of days this weekend. The drive to Dallas was very fun. It was so great to get to know my friend and very talented photographer, Allen, a little better. When we work together, we don't get to sit and chat too much, so it was nice to have some quiet time to discuss all sorts of things.
And discuss we did! I am pretty sure there were only a handful of subjects we didn't cover.
The portrait session I helped him with that afternoon went smoothly. The vineyard we shot at was pretty, even though it was right off the freeway. That whole area would be a good place for a portrait session - there were some very nice office buildings across the street that would make for a nice backdrop as well. The winery building was small but beautiful and had some great areas to shoot in. And of course, there were the grape vines. This time of year the grapes are gone (or in some cases, shriveled on the vine) and the vines are beginning to yellow and dry out. But the rows still gleamed in the sun and made for a great photo op.
Friday evening after the shoot I met up with one of my dear friends from high school. We had dinner at Olive Garden (yum!) and had a chance to chat a little on the drive home (and a little more while circling the neighborhood just so I could finish my story! haha!). Once back at her place and after her kiddos were in bed, we all hung out on the couch, watched a little tv and played on our respective iPhones! lol! It was fun!
Saturday morning we got up and ventured out to a beautiful shopping center not far from their home and did a family photo shoot. It was so much fun running around the pretty shops before everything opened for the day. A huge Christmas tree was already up and decorated, the grounds were immaculate and the whole thing was perfect for a session.
After more visiting and lunch, Allen picked me up for the wedding. We headed over to the church and then were called to come out to the bride's home where the bridal party was getting ready. We shot some there and Allen left to find the guys. I rode with the bride and her maids in the HUGE limo out to the church. That was such a trip! I have never been in a limo that big before.
The girls got dressed at the church. There were a couple of pretty tense moments when the bride discovered she didn't have the chapstick she was addicted to, and when they were trying to get her into her dress. The zipper was a little messed up and the dress was pretty snug, so it took about 10 minutes to actually get her zipped up. I felt so bad for her; she was on the verge of panic for quite a while.
Thankfully everything worked out; a groomsman was able to run to Dillards for the chapstick and the zipper eventually cooperated. The ceremony went off without a hitch, and I got to shoot with a 5D Mark II and a beautiful 200 mm lens. About 10 minutes into the ceremony, Allen sent me over to the reception site to get detail shots. The reception was at the winery and it was soooo beautiful when they had it all set up. The tables were tight - they were seating 325 people in a room that really was more suited for about 250 tops. It was very difficult to get between the tables. But, we had so much fun and the reception was a blast. The couple left to a shower of sparklers that lit up the parking lot so beautifully. I got to stand up on the bumper of the limo and take some overhead shots of the getaway, taking in all the guests, sparklers and a running bride and groom.
Allen and I decided to drive back home that night, and we got on the road a little after 11PM. In order to keep each other awake, we talked the whole time. I did pretty good most of the way, but I really fought falling asleep for the last hour or so. My eyes were crossing even though Allen was talking to me. He did great driving and didn't seem tired at all. We got back to my house a little before 3AM and then of course I was wide awake. It took me about an hour to settle down and go to sleep, and I was so thankful this morning that the kids didn't know I was home so they left me alone and I was able to sleep in. Hubby took them to church so I could rest, but it left the house too quiet so I used the time instead to take a shower in peace, clean up a bit and vacuum the floors. So much for resting!
It was a great weekend, but I am totally beat. My whole body hurts, I have a headache and I am still fighting dozing off. So I will wrap up this incredibly boring blog post and call it a night.
Until,
D
And discuss we did! I am pretty sure there were only a handful of subjects we didn't cover.
The portrait session I helped him with that afternoon went smoothly. The vineyard we shot at was pretty, even though it was right off the freeway. That whole area would be a good place for a portrait session - there were some very nice office buildings across the street that would make for a nice backdrop as well. The winery building was small but beautiful and had some great areas to shoot in. And of course, there were the grape vines. This time of year the grapes are gone (or in some cases, shriveled on the vine) and the vines are beginning to yellow and dry out. But the rows still gleamed in the sun and made for a great photo op.
Friday evening after the shoot I met up with one of my dear friends from high school. We had dinner at Olive Garden (yum!) and had a chance to chat a little on the drive home (and a little more while circling the neighborhood just so I could finish my story! haha!). Once back at her place and after her kiddos were in bed, we all hung out on the couch, watched a little tv and played on our respective iPhones! lol! It was fun!
Saturday morning we got up and ventured out to a beautiful shopping center not far from their home and did a family photo shoot. It was so much fun running around the pretty shops before everything opened for the day. A huge Christmas tree was already up and decorated, the grounds were immaculate and the whole thing was perfect for a session.
After more visiting and lunch, Allen picked me up for the wedding. We headed over to the church and then were called to come out to the bride's home where the bridal party was getting ready. We shot some there and Allen left to find the guys. I rode with the bride and her maids in the HUGE limo out to the church. That was such a trip! I have never been in a limo that big before.
The girls got dressed at the church. There were a couple of pretty tense moments when the bride discovered she didn't have the chapstick she was addicted to, and when they were trying to get her into her dress. The zipper was a little messed up and the dress was pretty snug, so it took about 10 minutes to actually get her zipped up. I felt so bad for her; she was on the verge of panic for quite a while.
Thankfully everything worked out; a groomsman was able to run to Dillards for the chapstick and the zipper eventually cooperated. The ceremony went off without a hitch, and I got to shoot with a 5D Mark II and a beautiful 200 mm lens. About 10 minutes into the ceremony, Allen sent me over to the reception site to get detail shots. The reception was at the winery and it was soooo beautiful when they had it all set up. The tables were tight - they were seating 325 people in a room that really was more suited for about 250 tops. It was very difficult to get between the tables. But, we had so much fun and the reception was a blast. The couple left to a shower of sparklers that lit up the parking lot so beautifully. I got to stand up on the bumper of the limo and take some overhead shots of the getaway, taking in all the guests, sparklers and a running bride and groom.
Allen and I decided to drive back home that night, and we got on the road a little after 11PM. In order to keep each other awake, we talked the whole time. I did pretty good most of the way, but I really fought falling asleep for the last hour or so. My eyes were crossing even though Allen was talking to me. He did great driving and didn't seem tired at all. We got back to my house a little before 3AM and then of course I was wide awake. It took me about an hour to settle down and go to sleep, and I was so thankful this morning that the kids didn't know I was home so they left me alone and I was able to sleep in. Hubby took them to church so I could rest, but it left the house too quiet so I used the time instead to take a shower in peace, clean up a bit and vacuum the floors. So much for resting!
It was a great weekend, but I am totally beat. My whole body hurts, I have a headache and I am still fighting dozing off. So I will wrap up this incredibly boring blog post and call it a night.
Until,
D
Thursday, July 01, 2010
One True Thing
As humans we all try to find our purpose and our place in this world. Some of us find it in our faith; through scripture and spiritual leadership. Some of us latch on to mentors or people we admire, and we carve our lives according to what we think that person has done or what they advise us to do. Some find their paths through music and art, some through their own feelings and understanding of the universe.
I would love to say that, as a Christian I find all my answers in the Word and the teachings of God. But in all honesty, my personal truth is derived through much more than that. I didn't grow up in a Christian home, and many of my early influences were very secular. I learned to be polite and soft spoken from my parents, who taught me behavior based on what they wanted and expected of me. I was taught to walk and sit like a lady by my grandmother who prided herself on being a proper southern woman. She encouraged me to try walking in my first pair of heels and I very vividly remember walking back and forth over and over across her den with a book on my head. But the ideas of being kind and a good person came not from the bible necessarily; I think a lot of it was just in my general nature and also instilled by my parents.
I think I have been searching a lot lately for my own personal truth; my purpose or the meaning of life I guess. Like Billy crystal's character in the movie City Slickers, I am looking for that "one thing". What is that one thing; that reason we are all here?
I mean, I know we all have a special purpose, or if you believe, a plan from God. And that plan is specific to us and our path of life. But in all of that there has to be a universal truth. There has to be a reason that all of this exists.
We were born to love.
These words struck me upside the head the other day as I was listening to a new song. Some of the lyrics;
And I am not perfect. No one is.
But I am trying, trying, trying so much harder now to remember the relationships first. To remember to just love first. I'm trying not to get caught up in the day to day and the frustration and the irritation and the worry of this life. I am trying to be kinder, gentler and godlier. I am trying to remember daily what all this is for. It is hard - so very hard. It is darn near impossible when the kids are driving me nuts and the house is never clean and there is no money in the bank. And then something breaks and my world is sent into a tailspin. Many times in just the past two weeks I have had to stop and remember,
we are born to love. love your family. love your boys. love your husband. love.
I have heard God whisper to me and I've heard him shout. He's scolded me and encouraged, he's given and taken away. I know, through my own experiences that He uses other people and things in this world to reach His children. He's spoken to me through kind words from friends. He's placed people in my path to guide my way or to change my trajectory. His hand is in all that I do...whether I want Him there or not. ;-) And lately He has been so present, so...HERE in everything. Perhaps it is that I am finally seeing Him in my life again. Maybe I have opened my eyes wide enough to see Him. Maybe it's because I am trying to keep Him in the forefront of my life. And I see things swirling around me, around my life and my business and my family and I know change is coming. I know that after several years of being still, being stuck and stagnant things are finally moving forward.
But as soon as I see all those things; all those swirling, twisting, dancing things getting brighter and happier and shinier, something else happens.
Things start breaking. Mistakes are made. Important stuff is forgotten. Unexpected or unanticipated expenditures bombard our finances. I get frustrated at all the teeny, tiny things that seem to build and add together and chip away at my beautiful swirly cloud of sanity and happiness.
And all I want to do is stop it all. Stop all the momentum, stop all the effort, stop it all. Because it is safer and less stressful to do nothing.
But life doesn't work that way. And so here I sit, trying to make sense of it all; trying to understand what my real purpose is.
The details, I think, aren't really important. For me, it all breaks down to that one, simple phrase.
We are born to love.
And suddenly nothing else matters.
Until,
D :)
I would love to say that, as a Christian I find all my answers in the Word and the teachings of God. But in all honesty, my personal truth is derived through much more than that. I didn't grow up in a Christian home, and many of my early influences were very secular. I learned to be polite and soft spoken from my parents, who taught me behavior based on what they wanted and expected of me. I was taught to walk and sit like a lady by my grandmother who prided herself on being a proper southern woman. She encouraged me to try walking in my first pair of heels and I very vividly remember walking back and forth over and over across her den with a book on my head. But the ideas of being kind and a good person came not from the bible necessarily; I think a lot of it was just in my general nature and also instilled by my parents.
I think I have been searching a lot lately for my own personal truth; my purpose or the meaning of life I guess. Like Billy crystal's character in the movie City Slickers, I am looking for that "one thing". What is that one thing; that reason we are all here?
I mean, I know we all have a special purpose, or if you believe, a plan from God. And that plan is specific to us and our path of life. But in all of that there has to be a universal truth. There has to be a reason that all of this exists.
We were born to love.
These words struck me upside the head the other day as I was listening to a new song. Some of the lyrics;
Horses were made to runI have come to the realization in the past few years that our lives are all about relationships. And that without the relationships, we have nothing. It doesn't matter how much we make, all the things we own, the kind of purse we carry or the car we drive - those things mean nothing, absolutely nothing in my world. To me, it's about the way you treat people and the way you behave even when no one is looking.
And the sun was meant to shine above
And flowers were made to bloom
Then there’s us
We were born
To love.
And I am not perfect. No one is.
But I am trying, trying, trying so much harder now to remember the relationships first. To remember to just love first. I'm trying not to get caught up in the day to day and the frustration and the irritation and the worry of this life. I am trying to be kinder, gentler and godlier. I am trying to remember daily what all this is for. It is hard - so very hard. It is darn near impossible when the kids are driving me nuts and the house is never clean and there is no money in the bank. And then something breaks and my world is sent into a tailspin. Many times in just the past two weeks I have had to stop and remember,
we are born to love. love your family. love your boys. love your husband. love.
I have heard God whisper to me and I've heard him shout. He's scolded me and encouraged, he's given and taken away. I know, through my own experiences that He uses other people and things in this world to reach His children. He's spoken to me through kind words from friends. He's placed people in my path to guide my way or to change my trajectory. His hand is in all that I do...whether I want Him there or not. ;-) And lately He has been so present, so...HERE in everything. Perhaps it is that I am finally seeing Him in my life again. Maybe I have opened my eyes wide enough to see Him. Maybe it's because I am trying to keep Him in the forefront of my life. And I see things swirling around me, around my life and my business and my family and I know change is coming. I know that after several years of being still, being stuck and stagnant things are finally moving forward.
But as soon as I see all those things; all those swirling, twisting, dancing things getting brighter and happier and shinier, something else happens.
Things start breaking. Mistakes are made. Important stuff is forgotten. Unexpected or unanticipated expenditures bombard our finances. I get frustrated at all the teeny, tiny things that seem to build and add together and chip away at my beautiful swirly cloud of sanity and happiness.
And all I want to do is stop it all. Stop all the momentum, stop all the effort, stop it all. Because it is safer and less stressful to do nothing.
But life doesn't work that way. And so here I sit, trying to make sense of it all; trying to understand what my real purpose is.
The details, I think, aren't really important. For me, it all breaks down to that one, simple phrase.
We are born to love.
And suddenly nothing else matters.
Until,
D :)
Monday, June 07, 2010
Scare Me
You wouldn't believe it if I told you, but I am going to tell you anyway.
Last week, I was hired to photograph some people.
No, that's not the unbelievable part. Hang with me. On my business blog I told the abridged version of this story, but here I will tell you all the sordid details. Stick with me to the end because it does get interesting!
The people were attending a high class party hosted by a magazine and a newspaper. The party was held in a mansion in a neighborhood about 30 minutes from my house. The mansion was over 12 thousand square feet (15 thousand by one account) and sold recently for 7.8 million. It was, by far, the biggest house I had ever seen, and that is only including the parts I saw, which was about 1/4 of the house.
(by the way, all of these pictures are up on my business blog, and they are much bigger there if you are interested in getting a closer look)
It was an amazing opportunity; something that only came about because Hubby happened to meet the right person at the right time. Hubby worked a real estate party one day, and the next thing I know I was rubbing elbows with some of the wealthiest people in Austin.
I have to get better at handing out business cards! Doh!
Anyway, as I am sure you can guess, the event caused me much anxiety and worry. I wasn't so much worried about the photography part - that is really just a matter of having the right equipment and knowing how to use it. The gray hairs and racing heart came from thinking about the logistics of it all. I get slightly freaked out for some reason about the driving there, being on time, getting through the gate, finding a place to park, and not forgetting anything or tripping in an oh-so-graceful way as I walk toward the house. Those things will almost do me in just about every time. They are the kind of things that make me decline opportunities like this normally, but this time, Hubby managed to talk me down and I accepted the gig.
I managed to get there without any issues. Thankfully the gate was open and I was able to follow someone in. Parking was pretty much anywhere you could find it, and because the street itself was still very undeveloped, most everyone parked on either side along the curb. I found a space and grabbed my gear and walked to the house. I was completely blown away by the size of it.
I met up with my contact, was introduced to his PR person and several guests, and then proceeded to do my job. I was hired to come in for 1 hour and photograph the guests. Part of the job was to also get each person's name and keep track of who was in each picture. I thought I had a good system; I was planning to use my iPhone to record the names and image numbers, but after trying it with the first couple of people, I wasn't sure the audio recording was going to be clear enough with all the background noise (turned out it was fine, but I didn't know that until after). So, I decided to go the old fashioned route and write down all the names and image numbers. Thankfully I brought a printed copy of the guest list, and many of the people I photographed were on that list.
I was also experiencing some anxiety over the caliber of people in attendance. I don't exactly own any current, fashionable clothing, expensive jewelry or pricey shoes. I was afraid my attire would be less than acceptable. I found a very simple but flattering black blouse and black dress slacks, and paired it with nondescript black boots and a bright camera strap. I was the epitome of photog fashion I tell you! lol! I also found a very pretty set of chandelier earrings in my jewelry box (that were about 10 years old and very cheap) and wore those as my one striking accessory. I pulled a thin strip of hair back from each side of my head so it wouldn't fall into the camera and that was it.
Wouldn't you know, one gentleman actually complimented me on my "absolutely beautiful" hair, and his wife complimented my "stunning" earrings. She asked me where I found them. I didn't have the heart to tell her (I am pretty sure I bought them at NY&Co), so I replied that they were many years old and hiding in my jewelry box. She commented on how fashionable and in style they were (who knew!) and that she really loved them.
Amazing!
The hour was up before I knew it; everything went great! I wrapped things up and walked out front with my contact. We chatted for a moment, and then he left to go back inside to mingle with the remaining guests. The event was to be over soon, and at that point it was about 8:15. Most of the people I had photographed were getting ready to leave or had already left and the sun was about to set. I decided to get some images of the house and the beautiful cars out front before I left, mainly so I would have something to show in my blogs without having to publish random shots of Austin socialites. ;)
The cars on display were a particular hit. They were simply gorgeous! I had a lot of fun with Hubby's wide angle lens. 
After the above shot, I walked around the driver's side of the Audi (the black car) so I could get a picture of the Porsche from the front. I squatted down and composed the shot. When I pushed the shutter button half way on my camera, the lens focused. I pushed the button the rest of the way, and instead of taking the picture...
the viewfinder flashed "FOR" at me over and over.
Now even if you aren't a photographer, you can probably guess that when a camera starts flashing messages at you it probably isn't good. I was momentarily stunned at the flashing, and so I tried pushing the button again.
FOR FOR FOR FOR FOR
I pulled the camera away from my face and looked at the LCD screen. It read something to the effect of "Card cannot be read, please reformat. Do you wish to reformat now? Yes No"
*gasp!!!!*
I am pretty sure that at that point all the color drained from my face. I tried to steady my hands as I turned off the camera, turned it back on, popped out the card and the batteries - anything to get that dreaded FOR to stop flashing at me. Nothing I did worked. So, I slowly put the camera in my camera bag, pulled out my cell phone, and made a desperate call to Hubby as I walked back to my car.
There was no going back to the party to re-shoot. Most of the guests had already left. And the mortification involved in that would have been too much for me. So, I prayed and prayed and pleaded with God to let me recover the images.
Hubby's response was not much comfort. He told me I needed to reshoot because I likely lost the images. Not possible. Not an option.
As a photographer, this is my biggest, scariest nightmare come true. I was devastated.
I drove home, my mind all over the place and my hands shaky on the steering wheel. It is a wonder I even remembered how to get home at that point. But made it home I did, and when I walked in I handed the camera to Hubby and bee-lined it to the fridge for something to calm my nerves. He tried plugging the card into a card reader and then into our editing computer. "Card cannot be read, please reformat." He plugged it into our laptops and each time received the same message. He plugged it into our other camera, again the same problem. The card was, by all accounts, pretty much fried.
Thankfully, Hubby had remembered reading that the very same thing happened to one of his riding buddies, so he looked up the forum thread to see what the responses were and if there was any solution.
Someone has suggested trying an online software called Zero Assumption Recovery. They had a free download that would retrieve lost information on the disk. I found the site, downloaded the software, plugged in my card and said a prayer.
I had only taken about 80+ images at the party.
The ZAR found 320 image files on the card.
:)
The majority of the images from the party were recovered, but a few of them were toast. Pieces would be missing or the image would be tiled - it was truly bizarre. Thankfully, I made sure to take at least two images of every group I photographed, so I ended up with at least one good image of everyone. And, because it recovered 320 images, they were all out of order and renamed. I had essentially lost my guest name and image number match up system.
ugh
Thank GOD that He gave me a touch of photographic memory. By looking at my handwriting on my guest list, I could remember where I was in the house and who I was talking to, based on the way I wrote on the paper and some of the guest's unusual quirks or style. I was able to remember and match up all but 3 couples, and after a quick email to my contact with their images he replied with the information I needed. SHEW!
I am pretty sure I aged about 10 years that night. And my gray hair, well it has multiplied ten-fold. Time to go see the colorist!
Hopefully I won't have to experience that again any time soon. I am not sure I would survive it.
And if this ever happens to you or someone you know, I highly, highly recommend ZAR. Even if you've reformatted your memory card, it can still recover many of the images (I read somewhere once that you had to reformat a memory card at least 3 times before it removed only 80% of the information). It is truly a Godsend!
Until,
D :)
Last week, I was hired to photograph some people.
No, that's not the unbelievable part. Hang with me. On my business blog I told the abridged version of this story, but here I will tell you all the sordid details. Stick with me to the end because it does get interesting!
The people were attending a high class party hosted by a magazine and a newspaper. The party was held in a mansion in a neighborhood about 30 minutes from my house. The mansion was over 12 thousand square feet (15 thousand by one account) and sold recently for 7.8 million. It was, by far, the biggest house I had ever seen, and that is only including the parts I saw, which was about 1/4 of the house.
(by the way, all of these pictures are up on my business blog, and they are much bigger there if you are interested in getting a closer look)
It was an amazing opportunity; something that only came about because Hubby happened to meet the right person at the right time. Hubby worked a real estate party one day, and the next thing I know I was rubbing elbows with some of the wealthiest people in Austin.
I have to get better at handing out business cards! Doh!
Anyway, as I am sure you can guess, the event caused me much anxiety and worry. I wasn't so much worried about the photography part - that is really just a matter of having the right equipment and knowing how to use it. The gray hairs and racing heart came from thinking about the logistics of it all. I get slightly freaked out for some reason about the driving there, being on time, getting through the gate, finding a place to park, and not forgetting anything or tripping in an oh-so-graceful way as I walk toward the house. Those things will almost do me in just about every time. They are the kind of things that make me decline opportunities like this normally, but this time, Hubby managed to talk me down and I accepted the gig.
I managed to get there without any issues. Thankfully the gate was open and I was able to follow someone in. Parking was pretty much anywhere you could find it, and because the street itself was still very undeveloped, most everyone parked on either side along the curb. I found a space and grabbed my gear and walked to the house. I was completely blown away by the size of it.
I met up with my contact, was introduced to his PR person and several guests, and then proceeded to do my job. I was hired to come in for 1 hour and photograph the guests. Part of the job was to also get each person's name and keep track of who was in each picture. I thought I had a good system; I was planning to use my iPhone to record the names and image numbers, but after trying it with the first couple of people, I wasn't sure the audio recording was going to be clear enough with all the background noise (turned out it was fine, but I didn't know that until after). So, I decided to go the old fashioned route and write down all the names and image numbers. Thankfully I brought a printed copy of the guest list, and many of the people I photographed were on that list.I was also experiencing some anxiety over the caliber of people in attendance. I don't exactly own any current, fashionable clothing, expensive jewelry or pricey shoes. I was afraid my attire would be less than acceptable. I found a very simple but flattering black blouse and black dress slacks, and paired it with nondescript black boots and a bright camera strap. I was the epitome of photog fashion I tell you! lol! I also found a very pretty set of chandelier earrings in my jewelry box (that were about 10 years old and very cheap) and wore those as my one striking accessory. I pulled a thin strip of hair back from each side of my head so it wouldn't fall into the camera and that was it.
Wouldn't you know, one gentleman actually complimented me on my "absolutely beautiful" hair, and his wife complimented my "stunning" earrings. She asked me where I found them. I didn't have the heart to tell her (I am pretty sure I bought them at NY&Co), so I replied that they were many years old and hiding in my jewelry box. She commented on how fashionable and in style they were (who knew!) and that she really loved them.
Amazing!
The hour was up before I knew it; everything went great! I wrapped things up and walked out front with my contact. We chatted for a moment, and then he left to go back inside to mingle with the remaining guests. The event was to be over soon, and at that point it was about 8:15. Most of the people I had photographed were getting ready to leave or had already left and the sun was about to set. I decided to get some images of the house and the beautiful cars out front before I left, mainly so I would have something to show in my blogs without having to publish random shots of Austin socialites. ;)
The cars on display were a particular hit. They were simply gorgeous! I had a lot of fun with Hubby's wide angle lens. 
After the above shot, I walked around the driver's side of the Audi (the black car) so I could get a picture of the Porsche from the front. I squatted down and composed the shot. When I pushed the shutter button half way on my camera, the lens focused. I pushed the button the rest of the way, and instead of taking the picture...the viewfinder flashed "FOR" at me over and over.
Now even if you aren't a photographer, you can probably guess that when a camera starts flashing messages at you it probably isn't good. I was momentarily stunned at the flashing, and so I tried pushing the button again.
FOR FOR FOR FOR FOR
I pulled the camera away from my face and looked at the LCD screen. It read something to the effect of "Card cannot be read, please reformat. Do you wish to reformat now? Yes No"
*gasp!!!!*
I am pretty sure that at that point all the color drained from my face. I tried to steady my hands as I turned off the camera, turned it back on, popped out the card and the batteries - anything to get that dreaded FOR to stop flashing at me. Nothing I did worked. So, I slowly put the camera in my camera bag, pulled out my cell phone, and made a desperate call to Hubby as I walked back to my car.
There was no going back to the party to re-shoot. Most of the guests had already left. And the mortification involved in that would have been too much for me. So, I prayed and prayed and pleaded with God to let me recover the images.
Hubby's response was not much comfort. He told me I needed to reshoot because I likely lost the images. Not possible. Not an option.
As a photographer, this is my biggest, scariest nightmare come true. I was devastated.
I drove home, my mind all over the place and my hands shaky on the steering wheel. It is a wonder I even remembered how to get home at that point. But made it home I did, and when I walked in I handed the camera to Hubby and bee-lined it to the fridge for something to calm my nerves. He tried plugging the card into a card reader and then into our editing computer. "Card cannot be read, please reformat." He plugged it into our laptops and each time received the same message. He plugged it into our other camera, again the same problem. The card was, by all accounts, pretty much fried.
Thankfully, Hubby had remembered reading that the very same thing happened to one of his riding buddies, so he looked up the forum thread to see what the responses were and if there was any solution.
Someone has suggested trying an online software called Zero Assumption Recovery. They had a free download that would retrieve lost information on the disk. I found the site, downloaded the software, plugged in my card and said a prayer.
I had only taken about 80+ images at the party.
The ZAR found 320 image files on the card.
:)
The majority of the images from the party were recovered, but a few of them were toast. Pieces would be missing or the image would be tiled - it was truly bizarre. Thankfully, I made sure to take at least two images of every group I photographed, so I ended up with at least one good image of everyone. And, because it recovered 320 images, they were all out of order and renamed. I had essentially lost my guest name and image number match up system.
ugh
Thank GOD that He gave me a touch of photographic memory. By looking at my handwriting on my guest list, I could remember where I was in the house and who I was talking to, based on the way I wrote on the paper and some of the guest's unusual quirks or style. I was able to remember and match up all but 3 couples, and after a quick email to my contact with their images he replied with the information I needed. SHEW!
I am pretty sure I aged about 10 years that night. And my gray hair, well it has multiplied ten-fold. Time to go see the colorist!
Hopefully I won't have to experience that again any time soon. I am not sure I would survive it.
And if this ever happens to you or someone you know, I highly, highly recommend ZAR. Even if you've reformatted your memory card, it can still recover many of the images (I read somewhere once that you had to reformat a memory card at least 3 times before it removed only 80% of the information). It is truly a Godsend!
Until,
D :)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sea Legs
Yesterday Port had another melt down of epic proportions as we were leaving the grocery store. He wanted a bag of M&Ms and I wouldn't let him have them (the last time we were there he snagged a bag on the way out and I had to go back and pay for them). He screamed and kicked and fought me getting into the car seat and then screamed the whole way home. When we got home he cried some more and eventually calmed down enough to ask for something to eat. Before I gave him what he wanted, I got down on his level and calmly told him that all that screaming and crying and fit was wrong and that it was not nice. I told him he needed to apologize to me, and I said "say 'I'm sorry Mommy'". He looked up at me, opened his mouth, turned his head to Kiddo and said "I saw-wy {Kiddo}."
stinker
The past week or so has just been full of extreme ups and downs. Getting sick last week put my already behind self REALLY behind, and now I am struggling to even keep an organized thought in my head. Kim and I got away for a very short trip to the beach. We left Saturday morning and got back Sunday afternoon. It was so worth it, but way too short. I wasn't feeling 100% either, and so some of the time there was spent just sitting still and trying to settle my stomach. We stayed in a hotel in Rockport right on the bay, but Saturday afternoon we drove out to Port Aransas to check out the beach. Kim got to experience her first ferry ride. Thankfully for me and my unending queasiness, it was a short one. (photos courtesy of Kim, except the ones of Kim, those are courtesy of, well, me.)
Walking on the beach was so nice! I just loved listening to the surf and feeling the sand on my feet. 
We had some silly fun too - this is in Port A near one of the many gift shops. 
I know, I look amazing. It's ok to say it. ;-)
We had dinner that night at the Paradise Key Island Grill. I was a little queasy. It may have had something to do with the "pink lemonade" I drank on an empty stomach while we waited 45 minutes for a table. It was so good though!
They had a whole selection of great sliders that is not on the website menu. Kim had the beef and I ordered the shrimp sliders. By the time the food came I was too queasy to eat, but they were excellent the next day! The shrimp sliders were served with a very yummy remoulade/aioli that was also great on the fries.
We were seated at probably the worst table available on the patio, but it was still fun. They had live music and lots of excitement with the bar patrons. Two older ladies jumped up from their seats at the their table and busted out dancing during one of the songs. Fishermen who still had sea legs tripped over themselves and almost crashed into me. A youngish guy with too many beers in his belly sang obnoxiously loud to a couple of songs and made Kim and I thankful we were no longer that age.
BUT - being out, enjoying dinner, and not having to deal with high chairs or wipies or sippies or snack cups or mac-n-cheese or screaming kids made it soooooo worth it!
That night I slept very little. I had a hard time actually getting to sleep - between the group of people down at the pool laughing loudly until almost 1AM and my sad, pitiful brain thinking terribly irrational and scary thoughts, I didn't drift off to sleep until sometime after 2. Then I slept lightly; being woken every few minutes or so by the air conditioner coming on or cutting off. I am used to sleeping in a wind tunnel with constant noise all night long, so the loud to dead-silent fluctuations kept me in a very light, troubled sleep most of the night.
It was still nice not having to share blankets or space. ahhhh!
The next morning on the way out we stopped at a little bay side business and looked for a few more shells for the kids. We found much bigger ones here than the ones we found in Port A.
I wish I had just half of her hair - it is so crazy beautiful!
It was a great trip, but way too short. When we got back I was a bit disappointed that the house was trashed and I had to jump right back into cleaning and dinner duty before I had even had a chance to sit down. But, that's being a mom I guess; as soon as you are within 50 feet of the short people you have to get right back to work. ;)
At least I got about 30 hours of only having to take care of myself. It was a nice break.
The boys were pretty happy to see me when I got back, and Kiddo cried for a good 30 minutes at bed time because for some reason he wanted me to stay in the room when I put him to bed. I haven't done that in a couple of years now, so his crying was both bittersweet and slightly annoying. Port went to bed quite easily that night.
So since then I have been playing catch up and riding this bizarre roller coaster. I am tolerating the boys' antics better, but they are still pushing all my buttons. Yesterday was filled with such highs and lows. I am sort of coordinating a project with the local children's hospital here that provides photographic services to needy families with children in the ICU, critical care or hospice situations. We received our first call for a session yesterday, so I had to find a volunteer available to do the session. Just the thought of the service being needed put me in a funk. But then the boys would do something cute (like working out to Yoga Booty Ballet - oh yeah!) and my spirits would be lifted. Then my website went down (the host server crashed) and I was panicked. Then I got an awesome compliment on my work and I was giddy again. The boys would do something horrible, down I go. Another compliment on my work, right back up!
By bed time I was exhausted.
And since this is getting way long, I bet you are too. I will stop now.
Until,
D :)
stinker
The past week or so has just been full of extreme ups and downs. Getting sick last week put my already behind self REALLY behind, and now I am struggling to even keep an organized thought in my head. Kim and I got away for a very short trip to the beach. We left Saturday morning and got back Sunday afternoon. It was so worth it, but way too short. I wasn't feeling 100% either, and so some of the time there was spent just sitting still and trying to settle my stomach. We stayed in a hotel in Rockport right on the bay, but Saturday afternoon we drove out to Port Aransas to check out the beach. Kim got to experience her first ferry ride. Thankfully for me and my unending queasiness, it was a short one. (photos courtesy of Kim, except the ones of Kim, those are courtesy of, well, me.)
Walking on the beach was so nice! I just loved listening to the surf and feeling the sand on my feet. 
We had some silly fun too - this is in Port A near one of the many gift shops. 
I know, I look amazing. It's ok to say it. ;-)We had dinner that night at the Paradise Key Island Grill. I was a little queasy. It may have had something to do with the "pink lemonade" I drank on an empty stomach while we waited 45 minutes for a table. It was so good though!
They had a whole selection of great sliders that is not on the website menu. Kim had the beef and I ordered the shrimp sliders. By the time the food came I was too queasy to eat, but they were excellent the next day! The shrimp sliders were served with a very yummy remoulade/aioli that was also great on the fries.
We were seated at probably the worst table available on the patio, but it was still fun. They had live music and lots of excitement with the bar patrons. Two older ladies jumped up from their seats at the their table and busted out dancing during one of the songs. Fishermen who still had sea legs tripped over themselves and almost crashed into me. A youngish guy with too many beers in his belly sang obnoxiously loud to a couple of songs and made Kim and I thankful we were no longer that age.BUT - being out, enjoying dinner, and not having to deal with high chairs or wipies or sippies or snack cups or mac-n-cheese or screaming kids made it soooooo worth it!
That night I slept very little. I had a hard time actually getting to sleep - between the group of people down at the pool laughing loudly until almost 1AM and my sad, pitiful brain thinking terribly irrational and scary thoughts, I didn't drift off to sleep until sometime after 2. Then I slept lightly; being woken every few minutes or so by the air conditioner coming on or cutting off. I am used to sleeping in a wind tunnel with constant noise all night long, so the loud to dead-silent fluctuations kept me in a very light, troubled sleep most of the night.
It was still nice not having to share blankets or space. ahhhh!
The next morning on the way out we stopped at a little bay side business and looked for a few more shells for the kids. We found much bigger ones here than the ones we found in Port A.
I wish I had just half of her hair - it is so crazy beautiful!
It was a great trip, but way too short. When we got back I was a bit disappointed that the house was trashed and I had to jump right back into cleaning and dinner duty before I had even had a chance to sit down. But, that's being a mom I guess; as soon as you are within 50 feet of the short people you have to get right back to work. ;)
At least I got about 30 hours of only having to take care of myself. It was a nice break.
The boys were pretty happy to see me when I got back, and Kiddo cried for a good 30 minutes at bed time because for some reason he wanted me to stay in the room when I put him to bed. I haven't done that in a couple of years now, so his crying was both bittersweet and slightly annoying. Port went to bed quite easily that night.
So since then I have been playing catch up and riding this bizarre roller coaster. I am tolerating the boys' antics better, but they are still pushing all my buttons. Yesterday was filled with such highs and lows. I am sort of coordinating a project with the local children's hospital here that provides photographic services to needy families with children in the ICU, critical care or hospice situations. We received our first call for a session yesterday, so I had to find a volunteer available to do the session. Just the thought of the service being needed put me in a funk. But then the boys would do something cute (like working out to Yoga Booty Ballet - oh yeah!) and my spirits would be lifted. Then my website went down (the host server crashed) and I was panicked. Then I got an awesome compliment on my work and I was giddy again. The boys would do something horrible, down I go. Another compliment on my work, right back up!
By bed time I was exhausted.
And since this is getting way long, I bet you are too. I will stop now.
Until,
D :)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
No Sleep
I am so tired today! After an amazingly busy weekend and the need to stay up late last night to finish a session edit, Port decided sleeping was for the birds and he was up all night long! *yawn*
Friday I drove the boys out to Wimberly so I could meet up with a bride and groom at their wedding venue. It was a long drive, but the boys did pretty well considering. We had our fair share of upsets, but overall they were good. I got back that evening just in time to drop the boys off and head over to Kim's house so we could do our live podcast celebrating our 1 year anniversary. That was a total blast! The show itself ran pretty long, but then afterward Kim's hubby brought out his guitar and talked Kim and I into a little jam session. We sang for probably a good hour and a half before Kim finally kicked me out. If you would like to hear the audio of the live show, and the little clip of our jam session at the end, click here.
I fell into bed late Friday night (actually early Saturday morning) and then had to get up bright and early so I could pick up Kim at 8:30am. We went on a photography location scouting mission and spent the entire morning driving around. We found some amazing places for senior portraits and I am so excited to get to use them!! We got back in time to stop by the brand new farmers market that opened in Cedar Park and then headed home. I had just enough time to grab lunch and then I had to start cooking for a party Saturday night. A couple of our friends hosted a New Moon DVD release party, and I was responsible for making PW's Buttered Rosemary Rolls. OMG they are soooooo yummy!! You really have to try them. It was very cool to harvest some rosemary from my plant on the porch to use on these rolls. Things like that make me giddy!
Sunday we went to church and once we got home I left for a bit to see if I could find a funky chair to use in some of my sessions. I had no luck there and ended up back home with just enough time to clean out the van so I could taxi my evening senior session model and her mom to our location. Kim was supposed to come with me as my assistant, but her whole family ended up sick at the same time so she had to stay home with them. Thankfully a quick call to the amazing Jen landed me with an assistant to take her place. Jen was great - she caught all the stray hairs and messed up clothing and she helped me with some off camera flash I was experimenting with. We worked until after sunset then loaded up and headed back to town. I dropped off the clients and Jen and I stopped at Subway for a quick 9PM dinner.
Once again I crawled into bed way too late. Port was up at 4am and screamed for a good hour or so before he fell back to sleep. Then he was up again when Hubby got up for work, and I don't think he went back to sleep after that. I finally peeled myself out of bed after 8 and found him standing in his crib with his head under the window covering, looking out the window and talking to the squirrels. At least he was happy to see me!
Yesterday was a bit of a struggle - I was desperately trying to catch up on laundry and finish my client session edits and do my taxes. The laundry got about half way done and the session was no where near finished, so last night after our regular Musing Mommies recording session I stayed up late to finish my edits. When we put Port to bed at 8 he really wanted to stay in Kiddo's room. He actually laid down in Kiddo's bed and pulled the covers up over himself. Once in his crib in his own room, he screamed for only a few minutes. But while I was up editing later that night he woke up again. I think it was about midnight. He cried for the longest time. I hate leaving him in there like that but I can tell by the cry that nothing is wrong. After about an hour of off and on fussing he finally went back to sleep. I went to bed finally at around 1:45 and at about 3AM Port started crying again. He cried for about an hour before I finally willed myself up to get him. He was totally fine, not even wet, but he wanted to go to the couch. So I took him there, and over the course of the next hour he got up 3 times to get something to eat. I was so sleepy that I didn't have the strength to stop him, I just wanted him quiet. He ended up eating 2 hot dogs and a frozen waffle! At about 4:30 I had no more reserves so I put him back in his crib. He screamed for what seemed like forever. Kiddo started bugging me for breakfast at about 8 and I finally crawled out of bed at about 8:45. Port was up with his head in the window again, happy as a clam. ugh
The garden is beginning to take off now, though I am getting really frustrated with a couple of things. There is something nibbling on almost all of my baby plants. The green beans are seriously struggling and the black beans have been munched on too. The cucumbers appear to be struggling, and today I watered in the morning and there were 3 cucumber plants (one hill never sprouted). I walked back out a couple of hours later and one plant was completely gone. All that was left was a hole like someone yanked it right out of the dirt. The boys can't get into the garden area without me, so my best guess is it was a bird or a squirrel. grrrr!
Another thing that is extremely frustrating is that something is wrong with my soil. When I planted, it was perfect! It was fluffy and rich and light, and now it is like clay. It is so hard that when some of the plants try to push through the surface, they end up breaking under the strain of the dirt. I am so upset about this!! I don't know what happened. The only thing I can figure is that all the rain we had washed down some of the organic matter?? I have no clue. So, I am going to have to figure out a way to work some peat moss and compost into certain areas and hope it's enough to help the plants already there survive. Another option is to dig up what is growing, amend the soil and then replant. I am scared to do that though - it might shock my plants to death.
The lima beans never did come up and I guess now I am going to have to replant those and some of the cucumbers. I am making floating row covers for the rest in the hopes of deterring whatever is nibbling on things. I cut the bottoms out of a few yogurt containers and placed them in the dirt around my baby spinach plants so they could have a chance to grow and it seems to be helping them. The pepper plants never came up either, so I guess I will spring for actual plants and put them in sometime in the next week.
The good news though is that my carrots, broccoli, peas, corn and lettuce are doing great and I am getting a few leaves of spinach and lettuce every day now. Hopefully once the plants get bigger I can harvest enough to actually make a meal instead of supplementing like I am now. My garlic is almost ready to pull and I am eagerly anticipating that.
Here is what we pulled today. I am slowly thinning the carrots so we can get some big ones. Kiddo gets so excited when we get to pull a few!
That's parsley on the left. Going clockwise from there, carrots, spinach and lettuce. I am going to try to use them all in supper tonight. Yum!!
Port's birthday is coming up on Saturday and I have no clue about what we are going to do. The family is coming in so I need to do something, and make a cake. And mercy, Easter is the next day!!! I haven't even talked to the bunny yet! Ugh. I see a midnight run to Walmart in my future.
Until,
D :)
Friday I drove the boys out to Wimberly so I could meet up with a bride and groom at their wedding venue. It was a long drive, but the boys did pretty well considering. We had our fair share of upsets, but overall they were good. I got back that evening just in time to drop the boys off and head over to Kim's house so we could do our live podcast celebrating our 1 year anniversary. That was a total blast! The show itself ran pretty long, but then afterward Kim's hubby brought out his guitar and talked Kim and I into a little jam session. We sang for probably a good hour and a half before Kim finally kicked me out. If you would like to hear the audio of the live show, and the little clip of our jam session at the end, click here.
I fell into bed late Friday night (actually early Saturday morning) and then had to get up bright and early so I could pick up Kim at 8:30am. We went on a photography location scouting mission and spent the entire morning driving around. We found some amazing places for senior portraits and I am so excited to get to use them!! We got back in time to stop by the brand new farmers market that opened in Cedar Park and then headed home. I had just enough time to grab lunch and then I had to start cooking for a party Saturday night. A couple of our friends hosted a New Moon DVD release party, and I was responsible for making PW's Buttered Rosemary Rolls. OMG they are soooooo yummy!! You really have to try them. It was very cool to harvest some rosemary from my plant on the porch to use on these rolls. Things like that make me giddy!
Sunday we went to church and once we got home I left for a bit to see if I could find a funky chair to use in some of my sessions. I had no luck there and ended up back home with just enough time to clean out the van so I could taxi my evening senior session model and her mom to our location. Kim was supposed to come with me as my assistant, but her whole family ended up sick at the same time so she had to stay home with them. Thankfully a quick call to the amazing Jen landed me with an assistant to take her place. Jen was great - she caught all the stray hairs and messed up clothing and she helped me with some off camera flash I was experimenting with. We worked until after sunset then loaded up and headed back to town. I dropped off the clients and Jen and I stopped at Subway for a quick 9PM dinner.
Once again I crawled into bed way too late. Port was up at 4am and screamed for a good hour or so before he fell back to sleep. Then he was up again when Hubby got up for work, and I don't think he went back to sleep after that. I finally peeled myself out of bed after 8 and found him standing in his crib with his head under the window covering, looking out the window and talking to the squirrels. At least he was happy to see me!
Yesterday was a bit of a struggle - I was desperately trying to catch up on laundry and finish my client session edits and do my taxes. The laundry got about half way done and the session was no where near finished, so last night after our regular Musing Mommies recording session I stayed up late to finish my edits. When we put Port to bed at 8 he really wanted to stay in Kiddo's room. He actually laid down in Kiddo's bed and pulled the covers up over himself. Once in his crib in his own room, he screamed for only a few minutes. But while I was up editing later that night he woke up again. I think it was about midnight. He cried for the longest time. I hate leaving him in there like that but I can tell by the cry that nothing is wrong. After about an hour of off and on fussing he finally went back to sleep. I went to bed finally at around 1:45 and at about 3AM Port started crying again. He cried for about an hour before I finally willed myself up to get him. He was totally fine, not even wet, but he wanted to go to the couch. So I took him there, and over the course of the next hour he got up 3 times to get something to eat. I was so sleepy that I didn't have the strength to stop him, I just wanted him quiet. He ended up eating 2 hot dogs and a frozen waffle! At about 4:30 I had no more reserves so I put him back in his crib. He screamed for what seemed like forever. Kiddo started bugging me for breakfast at about 8 and I finally crawled out of bed at about 8:45. Port was up with his head in the window again, happy as a clam. ugh
The garden is beginning to take off now, though I am getting really frustrated with a couple of things. There is something nibbling on almost all of my baby plants. The green beans are seriously struggling and the black beans have been munched on too. The cucumbers appear to be struggling, and today I watered in the morning and there were 3 cucumber plants (one hill never sprouted). I walked back out a couple of hours later and one plant was completely gone. All that was left was a hole like someone yanked it right out of the dirt. The boys can't get into the garden area without me, so my best guess is it was a bird or a squirrel. grrrr!
Another thing that is extremely frustrating is that something is wrong with my soil. When I planted, it was perfect! It was fluffy and rich and light, and now it is like clay. It is so hard that when some of the plants try to push through the surface, they end up breaking under the strain of the dirt. I am so upset about this!! I don't know what happened. The only thing I can figure is that all the rain we had washed down some of the organic matter?? I have no clue. So, I am going to have to figure out a way to work some peat moss and compost into certain areas and hope it's enough to help the plants already there survive. Another option is to dig up what is growing, amend the soil and then replant. I am scared to do that though - it might shock my plants to death.
The lima beans never did come up and I guess now I am going to have to replant those and some of the cucumbers. I am making floating row covers for the rest in the hopes of deterring whatever is nibbling on things. I cut the bottoms out of a few yogurt containers and placed them in the dirt around my baby spinach plants so they could have a chance to grow and it seems to be helping them. The pepper plants never came up either, so I guess I will spring for actual plants and put them in sometime in the next week.
The good news though is that my carrots, broccoli, peas, corn and lettuce are doing great and I am getting a few leaves of spinach and lettuce every day now. Hopefully once the plants get bigger I can harvest enough to actually make a meal instead of supplementing like I am now. My garlic is almost ready to pull and I am eagerly anticipating that.
Here is what we pulled today. I am slowly thinning the carrots so we can get some big ones. Kiddo gets so excited when we get to pull a few!
That's parsley on the left. Going clockwise from there, carrots, spinach and lettuce. I am going to try to use them all in supper tonight. Yum!!
Port's birthday is coming up on Saturday and I have no clue about what we are going to do. The family is coming in so I need to do something, and make a cake. And mercy, Easter is the next day!!! I haven't even talked to the bunny yet! Ugh. I see a midnight run to Walmart in my future.
Until,
D :)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Empty
Hello my lovies!
I am sorry I didn't blog yesterday, but well, to be honest, yesterday totally sucked. It started with being up with Port for over an hour in the middle of the night and then weird and scary dreams before I even woke up. Then I woke up to Kiddo messing with me while I was trying to catch the lat few minutes of sweet sleep. I was cranky, and I told him if he couldn't be still he needed to go back to his room. Of course, asking a 5 year old to be still is like asking...well it's like asking a 5 year old to be still! It isn't going to happen! So I fussed at him and he burst into pitiful tears, wailing that he only wanted to cuddle with me. Of course the HUGE, GINORMOUS Boulder of Mommy Guilt crushed my chest and so I apologized and snuggled with him for a while before his brother woke up. Then I kicked myself for the rest of the day for not being a normal mom and a nice mom and cherishing every little moment I have with him because in a few short months he will be off to school and cuddling with him in the mornings will be something I will most likely never be able to do again (and probably not something he would want to do anyway). Why can't I ever remember these things in the moment? Why do I have to make him cry to trigger my brain that maybe he is still a little guy that loves me and just wants to be near me? Ugh.
So...I am PMSing. And of course the whole day just kind of went down hill from there. It wasn't that anything really was bad, there were just a million and one little annoyances that added up and by 5PM I was done, done, done. Port is teething and so he is dealing with constant (seriously like every 10 minutes) nasty diapers that are burning his little hiney no matter what I do. So I had to chase him around all day and check his diaper every 5 minutes, and every time he needed to be changed I had to wrestle him to the changing table and deal with him fighting every move I made. We went to the grocery store and I bought way more than I expected (hello! they finally have peppermint mocha creamer in the store!!). I was standing in the check out and I realized that I forgot to pick up one of the free items from the meal deal I was buying. It was a loaf of bread that I could have received for free and I totally forgot it. And of course, I am too weird about these things and the boys were right on the verge of going insane so I didn't bother asking the checker if someone could go get it for me. So I kicked myself all the way back to the van for not getting the free loaf of bread, and then opened the van to find that I had a shopping cart full of groceries and a van full of bicycles and gear. So I had to move everything out of the way and load up the groceries while the boys were losing their minds.
Then there was the usual nap time struggle and dealing with Kiddo during nap time when I am trying to get work done and all he wants to do is play with me. He likes it when we have time for just the two of us and I totally understand, but I really needed to get some things done. And once again, I told him "no" one too many times and he burst into tears and the Mommy Guilt Boulder found it's way to my desk chair. And then I fought with the boulder and the angry woman in my head who was yelling at me for feeling guilty. So there is part of me that wants to teach him to play independently and part of me that is sad that he will be starting school soon and part of me that just wants to enjoy having him around while I can. And none of my parts knows how much to give or take and what is healthiest for him and they are all angry at each other.
Confused yet?
Oh and when I was at the grocery store I bought some yogurt specifically to help little Port with his issue and when I unloaded the groceries from the van I somehow managed to leave one bag in the back.
The only thing in the bag was 5 containers of yogurt. *sigh*
Beyond that I am dealing with other things I can't discuss on here - actually anywhere, and dealing with them internally is just eating me up right now. And most of it is petty and ridiculous and blown way out of proportion by hormones and some lingering, insecurities that I really wish would go live with my 16 year old self because that is where they belong. And yesterday I was just wishing I had 1 friend that I could be incredibly selfish and whiny and a big cry baby with so I could get all of the "dark and twisty" out of my system and be done with it. But that's just not going to happen and so I was mad at myself for wanting that and feeling that way.
And then right about the time I was teetering on the edge, Hubby changed his plans and, though it was nothing at all it tossed me off the ledge. Add to that a couple of other well timed bits of information coming across my desk and by the time Hubby got home, I was a lunatic.
{welcome home Dear!}
So yeah, the day was not so hot. I wasn't planning on writing it all out like this, but I kind of feel better for doing it. One highlight was getting a phone call from a dear friend.
Today was not much better - more poop, more screaming Port, more wrestling with him every 5 minutes when I had to change his diaper, more PMS. Thankfully my sweet, dear, wonderful friend Kim made a trip to the store for her own family and offered to bring me some yogurt for the boy on her way back. Sadly, I couldn't get him to actually eat any of it until late afternoon, but I was very grateful I didn't have to go to the store myself to get it.
The day has had it's bright moments; a couple of encouraging phone calls and a semi-encouraging email, another call from another dear friend and some nice moments with the kids.
Things are starting to emerge in the garden. I have cucumber, zucchini, peas, black beans and basil sprouting. I am still waiting on green beans, corn, tomatoes, peppers, lima beans and okra. I think it has been too cold for them until recently. Hopefully they will make their way through the dirt soon.
And hopefully tomorrow will be better. Though, the weather is supposed to be yucky, so I am not getting my hopes up. And I have to do taxes. Joy.
I will try to think of something more positive to talk about tomorrow.
Until,
D :)
I am sorry I didn't blog yesterday, but well, to be honest, yesterday totally sucked. It started with being up with Port for over an hour in the middle of the night and then weird and scary dreams before I even woke up. Then I woke up to Kiddo messing with me while I was trying to catch the lat few minutes of sweet sleep. I was cranky, and I told him if he couldn't be still he needed to go back to his room. Of course, asking a 5 year old to be still is like asking...well it's like asking a 5 year old to be still! It isn't going to happen! So I fussed at him and he burst into pitiful tears, wailing that he only wanted to cuddle with me. Of course the HUGE, GINORMOUS Boulder of Mommy Guilt crushed my chest and so I apologized and snuggled with him for a while before his brother woke up. Then I kicked myself for the rest of the day for not being a normal mom and a nice mom and cherishing every little moment I have with him because in a few short months he will be off to school and cuddling with him in the mornings will be something I will most likely never be able to do again (and probably not something he would want to do anyway). Why can't I ever remember these things in the moment? Why do I have to make him cry to trigger my brain that maybe he is still a little guy that loves me and just wants to be near me? Ugh.
So...I am PMSing. And of course the whole day just kind of went down hill from there. It wasn't that anything really was bad, there were just a million and one little annoyances that added up and by 5PM I was done, done, done. Port is teething and so he is dealing with constant (seriously like every 10 minutes) nasty diapers that are burning his little hiney no matter what I do. So I had to chase him around all day and check his diaper every 5 minutes, and every time he needed to be changed I had to wrestle him to the changing table and deal with him fighting every move I made. We went to the grocery store and I bought way more than I expected (hello! they finally have peppermint mocha creamer in the store!!). I was standing in the check out and I realized that I forgot to pick up one of the free items from the meal deal I was buying. It was a loaf of bread that I could have received for free and I totally forgot it. And of course, I am too weird about these things and the boys were right on the verge of going insane so I didn't bother asking the checker if someone could go get it for me. So I kicked myself all the way back to the van for not getting the free loaf of bread, and then opened the van to find that I had a shopping cart full of groceries and a van full of bicycles and gear. So I had to move everything out of the way and load up the groceries while the boys were losing their minds.
Then there was the usual nap time struggle and dealing with Kiddo during nap time when I am trying to get work done and all he wants to do is play with me. He likes it when we have time for just the two of us and I totally understand, but I really needed to get some things done. And once again, I told him "no" one too many times and he burst into tears and the Mommy Guilt Boulder found it's way to my desk chair. And then I fought with the boulder and the angry woman in my head who was yelling at me for feeling guilty. So there is part of me that wants to teach him to play independently and part of me that is sad that he will be starting school soon and part of me that just wants to enjoy having him around while I can. And none of my parts knows how much to give or take and what is healthiest for him and they are all angry at each other.
Confused yet?
Oh and when I was at the grocery store I bought some yogurt specifically to help little Port with his issue and when I unloaded the groceries from the van I somehow managed to leave one bag in the back.
The only thing in the bag was 5 containers of yogurt. *sigh*
Beyond that I am dealing with other things I can't discuss on here - actually anywhere, and dealing with them internally is just eating me up right now. And most of it is petty and ridiculous and blown way out of proportion by hormones and some lingering, insecurities that I really wish would go live with my 16 year old self because that is where they belong. And yesterday I was just wishing I had 1 friend that I could be incredibly selfish and whiny and a big cry baby with so I could get all of the "dark and twisty" out of my system and be done with it. But that's just not going to happen and so I was mad at myself for wanting that and feeling that way.
And then right about the time I was teetering on the edge, Hubby changed his plans and, though it was nothing at all it tossed me off the ledge. Add to that a couple of other well timed bits of information coming across my desk and by the time Hubby got home, I was a lunatic.
{welcome home Dear!}
So yeah, the day was not so hot. I wasn't planning on writing it all out like this, but I kind of feel better for doing it. One highlight was getting a phone call from a dear friend.
Today was not much better - more poop, more screaming Port, more wrestling with him every 5 minutes when I had to change his diaper, more PMS. Thankfully my sweet, dear, wonderful friend Kim made a trip to the store for her own family and offered to bring me some yogurt for the boy on her way back. Sadly, I couldn't get him to actually eat any of it until late afternoon, but I was very grateful I didn't have to go to the store myself to get it.
The day has had it's bright moments; a couple of encouraging phone calls and a semi-encouraging email, another call from another dear friend and some nice moments with the kids.
Things are starting to emerge in the garden. I have cucumber, zucchini, peas, black beans and basil sprouting. I am still waiting on green beans, corn, tomatoes, peppers, lima beans and okra. I think it has been too cold for them until recently. Hopefully they will make their way through the dirt soon.
And hopefully tomorrow will be better. Though, the weather is supposed to be yucky, so I am not getting my hopes up. And I have to do taxes. Joy.
I will try to think of something more positive to talk about tomorrow.
Until,
D :)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Snow
Today, in Austin, TX, we had a snow day.
Today has been unlike any day I've ever seen.
I have only seen snow a few times in my life, but never have I seen anything like this. here. in our town.
{Mum, looka dis! Nooooo!}
The flakes, several times throughout the day, were the size of golf balls.
This is a picture of my broccoli plant. It is about 6-8 inches tall. Only the top 4-5 inches are sticking out.
These are my carrots. Or, were my carrots. I can't quite find them right now.
This is the neighbor's house. I didn't even recognize it.
Looking out from my doorway across the street. See my neighbors on the right? They are wearing short sleeved shirts. That is probably because we are in Austin, TX, and we don't know how to act in SNOW. And, also probably because it was 76 degrees on Sunday.
This is the same view only an hour later.
Hot chocolate. It was what was for lunch.
Man, Kiddo looks so....old. *sigh*
This is the front of my house. I cannot believe how much snow there is.
My rosemary bush. So pretty!
The boy. Squinty-eyed and messy-mouthed. Typical. ;-)
Our first snow man attempt. He is about 6" tall, and a true Texan. He has cedar berries for eyes. He kinda looks mad...
{go awaaaaay, go awaaaaaay!}
He is a photographer's kid. I get this look a lot.
{Fine, I will look at you. }
I like this one much better.
Our third snowman, Jack. He is much bigger. He and Kiddo are "holding hands".
And he has cool hair.
The boys had great fun throwing snow balls at each other (hubby included). I don't have pictures of it because I kept getting caught in the cross fire. I didn't want to risk getting my camera wet. Kiddo could have stayed out in it all day. I would have to drag him in every so often so he could warm up and dry off. My dryer got a real workout today running every few hours to dry pants, jackets and gloves. Port liked being out there, but once he got cold he was done. He stayed inside a lot and sat in the window saying "ooh pree nooo!" (ooh, pretty snow!). It was pretty cute.
Kiddo was pretty whiny all afternoon though. He gets like that when he's had a lot of fun or attention in one day - he can't handle it ending, even if it's just for a minute or two so everyone can warm up.
I just can't believe that it snowed here all. day. long! The flakes went from tiny to golf ball sized and everything in between. At one point it was raining, sleeting and snowing huge fluffy flakes all at the same time. I couldn't keep my eyes off the windows in my house.
But, even though it was fun and pretty and so extraordinary...
I am ready for the 76 degree weather to come back.
Until,
D :)
Today has been unlike any day I've ever seen.
I have only seen snow a few times in my life, but never have I seen anything like this. here. in our town.
{Mum, looka dis! Nooooo!}The flakes, several times throughout the day, were the size of golf balls.
This is a picture of my broccoli plant. It is about 6-8 inches tall. Only the top 4-5 inches are sticking out.
These are my carrots. Or, were my carrots. I can't quite find them right now.
This is the neighbor's house. I didn't even recognize it.
Looking out from my doorway across the street. See my neighbors on the right? They are wearing short sleeved shirts. That is probably because we are in Austin, TX, and we don't know how to act in SNOW. And, also probably because it was 76 degrees on Sunday.
This is the same view only an hour later.
Hot chocolate. It was what was for lunch.
Man, Kiddo looks so....old. *sigh*
This is the front of my house. I cannot believe how much snow there is.
My rosemary bush. So pretty!
The boy. Squinty-eyed and messy-mouthed. Typical. ;-)
Our first snow man attempt. He is about 6" tall, and a true Texan. He has cedar berries for eyes. He kinda looks mad...
{go awaaaaay, go awaaaaaay!}He is a photographer's kid. I get this look a lot.
{Fine, I will look at you. }I like this one much better.
Our third snowman, Jack. He is much bigger. He and Kiddo are "holding hands".
And he has cool hair.
The boys had great fun throwing snow balls at each other (hubby included). I don't have pictures of it because I kept getting caught in the cross fire. I didn't want to risk getting my camera wet. Kiddo could have stayed out in it all day. I would have to drag him in every so often so he could warm up and dry off. My dryer got a real workout today running every few hours to dry pants, jackets and gloves. Port liked being out there, but once he got cold he was done. He stayed inside a lot and sat in the window saying "ooh pree nooo!" (ooh, pretty snow!). It was pretty cute.
Kiddo was pretty whiny all afternoon though. He gets like that when he's had a lot of fun or attention in one day - he can't handle it ending, even if it's just for a minute or two so everyone can warm up.
I just can't believe that it snowed here all. day. long! The flakes went from tiny to golf ball sized and everything in between. At one point it was raining, sleeting and snowing huge fluffy flakes all at the same time. I couldn't keep my eyes off the windows in my house.
But, even though it was fun and pretty and so extraordinary...
I am ready for the 76 degree weather to come back.
Until,
D :)
Friday, January 01, 2010
These Small Hours
Hi there Company Girls and Beloved Regulars! I trust you had a great holiday season. Are you glad it's over? I kind of am. I never really did hit that high point in Holiday Spirit. I think things were just too busy or something. I am ready to get back to normal; to be able to go to the Walmart return desk and not have to wait an hour and a half...to go to Target and actually see what is tagged on the shelf, on the shelf. I am ready to go to the post office without having to...well I guess the post office never really changes, huh?;)
Come on in, as always I have fresh coffee in the pot. I still have a good stash of peppermint mocha creamer too if you are so inclined. And yesterday I made fresh oatmeal scotchies. Don't mess with the fudge I made though - it didn't turn out any good. I need to work on my fudge making skills. I see a candy thermometer in my future. ;-)
I am so incredibly tired. Both the boys have a nasty cold, and Kiddo was up all night because of it. I am afraid tonight will be Port's turn. He has had a really bad day so far. I think I will most likely end up on the couch with him at some point in the night. Between the fever and the nasty, phlegm-y cough, he isn't going to get much sleep. At least I can give Kiddo OTC meds to help him rest well. Poor Port doesn't have that option.
My last post about my recurring dream sparked some interesting discussion. I don't know why we have recurring dreams; I however think it may have something to do with unfinished business or something we are trying to reconcile/decide upon. For almost 15 years I had the same dream weekly about a guy I went to high school with. Our parting of ways in our early college years was abrupt and I guess for all those years I had some sort of internal issue with it. At least once a week I would dream that I was walking through the halls (usually of our high school, but sometimes college) and he would be walking with a group of people 5-10 feet away. In every dream I would call out to him and he would never acknowledge me. Or he would look my way, give me a knowing look and then act like he didn't see me. I would yell and scream and call his name but he never responded.
About 6 months ago I reconnected with him on facebook, and the dreams went away.
It's funny how that happens.
Anyway, so maybe my dream had something to do with the fact that I never finished my graduate degree, or maybe it has to do with my strong desire to participate in a photography workshop or classes.
Who knows.
On facebook, a couple of my friends commented that I was indeed an important member of my college choir. It's funny, because I never really felt that way. To me, it felt as if I was just another nice voice in the mix; that no one would miss me if I wasn't there. But I guess some people thought I was important (well, 2 people anyway. lol). And that brings me all back to what I have talked about here before; the fact that we as a society don't let others know how we feel about them. What a difference it would have made to me in my college career if someone had just once said, "you are an important part of this group". {Gratitude Monday my friends! Participate with me!}
Seriously! I know it sounds simple, and that is the point. We as humans need to know how we are perceived; we need to know how people think of and feel about us.
My husband's grandfather, every time he saw us, always said, "I am so glad you got to see me!" ;-) But, in that joke, I know it was his way of saying he was glad we were there. And it always made me feel loved and wanted.
I was discussing with Hubby the other night - if we all spoke to each other the same way the characters in tv drama shows did, it would be incredible how different life would be. Imagine being able to discuss anything with anyone. Imagine not having to sensor yourself or bite your tongue. Imagine if you could tell someone how you felt, without having to worry about the recipient bottling up their feelings as well.
Of course, that world might be a little scary. lol
But I think there really is room for improvement in this area. I think we need to be more honest and forthcoming with each other. I think we need to show our "people" how we feel about them while they are here - not just in a nice eulogy after they are gone. What good is that anyway?
So yes, it was quite the thought provoking post for me.
In other news, today is New Year's Day! A new year, a new decade, a new everything it seems.
New Years has always been a perplexing concept for me. I just don't get it. It doesn't work in my thinking.
What I mean by that is - everyone goes on and on about things being new and fresh and making change, and then a month from now everyone is back to the same old routine. And they can never figure out why it works out that way.
Well here is the thing. New Year's Day is just another day of the week. It is the same old grind; of course nothing changes! Now, if every year at New Years we had a full week where everything shut down and people were able to take some time to get things in order, maybe things would be different. Why we place so much expectation on one little day on the calendar is beyond me. Do we have more time in that day? No. Do we have less responsibility in that day, freeing up the existing time for us? Usually not. How do we expect to fit it all in, start anew and fresh and organized if there is no extra time involved to get those things in order? We can't figure it out the rest of the year, what makes January 1st so special?
I am speaking strictly from my own experience, so if you have an answer for me I would love to hear it.
And I usually try to avoid resolutions. They just don't work for me and the frustration and disappointment I face each year after once again failing is just too much trouble for me now. I haven't made a resolution in years - at least not a serious one. This year, I would like to be more organized, but golly I have no clue how to go about it. I suppose getting off the computer once in a while might free up some time...
Anyway...just something to think about I guess.
How can I reorganize my life, while living that same life I lived yesterday? There just aren't enough hours...
Until,
D :)
Friday, December 04, 2009
Sign Your Name
OMGosh I haven't been this excited in such a long time!Last night
I got to meet
PIONEER WOMAN!
eeeeeee!!
Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond, came to a local bookstore here in Austin for a book signing. Her cookbook, The Pioneer Woman Cooks, went to #1 on the New York Times Best Seller List, and she has been on a whirlwind book tour for the past few months.
I have had the date on my calendar ever since it was announced, but I honestly didn't think I would make it out.
Well I did, and I am so glad! The bookstore started passing out wrist bands at 4pm. I was able to make it there by 4:30, and they were already on the 3rd color group. My guess is there were approximately 100 bands per color group?? The first two groups, red and orange, were invited to a 6pm signing while the rest of us came back at the advertised time of 7pm.
After picking up my wristband, I sat in the parking lot waiting for Kim (my friend and Musing Mommies podcast co-host) and when she got there, we picked up a wrist band for her and then headed out for dinner.
We drove over to another local Austin joint, Shady Grove, and enjoyed a great dinner inside next to a huge fireplace. In all my visits to Shady Grove, I had never actually been inside. It is a really cute little place! Everything was cozy, dark and somewhat romantic, and the fire in the fireplace was absolutely perfect for the chilly evening. The food was great as always; I had a delicious turkey sandwich and salad with jalapeno lime ranch dressing, and Kim had a turkey club and fries.
Kim borrowed her hubby's iPhone so that we could record some snippets of the evening for our show. It was fun to be able to update facebook and twitter while we were there. Maybe someday I will have such awesome technology at my fingertips. It was kind of funny though, while she was a whiz at using all the cool iPhone apps, making a simple phone call on the thing was a bit of a challenge! lol ;)
We returned to the book store just before 7, and pushed our way through the crowd to a spot on the side in the back. It was standing room only on the second floor of the book store. As we were making our way back a group was making their way forward; 4 country kids and an icy blue-eyed cowboy. {wink} I yanked at Kim's arm as they passed, and when she looked at me like I had lost my mind I made the face. You know, the one that says "omg, look it's someone you should be looking at!". It was Marboro Man and the Punks, walking right past us!
At about 20 after 7, Ree finally made her entrance!
{See MM with the camera? I may end up in that picture! ;) }
After the Q&A she disappeared back upstairs, and the store employees began calling wrist band colors. Since I was in the yellow group, and Kim in the next group, green, we had a little wait before getting in line. Lucky for us, Marlboro Man was signing books at the podium area, so we hopped in that line first.
MM was super sweet too; soft spoken not very talkative, just like I imagined. Of course, I couldn't think of anything to say. I mean, how do you talk to someone you know so much about but who doesn't even know you exist? It is quite awkward.
{with Miss Kim...}I made it into the official line as the last "yellow" person and Kim snuck in behind me just before they called green. It worked out perfectly! You would not believe the people cutting in line though. And amazingly enough, it was the older women in the group doing most of the cutting. I couldn't believe it! It's not like the lines were obnoxiously long or anything...
Once in the official line we only had to wait for maybe an hour or so. It was moving pretty steady so it wasn't bad at all. It seemed like PW's entire family was there; we saw her hubby and kids of course, her mom, and her sister and brother in law. Everyone was just as sweet as they could be, and you could tell they all enjoyed being there and being with each other.
When we finally got into the room my nervousness went into high gear. I know they are just regular people, but man, I really couldn't think of anything to say! I mean, the woman has the Midas touch! She has a ground breaking, blog world changing website, a #1 best selling book, a phenomenal family life, she home schools, runs a ranching household (oh the laundry!), she has successful dinner parties with other blogging super stars, she is interviewed by magazines and day time talk show hosts and she comes all this way...I get to see her in person and I can't come up with anything even remotely interesting to say!
Thankfully, I am a red head. Now.
lol
She said to me, "you know I used to be a red head."
And I should have said "well I used to be a blond!" but it got stuck in my head and I am pretty sure nothing but a grunt came out.
I do remember asking her if she was going to change her hair back to red. Beyond that, the conversation was a blur.
I just couldn't believe she was talking to me!
Thankfully, Kim tossed the iPhone up on the table and I think she recorded the whole conversation!
We also had her sign a book for a "Musing Mommy" - woo hoo! Giveaway time! ;-)
{Me and Ree. I luv her so much! I wanna be just like her when I grow up! ;) }
{Kim and Ree. Super cute!}I don't know how they do it all with the signing for hours - my hands would have been nothing more than shriveled claws after just a couple of hours.
It was a wonderful experience and I hope she comes back in 2011 with her next book, Black Heels to Tractor Wheels. Woo hoo!!
Maybe by then I can think of something interesting to say to her. ;)
Until,
D :)
PS. I had made a few of my mother's coconut balls to take to PW, but the boys didn't let me make very many and I didn't have time to package them up nicely so I ended up not giving them to her. They are so good though, so I want to share the recipe. My mom sent me the original recipe and I think, as with a lot of recipes, something got lost in translation over the years. So, I kind of had to wing it, but here is what I *think* it should be.
Coconut Balls
1 32oz bag powdered sugar
1 14oz bag shredded coconut
1 can sweetened condensed milk (the regular size can - 10 oz??)
1 stick of butter (just for you PW!)
1 qt Pecans chipped small (optional)
dipping chocolate or
melted chocolate chips mixed with a square of paraffin or a tbls (more or less) of crisco
Mix powdered sugar, coconut, condensed milk, melted butter and nuts (if desired) in a LARGE bowl. You may have to get your hands in it to really get it mixed up. You want the mixture to be moist enough to hold it's shape in the balls, but still slightly crumbly. (If it's too dry, add more condensed milk, if it's too wet, add more powdered sugar.)
Form into balls and dip each one in melted dipping chocolate or melted chips/paraffin or crisco mixture. Set on wax paper to harden or place in the refrigerator to set. Before setting, if desired, you can sprinkle some toasted coconut, sprinkles or little silve candy balls on top to gussy them up a bit.
Balls can be stored on wax paper in an air tight container and a cool place.
Enjoy!
~D
PPS. Hey there Company Girls! I didn't forget about you! Have a great weekend!
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Funhouse
Well, it is November 1st my friends so
Happy NABLOPOMO!!
What is NABLOPOMO you say?
It is National Blog Posting Month.
Participants of NABLOPOMO join and strive to post on their blogs once a day for the month of November.
I participate every year, and this year will be no different. I am excited for the challenge. :)
I have been visiting the NaBloPoMo site and randomly friending people in the groups that I am in so that I can find some new blogs to read this month. Some of my favs in my sidebar have slowed down or stopped blogging all together and I am in desperate need of new reads. So, if you got a friend request from me, never fear, it is just because I liked the looks of your blog. ;)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In other news, yesterday was a full and wonderful day!
I am not typically the kind of person that likes to do more than one big thing a day - it just stresses me out too much. But yesterday we had a lot planned. We got up early and had a garage sale. It was so cold that my hands felt like they were going to break as we were taking out all the stuff to line up in the driveway. Thankfully though, we sold off some things, made about $75 and cleared out a huge space in the garage.
After our sale was over, we loaded up all the remaining items into the van and hauled them off to Goodwill. We took a load of books over to Half Price Books and made a few bucks there too. A few of the more valuable items were saved and will be listed on Craigslist this week. Over all, I think it was a pretty successful event.
Midday, Hubby went over to a huge car show in town and he thinks he acquired some good leads for photo sessions.
That evening, we all dressed up (well, Hubby didn't, but I did) and took the kids over to a friend's house for a Halloween party.
{my cutie patootie Classic Batman, baby Port edition}
{he refused to wear the cape and mask}
{Kiddo's Batman the Dark Night with his vulnerable look}
{his "super hero" pose, clenched fists and all}
There were a ton of kids, including Kiddo's favorite gal pal, WordGirl,and tons of food.
We had a great time trick-or-treating in their neighborhood - almost every house in a 5 block radius had tables and chairs set up in the driveway, decorations all over and friendly smiles. It was awesome. Kiddo and WordGirl were inseparable,
so Hubby kept up with them and the majority of the folks from the party while I chased Port down the street. Seriously, the kid would not stop running.
Thankfully some of our friends who were also at the party enjoyed the faster pace, so I tried to keep Port going with them.
Every time he got too far ahead, I would squat down and have him run back to hug me. It was pretty cute (and of course, I was totally digging my sweet baby hugs!).
At one point, I asked him for a kiss, and instead of the usual offering of a cheek, my baby planted a full on puckered mouth kiss right on my mouth! It was a little slobbery, but oh how I loved it! He rarely ever offers up real kisses. I got another kiss later on in the evening as well. I guess he was trying to tell me he had a good time!
We eventually made our way back to the party house and hung out in the driveway for a while. The big screen was out on the lawn with the UT game on and neighbors had put up a huge bouncy house for all the kids. They also pulled out fire pits for a big block party s'more roast.
I totally want to move to that neighborhood.
We came home completely exhausted but in good humor and all of us collapsed in our respective beds. It was such a great day.
Many thanks to our sweet hosts and to everyone who participated in the evening. It was great to see you all again!
Until,
D :)
Happy NABLOPOMO!!
What is NABLOPOMO you say?
It is National Blog Posting Month.
Participants of NABLOPOMO join and strive to post on their blogs once a day for the month of November.
I participate every year, and this year will be no different. I am excited for the challenge. :)
I have been visiting the NaBloPoMo site and randomly friending people in the groups that I am in so that I can find some new blogs to read this month. Some of my favs in my sidebar have slowed down or stopped blogging all together and I am in desperate need of new reads. So, if you got a friend request from me, never fear, it is just because I liked the looks of your blog. ;)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In other news, yesterday was a full and wonderful day!
I am not typically the kind of person that likes to do more than one big thing a day - it just stresses me out too much. But yesterday we had a lot planned. We got up early and had a garage sale. It was so cold that my hands felt like they were going to break as we were taking out all the stuff to line up in the driveway. Thankfully though, we sold off some things, made about $75 and cleared out a huge space in the garage.
After our sale was over, we loaded up all the remaining items into the van and hauled them off to Goodwill. We took a load of books over to Half Price Books and made a few bucks there too. A few of the more valuable items were saved and will be listed on Craigslist this week. Over all, I think it was a pretty successful event.
Midday, Hubby went over to a huge car show in town and he thinks he acquired some good leads for photo sessions.
That evening, we all dressed up (well, Hubby didn't, but I did) and took the kids over to a friend's house for a Halloween party.
{my cutie patootie Classic Batman, baby Port edition}
{he refused to wear the cape and mask}
{Kiddo's Batman the Dark Night with his vulnerable look}
{his "super hero" pose, clenched fists and all}
{releasing the mighty wind, stinky enough to bring down the toughest foe}
There were a ton of kids, including Kiddo's favorite gal pal, WordGirl,and tons of food.
We had a great time trick-or-treating in their neighborhood - almost every house in a 5 block radius had tables and chairs set up in the driveway, decorations all over and friendly smiles. It was awesome. Kiddo and WordGirl were inseparable,
so Hubby kept up with them and the majority of the folks from the party while I chased Port down the street. Seriously, the kid would not stop running.
{"baby batman!! come here batman! want some candy??"}
Thankfully some of our friends who were also at the party enjoyed the faster pace, so I tried to keep Port going with them.
{Pretty Kitty, MuMo Kim}
Every time he got too far ahead, I would squat down and have him run back to hug me. It was pretty cute (and of course, I was totally digging my sweet baby hugs!).
At one point, I asked him for a kiss, and instead of the usual offering of a cheek, my baby planted a full on puckered mouth kiss right on my mouth! It was a little slobbery, but oh how I loved it! He rarely ever offers up real kisses. I got another kiss later on in the evening as well. I guess he was trying to tell me he had a good time!
We eventually made our way back to the party house and hung out in the driveway for a while. The big screen was out on the lawn with the UT game on and neighbors had put up a huge bouncy house for all the kids. They also pulled out fire pits for a big block party s'more roast.
I totally want to move to that neighborhood.
We came home completely exhausted but in good humor and all of us collapsed in our respective beds. It was such a great day.
Many thanks to our sweet hosts and to everyone who participated in the evening. It was great to see you all again!
Until,
D :)
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