No Woman No Cry

Happy Friday Company Girls! (and my other readers as well)

Well today has been a trying day. Last night with Port was so bad - at 2am I found myself staring at the ceiling, resenting my baby for being such a bad sleeper. I had to seriously concentrate on not getting angry with him. He tossed and turned and fussed and head butted all night long. I couldn't put him in his crib, I couldn't sleep with him on the couch (usually a last resort, but it always works - nope not last night), I couldn't walk with him nor could I rock, sway, soothe, or do anything that calmed him down enough to sleep. I think he may have been a tad warm - the house was warmer than usual. But beyond that there really was no reason for him to be awake all night.

At about 3 I turned down the air conditioning and cooled off the house some and he finally passed out in our bed at about 4. He slept hard until almost 9 this morning. I have had it. I can't do this with him anymore. My attitude and my disposition have been altered and I can't be a good mom to him or Kiddo if I don't get some sleep soon.

Several friends suggested Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child to me so my dear friend picked it up for me at a Half-Price Books when she was out running errands today. I poured through it all afternoon and tonight we took the plunge. Instead of our usual routine of taking the bottle to go to sleep and sleeping in my arms until he is out enough to transfer to the crib - I settled with him in his room for a few minutes, cuddled and kissed him and put him in the crib wide awake. I told him goodnight and turned out the light.

He sat there; stunned in the darkness.

For a few moments he was silent. Then through the door I heard his little "uh" he makes when he "talks" to me. It's that familiar there you are that we exchange whenever we acknowledge each other. Only this time he was not hearing me say it back.

And then he started to cry.

Of course, I knew he would - but I really had no idea how it would effect me. I thought I would be upset, but I didn't know that I would turn into a caged animal of sorts. I frantically hunted for my mp3 player, hoping the music flooding my ears would drown out my sweet baby's cries for me. I haven't used it since I was in labor with him, and when I put the buds in my ears I was suddenly transported back 11 months to that hospital room, sitting on a birthing ball and willing my baby boy into the world. The feelings of calm and joy that the music brought me then were replaced by sadness and feelings of inadequacy. My internal me berated me for being a bad mother and soon enough I was crying and ripping the buds out of my ears.

Thankfully, it had been about 30 minutes and thankfully the crying in Port's room had stopped.

Other than a few moans here and there, he has been silent ever since.

I desperately want to check in on him, but I'm afraid if I do he might see me and ruin the progress made this evening. According to the book, I shouldn't go in to see him until after the 6am mark.

It's going to be a long night.

I hope you all have a wonderful, restful weekend.

Until,
D :)

La La La La Lemon

This is something I caught the other day when we had lunch after church. It's Port's second experience with a lemon wedge, but he had the same reaction the first time.

I tried getting some video of him walking, but he is quick to drop and crawl to me when he sees the camera. Today he was pushing his play table around in the living room and dancing. I didn't catch much, but I thought he was cute anyway. That huge stack of stuff in the background is flooring and a rolled up rug.


He was so mad that I wouldn't let him have the camera! What Kiddo said off camera was "Mommy we all speak English." (He has been fascinated by people that speak other languages lately) I will keep trying to get the walking recorded.

Until,
D :)

Little Friend

I am blogging today. I am, I am, I am! I have been wanting to all week, but it has just been impossible to sit down and get my thoughts in order.

Of course, that would mean I actually have thoughts...

hmm.

Anyway, I do have thoughts, lots of them. And they are good and interesting and most definitely blog worthy. Unfortunately, I have these marvelous thoughts when I am in the shower, driving down the road, doing the laundry, being led around the house by the baby, playing with the boys, changing diapers, cooking dinner....

Do you see what I face here? If only there were a device that I could strap on my waist and connect some sort of electrodes to my head - a device that would record my thoughts as I have them, because they are so good at the moment I think them, but I can never remember them later.

I'll get right on that.

Ugh. So let's see... I had to go get new tires for the van today. While some might think it was a luxury, I actually was dreading it because it's not exactly something we can afford. Unfortunately, the van inspection is up this month and it most definitely would not have passed inspection with the bald goodness wrapped around the wheels. Thankfully we sold our wagon a few weeks ago and had that money to put towards the new tires. It always amazes me how quickly one can spend a large chunk of change like that. That money would have been much more useful for say, a girls weekend in a hotel somewhere or a nice spa visit. But I digress...

At the tire place, Kiddo made an instant best friend out of another little boy waiting with his mom. Matthew was 3 1/2 but equally matched to my Kiddo. They spent the entire 45 minute wait "fighting" like different superheroes. It was quite the show, the kicking, the punching, the "hi-ya!"(s) all around. They flung themselves at each other non stop, all the while keeping a safe 4-6 inches away from landing a punch or a kick. Matthew's mom told me that he had a little brother at home too, and that he couldn't play like that with his little brother so this play time with Kiddo was a treat. It was quite the treat for Kiddo too. They discussed every one's names and even told each other flat out that "I like you." Can I get an awwww???!?

Tonight I have some beans cooking on the stove and they will be accompanied by corn bread. I have been wanting to make a pot of beans for a while. I remember as a kid absolutely loving the nights we had beans and cornbread for dinner. Sadly now, with the pot bubbling on my stove, the memory I am being bombarded with is the smell of my maternal grandmother's house. It's not a fond memory. I guess she ate beans a lot because this is exactly what her house always smelled like. I am hoping the cornbread makes things more pleasant.

Port has been doing better and worse in the sleep department. He seems to really like his room; each night we spend a good chunk of time playing in the crib. When he is ready to go to sleep, he reaches for me and I hold him for only a minute or two before he is out. He is sleeping around 4-5 hours now before his first waking which is wonderful. Unfortunately, he has been fighting a cold and when he does wake, it's usually because he can't breathe. He gets soooooo mad, and it is so hard to calm him back down. Just going to our bed like I used to won't cut it. I have to walk, bounce, lay down, sit up, move around like a mad woman until I find the right combination and position that makes him comfortable. Last night was by far the worst. After giving up on putting him back in the crib I took him to bed where he exploded in anger. I left our room and went back to his, and the only way he would calm down and sleep was if I sat in the chair in there. I kept falling asleep myself, which made me nervous that I was going to drop him. I had to sit there for well over an hour (awake) before he was comfortable and asleep enough for me to put him back in the crib. He only slept there for round 2 for about an hour. At 4am, Hubby woke me because Port was in his crib screaming. I had forgotten to turn the monitor back on and was sleeping to heavy to hear it.

I don't want to just let him cry right now because he is sick and crying only makes his congestion worse. Yesterday afternoon he puked on me 3 times after a bottle. I guess his little tummy was sour from all the drainage because it didn't really seem to phase him and he was a happy little camper after it was done. We've been putting the humidifier in his room at night, but he still wakes up kind of barky anyway.

So if he is feeling better we may try CIO this weekend, but I still haven't decided for sure. And while he is sleeping better and longer in the first stretch, I am still not getting any sleep because I don't usually get to bed until he has been down for a few hours.

Well this is all I have. I will try to be more interesting next time.

Until,
D :)

Move This

After several days of nothing beyond the first steps on Tuesday, Port has been walking all over today! Don't tell Hubby though, he really was hoping the walking would wait until he was back from his trip. I have yet to capture it on video. Every time I pull the Flip out, Port stops anything he is doing and makes a swift b-line towards it. I may have to figure out a way to be sneaky about it.

Well, I successfully moved the dresser/changing table into the new room. I am working on the crib here and there when I can. Unfortunately, I can't move it out of one room and into the other without disassembling it. *sigh* However, our master bedroom is looking more and more spacious! YAY! Hubby is going to be shocked when he comes home. Now if only I could find a place to put some of this stuff... the spare room closet is now packed to the gills! I still need to find a resting place for most of the stuff in the bookshelves as well as a pile of odds and ends of Hubby's stuff.

Since Port is napping (for the second time today! woo hoo!) I guess I will tackle cleaning the ceiling fan in the living room. It is a mess, and I got the big ladder out when I was cleaning the spare room, so it is handy. Though I wonder about the intelligence of standing on a ladder with only a 4 year old as a spotter...

Yesterday was the day for burnt out light bulbs! I swear I had at least 3 go out on me.

random, random, random....

Well the crib is now moved, the room is as good as it's going to get for a while. Port has been playing in the crib off and on; he seems excited about it now that it's lower and he can act like a monkey in a cage while in it (picture him standing, holding on to the bars, bouncing and grunting). I guess I am going to try to put him in it tonight. Wish us luck!

Until,
D :)

Dust In The Wind

Happy Friday Ladies (and Gents if there are some of you too!)!
I am so sorry I missed last week. I was, uh, well, just kind of in a funk and didn't really feel up to it. I'm sure you all know how that is.

Anyway, it's a new week and at times I am still in a funk, but I think I am working harder to overcome it and it seems to be working. I am taking some time, or rather, forcing myself to do some things just for me and I am liking the results.

So, come on in; of course I have coffee brewing. I made some brownies for a friend of mine for her birthday and well, I just had to save a couple for myself - they were a bit undercooked, so I didn't want to pass them on. But don't tell her though, she might get feisty. ;)

My Hubby is on a motorcycle trip in the desert this week and so it's been just me and the boys. My oldest (4 1/2) and I have been butting heads some, but I think we'll make it. I've tried to spend a little extra time with him playing and doing some things he wants to do.

During the baby's nap times though I have been cleaning out our spare room. I almost have it half way decent. I am trying to get the crib moved in there. Right now, the crib is in our room and no one is sleeping. Port ends up in our bed every night, and while I have no problems with cosleeping, it just isn't for us. Our bed is too small and Port does nothing but kick, head butt and flop himself all over the bed. I haven't had a decent couple of hours of sleep in almost 4 weeks now. (contributing to my funk I'm sure) I think if we can get the baby out of our room, we can get him sleeping in the crib. At almost 11 months old, there is no reason he shouldn't be able to sleep through the night, or at least for 5 or 6 hours straight. As it is right now, he sleeps for about 2, maybe 3 hours after he goes down for the night and then is up wanting in our bed. One night this week he slept for almost 4 hours and I was shocked.

Before I can move the crib in though, I am going to have to do some serious dusting. It has been a storage room for a long time and the dust bunnies rule the land. Any suggestions as to the best way to approach it? There are tons of knick-knacks and collectibles lining shelves in there, and the walls need a good wipe down as well. I am thinking of just taking a big towel and wetting it and using that instead of going through a million dust rags.

Anyway, since I am on my own tonight the boys are getting mac-n-cheese for dinner and I am going to attempt to make a pasta primavera with some shrimp. Hopefully it will turn out - I am excited about it already.

I hope you all have a great weekend! Thanks for coming by.

Until,
D :)