These Small Hours

Hi there Company Girls and Beloved Regulars! I trust you had a great holiday season. Are you glad it's over? I kind of am. I never really did hit that high point in Holiday Spirit. I think things were just too busy or something. I am ready to get back to normal; to be able to go to the Walmart return desk and not have to wait an hour and a half...to go to Target and actually see what is tagged on the shelf, on the shelf. I am ready to go to the post office without having to...well I guess the post office never really changes, huh?;)

Come on in, as always I have fresh coffee in the pot. I still have a good stash of peppermint mocha creamer too if you are so inclined. And yesterday I made fresh oatmeal scotchies. Don't mess with the fudge I made though - it didn't turn out any good. I need to work on my fudge making skills. I see a candy thermometer in my future. ;-)

I am so incredibly tired. Both the boys have a nasty cold, and Kiddo was up all night because of it. I am afraid tonight will be Port's turn. He has had a really bad day so far. I think I will most likely end up on the couch with him at some point in the night. Between the fever and the nasty, phlegm-y cough, he isn't going to get much sleep. At least I can give Kiddo OTC meds to help him rest well. Poor Port doesn't have that option.

My last post about my recurring dream sparked some interesting discussion. I don't know why we have recurring dreams; I however think it may have something to do with unfinished business or something we are trying to reconcile/decide upon. For almost 15 years I had the same dream weekly about a guy I went to high school with. Our parting of ways in our early college years was abrupt and I guess for all those years I had some sort of internal issue with it. At least once a week I would dream that I was walking through the halls (usually of our high school, but sometimes college) and he would be walking with a group of people 5-10 feet away. In every dream I would call out to him and he would never acknowledge me. Or he would look my way, give me a knowing look and then act like he didn't see me. I would yell and scream and call his name but he never responded.

About 6 months ago I reconnected with him on facebook, and the dreams went away.

It's funny how that happens.

Anyway, so maybe my dream had something to do with the fact that I never finished my graduate degree, or maybe it has to do with my strong desire to participate in a photography workshop or classes.

Who knows.

On facebook, a couple of my friends commented that I was indeed an important member of my college choir. It's funny, because I never really felt that way. To me, it felt as if I was just another nice voice in the mix; that no one would miss me if I wasn't there. But I guess some people thought I was important (well, 2 people anyway. lol). And that brings me all back to what I have talked about here before; the fact that we as a society don't let others know how we feel about them. What a difference it would have made to me in my college career if someone had just once said, "you are an important part of this group". {Gratitude Monday my friends! Participate with me!}

Seriously! I know it sounds simple, and that is the point. We as humans need to know how we are perceived; we need to know how people think of and feel about us.

My husband's grandfather, every time he saw us, always said, "I am so glad you got to see me!" ;-) But, in that joke, I know it was his way of saying he was glad we were there. And it always made me feel loved and wanted.

I was discussing with Hubby the other night - if we all spoke to each other the same way the characters in tv drama shows did, it would be incredible how different life would be. Imagine being able to discuss anything with anyone. Imagine not having to sensor yourself or bite your tongue. Imagine if you could tell someone how you felt, without having to worry about the recipient bottling up their feelings as well.

Of course, that world might be a little scary. lol

But I think there really is room for improvement in this area. I think we need to be more honest and forthcoming with each other. I think we need to show our "people" how we feel about them while they are here - not just in a nice eulogy after they are gone. What good is that anyway?

So yes, it was quite the thought provoking post for me.

In other news, today is New Year's Day! A new year, a new decade, a new everything it seems.

New Years has always been a perplexing concept for me. I just don't get it. It doesn't work in my thinking.

What I mean by that is - everyone goes on and on about things being new and fresh and making change, and then a month from now everyone is back to the same old routine. And they can never figure out why it works out that way.

Well here is the thing. New Year's Day is just another day of the week. It is the same old grind; of course nothing changes! Now, if every year at New Years we had a full week where everything shut down and people were able to take some time to get things in order, maybe things would be different. Why we place so much expectation on one little day on the calendar is beyond me. Do we have more time in that day? No. Do we have less responsibility in that day, freeing up the existing time for us? Usually not. How do we expect to fit it all in, start anew and fresh and organized if there is no extra time involved to get those things in order? We can't figure it out the rest of the year, what makes January 1st so special?

I am speaking strictly from my own experience, so if you have an answer for me I would love to hear it.

And I usually try to avoid resolutions. They just don't work for me and the frustration and disappointment I face each year after once again failing is just too much trouble for me now. I haven't made a resolution in years - at least not a serious one. This year, I would like to be more organized, but golly I have no clue how to go about it. I suppose getting off the computer once in a while might free up some time...

Anyway...just something to think about I guess.

How can I reorganize my life, while living that same life I lived yesterday? There just aren't enough hours...

Until,
D :)