Friday, May 28, 2010


Happy Friday everyone!

I am just trying to catch a quick moment here before the beastie wakes from his nap to chat with you some before the weekend. I am in a particularly good humor, so I thought it best to write something positive for a change. lol!

This morning started off bright and early just before 5AM when Port woke up screaming. His diaper was over capacity and he had wet himself and the bed. I got up and changed him and cleaned him up, but I couldn't put him back to bed because everything was wet and there was no way of keeping him quiet while I changed the sheets. So, we went to the couch, and within about 30 minutes he had raided the refrigerator 3 times for hot dogs and chicken nuggets. He is always soooo hungry when he wakes that early. It is weird. Then after round 2 of nuggets, he wanted me to get out the train tracks (his new obsession). The problem was, it was only 6AM and everyone else was trying to sleep. He got away from me when I dozed off for a second and busted into his room and began to dig out the trains. I ran in after him and tried to get a few out quietly so he would be satisfied, but he kept talking to me and we woke up Kiddo. So, by the time Hubby got up at around 7, the whole house was alive with people.


So, today I am taking caffeine intravenously and trying not to nod off every time things get peaceful around here. I had to deliver a print order downtown this morning, so on the way back we stopped at Costco to pick up a few things (and I spent UNDER $100!!! I don't think that has ever happened!). It was a disaster from the moment we pulled into the parking lot. Port was exhausted from being up so early and Kiddo was whiny because we didn't stop and play on the playground that we stopped at to deliver the print order.

I got them in the door and suddenly Port refused to go anywhere. He wouldn't help me push the cart, he wouldn't walk with me and he wouldn't ride. So we had to go out of the store and then in through the exit so we could make it to the concession area. I got the boys each a hot dog and we had an early lunch. Port seemed to be in a better humor so we went back out and then in the entrance and tried again. Kiddo wanted to ride so he was in the cart and Port was helping me push. When we got to the back of the store, Kiddo exclaimed that he felt like he was going to throw up (we are all still experiencing nausea from last week's sickies) so I got him out of the cart. Of course, the bathrooms in Costco are in the FRONT of the store, so I took a chance and just let Kiddo walk slowly while we picked up the rest of the items we needed. In the frozen section Port decided to scream and not walk again so after trying everything I could think of I just put him in the cart and strapped him in. He did not like that one bit. He screamed the rest of the way through the store.

These days I am so frazzled that when something like that happens I have a hard time maintaining my cool. Port was screaming and Kiddo was fighting me with the shopping cart. I asked him several times to walk beside the cart and hold it with one hand. He has a tendency to try to hold on with both hands and it makes the cart very hard to steer. So after telling him several times to let go, he again pulled sharply on the cart with his "free" hand. My back is acting up again right now, and the automatic response I had in correcting the wayward cart made a pain shoot down my leg. I swatted at his hand, which of course caused him to let out a shriek (even though I missed). Port was already crying so at that point everyone in the area looked up at us.

What a great mommy I am!

We made it to the check out with no vomiting but lots of crying. While waiting in line I reined in my anger and tickled Port until he laughed, which thankfully cheered up Kiddo too. But by the time we got through the checkout Port had enough tickles and was screaming again and my blood pressure shot right back up. It's so hard to not feel judged when your kids are acting like that, and swatting at Kiddo like I did was not something I would normally do, especially in public. We made it home after a few more detours and I put Port right to bed for a nap.

And then I saw it.

I won a contest!!

I won a very cool Second Skin Baby Wrap through Custom Photo Props and Shuttermom University! I am so excited! I enter stuff all the time and never win anything! I can't wait to get it and try it out on a newborn! YAY! So, if you or someone you know is expecting, I am currently offering no session fees and a $100 print credit for newborn sessions! This deal is only available for a limited time so contact me soon to take advantage!

Whoa, that sounded like an ad. Sorry. I am just! so! excited!

And if you are in the child photo biz, I urge you to check out Custom Photo Props' website. She has so many yummy, yummy things to make beautiful images with. I have a wish list for her store that is a mile long!

Have a wonderful weekend!

D :)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Treat Me Nice

We sort of have an open snacking thing going on in our house.

As in, short people are constantly eating.

The little one, Port, is at the pantry or the refrigerator every 5-10 minutes sometimes. For a long time I was ok with it because I wanted him to feel comfortable checking out what foods we have and trying out new things. He is a terribly picky eater, and getting him to eat anything was a struggle for a long time.

Getting him to eat is still a struggle, unless the item is made mostly out of sugar.

Things have gotten out of control. One good thing, he has dropped the 20 hot dog a day habit (kidding! sort of) but now instead he still eats nothing but junk.

And the begging and screaming for junk just got worse and worse and worse.

And Kiddo, who is usually pretty good about listening to me and minding my rules about when and what he can eat, has snuck food he knew he couldn't have, three days in a row. Yesterday it was particularly bad when he didn't eat his lunch or dinner because he had snacked too much throughout the day. Needless to say, I was a wee bit ticked.

So, today I became the food Nazi. Sort of.

No junk food today - well, at least, no candy or suckers. I redirected several requests to healthier options. We had cut apples and lots of fresh cherries, watermelon and pear. I was hoping to tame the sweet cravings with fruit instead of sugary things. I also let them have a frozen Simply Gogurt after playing out in the heat. They looooooved that!

And I have to say, thank you God for giving someone the idea to invent a cherry pitter. Best money I've spent in a long time! The one I have pits 4 cherries at a time. It. Rocks.

There were lots of tears from both boys, but I distracted them by forcing them to go outside and play (a little break for mom's sanity too!).

It was also a bit rough because our dvd player is dying. So there was no Veggie Tales to entertain during the evening dinner prep time. I had to be the tv Nazi too - I wasn't about to be subjected to Barney because our dvd player wasn't working. {note to self, purchase a new dvd player pronto!}

But, we somehow made it through.

Here is hoping tomorrow will be even better.

D :)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Sea Legs

Yesterday Port had another melt down of epic proportions as we were leaving the grocery store. He wanted a bag of M&Ms and I wouldn't let him have them (the last time we were there he snagged a bag on the way out and I had to go back and pay for them). He screamed and kicked and fought me getting into the car seat and then screamed the whole way home. When we got home he cried some more and eventually calmed down enough to ask for something to eat. Before I gave him what he wanted, I got down on his level and calmly told him that all that screaming and crying and fit was wrong and that it was not nice. I told him he needed to apologize to me, and I said "say 'I'm sorry Mommy'". He looked up at me, opened his mouth, turned his head to Kiddo and said "I saw-wy {Kiddo}."


The past week or so has just been full of extreme ups and downs. Getting sick last week put my already behind self REALLY behind, and now I am struggling to even keep an organized thought in my head. Kim and I got away for a very short trip to the beach. We left Saturday morning and got back Sunday afternoon. It was so worth it, but way too short. I wasn't feeling 100% either, and so some of the time there was spent just sitting still and trying to settle my stomach. We stayed in a hotel in Rockport right on the bay, but Saturday afternoon we drove out to Port Aransas to check out the beach. Kim got to experience her first ferry ride. Thankfully for me and my unending queasiness, it was a short one. (photos courtesy of Kim, except the ones of Kim, those are courtesy of, well, me.)Walking on the beach was so nice! I just loved listening to the surf and feeling the sand on my feet. We had some silly fun too - this is in Port A near one of the many gift shops. I know, I look amazing. It's ok to say it. ;-)

We had dinner that night at the Paradise Key Island Grill. I was a little queasy. It may have had something to do with the "pink lemonade" I drank on an empty stomach while we waited 45 minutes for a table. It was so good though! They had a whole selection of great sliders that is not on the website menu. Kim had the beef and I ordered the shrimp sliders. By the time the food came I was too queasy to eat, but they were excellent the next day! The shrimp sliders were served with a very yummy remoulade/aioli that was also great on the fries.We were seated at probably the worst table available on the patio, but it was still fun. They had live music and lots of excitement with the bar patrons. Two older ladies jumped up from their seats at the their table and busted out dancing during one of the songs. Fishermen who still had sea legs tripped over themselves and almost crashed into me. A youngish guy with too many beers in his belly sang obnoxiously loud to a couple of songs and made Kim and I thankful we were no longer that age.

BUT - being out, enjoying dinner, and not having to deal with high chairs or wipies or sippies or snack cups or mac-n-cheese or screaming kids made it soooooo worth it!

That night I slept very little. I had a hard time actually getting to sleep - between the group of people down at the pool laughing loudly until almost 1AM and my sad, pitiful brain thinking terribly irrational and scary thoughts, I didn't drift off to sleep until sometime after 2. Then I slept lightly; being woken every few minutes or so by the air conditioner coming on or cutting off. I am used to sleeping in a wind tunnel with constant noise all night long, so the loud to dead-silent fluctuations kept me in a very light, troubled sleep most of the night.

It was still nice not having to share blankets or space. ahhhh!

The next morning on the way out we stopped at a little bay side business and looked for a few more shells for the kids. We found much bigger ones here than the ones we found in Port A.

I wish I had just half of her hair - it is so crazy beautiful!

It was a great trip, but way too short. When we got back I was a bit disappointed that the house was trashed and I had to jump right back into cleaning and dinner duty before I had even had a chance to sit down. But, that's being a mom I guess; as soon as you are within 50 feet of the short people you have to get right back to work. ;)

At least I got about 30 hours of only having to take care of myself. It was a nice break.

The boys were pretty happy to see me when I got back, and Kiddo cried for a good 30 minutes at bed time because for some reason he wanted me to stay in the room when I put him to bed. I haven't done that in a couple of years now, so his crying was both bittersweet and slightly annoying. Port went to bed quite easily that night.

So since then I have been playing catch up and riding this bizarre roller coaster. I am tolerating the boys' antics better, but they are still pushing all my buttons. Yesterday was filled with such highs and lows. I am sort of coordinating a project with the local children's hospital here that provides photographic services to needy families with children in the ICU, critical care or hospice situations. We received our first call for a session yesterday, so I had to find a volunteer available to do the session. Just the thought of the service being needed put me in a funk. But then the boys would do something cute (like working out to Yoga Booty Ballet - oh yeah!) and my spirits would be lifted. Then my website went down (the host server crashed) and I was panicked. Then I got an awesome compliment on my work and I was giddy again. The boys would do something horrible, down I go. Another compliment on my work, right back up!

By bed time I was exhausted.

And since this is getting way long, I bet you are too. I will stop now.

D :)

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Visitors

Happy Friday!

First, I would like to start this post with some ooey-gooey sweetness. This is an audio recording of my sweet babies singing the night-night song with me. The quiet voice matching pitch is Kiddo, singing what he calls "the cello part". The louder voice is Port. Enjoy!
Port Singing (link should be fixed!)

Doesn't that just make you all warm and fuzzy?? Ahhhh! Me too! I keep it on my phone so I can listen to it any time I want.

And now for the not so pretty...This has been one heck of a week! Let me back track a little to paint that pretty picture for you, shall I?

Ok, so last week, Kiddo had some tummy issues of the lower GI nature. I didn't really think anything of it; it happens every now and then. Also, late in the week some time, Port threw up one morning. It was weird; he had the hiccups and they were really harsh. When he did it, it was like he choked on phlegm or something, so again I didn't think anything of it. It freaked him out though as it was his first experience with that. Friday through Sunday I had tummy trouble and then Sunday and Monday Hubby did. Tuesday, Port had serious issues and had 2 very disgusting blow out have-to-clean-everything-in-sight diapers. Major Yuck.

Tuesday night Hubby had some tummy cramping and nausea most of the night, but he was fine in the morning. So by Wednesday, I started putting 2 and 2 together and realized that we may have been passing a tummy bug around. Sadly, my beautiful sister in law was already on her way to visit us, and there was no way to warn her of what she was walking into. But, I figured, it had been through the whole family so it was probably done, and before she arrived I made sure to wipe down everything I could think of with disinfecting wipes.

So she arrived Wednesday morning and it was so great to see her. She played with the kids and let me take a shower in peace, and then while the baby was napping she let me run to Sonic for 10 minutes to myself and a half price Dr. Pepper. Bliss!!! I brought back drinks for everyone and all was well. When she and the boys were outside playing that morning, they came in once when Kiddo complained that he thought he was going to throw up. It was a very strange thing for him to say, because for one, he's only thrown up twice and two, he was pretty little both times - I didn't think he would know what that sensation felt like. But, after coming in the house he said he felt fine so I didn't think anything of it.

After lunch and happy hour, we were hanging out and Kiddo ran to go to the bathroom. I heard him coughing and then he started crying. I ran in to find he had vomited all over the bathroom floor. Once I got him calmed down and everything cleaned up, he seemed fine and didn't complain about it at all afterward. Later that evening, I started feeling queasy and light headed.

I was sick all night and most of the morning yesterday. Good times.

It looks like I got the worst of it. Hopefully no one else will get sick and we will be done with all this. And hopefully my wonderful sister in law will escape unscathed. She thankfully was here to help me with the boys all morning while I was still throwing up and Hubby was able to come home early from work to help for the rest of the day. By dinner time I was feeling up to finally ingesting something more than sips of water. I started with a piece of bread and then later half a banana. A bowl of Ramen noodles topped out my night and then I started feeling queasy again so I went to bed early.

Thankfully this morning I seem to be much better, and aside from the wicked caffeine headache I have I am feeling great.

I am praying this has run it's course because I am leaving tomorrow for a short weekend at the beach with Kim, and it would be really bad if Hubby or one of the kids came down with this while I was gone.

So keep your fingers and toes crossed for me, please?


Maybe next time my sweet sis comes to visit, she won't have to play nurse and babysitter to a messed up family. So sorry Aunt Addie! Please come back soon! I promise there will be less sickies.


Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Every day I think about blogging and what I want to write about, and every day something comes in the way of that and I either feel guilty for taking the time to blog, or guilty for not blogging. So I am cramming this in with my morning coffee - since I usually sit at the computer anyway. I've been doing this blogging thing for long enough now that I know many of you are regular readers and I don't want to disappoint any of you. I have had some ideas recently for getting myself to post here more regularly, but I have yet to implement them.


Anyway, I am still here, and am just absolutely, positively swamped. It is to the point that half the time I sit staring at the computer trying to figure out where to start, or I am yelling at the kids to leave me along so I can get some work done. Of course, the latter makes me feel horrible, and just about every time I smack myself upside the head and get up and go play with them. Then I feel even more overwhelmed and behind on the work that needs to be done and I smack myself again for that.

There are so many bruises.

And I am not even going to talk about the house.

So yes, I am trying to get all my April sessions edited - the wedding is what is bogging me down the most. I am, for the most part, a portrait photographer. And with that, it is easy for me to be a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to the images I create. When there are only 40 images total to edit from a session, I can go over each one with a fine toothed comb and get them perfect for proofing. And it doesn't take me too terribly long. The problem with a wedding - well first off you start with about 3000 images! Which is about oh, 2900 more than a usual session. Then I have to narrow those down to a reasonable amount, in this case about 500, and then in the editing process they are narrowed down again to anywhere from 200-400 final images. It takes a LONG time to get through all of those! And, I can't exactly go over each one with a fine toothed comb or I would be editing well into the summer!

The boys aren't helping; for some reason the last few weeks they have been at each other's throats. I can't keep the baby out of stuff and the big kid is driving me nuts. I love them both to pieces, but dang, give a momma a break already!

So anyway, I am trying to find a happy medium between a "quick and dirty" edit and my portrait perfection edits so I can get these done. I have yet to find that solution.

And now my carpal tunnel is acting up. Ouch.

I have pain from the second knuckle in each of my fingers all the way down (up??) to my elbow. It hurts so bad! I hardly slept last night because of it.

That, and the baby waking up at 4:30.

Something is affecting him; he had 2 massively disgusting, blow out, have to clean everything in sight diapers yesterday. When he started fussing at 4:30 this morning, I jumped out of bed fearing another poop-plosion. Thankfully it was a false alarm, but we ended up on the couch anyway for the rest of the night. In my light, in-and-out sleep, I dreamed about poop everywhere.

Good times.

Today Aunt Addie is coming for a visit and Kiddo is so excited! He can hardly sit still. It will be fun having her here with us. Hopefully we can find some fun things to do.

Hope you are having a nice week!

D :)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Something Special

Special needs, special needs, special needs...

Apparently I am an idiot.

I can't believe that when I filled out the special needs portion of the teacher request form for Kiddos kinder class, I totally forgot about his hyperacusis. What is wrong with me??? Perhaps I am the one with special needs.

I am so mad at myself.

Did I ever mention here that in Sunday school, they now give Kiddo a set of headphones during the music/worship time? I guess he was still freaking out a lot when it got really loud, and so now they let him wear headphones and he stays calmer.

My poor boy.

I don't know if I should call the school or just wait until I have to go back up there in August to turn in the medical forms or what. This is just so overwhelming. Hopefully I can get him evaluated by the school and they can do something to help him. Eventually he is going to realize that his "different" is not something the other kids will admire. Eventually he is going to be made fun of. Eventually someone is going to break his heart. I know it would happen anyway, problems or not, I just wish it was for the normal things, not these uncontrollable things he has to deal with. He can't help that his ears are different. He can't help that he is allergic to peanuts.

If we ever have to get him braces - Lord have mercy.

I am still having ups and downs with this whole school thing. I can't even picture it without getting teary, and the whole thing just scares me to death. I've come to realize that what I am the most scared of is the peanut allergy.

I am not afraid of him gaining independence, I am not afraid of him being away from me in the normal sense; he does all that at Sunday school and I love that he loves it so much. But that is a pretty controlled environment where I am only 30 seconds away if something happens.

I am afraid he will come into contact with peanuts and have a reaction and no one will know how to help him. I am afraid he will be scared and hurting and needing me and I will be unaware that anything is happening. I am afraid that some kid won't understand the consequences of what could happen and shove a peanut butter sandwich in his face just to be funny or mean. I am afraid a child will have some on their hands or clothes and he will come in contact with it. I am afraid a child will lie to him about it and he will believe them and eat some and not realize what it is until it's too late.

I am afraid.

I know that he can overcome the limitations of the hyperacusis. He can cope. But the peanut allergy - the stuff is everywhere and he is so trusting that others won't give him something with peanuts. I tell him all the time to never ever take food from another kid without asking me first if he can have it, and yet he still does it. He will just ask the kid if it has peanuts, and if they say no he will eat it. What happens if someone tries to give him a butterfinger? reeces pieces? a nutter butter? There are so many things that a child wouldn't think has peanuts (or peanut butter) in them. What if they have a cookie that was made in the same place as a peanut butter cookie? It could be contaminated.

I may just make myself crazy thinking about all of this. How do other parents cope? I don't want to hide him in the house forever. I just don't fully trust the outside world to look out for him; or for him to look out for himself. And if you get on any forum or place where people are talking about peanut bans in schools and readers can leave comments - just spending about 5 minutes reading the "opinions" is enough to make me want to withdraw his registration right now. I never thought so many people could be so cold and uncaring about a helpless child.

I may need therapy before long.


Monday, May 10, 2010

River God

Cuteness today:

Port standing in the pantry pulling each item off the shelf and saying, "wan dis? noooo. wan dis? noooo." At least he was putting everything back where it was supposed to go.

Earlier, he was eating a hot dog and spinning in circles. He would spin a couple of times, then stop and with a huge grin on his face and hot dog sticking out between his teeth he would say "I silly! I silly!"

When we arrived at church on Sunday we were a bit late. I was walking with Kiddo and Hubby was behind us walking with Port. Hubby was telling Port that we needed to hurry because we were late. As we walked in the front doors, Port yells, "we LATE!". His voice was so enthusiastic and adorable.

When he brought me a crayon, I told Port it was green. He said "oooh geeeen!" then looked at me and yelled "It's not LELLOW!"

Port is at that adorable and frustrating age where everything he does say is so incredibly cute, and everything he can't say brings him serious anger and frustration. He is a hitter and a head butter and I am really struggling to keep him from hurting himself and his brother when his temper flares. He's going to be a great football player or wrestler some day. I have a feeling contact sports are going to be his thing.

Gratitude Monday

This will be published late, but since it was technically Monday when I started, I should post some gratitudes (lookie there I made up a new word!).

1. my sweet Hubby, who made Mother's Day weekend so very lovely this year. We went out to dinner Friday night, he brought me a cake Saturday night after the boys went to bed, and Sunday Kiddo gave me the card he made, and Hubby gave me his "card", a $5 Starbucks gift card. He totally rocks!
2. my friends, who, when I really need it, bring me drinks from Sonic and special coffee from their trips - I love them so much and thank God for them every day. Specifically, Kim, who is such a sweet person and an amazing friend. I cannot tell her that enough!
3. my God, my Savior, my Redeemer! I have to praise Him every day! It is so amazing to me that when I am totally down and out, He surrounds me with people that lift me up and with words of encouragement everywhere I turn. And I am so thankful to be "just a little smoother in His hands".
4. podcasts - haha! I know it seems silly, but this whole new world of podcasting has led me to some of the most amazing people and experiences! I am so excited to see where this experience takes Kim and I in the future.

Hope you all have a blessed week!

D :)

River God - Nicole Nordeman

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Sign Them Papers

Today has been a really, really hard day.

I don't know exactly how this post is going to go, but I can pretty much guarantee it's not going to be sunshine and roses, so if you don't want to read about my struggles, feel free to move on to something else. There is a long list of very good blogs in my sidebar that I am sure will be enjoyable. Maybe next week I will have something better to talk about.

So, today was kindergarten registration.

If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, or if you listen to the podcast or know me in real life, you know I have been dreading this.

It sucks.

Can I just say that again? It sucks.

And I am trying to keep a smile on my face, I am trying to not let my kids see what a torture this is to me. Because it is a torture. And I am not going to apologize for that. This is not what I ever wanted for Kiddo; not what I want for him at all and yet I am completely powerless to prevent it. And the thought of him going to public school every day makes me sick to my stomach. I have had a headache and heartburn for days now. Part of it is allergies, yes, but I know a lot of it is not.

I have been having the weirdest dreams. Dreams of me being back in college, back in that ridiculously tense choir room. I am there with every musician that passed through the doors in the almost 8 years I was there, and we are all vying for our rightful spot in the choir hierarchy.

Yes, there was a hierarchy. Yes, there was tension. Don't let our melodious harmonies and perfectly synchronized group sway fool you.

And in every single dream I am the outsider. I have no assigned seat, there is no room in the soprano section for me and I can't find my music folder.

I guess the dream is the equivalent to the showing up on test day without a scantron, or worse, your pants.

I am grinding my teeth in my sleep; something I only do when I am deeply stressed about something.

And today I thought I could be ok with all of this. I can talk about it and tell myself the good things about him going to school; I can reason with myself that my fears and hang ups are not as big and important as him getting out into a group setting and being around other kids. I know he needs peer interaction. I know he needs time away from me. I know I need time away from him.

If the last two weeks have been any indication, we both need a break.

But even though I can rationalize and find favor in him going to school, deep down, I know it is most definitely not what I want.

So we go today, and I try not to make a big deal about it, because I know that while he is very excited about it all, he is definitely nervous too. I do believe that a lot of his excessive whining and weirdness in the past two weeks has been partly due to knowing we were doing this today. I prepped him as we pulled into the parking lot, and asked him to please not interrupt when I was talking to the adults and to please try to not ask random strangers too many questions. (he has a bad habit of doing that) He did really well, except for when he cornered some poor mom and her 3 kids while he chatted them up and asked for all their names and birthdays.


At least she was nice, and her oldest was starting kindergarten this fall too and so she made sure he properly introduced himself. And she didn't even stumble when Kiddo asked her for her birth date.


We made it through the paper work and I was able to ask the nurse about Kiddo's need to carry an epi pen. She had to give me a stack of paperwork for that, and I have to have physician's signatures on a bunch of it. So I guess I need to schedule an appointment with the allergist. I am supposed to bring the paperwork back to the school the week before classes start and go over everything with the nurse then. She said that they also do an orientation on the first day of classes that informs the kids that they have a classmate with an allergy and the things they can and can't do. I was kind of disappointed that she didn't say that the school or certain classes might be peanut free, but I guess that is really too much to ask. Though, she did say they had several students with peanut allergies.

I am concerned that the paperwork she gave me was for "self carry and administration" of meds. I certainly prefer him to carry them on his person at all times, but he is by no means able to self administer them. Shoot, I am not real sure an adult could self administer if in that situation. I guess it's another question I am going to have to ask. There are so many.

The whole situation was surreal; nothing really out of the ordinary happened. I didn't necessarily have a bad feeling about the place, but I didn't get a good one either. I didn't have the right document showing his vaccination history but the nurse was able to look him up on some state registry. The woman who was checking everyone in and giving out all the paperwork looked tired and stressed. She wasn't rude by any means, just not very friendly or welcoming. She made me feel like she didn't want to be there. Maybe she didn't. I did find it strange that while she smiled at everyone else, she never smiled at me. Also, she gave a book to every child that came through to register, except for us.

We made it through and left the building. I had to promise Kiddo we'd be back in August to meet his teacher and see his room before school officially started. He wanted to see everything today, but of course that was not possible. We got out to the van, I got everyone in their seats, put the van in reverse, and burst into tears. It totally snuck up on me.

I took a deep breath and backed out, and suddenly Port was asking for a hot dog. It was a very unusual request for being in the van - he knows that snacks in the car usually consist of gold fish crackers and the occasional baggie or cheerios. His request got more and more, um, enthusiastic, and since we were actually headed to HEB I decided a detour to Sonic (and a huge Dr. Pepper to choke down the tears) was in order. We enjoyed some snacks in the car and all felt better in time for the grocery store trip.

When we got home I commented on facebook about the experience and how I felt like I was going at the whole thing blindly. I hadn't been able to find any information on the teachers at the school, nor did I know anyone who had a child in the kinder program there. After chatting with a couple of people, I was able to find more info on the teachers. An old high school friend told me a few of her friends liked 2 of the teachers in particular, but that was all I really had to go on. I realized that most people request the teacher(s) they want, and she convinced me it would probably be in Kiddo's best interest to do the same.

Since I was going on very little information, I decided that three of the teachers would probably be a better choice than the other 2 available, and so when Port woke up from his nap we went back up to the school to fill out the request form. The same woman was doing the check ins, and she still looked tired and unhappy. The nurse actually got me the form I needed and left the boys and I in the front office to fill it out.

There was a section on the form that you have to fill out where you write a few sentences about the "special needs" of your child and why you think the teachers you were requesting would be a better fit. I could not think of anything worth while to say, so I just put some nonsense on there about Kiddo being easily distracted and asking a lot of questions (I mean, surely that is well within the broad range of "normal" for a 5 year old, right?) and that he needed someone who was understanding of that and encouraging of his inquisitive nature, and also someone who would be comfortable administering life saving medication. I don't know if any of the teachers I requested fit that bill, but that was all I could think of.

What I should have put there was this: I am too distracted by the 2 year old who is trying to destroy your office and my school aged child really has no "special needs" to speak of. However, I am yet another psychotic mommy who is stressed out and feeling inadequate and only wants the best possible experience for her child, and who was told by other caring moms that these three teachers are ok while the other two suck. Please help me feel like I am advocating for my child in some small way by making me feel like I had some control in this personally awful situation. Thankyouverymuch.

If only we could be so honest.

So, we will see how this all pans out. I have been a mess all day; crying at the drop of a hat and very sentimental toward my boys. Kiddo got a lot of cuddles and kisses during Port's nap time. I think he needed it almost as much as I did.

The next few months are going to age me 10 years. I already feel an ulcer and the gray hair coming on.


Saturday, May 01, 2010


Happy Saturday!

I know, I've been MIA all week. It's been a pretty rough one. I've been terribly stressed out; I'm way behind on my editing and feeling the crunch of it now makes me sort of go catatonic. Add on top of that the fact that my life "plate" is overflowing, and allergies are hitting me and the boys extremely hard. Port has some sort of massive sinus infection/allergy thing, and he has not been sleeping well. We spent one entire night this week on the couch, where I laid with him all night listening to him struggle to breathe. Like me, he doesn't sleep well with his mouth open, and every time he fell into a deeper sleep he would close his mouth. Unfortunately, his sinuses were so clogged that it would make him stop breathing all together, and then after several beats of silence he would wake up gasping for air. When he would swallow, it would create a suction in his sinuses and hurt his ears and throat. He was a mess.

Thankfully we only had one night of that, and the next night I pulled out the full arsenal of decongestant measures - I put saline in his nose, vicks on his feet, vapor lotion on his chest and gave him a dose of benadryl. I put the cool mist humidifier in the boy's room and they both slept the entire night in peace. Unfortunately, whatever it is that Port has seemed to afflict Kiddo too, and yesterday they were both pretty snotty.

My allergies are going haywire as well - my throat is raw from drainage and my ears and mouth itch. I ran out of oregano oil and I swear the next day the allergies got me. That stuff really keeps my symptoms at bay. I need to get to the store and get more asap.

Hubby is gone for the weekend on a motorcycle trip. Today it is a wonderful 72 degrees - absolutely perfect weather for riding. I haven't had the desire to ride the bike in a long time, but today I do for some reason. I saw this pic in the hallway and got all nostalgic.

This was one of the few times I rode by myself. I owned that bike for a few years. Actually, this pic is from the day Hubby took me out to learn how to drive it. I am pretty sure this moment was right after I had laid it down on my leg. lol! Thankfully I didn't hurt anything (except my pride) so I got up and drove it down the road again. On the way home from this ride I ran out of gas and had to coast on fumes for a few miles. Now that was fun. not.

I haven't been on a bike since before the kids were born. Hubby still rides all the time (of course) but I really haven't wanted to. Just before we moved back from Arizona Hubby had a wreck and shattered his wrist. After we moved back, just in time for Kiddo's first birthday, Hubby wrecked again and ripped open his leg. No, riding a bike was not really something I wanted to do after having kids. It just seemed to scary.

Today I am missing that feeling of freedom; wind on my face, the road flying by beneath my feet, the total lack of responsibilities and obligations. The fear and the excitement; the rush from going fast and leaning into turns... I miss it a lot today.

I think I am just overloaded with obligations and responsibility. I really wish I could just get away for a bit. I need to clear my head and figure out what the heck I am doing with myself. I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions right now. I am doing a thousand different things in a mediocre way when what I really want is to do one or two things really well.

But I can't figure out what those things are supposed to be. I am running as fast as I can into anything I can find, trying to find my place. And at the same time feeling completely and totally lost.

D :)

Ride - Martina McBride

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