Here we are almost all the way through the month - I can't believe I have made it this far. And it really was relatively easy, mainly because for once, I didn't really think too hard about what to blog about. Now of course, that makes for a lot of "this is what I did today" sort of boring posts, but very few of you all still read my little blog anymore so I guess I don't have to strive too much for literary greatness in every post...
not that I ever did that in the first place. anywho.....
I have to say I am pretty proud of myself this week. I actually let. something. go. Haha! I didn't think I was capable. And it may only be temporary, but for now it feels pretty good. For the past couple of years I have been on this bizarre, mid-life crisis truth quest, and while it's been liberating and exhilarating, at the same time it has caused me a lot of stress and strife. It is a struggle to live like this, seeking truth from everything and everyone, when everything and everyone else doesn't function that way. There just isn't a lot of truth in this world. We have all been lied to and have lied about so many things for so long that the lies have become the truth. So often I find myself not knowing what to believe anymore.
So this week I was faced with deciding to stick up for what I know to be the truth, or to let it go and just let people believe what they want to and tell themselves whatever it takes to feel ok. It is hard. It is not something I like doing these days. I have very little tolerance for it right now, but after hashing it out over and over for a few days I just decided it's not worth it. So for now, I have let it go. And I hope that the effort it took to do that is worth the headache it caused me (and a couple of close friends - sorry!). It really just boils down to the fact that I have too much crazy in my own head to have to try to tame someone else's.
So anyway, now Thanksgiving is over we plow head first into the landslide to Christmas. And suddenly my totally open calendar is filled with meetings and get togethers and baking and crafting (cuz there will sadly be no buying this year) and photography sessions and seeing old friends, meeting new babies and supporting friends and family during transition. But isn't that life all the time? Why does it suddenly seem like everything is crammed into 4 short weeks?
I love this song - it's one of those I get lost in in the midst of the chaos that is constantly in my head. I can totally relate to the lyrics, and I miss those moments being on stage and having people in my spell, if only for a moment. I wish it were so easy to capture someone's attention. There are a couple of people I would absolutely love to be able to "have" for just few minutes, just to say the things I need to say.
Until,
D :)
Spotlight shining brightly
on my face
I can't see a thing
and yet I feel you looking my way
Empty stage
With nothing but this girl
Who's singing this simple melody
And wearing her heart on her sleeve
And right now
I have you
For a moment I can tell I've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you
Beauty emanates from every
word that you say
And captured the deepest thoughts
in the purest and simplest of ways
But you see
I'm not that graceful
Like you
Nor am I as eloquent
But just a simple melody
Can change the way that you see me
And right now
I have you
For a moment I can tell I've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you
And all my life I've stumbled
But up here i am just perfect
Perfect as I'll ever be
I have you
For a moment I can tell I've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you
Showing posts with label Mental Jukebox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Jukebox. Show all posts
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Bring Me To Life
{beautiful sky, shot with my iPhone, somewhere outside of Crowley, Louisiana}
I am sitting here tonight eating some banana pudding. This is a fantastic recipe! I usually just make banana pudding with nilla wafers, bananas and well, pudding. I never would have thought to add anything to that. But holy moly, adding cream cheese?!?! Genius!
Anyway, we came home today after a very long 4 day trip and I am just flat out exhausted. I had to make banana pudding tonight because I accidentally left a huge bunch of bananas here instead of taking them on the trip like I had planned. Port eats bananas a lot - they are one of the few things he will eat on a regular basis so I try to keep some in the house at all times. I left the bananas and the other fruit I bought for him (grapes and apples) here and when we got back today the whole bunch was on the verge of being too ripe. My freezer is already full of over ripe bananas that I will someday use for banana bread, but I didn't want to toss these in there too so I made the pudding. So yummy!
It was fun visiting with the family but I am so glad to be home. I don't much care for living out of a suitcase (or in this case a duffel bag. I don't own a suitcase!). Tomorrow I get to spend the better part of my morning with a beautiful newborn boy as I am doing a newborn session. I am so excited! I also have another newborn session in Dallas coming up sometime in the next week or so.
Some day I will have a chance to sit down and breathe. I am thinking it will be sometime around February.
Until,
D :)
Mental Jukebox Selection today: Evanescence, Bring Me To Life. I can't get this one out of my head today.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Head On
Another day, another post forgotten until it's too late for me to think. I promise to be more on top of things tomorrow. Today just had too many errands, whiny kids, dirty dogs, smelly diapers and dirty dishes.
I pulled up to Kiddo's school today to pull into my usual parking spot so I could pick him up and as soon as I turned off the car my phone rang. It was the school nurse. The moment she told me who she was, my heart stopped. Kiddo was in her office, but thankfully it was only for a bump on the head.
That's pretty sad when you are thankful for a head bonk.
He got hit with a locker door and has a pretty good little goose egg on his forehead. I am so thankful that my first call from the nurse did not involve epi pens or medical assistance. *shew!*
So that was the excitement for the day.
And with that, I am taking my weary body to bed. I will leave you with today's mental jukebox song.
Lovely, by Sara Haze
Until,
D :)
I pulled up to Kiddo's school today to pull into my usual parking spot so I could pick him up and as soon as I turned off the car my phone rang. It was the school nurse. The moment she told me who she was, my heart stopped. Kiddo was in her office, but thankfully it was only for a bump on the head.
That's pretty sad when you are thankful for a head bonk.
He got hit with a locker door and has a pretty good little goose egg on his forehead. I am so thankful that my first call from the nurse did not involve epi pens or medical assistance. *shew!*
So that was the excitement for the day.
And with that, I am taking my weary body to bed. I will leave you with today's mental jukebox song.
Lovely, by Sara Haze
Until,
D :)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Where I Stood
I cannot count the number of times in my life I have wished there was a way to record all the thoughts in my head. I get to thinking about something and is swirls around and swirls around and works itself out to the point that it sounds so good - and of course at that moment the thoughts are perfect and I have no way of getting them out of my head and in written or recorded form. It is frustrating. Often I think of things so deeply that even if I can sit down to write, I can't make it come out the right way. Or the thoughts are so complex with so many layers that I couldn't possibly express them in a way that makes sense.
I am not trying to say I am highly intelligent or anything, but my thoughts sometimes go into great detail that I find fascinating to me. And based on the response I get from my blog readers and the podcast listeners and my other various outlets, I am sure there is an audience that would appreciate them. But it kills me that they may never be heard. I need you to just get in my head and sit around there for a while, listening and looking at the pretty pictures my thoughts create. I think it would be interesting.
I know that at some point technology will find a way, but for now I have to sit down at the computer each day and desperately try to remember what it was I wanted to talk about and how to say it. And so many times, while I am doing something else, I find myself thinking of the perfect post from start to finish and then I sit down to write it and with the click of the first keys, poof! It is gone.
That is how this post came to be. It was perfect in my head when I was standing in the kitchen making Kiddo's lunch a minute ago, and when I finished that and sat down to write I couldn't remember a darn thing about what I wanted to say, except for the part about getting in my head. I should have been recording a voice memo into my phone while I was making his sandwich.
Darn it.
I guess I will try again tomorrow.
For tonight though, I will let you in on a little corner of my brain. It's over there to the left, where the jukebox is sitting. Today's selection has been playing on repeat all day. It came up on my iPhone shuffle this morning and has been with me ever since.
Where I Stood, Missy Higgins
Until,
D :)
I am not trying to say I am highly intelligent or anything, but my thoughts sometimes go into great detail that I find fascinating to me. And based on the response I get from my blog readers and the podcast listeners and my other various outlets, I am sure there is an audience that would appreciate them. But it kills me that they may never be heard. I need you to just get in my head and sit around there for a while, listening and looking at the pretty pictures my thoughts create. I think it would be interesting.
I know that at some point technology will find a way, but for now I have to sit down at the computer each day and desperately try to remember what it was I wanted to talk about and how to say it. And so many times, while I am doing something else, I find myself thinking of the perfect post from start to finish and then I sit down to write it and with the click of the first keys, poof! It is gone.
That is how this post came to be. It was perfect in my head when I was standing in the kitchen making Kiddo's lunch a minute ago, and when I finished that and sat down to write I couldn't remember a darn thing about what I wanted to say, except for the part about getting in my head. I should have been recording a voice memo into my phone while I was making his sandwich.
Darn it.
I guess I will try again tomorrow.
For tonight though, I will let you in on a little corner of my brain. It's over there to the left, where the jukebox is sitting. Today's selection has been playing on repeat all day. It came up on my iPhone shuffle this morning and has been with me ever since.
Where I Stood, Missy Higgins
Until,
D :)
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Throwing It All Away
So today I tossed out 419 pieces of paper that the kids have drawn on. Most of it was Kiddo's drawings. I kept about 30 that were really great/unusual/memorable and tossed the rest. Several coloring books were tossed as well.
419. Yes, I counted.
It's not that I intentionally counted, but I just kept a running tally in my head, counting as each piece went into the trash bag, much like I counts the steps I take or measures in music.
What you don't count your steps everywhere you go? Oh, must just be me then.
The music measures, well that would be the result of years and years of training.
Anyway, the pages filled a 33 gallon trash bag. Please don't get onto me about recycling them or shredding them or all that - if I waited until I got around to shredding, it would never happen. If I could figure out all the rules for recycling paper and then had to sort all the pages based on whether it was colored paper or marked on with marker, crayon or pencil, or if I had to sort based on the presence of glue or staples or whatnot.... yeah, the stacks would still be sitting there.
I try to be as "green" as I possibly can, most of the time. But right now I am just going with the momentum I am feeling and getting rid of stuff.
Baby steps.
I also cleaned out a fully packed-to-the-gills-running-over 13 gallon trash can full of plastic shopping bags and took them all to the recycling bin at HEB. I completely filled their bin. My apologies to HEB. At least I was able to do the right thing with those. Of course, then we got home and Port had a poop-tastic diaper. A plastic bag would have come in handy to dispose it. Thankfully I had a plastic bag full of onions, fresh from the store. It worked just fine.
Aren't you glad I talk about poopy diapers?
The weirdest thing happened today when I was at the grocery store with Port. We were in the frozen food section and he was babbling away, making no sense but just happy as a clam, when out of the blue he screams, "My ear!! My ear!!" He whined in pain and laid his head down on the cart. I looked at him and rubbed his head and didn't see anything alarming or unusual. Almost as quickly he sat up and was fine. I thought he may have had a brief ear ache or something; he's had a lot of sinus drainage lately. I had pretty much forgotten the whole thing until we got out to the car and I put him in his car seat. That was when I noticed his ear was swollen and red. Upon closer inspection, I discovered a spot that looked like a pin hole. It was as if someone had poked him with a needle.
I have no idea what got him. There wasn't anyone else in the isle that I can recall and I certainly didn't see any flying insects. My best guess is that he was bit by a spider, but the hole was really big. I can't imagine what kind of spider could leave that large of a puncture wound and not be seen in the process.
Ahh the mysteries of HEB...
I shall leave you with the mental jukebox song of the day. A friend introduced me to the tune, and now I can't get it out of my head.
Until,
D :)
Dear John, Taylor Swift
419. Yes, I counted.
It's not that I intentionally counted, but I just kept a running tally in my head, counting as each piece went into the trash bag, much like I counts the steps I take or measures in music.
What you don't count your steps everywhere you go? Oh, must just be me then.
The music measures, well that would be the result of years and years of training.
Anyway, the pages filled a 33 gallon trash bag. Please don't get onto me about recycling them or shredding them or all that - if I waited until I got around to shredding, it would never happen. If I could figure out all the rules for recycling paper and then had to sort all the pages based on whether it was colored paper or marked on with marker, crayon or pencil, or if I had to sort based on the presence of glue or staples or whatnot.... yeah, the stacks would still be sitting there.
I try to be as "green" as I possibly can, most of the time. But right now I am just going with the momentum I am feeling and getting rid of stuff.
Baby steps.
I also cleaned out a fully packed-to-the-gills-running-over 13 gallon trash can full of plastic shopping bags and took them all to the recycling bin at HEB. I completely filled their bin. My apologies to HEB. At least I was able to do the right thing with those. Of course, then we got home and Port had a poop-tastic diaper. A plastic bag would have come in handy to dispose it. Thankfully I had a plastic bag full of onions, fresh from the store. It worked just fine.
Aren't you glad I talk about poopy diapers?
The weirdest thing happened today when I was at the grocery store with Port. We were in the frozen food section and he was babbling away, making no sense but just happy as a clam, when out of the blue he screams, "My ear!! My ear!!" He whined in pain and laid his head down on the cart. I looked at him and rubbed his head and didn't see anything alarming or unusual. Almost as quickly he sat up and was fine. I thought he may have had a brief ear ache or something; he's had a lot of sinus drainage lately. I had pretty much forgotten the whole thing until we got out to the car and I put him in his car seat. That was when I noticed his ear was swollen and red. Upon closer inspection, I discovered a spot that looked like a pin hole. It was as if someone had poked him with a needle.
I have no idea what got him. There wasn't anyone else in the isle that I can recall and I certainly didn't see any flying insects. My best guess is that he was bit by a spider, but the hole was really big. I can't imagine what kind of spider could leave that large of a puncture wound and not be seen in the process.
Ahh the mysteries of HEB...
I shall leave you with the mental jukebox song of the day. A friend introduced me to the tune, and now I can't get it out of my head.
Until,
D :)
Dear John, Taylor Swift
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Apologies
May as well pull out the Christmas music. Mwahahaha!
Anyway, I realized this morning that November starts next week which means that my yearly NaBloPoMo quest begins. So, you have something to look forward to - a post every day for the month of November! Woot!
Sorry.
Hopefully I can keep things interesting, but as you know, if you've been following my blog for more than a year, NaBloPoMo often forces me to talk about the daily mundane things just to get a post out. But I will try to do better this year.
I always try to do better. It doesn't always work.
So I've been meaning to blog about my cloth diaper experience in the past couple of months. I have always been a big advocate of cloth diapering. I cloth diapered Kiddo until he potty trained. I loved using cloth, Kiddo was much more comfortable in them and we rarely had issues with diaper rash or anything else. So with Port, I cloth diaper too. I am able to use the same diapers I used on Kiddo (saving me TONS of money) and it works out pretty well. Port is susceptible to diaper rash and for some reason the cloth doesn't help that (it actually has almost an opposite effect) so I have to change him the instant he gets wet or he will break out. But now, he is so stubborn about being changed that it is really becoming a pain to get him to cooperate for a diaper change 4-6 times a day. Teething brings out those wonderful, frequent, messy poops too and the cloth diapers...well they just aren't cutting it anymore.
Because he hates being changed so bad, he fights me and runs away and denies he needs one for as long as he possibly can. It has come to the point that, unless he was poopy, he is only getting changed about twice a day. And anyone that cloth diapers knows that you pretty much have to wash every 2, 3 days tops or the diapers get real ugly real quick. But when we are only using 2-3 diapers a day (we've always used sposies at night), it doesn't make sense to wash every 2-3 days because there's not even enough to make a small load. But then I let the diapers go a little too long a couple of times and getting all that clean and sanitary again was disgusting and a headache to say the least.
Sooooooo, about 2 months ago I quit cloth diapering.
I feel pretty bad about it, but it is just easier at this point.
And I am kind of debating whether or not to go ahead and try to sell the diapers I have. They are still in great condition (especially the smaller ones), but I know that diapers have really come a long way since 6 years ago when I bought them. But, on the very, very slim chance we have another baby some day, I don't really want to have to buy another set. Slim, slim, slim...
So - anyone out there interested in a barely used set of Medium sized Fuzzi Bunz or a slightly more loved and used set of Large Fuzzi Bunz? I wonder if I can even get anything for them at this point. I also have a few other kinds of cloth diapers that are in even better condition because I used them even less. And a couple have never been used.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In other news, I met up with my friend Jen and we took the boys to the pumpkin patch on Monday. I had to get those yearly pics in before all the pumpkins were gone. Of course, we chose by far the windiest day of the year to go. Thank goodness I don't have long haired little boys!
This first shot is a crop from one where Port is standing in front of Kiddo. I just stop and stare when I see this image. Kiddo looks so grown up! ugh!
Until,
D :)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
It Was Almost Like a Song
My mother reminded me the other day that my sweet, little, teeny, tiny baby child will be celebrating his 1st birthday in a little over a month.
A MONTH!
WAHHHHH!!!!!
I am not ready. He is still my baby. He is still connected to my womb by an invisible cord and I am not ready to cut it. I can't believe he is already so close to a year old. I don't even want to think about planning a birthday party yet. I am just. not. ready.
He said his first word the other day. It was "Daddy".
.
.
.
.
.
Wahhhhhhh!!! ;)
Cutest. thing. ever! We were laying in bed, winding down for the evening and Port was not in the mood to go to sleep. He was rubbing around on Hubby, sort of baby wrestling; being silly - and he laid his head down on Hubby and looked at him with this sweet, sweet baby face and said "ma-ma-ma-ma". He says mama all the time, just like ba-ba and na-na and dah-dah. Hubby said, "no, I'm Daddy" and my sweet little Port looked at him and said "Dah-dy".
{melt!}
He's said it a few times since. Oh my it is cute.
*sigh*
I haven't talked about Kiddo in a while. He has been pretty funny lately. About a week or so ago, I was out making some print deliveries and I called one of my clients to see if she was at home. I needed to drop off a print to her. She wasn't home, and when I got off the phone with her, Kiddo started asking me questions.
Kiddo: "Mommy, who was dat on the phone?"
Me: "That was Miss Vick"
Kiddo: "What did Miss Vick say?"
Me: "Well, she said she wasn't home, so we can't bring her picture to her today?"
Kiddo: "Why isn't she home?"
Me: "I don't know."
Kiddo: "So, we're not going to Miss Vick's house?"
Me: "No, not today."
Kiddo: "Why not?!?" [his favorite question, by the way]
Me: "Because she's not home"
Kiddo: "well where is she?"
Me: "I don't know baby, I didn't ask."
Kiddo: "Mommy is Miss Vick lost?"
Me: "No, I don't think so."
Kiddo: "Why not?"
Me: "Because I'm pretty sure she knows her way around. I don't think she is lost today."
Kiddo: "Miss Vick is on the potty."
~ I almost drove off the road. lol!~
There were a couple other recent conversations that had Hubby and I in stitches; I can't remember them now. Darn it, I should have written it down.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Thanks to my Facebook addiction, I have been tripping down memory lane for the past few weeks. The other night I found myself remembering some old songs, and that led me to an all night music fest on YouTube. Here are some of my faves that I found. At the risk of exposing my uncool self, I give you Country Music from the 70's and 80's. Enjoy.
What got me started; thanks to the Jukebox in my head...
Charlie Pride, "15 Years Ago" [no embedding available. boo] (though to be fair, the version in my mental jukebox is the one Conway Twitty did)
Conway Twitty, "Don't Take it Away"
"I May Never Get to Heaven", also Mr. Twitty.
So, did you know that Conway Twitty got his stage name from 2 towns on a map? Conway, Arkansas and Twitty, Texas. yup. AND - his early recordings were often mistaken for Elvis. {I was trying to find a YouTube recording of his "Danny (Lonely Blue Boy)", but sadly there is none - for years I thought that was Elvis} He also has a son, Michael Twitty, who sounds a lot like him, but personally I don't think he has the same incredible talent.
Anyway, then I turned to Ronnie Milsap, "Smoky Mountain Rain"
and, "It Was Almost Like a Song"
But, then, I just had to end the evening with my girl, Jewel and her song, "Good Day"
Ah, comfort!
Until,
D :)
A MONTH!
WAHHHHH!!!!!
I am not ready. He is still my baby. He is still connected to my womb by an invisible cord and I am not ready to cut it. I can't believe he is already so close to a year old. I don't even want to think about planning a birthday party yet. I am just. not. ready.
He said his first word the other day. It was "Daddy".
.
.
.
.
.
Wahhhhhhh!!! ;)
Cutest. thing. ever! We were laying in bed, winding down for the evening and Port was not in the mood to go to sleep. He was rubbing around on Hubby, sort of baby wrestling; being silly - and he laid his head down on Hubby and looked at him with this sweet, sweet baby face and said "ma-ma-ma-ma". He says mama all the time, just like ba-ba and na-na and dah-dah. Hubby said, "no, I'm Daddy" and my sweet little Port looked at him and said "Dah-dy".
{melt!}
He's said it a few times since. Oh my it is cute.
*sigh*
I haven't talked about Kiddo in a while. He has been pretty funny lately. About a week or so ago, I was out making some print deliveries and I called one of my clients to see if she was at home. I needed to drop off a print to her. She wasn't home, and when I got off the phone with her, Kiddo started asking me questions.
Kiddo: "Mommy, who was dat on the phone?"
Me: "That was Miss Vick"
Kiddo: "What did Miss Vick say?"
Me: "Well, she said she wasn't home, so we can't bring her picture to her today?"
Kiddo: "Why isn't she home?"
Me: "I don't know."
Kiddo: "So, we're not going to Miss Vick's house?"
Me: "No, not today."
Kiddo: "Why not?!?" [his favorite question, by the way]
Me: "Because she's not home"
Kiddo: "well where is she?"
Me: "I don't know baby, I didn't ask."
Kiddo: "Mommy is Miss Vick lost?"
Me: "No, I don't think so."
Kiddo: "Why not?"
Me: "Because I'm pretty sure she knows her way around. I don't think she is lost today."
Kiddo: "Miss Vick is on the potty."
~ I almost drove off the road. lol!~
There were a couple other recent conversations that had Hubby and I in stitches; I can't remember them now. Darn it, I should have written it down.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Thanks to my Facebook addiction, I have been tripping down memory lane for the past few weeks. The other night I found myself remembering some old songs, and that led me to an all night music fest on YouTube. Here are some of my faves that I found. At the risk of exposing my uncool self, I give you Country Music from the 70's and 80's. Enjoy.
What got me started; thanks to the Jukebox in my head...
Charlie Pride, "15 Years Ago" [no embedding available. boo] (though to be fair, the version in my mental jukebox is the one Conway Twitty did)
Conway Twitty, "Don't Take it Away"
"I May Never Get to Heaven", also Mr. Twitty.
So, did you know that Conway Twitty got his stage name from 2 towns on a map? Conway, Arkansas and Twitty, Texas. yup. AND - his early recordings were often mistaken for Elvis. {I was trying to find a YouTube recording of his "Danny (Lonely Blue Boy)", but sadly there is none - for years I thought that was Elvis} He also has a son, Michael Twitty, who sounds a lot like him, but personally I don't think he has the same incredible talent.
Anyway, then I turned to Ronnie Milsap, "Smoky Mountain Rain"
and, "It Was Almost Like a Song"
But, then, I just had to end the evening with my girl, Jewel and her song, "Good Day"
Ah, comfort!
Until,
D :)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Make Some Noise
Oh my gosh - Thanksgiving is two weeks from today! Can you believe it? And you do realize that once we get past turkey day things will fly at warp speed to Christmas?!? Mercy.
The voices in my head are screaming! Work Me is telling me to quit blogging and get to work. Mommy Me is telling me to quit blogging and go throw another load of diapers in the wash. Wife Me is telling me to pick up the house some, turn on my scentsy burner and start thinking about dinner. Personal Me is screaming to get off Facebook and do something productive for all the other Mes. Holiday Loving Me is screaming "Santa Clause Is Coming to Town" in a very obnoxious singing voice.
My mental jukebox is playing Christmas tunes, AND a great song I heard over on Rachel Anne's page called Mighty To Save.
*sigh*
It's too noisy in here.
Until,
D :)
The voices in my head are screaming! Work Me is telling me to quit blogging and get to work. Mommy Me is telling me to quit blogging and go throw another load of diapers in the wash. Wife Me is telling me to pick up the house some, turn on my scentsy burner and start thinking about dinner. Personal Me is screaming to get off Facebook and do something productive for all the other Mes. Holiday Loving Me is screaming "Santa Clause Is Coming to Town" in a very obnoxious singing voice.
My mental jukebox is playing Christmas tunes, AND a great song I heard over on Rachel Anne's page called Mighty To Save.
*sigh*
It's too noisy in here.
Until,
D :)
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Fix You
Ok, another stolen moment here...
I am so incredibly tired of all the "stuff" we have in this house. Being here day in and day out is starting to suffocate me. We keep everything it seems - I simply cannot stay on top of the epic clutter problem we have.
[why is it that Kiddo will leave me alone all day (even if I am sitting at the computer) and the instant I try to blog he is up in my face??]
Anyway, the clutter. Yes, it is taking over our lives. I hate it. I loathe it. I, for some ungodly reason, cannot let go of it.
Well, I do have some reasons. Some of it is laziness. Some of it is not knowing if I need to keep it. Some of it is sentimental, and some of it is the $$ I see going in the garbage. I HATE wasting money. And that is why there is about $200 worth of unused hair product under my bathroom sink. Well, not anymore. I threw it all away yesterday.
So now there is room under the sink, but no one can tell. lol!
Our biggest issue in this house (that I can see) is paper. We have got stacks and stacks and piles and piles of paper. Bills, letters, cards, magazines, books, etc. etc. It can't be good for Hubby's allergies. We have "hot spots" all over the house. (yes, I subscribe to FlyLady - though she annoys me so it's hard to get really into it) The worst two are the kitchen counter and the dining room table. Before I can even blink those two places disappear in the rubble. It is amazing how quickly things pile up.
Another of our troubles is holding on to things. Just things in general - knicknacks and gifts and stuff that just collects dust. We hold on to old computers [cuz someday we might need a part or can build a custom computer - yeah right] and old clothes and shoes and video tapes and cassette tapes and, and, and...it goes on forever.
How I long for a minimalist life. I would love to have a home in which I can actually *see* the furniture.
So, somewhere in my head there is a reason for all this stuff. It all has a purpose. Sure, I can live without about 90% of it, but I have it, I bought it, so now what?
Where do people keep things? Seriously! I was in a good friend's home a few weeks ago and it was spectacular! I mean, there was nothing but nice furniture and minimal, tasteful decorative items. Where was her stuff??? I cannot fathom that she might actually not have stuff, so where was it??
I hate stuff.
Unfortunately, I can't get away from it. I need more of it. Right now I am putting together a shopping list in my head. We need an exersaucer for Port, wet bags for the diaper pail, I am still looking for a carrier (Julia I need to email you)...it never ends.
So yesterday I, like I said, threw away about $200 in old beauty product. Bottles of gel and conditioner and just about every kind of hairspray under the sun, leave-in treatments, shampoo for red heads, old hair dye that never got used, facial scrubs, foot scrubs, goodness there was so much. There was stuff in there I don't even remember buying. I found an entire, unopened box of tampons in a brand I have never used! Where did they come from??!? [by the way I saved those thinking I could find someone who needs them. What brand do you use? Is this a ridiculous question? yes.]
I put stuff in the trash bag as fast as I could and tossed it in the garbage can before I had the time to change my mind. Then I mopped the kitchen floor and scrubbed the master bath sinks to take my mind off of what I had done.
It felt good and painful all at the same time.
I have got to figure out a way to get rid of our stuff. My biggest problem is, I am lazy.
As I also stated earlier, I subscribe to FlyLady. I have for some time now, but after about 2 weeks I started deleting the emails unopened because they got on my nerves and where so overwhelming.
And I refuse to wear shoes in the house.
Anyway, I am scouring her site once again, 4 years later, trying to pick up some helpful hints. But I think the key is going to be...
getting organized and
getting a routine.
A routine?!?!? Gah!
I am so not an organized routine person. Lord help me.
We shall see how this goes.
Anyone have any other helpful suggestions? Organizational tips? Hiding places? I am desperate here. Wanna come to my house and do it for me? Please?
Until,
D :)
Shout out to Coldplay for my title, Fix You
And my Mental Jukebox song for the day, Jewel, Love By You (Cowboy Waltz).
I am so incredibly tired of all the "stuff" we have in this house. Being here day in and day out is starting to suffocate me. We keep everything it seems - I simply cannot stay on top of the epic clutter problem we have.
[why is it that Kiddo will leave me alone all day (even if I am sitting at the computer) and the instant I try to blog he is up in my face??]
Anyway, the clutter. Yes, it is taking over our lives. I hate it. I loathe it. I, for some ungodly reason, cannot let go of it.
Well, I do have some reasons. Some of it is laziness. Some of it is not knowing if I need to keep it. Some of it is sentimental, and some of it is the $$ I see going in the garbage. I HATE wasting money. And that is why there is about $200 worth of unused hair product under my bathroom sink. Well, not anymore. I threw it all away yesterday.
So now there is room under the sink, but no one can tell. lol!
Our biggest issue in this house (that I can see) is paper. We have got stacks and stacks and piles and piles of paper. Bills, letters, cards, magazines, books, etc. etc. It can't be good for Hubby's allergies. We have "hot spots" all over the house. (yes, I subscribe to FlyLady - though she annoys me so it's hard to get really into it) The worst two are the kitchen counter and the dining room table. Before I can even blink those two places disappear in the rubble. It is amazing how quickly things pile up.
Another of our troubles is holding on to things. Just things in general - knicknacks and gifts and stuff that just collects dust. We hold on to old computers [cuz someday we might need a part or can build a custom computer - yeah right] and old clothes and shoes and video tapes and cassette tapes and, and, and...it goes on forever.
How I long for a minimalist life. I would love to have a home in which I can actually *see* the furniture.
So, somewhere in my head there is a reason for all this stuff. It all has a purpose. Sure, I can live without about 90% of it, but I have it, I bought it, so now what?
Where do people keep things? Seriously! I was in a good friend's home a few weeks ago and it was spectacular! I mean, there was nothing but nice furniture and minimal, tasteful decorative items. Where was her stuff??? I cannot fathom that she might actually not have stuff, so where was it??
I hate stuff.
Unfortunately, I can't get away from it. I need more of it. Right now I am putting together a shopping list in my head. We need an exersaucer for Port, wet bags for the diaper pail, I am still looking for a carrier (Julia I need to email you)...it never ends.
So yesterday I, like I said, threw away about $200 in old beauty product. Bottles of gel and conditioner and just about every kind of hairspray under the sun, leave-in treatments, shampoo for red heads, old hair dye that never got used, facial scrubs, foot scrubs, goodness there was so much. There was stuff in there I don't even remember buying. I found an entire, unopened box of tampons in a brand I have never used! Where did they come from??!? [by the way I saved those thinking I could find someone who needs them. What brand do you use? Is this a ridiculous question? yes.]
I put stuff in the trash bag as fast as I could and tossed it in the garbage can before I had the time to change my mind. Then I mopped the kitchen floor and scrubbed the master bath sinks to take my mind off of what I had done.
It felt good and painful all at the same time.
I have got to figure out a way to get rid of our stuff. My biggest problem is, I am lazy.
As I also stated earlier, I subscribe to FlyLady. I have for some time now, but after about 2 weeks I started deleting the emails unopened because they got on my nerves and where so overwhelming.
And I refuse to wear shoes in the house.
Anyway, I am scouring her site once again, 4 years later, trying to pick up some helpful hints. But I think the key is going to be...
getting organized and
getting a routine.
A routine?!?!? Gah!
I am so not an organized routine person. Lord help me.
We shall see how this goes.
Anyone have any other helpful suggestions? Organizational tips? Hiding places? I am desperate here. Wanna come to my house and do it for me? Please?
Until,
D :)
Shout out to Coldplay for my title, Fix You
And my Mental Jukebox song for the day, Jewel, Love By You (Cowboy Waltz).
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
1000 Miles Away
Occasionally when I get a blog writer's block it is because for some reason I get it in my head that every post has to be about *something*. I realize rationally that is not the case and some of the most interesting blogs I read are the ones where the author just writes about anything and everything. I find amusing the day to day of people's lives and it really would just do me some good to follow in their foot steps and do the same here. If anything it would get me blogging more, which is my ultimate goal anyway.
So, today I am just going to talk. Sorry if you were looking for something more structured.
We had a rough night last night with Port. I somehow knew going in; it was going to be a long one. He had slept just a tad too much yesterday evening and I was afraid he would be up far too early for my taste. Normally we put him to bed around 11 and most nights he doesn't wake me until close to 5. Last night his first waking was at 2 and he was up, up, up. I had a hard time getting him back to sleep. I think he finally crashed out at about 3, but then was up again at 5 and again at 7 and again for the day at 8:45. It was a long night for me - he has spoiled me by only waking once or twice a night and being extremely easy to put back to sleep - even after feeding and a diaper change.
So after waking up with Kiddo bouncing on my head and my boobies about to explode, I pumped and we crawled out of the bedroom sometime after 10AM.
Oh mercy, my boobies.
I probably talk about them too much, but oh well. Click on the next blog if you are sick of it. ;)
Pumping is going better, and worse - if that is possible. I got my wonderful new pump in the mail Friday (Thank you AMY!!!!!) and immediately hooked that puppy up. It is so nice to only spend 15-20 minutes on the pump as opposed to the 30-45 I was spending before. And now that I have 2 pumps, I can leave one in the bedroom and one in the dining room which is soooo convenient! On the down side, there is a bit of a learning curve with coordinating holding both cones at once. When I pump one side at a time, it leaves me with one hand free to do other things - feed a baby, feed myself, surf the Internet, whatever. When pumping both sides at once, everything and everyone else has to wait (which ultimately makes me lose my patience and abruptly end the session). And because I can't really squeeze every last drop out with my free hand assisting the pump, I don't feel like I am getting the most out of each session. Then on Mother's Day I went for a very long time that morning/afternoon without pumping, so my supply took a hit. Why is it that it takes days to build it up, but only missing one session to knock it down?? It is very frustrating. For some reason I can't seem to stay hydrated either - which of course effects my supply (and gives me gnarly foot cramps!).
I have got to look into getting a couple of good nursing bras though. The one I have is way too big in the band and I am so tired of how it fits. I broke down this morning and put on a good, supportive, under wire bra and I feel like a new woman! lol! The girls are just worn out and I am so tired of them resting on my belly! It is just such a strange feeling - I don't know how you bigger breasted gals can stand it. Anyway...
Port's tummy troubles seem to be better. I decided against the Maalox, and am just diligent about putting the Mylicon drops in every bottle. It seems to be helping with the painful parts, but he is spitting up more and more it seems. Now for whatever reason we only have severely fussy periods just before he has a major poopy diaper. Our new favorite word in the house is "Poop-tastic!" Kiddo is especially fond of that one. *wink*
Port is much more alert and awake these days. He loves to be carried around on my shoulder. He will grasp my arm over and over in this rhythmic kind of clawing motion. When he looks around he opens his eyes so wide and raises his eyebrows in such a way that it wrinkles up his little forehead. He kind of looks like a little old man when he does that. I am loving his "talking". I forgot how sweet the little baby "goo" and "ack" sounds were. When Port is looking around over my shoulder he will sometimes let out a little "goo" and I just go to mush inside. He smiles so much more now - at me, the dog, Hubby, Kiddo, the ceiling fans... :)
Kiddo is growing up so fast. I bought him a cute little Lightning McQueen baseball cap the other day. It is never far from his head - the boy is completely in love with this hat! It makes him look so much older though. My goodness before I know it he is going to be a teenager. I am constantly torn between babying him and treating him like a big kid - I don't know how I want him to be. Both I guess - when it is convenient.
I know I still haven't published the birth story for Port yet. It still sits there in my drafts folder, mocking me, and someday I will get around to opening it up and completing it. Of course, by now I am sure I have forgotten some things, but hopefully I got most of it down when I first wrote it. It is on my to do list.
I am soooo into sauteed mushrooms right now. I have no clue why. Just had to throw that out there.
I am so excited because I am about to be working again!! I have booked 4 photo shoots for the next few weeks and I am just beyond thrilled. We seriously need the income - Hubby's company just cut all overtime for hourly employees. For us that translates into about 1/6th of our income. Yup. We are hurting. As usual. *sigh* It didn't really hit me until I calculated it out and now I have no idea what we are going to do. Our Internet service went up $5 a month, I also just got a hospital bill from our pediatrician for about $250. For whatever reason, BCBS applied that much to Port's deductible... it irks me because if I had chosen a different pediatrician that actually takes Medicaid I could have left him on there and everything would have been covered. Makes me want to scream....try to do the right thing and this is what it gets me...
Well, I better wrap this up. I need to switch out the laundry and get dressed before Hubby gets home. Yes, I am still in my pjs. I told you, it was a long night.
Until,
D :)
Mental Jukebox Song of the Day:
Songs like this and artists like her make me seriously consider picking up the guitar again and trying to find me some singing gigs. I want to be sitting on a bar stool somewhere playing my guitar and singing, just like that...
So, today I am just going to talk. Sorry if you were looking for something more structured.
We had a rough night last night with Port. I somehow knew going in; it was going to be a long one. He had slept just a tad too much yesterday evening and I was afraid he would be up far too early for my taste. Normally we put him to bed around 11 and most nights he doesn't wake me until close to 5. Last night his first waking was at 2 and he was up, up, up. I had a hard time getting him back to sleep. I think he finally crashed out at about 3, but then was up again at 5 and again at 7 and again for the day at 8:45. It was a long night for me - he has spoiled me by only waking once or twice a night and being extremely easy to put back to sleep - even after feeding and a diaper change.
So after waking up with Kiddo bouncing on my head and my boobies about to explode, I pumped and we crawled out of the bedroom sometime after 10AM.
Oh mercy, my boobies.
I probably talk about them too much, but oh well. Click on the next blog if you are sick of it. ;)
Pumping is going better, and worse - if that is possible. I got my wonderful new pump in the mail Friday (Thank you AMY!!!!!) and immediately hooked that puppy up. It is so nice to only spend 15-20 minutes on the pump as opposed to the 30-45 I was spending before. And now that I have 2 pumps, I can leave one in the bedroom and one in the dining room which is soooo convenient! On the down side, there is a bit of a learning curve with coordinating holding both cones at once. When I pump one side at a time, it leaves me with one hand free to do other things - feed a baby, feed myself, surf the Internet, whatever. When pumping both sides at once, everything and everyone else has to wait (which ultimately makes me lose my patience and abruptly end the session). And because I can't really squeeze every last drop out with my free hand assisting the pump, I don't feel like I am getting the most out of each session. Then on Mother's Day I went for a very long time that morning/afternoon without pumping, so my supply took a hit. Why is it that it takes days to build it up, but only missing one session to knock it down?? It is very frustrating. For some reason I can't seem to stay hydrated either - which of course effects my supply (and gives me gnarly foot cramps!).
I have got to look into getting a couple of good nursing bras though. The one I have is way too big in the band and I am so tired of how it fits. I broke down this morning and put on a good, supportive, under wire bra and I feel like a new woman! lol! The girls are just worn out and I am so tired of them resting on my belly! It is just such a strange feeling - I don't know how you bigger breasted gals can stand it. Anyway...
Port's tummy troubles seem to be better. I decided against the Maalox, and am just diligent about putting the Mylicon drops in every bottle. It seems to be helping with the painful parts, but he is spitting up more and more it seems. Now for whatever reason we only have severely fussy periods just before he has a major poopy diaper. Our new favorite word in the house is "Poop-tastic!" Kiddo is especially fond of that one. *wink*
Port is much more alert and awake these days. He loves to be carried around on my shoulder. He will grasp my arm over and over in this rhythmic kind of clawing motion. When he looks around he opens his eyes so wide and raises his eyebrows in such a way that it wrinkles up his little forehead. He kind of looks like a little old man when he does that. I am loving his "talking". I forgot how sweet the little baby "goo" and "ack" sounds were. When Port is looking around over my shoulder he will sometimes let out a little "goo" and I just go to mush inside. He smiles so much more now - at me, the dog, Hubby, Kiddo, the ceiling fans... :)
Kiddo is growing up so fast. I bought him a cute little Lightning McQueen baseball cap the other day. It is never far from his head - the boy is completely in love with this hat! It makes him look so much older though. My goodness before I know it he is going to be a teenager. I am constantly torn between babying him and treating him like a big kid - I don't know how I want him to be. Both I guess - when it is convenient.
I know I still haven't published the birth story for Port yet. It still sits there in my drafts folder, mocking me, and someday I will get around to opening it up and completing it. Of course, by now I am sure I have forgotten some things, but hopefully I got most of it down when I first wrote it. It is on my to do list.
I am soooo into sauteed mushrooms right now. I have no clue why. Just had to throw that out there.
I am so excited because I am about to be working again!! I have booked 4 photo shoots for the next few weeks and I am just beyond thrilled. We seriously need the income - Hubby's company just cut all overtime for hourly employees. For us that translates into about 1/6th of our income. Yup. We are hurting. As usual. *sigh* It didn't really hit me until I calculated it out and now I have no idea what we are going to do. Our Internet service went up $5 a month, I also just got a hospital bill from our pediatrician for about $250. For whatever reason, BCBS applied that much to Port's deductible... it irks me because if I had chosen a different pediatrician that actually takes Medicaid I could have left him on there and everything would have been covered. Makes me want to scream....try to do the right thing and this is what it gets me...
Well, I better wrap this up. I need to switch out the laundry and get dressed before Hubby gets home. Yes, I am still in my pjs. I told you, it was a long night.
Until,
D :)
Mental Jukebox Song of the Day:
Songs like this and artists like her make me seriously consider picking up the guitar again and trying to find me some singing gigs. I want to be sitting on a bar stool somewhere playing my guitar and singing, just like that...
Monday, May 05, 2008
Sorry
Oh my! Has it been a month already??? Surely not - wasn't I just at the hospital pushing a large child out of my body with no medicinal assistance whatsoever?
Baby Port is a month old. Well, actually a month and 2 days. I seriously can't believe it. I really don't know where the time went. *sigh* It is going sooooo fast.
He had his one month check today, and now weighs a whopping 11 pounds 6.5 ounces! He is in the 95th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height. He looks great and is really doing wonderfully. He sleeps so well at night; usually giving me at least 4 hours of sleep at a stretch (and a couple of times 6!) before a quick bottle/diaper change and going right back to sleep. On his own. Without rocking or bouncing. In his own bassinet. [I had no idea it could be so nice!]
He has recently developed several new sounds; some talking noises, interesting little squeaks and noises that tell us of his displeasure or discomfort. And he has also fine tuned his scream - though thankfully at this point he doesn't use it often.
In the past week or so though, he has started showing signs of reflux. It gets worse each day. It has not effected him at night yet (thank God!) but I am anticipating that is soon to come. His doctor said that it will get worse before it gets better, and because he doesn't like to prescribe meds to babies under 6 weeks of age, he suggested that for now we try giving him Maalox before he eats. Since it doesn't get into the blood stream it is safer for really young children. If it doesn't help, then in a couple of weeks he will prescribe something. I hate giving him anything, but I also hate seeing him writhe in pain each time he takes a drink of milk. The doctor did suggest I try to avoid "fragrant" foods like onion, garlic and peppers as these will deposit in the milk and aggravate the acid. He didn't mention anything about caffeine, but I will *try* to keep my intake of that at a minimum as well. I really don't drink that much (one cup of coffee in the morning, 2 if it was a rough night and then sometimes a soda in the afternoon) so I don't think that is affecting him much.
He did break out in a rash this morning all over his face, head and chest. Not sure what that is all about - I bathed him before we left for the doctor, but I used the same thing I always do.
My boy is starting to lose his beautiful long black hair. :( I love that downy stuff at the back of his head; I am not ready for him to be a baldy yet.
I am starting to lose my hair now too. Darn hormones. I hate this part of post-partum; your skin goes nuts and your hair falls out - it's a beautiful thing. ;) So I am thinking of coloring my hair again to give it some body and life. Any suggestions on color? I really loved the red, but it was so hard to maintain and blond is of course perfect but I have to have it done by a pro and right now I can't afford it. So I was thinking maybe a nice honey brown....your thoughts? At least if my hair bleaches out in the sun the brown will work with it, not against it like the red does. Decisions, decisions.
I was finally able to get into my largest pair of regular jeans on Sunday!!! Woo hoo! I think I can now retire the maternity jeans. Thankfully I have jeans in size 10, 8, 6 and 4, so I can just work my way back down the line again. I would like to lose 20 pounds by August - our family vacation is then and I want to be able to sit by the pool without wearing a full body cover up. I seem to be steadily dropping about 2 pounds a week so I think I can reach my goal by then. If I can only stay away from the Oreos...
Mentally, I am doing ok. I have good days and bad days; good moments and bad moments. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the house, the crying baby and the whiny 3 year old (who by the way has suddenly lost all ability to care for himself - ugh!). Sometimes the fact that I cannot breastfeed consumes me like a big ocean wave and I feel like I am drowning. I want to be able to do this - it shouldn't be so hard. And me being the one that is so vocal about God making the human body perfect for childbirth and whatnot - I just don't understand how I can be so messed up that I can't feed my child. I am VERY thankful that I can at least pump for him. I have read so many stories of women that just can't get the pump to work for them. But then I go someplace like the "nursing mother's room" at our church and I sit in the rocker feeding my baby a bottle while everyone else is breastfeeding and I feel so inadequate. I get overly self conscious and embarrassed.
Have I mentioned hormones suck?
And here is where things get really personal....but I do feel I need to share this.
With Kiddo, he was away from me for 4 days in the NICU and by the time I finally got to room in with him I was so attached to him I didn't think I would ever put him down. And for a long, long time I didn't. We have been incredibly bonded from day one. With Port however, I am not yet feeling that intense bond. Please don't misinterpret me here - I LOVE him with all my heart and soul and would lay down my life for him, but I am just not feeling that closeness and intense desire to be near Port the way I felt with Kiddo from the start. I know it will come eventually, but sometimes it really makes me sad that I don't have that connection with him. He won't smile at me; he smiles at everyone else. That hurts. With Kiddo, I could pick him up and physically feel him sigh and relax. It was as if he was most at home in my arms. Port is not like that. He stiffens and pulls away where Kiddo would lean in and cling. I don't feel as equipped to comfort Port. And part of that is that my attention is much more divided this time around. Kiddo and I had days on end to stare at each other and bond. Port spends a lot of time propped on pillows and lying in the swing or the bouncy seat. He is not held as much and while part of that is our circumstance, some of it is also his personality. And I'm sure a lot of it is me too - I am not a first time mom with all that nasty protectiveness coursing through my veins like hot lava. I am not the fierce momma bear I was when Kiddo was born. I hardly let anyone near Kiddo; I protected him like a crazed mental patient at times. I'm sure that had a lot to do with the fact that we almost lost him. But with Port - I have no problem leaving him with Hubby so I can go run an errand. When he cries I don't jump out of my skin and leap over furniture to get to him.
What's funny is that while I find in my difference of care with him slightly disturbing, some may find it to be better parenting. I mean, Port can put himself to sleep at night without needing me to rock or hold him. I have no problem with others holding him or caring for him - something I was extremely hesitant to do with Kiddo. Port will definitely grow up to be much more independent than his brother if this continues.
But anyway, hopefully my pumping woes are about to end (well sort of). A wonderful, sweet, generous friend of mine has graciously offered to sell me her only slightly used Medela Pump In Style Advance for an absolutely smokin' price - and I could not be happier! Hopefully I will have it hooked up to my poor, poor boobies within the next week. I am so excited!!!
And speaking of my poor boobies, it is once again time for me to pump. Joy.
Until,
D :)
Head Jukebox Song Today:
Baby Port is a month old. Well, actually a month and 2 days. I seriously can't believe it. I really don't know where the time went. *sigh* It is going sooooo fast.
He had his one month check today, and now weighs a whopping 11 pounds 6.5 ounces! He is in the 95th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height. He looks great and is really doing wonderfully. He sleeps so well at night; usually giving me at least 4 hours of sleep at a stretch (and a couple of times 6!) before a quick bottle/diaper change and going right back to sleep. On his own. Without rocking or bouncing. In his own bassinet. [I had no idea it could be so nice!]
He has recently developed several new sounds; some talking noises, interesting little squeaks and noises that tell us of his displeasure or discomfort. And he has also fine tuned his scream - though thankfully at this point he doesn't use it often.
In the past week or so though, he has started showing signs of reflux. It gets worse each day. It has not effected him at night yet (thank God!) but I am anticipating that is soon to come. His doctor said that it will get worse before it gets better, and because he doesn't like to prescribe meds to babies under 6 weeks of age, he suggested that for now we try giving him Maalox before he eats. Since it doesn't get into the blood stream it is safer for really young children. If it doesn't help, then in a couple of weeks he will prescribe something. I hate giving him anything, but I also hate seeing him writhe in pain each time he takes a drink of milk. The doctor did suggest I try to avoid "fragrant" foods like onion, garlic and peppers as these will deposit in the milk and aggravate the acid. He didn't mention anything about caffeine, but I will *try* to keep my intake of that at a minimum as well. I really don't drink that much (one cup of coffee in the morning, 2 if it was a rough night and then sometimes a soda in the afternoon) so I don't think that is affecting him much.
He did break out in a rash this morning all over his face, head and chest. Not sure what that is all about - I bathed him before we left for the doctor, but I used the same thing I always do.
My boy is starting to lose his beautiful long black hair. :( I love that downy stuff at the back of his head; I am not ready for him to be a baldy yet.
I am starting to lose my hair now too. Darn hormones. I hate this part of post-partum; your skin goes nuts and your hair falls out - it's a beautiful thing. ;) So I am thinking of coloring my hair again to give it some body and life. Any suggestions on color? I really loved the red, but it was so hard to maintain and blond is of course perfect but I have to have it done by a pro and right now I can't afford it. So I was thinking maybe a nice honey brown....your thoughts? At least if my hair bleaches out in the sun the brown will work with it, not against it like the red does. Decisions, decisions.
I was finally able to get into my largest pair of regular jeans on Sunday!!! Woo hoo! I think I can now retire the maternity jeans. Thankfully I have jeans in size 10, 8, 6 and 4, so I can just work my way back down the line again. I would like to lose 20 pounds by August - our family vacation is then and I want to be able to sit by the pool without wearing a full body cover up. I seem to be steadily dropping about 2 pounds a week so I think I can reach my goal by then. If I can only stay away from the Oreos...
Mentally, I am doing ok. I have good days and bad days; good moments and bad moments. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the house, the crying baby and the whiny 3 year old (who by the way has suddenly lost all ability to care for himself - ugh!). Sometimes the fact that I cannot breastfeed consumes me like a big ocean wave and I feel like I am drowning. I want to be able to do this - it shouldn't be so hard. And me being the one that is so vocal about God making the human body perfect for childbirth and whatnot - I just don't understand how I can be so messed up that I can't feed my child. I am VERY thankful that I can at least pump for him. I have read so many stories of women that just can't get the pump to work for them. But then I go someplace like the "nursing mother's room" at our church and I sit in the rocker feeding my baby a bottle while everyone else is breastfeeding and I feel so inadequate. I get overly self conscious and embarrassed.
Have I mentioned hormones suck?
And here is where things get really personal....but I do feel I need to share this.
With Kiddo, he was away from me for 4 days in the NICU and by the time I finally got to room in with him I was so attached to him I didn't think I would ever put him down. And for a long, long time I didn't. We have been incredibly bonded from day one. With Port however, I am not yet feeling that intense bond. Please don't misinterpret me here - I LOVE him with all my heart and soul and would lay down my life for him, but I am just not feeling that closeness and intense desire to be near Port the way I felt with Kiddo from the start. I know it will come eventually, but sometimes it really makes me sad that I don't have that connection with him. He won't smile at me; he smiles at everyone else. That hurts. With Kiddo, I could pick him up and physically feel him sigh and relax. It was as if he was most at home in my arms. Port is not like that. He stiffens and pulls away where Kiddo would lean in and cling. I don't feel as equipped to comfort Port. And part of that is that my attention is much more divided this time around. Kiddo and I had days on end to stare at each other and bond. Port spends a lot of time propped on pillows and lying in the swing or the bouncy seat. He is not held as much and while part of that is our circumstance, some of it is also his personality. And I'm sure a lot of it is me too - I am not a first time mom with all that nasty protectiveness coursing through my veins like hot lava. I am not the fierce momma bear I was when Kiddo was born. I hardly let anyone near Kiddo; I protected him like a crazed mental patient at times. I'm sure that had a lot to do with the fact that we almost lost him. But with Port - I have no problem leaving him with Hubby so I can go run an errand. When he cries I don't jump out of my skin and leap over furniture to get to him.
What's funny is that while I find in my difference of care with him slightly disturbing, some may find it to be better parenting. I mean, Port can put himself to sleep at night without needing me to rock or hold him. I have no problem with others holding him or caring for him - something I was extremely hesitant to do with Kiddo. Port will definitely grow up to be much more independent than his brother if this continues.
But anyway, hopefully my pumping woes are about to end (well sort of). A wonderful, sweet, generous friend of mine has graciously offered to sell me her only slightly used Medela Pump In Style Advance for an absolutely smokin' price - and I could not be happier! Hopefully I will have it hooked up to my poor, poor boobies within the next week. I am so excited!!!
And speaking of my poor boobies, it is once again time for me to pump. Joy.
Until,
D :)
Head Jukebox Song Today:
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters
A while back I was tagged by Vick for a meme. I am supposed to post 7 weird things about myself.
Mercy, only 7?
Actually, I have been thinking about it for a while and I am not sure if the problem is narrowing it down, or coming up with 7 things to share.
I mean, I don't want you all to stop reading!
Because I am so completely normal.
eh hem.
Anyway.... I think I may be able to finally possibly participate and list out my silly little quirks. I mean really, they are not even worth mentioning. Simple and small and not even really that weird. Absurdly normal if you ask me.
So here they are in no particular order.
Mercy, only 7?
Actually, I have been thinking about it for a while and I am not sure if the problem is narrowing it down, or coming up with 7 things to share.
I mean, I don't want you all to stop reading!
Because I am so completely normal.
eh hem.
Anyway.... I think I may be able to finally possibly participate and list out my silly little quirks. I mean really, they are not even worth mentioning. Simple and small and not even really that weird. Absurdly normal if you ask me.
So here they are in no particular order.
- I have a jukebox in my head. No, not a juice box, a JUKEBOX. As in music? No seriously. I do. There is a song playing in my head 24/7. Many times I will hold on to a song for days - D A Y S!!! until I am absolutely, positively sick and tired of the song and have absolutely no clue as to why it is playing over and over and over in my head. It drives me insane at times. Currently the song is this: I think I have posted that one before, but the incredibly fabulous musicians at our church performed it last Sunday and I have been replaying it constantly ever since. It is a strange thing to wake up at 3 AM to a baby crying and a gospel chorus singing "It makes me want to SHOUT! Hallelujah, thank you Jesus..." :) Of course it is much better than what was playing for days on end before Sunday...ACK! I can't remember it now, but it was Willie Nelson singing about bourbon - and no, it wasn't Whisky River.... anyway, music in my head. Always.
- I am basically a chronic hand washer. I am constantly washing my hands throughout the day and it is especially bad when I am cooking.
- I am fairly superstitious. Not in a step-on-a-crack sort of way, but more in a words spoken may come to fruition sort of way. There are certain things I simply won't talk about and certain common expressions I won't say. I don't like it when others talk about certain things. I would get more specific, but the fact that I am typing this out, however cryptic, is freaking me out a little.
- I am also a bit of a germaphobe (thus the hand washing). You would think this would make me a better housekeeper - but sadly for some reason it doesn't work that way. I am particularly peculiar about shoes and floors. I don't often sit on people's floors and in my house, shoes are rarely ever allowed to be anywhere but on the floor. Case in point, it drives me absolutely batty that we keep Kiddo's shoes on top of his dresser. That dresser top is forever tainted in my eyes. I will never set anything other than shoes on it again. Hubby committed the most heinous of foul moves a while back when he set his shoes ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER!!! I was so completely grossed out that even after cleaning it several times over (and by several I mean about 20 or 30 times) with bleach, I still wouldn't use that part of the counter for a few weeks. I just couldn't do it. I am ok with it now, but for a while there I thought we might have to replace the counter top.
- I do not eat or drink anything with artificial sweetener in it (if I know it's there). I think aspartame and sucrolose are the absolute worst things you can put in your body. I can taste them almost every time. I bought a box of cereal when I was pregnant that had sucrolose and I had to throw the whole box away. I refuse to give my child anything "lite" or diet. I would rather him have the sugar than the chemicals. This puts me in a tough spot sometimes because people think that when something is "diet" or sugar free that it is better for you. I just don't believe that and I would rather eat full fat and sugared things in moderation than put all sorts of unknown chemicals in my body. I am sure that there is someone out there that will try to convince me otherwise, but I'm not changing my mind on this one. Likewise, when I cook, I use real butter. So shoot me.
- Hubby says I should include in this that one of my favorite dishes to make is Spinach and Eggs. It is a dish my mom used to make and has always been one of my favorites. Basically you put a can of spinach (drained) and four slightly beaten eggs in a skillet and mix it all up. Cook over medium heat, stirring and scraping the pan until it scrambles like scrambled eggs. Season with Lawry's Seasoned Salt. This is a wonderful finger food for small children as well. I don't know how this makes me weird, but Hubby said to include it so there you have it.
- I don't know what to put for the last one. I could tell you that I learned how to play pool (billiards) at 3 years old, I pick my kids noses, that I am very particular about what one can put in my kitchen sink (no glasses please) or that it completely irks me when someone isn't kind enough to hold a door open for a mom with a stroller...those things don't make me weird I think. [except maybe the nose picking]
- Here's one. A bonus for you... When Hubby and I lived in Phoenix I did a modeling gig for an ad that was published in a very obscure magazine. In the ad I am holding a sign up in front of me and it kind of looks like I might be um, ah, well, nekkid behind the sign. I assure you, I was not. I was wearing a strapless top and a skirt. Funny thing about that shoot - it happened on a day that Hubby was back in Texas visiting family. After the shoot I met up with an old professor of mine and we attended a concert on the ASU campus that was premiering one of his compositions. We went out to eat after and I didn't get home until very, very late that night. My cell phone had died (unknown to me) and apparently Hubby was trying to get a hold of me the entire time to make sure I was ok after the shoot. (It was at some guy's house, and though I knew the photographer [a woman I worked with] it was still kind of a weird situation and Hubby just wanted to make sure I was ok.) So Hubby had been calling me and leaving messages every 10 minutes or so all night and I had no clue until I came in at 2 or 3 AM. Hubby was a wreck; ready to hop on a plane back to Phoenix and find me - poor guy, I scared him to death. Another funny thing about that shoot - I had a makeup artist do my hair and makeup and I was really, really made up. In order to meet up with my old prof in time I couldn't go home and clean up. So I was in my street clothes with this big bouffant hair-do and 4 pounds of makeup on my face. I looked like a $2 - well, you know. Anyway, I think my old prof got a kick out of it. That whole experience was weird, so I guess it qualifies.
Ok, so there are my 7 - er, rather 8 things. I am also supposed to include a self portrait. Since these days I look like doggy doo - I will leave you with this instead.
And look it's in pewter!! ;)
I officially tag anyone who wants to participate.
Until,
D :)
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