I Am Here

I don't know why I am here. When I stopped blogging here 9 years ago, it wasn't a conscious decision. It was really a combination of things - of life getting too crazy, feeling like I had lost my voice, and getting annoyed that certain people in my life were spying on me by reading my blog, and then confronting me on issues that had nothing to do with them. I felt I had to censor everything, and it defeated the purpose of having this space in the first place.

So here we are 9 years later, and something made me open this up tonight. The blog theme was all outdated, things were wonky, and in my effort to fix the major issues all my landscape photos rotated. Ah well...it is what it is. I don't think I can go back through the 700+ posts and fix all the photos at this point, so it will live on in infamy wonky, just like my thoughts.

A lot has changed in the last nine years. The boys are growing up so quickly. Kiddo is wickedly talented and smart, but alas, a teenager, so he hides in his room most of the day. Port is 11 and full of fire and emotion and still one of the most fascinating kids ever. The hubby is still doing his thing, only now in a finished out shed in the backyard, so we hardly see him. My business grew and went crazy for a while, and then matured and refined and is once again about to evolve.

I am still just as nuts as I was before, but now with a bit more understanding and sophistication...lol I shouldn't say that - I'm not nuts, but I do have a different way of thinking from most people. I am learning to embrace it, to enhance it, to develop it. My hope is that in doing so I can experience a higher level of living, enlightenment, and understanding.

I want my voice back. As I read through the last 9 months or so of posts here, I was shocked at how much I enjoyed reading, but also of how much I had forgotten. What an amazing gift to be able to look back at the times when the boys were little, and remember the daily struggles and triumphs. It saddens me to think about the 9 years I will miss that I did not document.

Thankfully Facebook has some record of the last 9 years, and I do print out my fb posts every year and make them into a book. But the depth and detail isn't there like it is here.

So after reading for about an hour, I clicked on "new post"

And here we are.

Will I be back? That is something I can't answer yet. But, this year (2020) is going to be a BIG year. I've been living in survival mode for a while, persevering and just trying to hold on. This year, well, this year will be a TRANSFORMATION. I don't know what all that means yet, but I know it to be true. A couple of months ago, in prayer, I was overwhelmed with the message that "everything will be different", and from that moment on things did start changing. I hope to be able to share and document some of those things here.

Until,
D :)