Monday, December 15, 2008

Near the End

It's nine days till Christmas.

I am so not ready. eeeeeek!!!!!

Last Friday I took the boys to a mom-group play date where we made a Christmas Count Down chain. You decorate and attach links together to represent how many days are left until the holiday, and then you rip one link off every day until Christmas. When we got it home I attached a left over magnetic strip I had to the back of the top piece and we hung it on the refrigerator. I am pretty sure Kiddo understands the concept, but unfortunately the kid is so excited about Christmas that he cannot be satisfied in ripping off one link a day. Instead, he tries to be sneaky and rip off more when I am not paying attention and he thinks it will make Christmas come faster. Sometime yesterday he ripped off about 7 links and tossed them in the trash, so the chain had to move to the top of the fridge for a week until we can start counting down again.

*sigh*

I am so excited about this time of year. I love it so much. It is a bit puzzling to me though, how the happiest time of the year can also be the saddest. I guess with so much joy going around it highlights the sorrow too - and every year I struggle to keep my happy self floating on top of the water while the sad self is clawing at me and trying to pull me down. I've been having very vivid dreams of loved ones lost long ago, and often wake up in a sad mood because of it. Thankfully I have a cute little troll to cheer me up every morning -he greets me most days with his now 2 toothed grin!

"little troll" - did I ever blog that story? One night when Port was a few months old, we had been up several times. I was extremely fatigued from no sleep and I had just gotten Port back in the bassinet and was hoping to go to sleep myself. Just as I laid back down he started fussing again. I realized he was extremely wet and so I had to change not only his diaper but his jammies too. When I got everything situated I once again rocked him back to sleep and placed him gently in the crib. Not 5 minutes later he fussed again, and as I picked him up he urped and spit up all over me and the fresh clean outfit I had just put him in. He looked up at me, opened his eyes wide and grinned the biggest grin I had witnessed from him. My completely unintentional, completely natural, loving, half asleep, motherly response was saying out loud...

"you evil little troll"

Hubby snickered in the bed next to me. By then it was daylight and he happened to be awake as well.

Well, my Little Troll has hit a HUGE growth spurt. [and here is where I regret to inform the family that if they bought any clothes for Port for Christmas, they may want to locate their receipts. Sorry.] He has had the hiccups non stop lately. The other night I put him in his bath duck and was shocked! The last two baths he had were in the big tub with his brother, and so the duck hadn't been used in a couple of weeks. He went from having lots of room to maneuver around to hardly fitting at all in just that short amount of time! I am amazed, and hurting for cold weather clothes right now. I had to raid Kiddo's old clothes and pull the 24 and 36 month stuff because it is all we have long sleeved.

Port has learned his first trick. If you say "bang, bang, bang" he will slap or punch himself or anything in front of him. It is so cool because he totally knows what the word means!

I want to make sure I get this down too because I don't know how long he'll do it - but Port has this thing he does when he is really excited, tickled or about to laugh. He scratch his chest with his right hand. He has some eczema patches on the left side of his chest, and whenever he is really smiling and about to laugh or get excited he will reach over and scratch them. It is the funniest thing.

Anyway, that's the latest. It's 11pm now; this post has taken me all day to write. I am sitting here pumping and trying not to fall asleep. My pumping days are pretty much over. I am still doing twice a day, but my supply is about gone now and it has become more just something I do because I feel guilty about quitting; and sad, relieved, selfish, conflicted. I don't know what to do. I am waiting for someone to give me permission to quit I think, or for someone to tell me to not give up and keep it going. I don't want to make the decision for myself.

But that is another post for another day.

Until,
D :)

4 comments:

Vick said...

Don't you dare feel guilty! You've stuck it out so much longer than many would, and only because you knew it was what you wanted for your boy. That's awesome :)

Jen said...

I give you permission to quit pumping!! Good grief woman, you have pumped a LONG time!

Julia said...

Ditto! Pumping is at least twice as hard as plain 'ole breastfeeding, so if you want to go with that logic, you've actually done at least 16 month of breastfeeding. ;D You should be proud of what you've done and not feel guilty.

I LOVE the eczema patch scratching from excitement description. I was totally picturing Port doing that and cracking up.

Carrie said...

No more guilt allowed! I kept putting off taking some needed medication until I'd nursed Maggie 6 months. My doc finally said to quit already the highest benefit to the baby is in the first six weeks and after that it peters off. I don't know if he's right....I know many that would disagree (he's the one with the medical degree though....)but maybe it'll ease your guilt as it did mine. You've done 2 months longer than me :)

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