Saturday, May 01, 2010


Happy Saturday!

I know, I've been MIA all week. It's been a pretty rough one. I've been terribly stressed out; I'm way behind on my editing and feeling the crunch of it now makes me sort of go catatonic. Add on top of that the fact that my life "plate" is overflowing, and allergies are hitting me and the boys extremely hard. Port has some sort of massive sinus infection/allergy thing, and he has not been sleeping well. We spent one entire night this week on the couch, where I laid with him all night listening to him struggle to breathe. Like me, he doesn't sleep well with his mouth open, and every time he fell into a deeper sleep he would close his mouth. Unfortunately, his sinuses were so clogged that it would make him stop breathing all together, and then after several beats of silence he would wake up gasping for air. When he would swallow, it would create a suction in his sinuses and hurt his ears and throat. He was a mess.

Thankfully we only had one night of that, and the next night I pulled out the full arsenal of decongestant measures - I put saline in his nose, vicks on his feet, vapor lotion on his chest and gave him a dose of benadryl. I put the cool mist humidifier in the boy's room and they both slept the entire night in peace. Unfortunately, whatever it is that Port has seemed to afflict Kiddo too, and yesterday they were both pretty snotty.

My allergies are going haywire as well - my throat is raw from drainage and my ears and mouth itch. I ran out of oregano oil and I swear the next day the allergies got me. That stuff really keeps my symptoms at bay. I need to get to the store and get more asap.

Hubby is gone for the weekend on a motorcycle trip. Today it is a wonderful 72 degrees - absolutely perfect weather for riding. I haven't had the desire to ride the bike in a long time, but today I do for some reason. I saw this pic in the hallway and got all nostalgic.

This was one of the few times I rode by myself. I owned that bike for a few years. Actually, this pic is from the day Hubby took me out to learn how to drive it. I am pretty sure this moment was right after I had laid it down on my leg. lol! Thankfully I didn't hurt anything (except my pride) so I got up and drove it down the road again. On the way home from this ride I ran out of gas and had to coast on fumes for a few miles. Now that was fun. not.

I haven't been on a bike since before the kids were born. Hubby still rides all the time (of course) but I really haven't wanted to. Just before we moved back from Arizona Hubby had a wreck and shattered his wrist. After we moved back, just in time for Kiddo's first birthday, Hubby wrecked again and ripped open his leg. No, riding a bike was not really something I wanted to do after having kids. It just seemed to scary.

Today I am missing that feeling of freedom; wind on my face, the road flying by beneath my feet, the total lack of responsibilities and obligations. The fear and the excitement; the rush from going fast and leaning into turns... I miss it a lot today.

I think I am just overloaded with obligations and responsibility. I really wish I could just get away for a bit. I need to clear my head and figure out what the heck I am doing with myself. I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions right now. I am doing a thousand different things in a mediocre way when what I really want is to do one or two things really well.

But I can't figure out what those things are supposed to be. I am running as fast as I can into anything I can find, trying to find my place. And at the same time feeling completely and totally lost.

D :)

Ride - Martina McBride


TitanKT said...


...and yet... you're wonderful.

I have complete faith that you'll get your feet back under you and if there was some magical thing I could say or do to help or make things easier for you, I would in an instant.

It's always different for everyone, but I can so identify with how you're feeling and it makes my heart ache... with empathy and nostalgia.

God won't give you more than you can handle and everything in your life (no matter how unpleasant or difficult) conspires to make you the person you are... and you are beautiful.

Hang in there, get through it one day at a time, give yourself a break and know that there are those of us out here who think you shine all the time.

Anonymous said...
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Barb said...

Hugs to you sweetie. I am praying for you that you find some peace of mind and get that break soon.

If you ever need someone, let me know. Lots of love.

Oh and I totally get that need to run away and have no responsibility.

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