I would love to say that, as a Christian I find all my answers in the Word and the teachings of God. But in all honesty, my personal truth is derived through much more than that. I didn't grow up in a Christian home, and many of my early influences were very secular. I learned to be polite and soft spoken from my parents, who taught me behavior based on what they wanted and expected of me. I was taught to walk and sit like a lady by my grandmother who prided herself on being a proper southern woman. She encouraged me to try walking in my first pair of heels and I very vividly remember walking back and forth over and over across her den with a book on my head. But the ideas of being kind and a good person came not from the bible necessarily; I think a lot of it was just in my general nature and also instilled by my parents.
I think I have been searching a lot lately for my own personal truth; my purpose or the I guess. Like Billy crystal's character in the movie City Slickers, I am looking for that "one thing". What is that one thing; that reason we are all here?
I mean, I know we all have a special purpose, or if you believe, a plan from God. And that plan is specific to us and our path of life. But in all of that there has to be a universal truth. There has to be a reason that all of this exists.
We were born to love.
These words struck me upside the head the other day as I was listening to a new song. Some of the lyrics;
Horses were made to runI have come to the realization in the past few years that our lives are all about relationships. And that without the relationships, we have nothing. It doesn't matter how much we make, all the things we own, the kind of purse we carry or the car we drive - those things mean nothing, absolutely nothing in my world. To me, it's about the way you treat people and the way you behave even when no one is looking.
And the sun was meant to shine above
And flowers were made to bloom
Then there’s us
We were born
And I am not perfect. No one is.
But I am trying, trying, trying so much harder now to remember the relationships first. To remember to just love first. I'm trying not to get caught up in the day to day and the frustration and the irritation and the worry of this life. I am trying to be kinder, gentler and godlier. I am trying to remember daily what all this is for. It is hard - so very hard. It is darn near impossible when the kids are driving me nuts and the house is never clean and there is no money in the bank. And then something breaks and my world is sent into a tailspin. Many times in just the past two weeks I have had to stop and remember,
we are born to love. love your family. love your boys. love your husband. love.
I have heard God whisper to me and I've heard him shout. He's scolded me and encouraged, he's given and taken away. I know, through my own experiences that He uses other people and things in this world to reach His children. He's spoken to me through kind words from friends. He's placed people in my path to guide my way or to change my trajectory. His hand is in all that I do...whether I want Him there or not. ;-) And lately He has been so present, so...HERE in everything. Perhaps it is that I am finally seeing Him in my life again. Maybe I have opened my eyes wide enough to see Him. Maybe it's because I am trying to keep Him in the forefront of my life. And I see things swirling around me, around my life and my business and my family and I know change is coming. I know that after several years of being still, being stuck and stagnant things are finally moving forward.
But as soon as I see all those things; all those swirling, twisting, dancing things getting brighter and happier and shinier, something else happens.
Things start breaking. Mistakes are made. Important stuff is forgotten. Unexpected or unanticipated expenditures bombard our finances. I get frustrated at all the teeny, tiny things that seem to build and add together and chip away at my beautiful swirly cloud of sanity and happiness.
And all I want to do is stop it all. Stop all the momentum, stop all the effort, stop it all. Because it is safer and less stressful to do nothing.
But life doesn't work that way. And so here I sit, trying to make sense of it all; trying to understand what my real purpose is.
The details, I think, aren't really important. For me, it all breaks down to that one, simple phrase.
We are born to love.
And suddenly nothing else matters.