Why Georgia

{Haha! I title all my blog posts with songs, and I couldn't think of a title. I am listening to Pandora and I thought to myself, the next song, whatever it is, will be the title. So, we have Why Georgia. Thank you John Mayer! lol}

In the past few weeks, Port has gone from a child that announced every time he "poopied" (which could be either #1 or #2 - he didn't know the difference) and wanted an immediate change to the child that refuses to let me change his diaper at all. For a while I thought it was because he was associating diaper changes with being put to bed (we always make sure he is fresh before nap or bedtime), but since we gave up naps last week, I no longer think that is the case.

Yes, you read that right - we gave up naps last week.

It has actually gone pretty well. I am not getting my daily quiet time, but I am also not having to deal with an hour + scream-a-thon and difficult bed times. Now bed time, for the most part, is a breeze (sorry Julia).  He is much more agreeable and ready to go to bed at 8:30 than he was when he was sleeping for three hours every afternoon.  It's been great.

With the exception of the times he is overly tired by about 4pm; those make the evening pretty difficult. Sometimes though, he falls asleep on his own, as evident by this pic I took the other day.

I went to the back of the house to take a shower and came out to this. He slept on the couch, eventually ending up with his legs hanging completely off, for about 3 hours.

We decided to hold off on the big boy bed switch until after our family vacation. I just didn't see things going well at all if we put him in an unrestricted bed for a week and then tossed him back in a pack and play for 4 nights while we were out of town. I still need to get some sheets and find a baby gate anyway.

But anyway, he is refusing diaper changes. I now have to bring all the supplies into whatever room he is in and hold him down on the floor to change him.

It has made for some messy situations. Blech. Hopefully the diaper stage will be over in the next few months. I thought he was on the way to potty training, but I guess I was mistaken.

Until,
D :)

A Moment Like This

Happy Monday everyone!
Well, it has been an interesting week plus, to say the least. I don't think I have been under this much stress and emotional turmoil in a long time. I. Am. Exhausted.

Last week was just a big ol cluster of too many things happening at once. By the end of the week, I was crying at the drop of a hat and about to lose my mind. Though things are working out, I am still grinding my teeth at night and having weird dreams. Though, last night I slept like a rock.  When I woke up this morning, I felt awful; like I'd been hit by a truck.

The CRV drama has just become absurd.  The repair we needed to make ended up costing us $350. We had to replace 2 tires instead of 1 like we thought, and that was another $200. Plus, Hubby got a speeding ticket on the way back from the mechanic, and just to file with the court so he can take defensive driving is over $100. Plus, plus - when the tire place changed out the tires, something that was only slightly messed up with the suspension is now really messed up, and the front end of the car looks like a low rider. GAH! Oh yes, and just for grins, the driver's side door lock broke this morning.

So, close to a GRAND later we may have a semi functional car that we will most likely promptly sell. We can't afford this AT ALL.

Hubby's camera is messed up and needs to be sent to Nikon for repairs. Our 50mm lens is messed up and needs to be either sent somewhere for repair or replaced.

There is sooooo much more - but I am just too exhausted to talk about it all.

I really, really, really, really need a break. I am so looking forward to our family vacation coming soon. I can't wait for the boys to be occupied with the family and leave me alone for a while. I know that sounds horrible, but I am so incredibly tired of being climbed on and whined to and demanded all day every day. I want to just go somewhere ALONE and be able to hear myself, hear my own thoughts, hear nature, ANYTHING.

So, because I am tired of whining and complaining, here is some goodness. My bff came to visit on Saturday and it was sooo incredibly wonderful.  I was so encouraged by her visit that I wrote a series of status messages about happiness. Before they get lost in the Facebook abyss, I thought I would jot them down here, and maybe add a few more.

Happiness Is:
1.watching your baby play the tickle game with your bff. And he is the one crawling his fingers across the pillow to get her. :) ♥ ♥
2.spending the entire afternoon with someone you haven't seen in forever, and not having that awkward period at the beginning where you feel the need to make small talk. Picking up right where you left off as if the last time you sat down together was just yesterday.
3.watching your bff's kid and yours walk through the house, holding hands. ♥ ♥
4.having a friend that lets you laugh and cry and spill your guts, and still knows exactly what to say that doesn't make you feel like an idiot.
5.seeing God's perfect timing when He not only places the one person who understands in your life, but also on your doorstep on a day you need her most.
6. listening to the outrageous giggles of your children as they wrestle with their father. And better still, jumping in the middle of the dog pile with them. 
7. listening to the sound of my Hubby's heart beat. 


If you have little nuggets of happiness to share, I would love to read them. Just leave me a comment here on the blog and let us all know what defines your happiness.


Until,
D :)

Loose Change

It's the big news here in the Fry household! Kiddo has his first loose tooth! There was much rejoicing! And then there was much crying when the darn thing didn't fall out by bed time. *sigh* Poor guy, he was just so darn excited about losing a tooth.  He's been bugging me all day to wiggle it and check on it; so much so that now the baby walks up to me with his mouth open and wanting me to "wiggle" his teeth. lol! Wiggling Kiddo's tooth kind of grosses me out.

He saw on a kid's show that the tooth fairy comes and "leaves a prize". I told Kiddo that she would leave him some money and he said, "and what else?" ugh. Darn cartoons!

They are growing up so fast.

Kiddo starts school in a month. 1 month! 4 weeks and a few days. I just can't stand the thought of it.  We ventured out on Saturday night and bought all of his schools supplies. It was surprisingly easy to find everything, but I think it's because I was ahead of the game.  I also got him a back pack and a lunch bag with a thermos and food container. He wanted Iron Man for everything, but thankfully I talked him into a generic looking green back pack (his favorite color). Hopefully he can carry that for a couple of years before it wears out.  The lunch bag and gear was PRICEY. Holy crap. He better like it, that's for sure.

I thought about just buying the pre-assembled school supply pack from Walgreens, but when I saw the price ($47.99!!!) I about had a heart attack.  Buying everything he needed separately cost me about half of that price. I couldn't believe it. That is such a rip off!

Otherwise, everything is still pretty stressful, but I am trying not to dwell on any of it.  My dad's surgery went well, we think, and he is home resting now.  Mom's is being postponed for a couple of weeks until Dad is feeling better. I finally made it through a bunch of the business stuff, and now it's just a matter of tying up some loose ends to get back on top of things, then I have to finalize all my new stuff for the restructure. Oh yes, and I need to study for my test. A lot.

And if I think too much about it, the list gets longer and longer and longer...

As of this afternoon the Kiddo has a second loose tooth. Guess the toothfairy needs to do some work so she has money to pay for these teeth popping out! Anybody need a beautiful portrait??? lol!

 This was the haul I took from the garden yesterday. There is another banana pepper under the tomatoes and a whole bunch of basil on the other counter. The day before I pulled 10 cucumbers!!! I don't know what to do with them all!

Until,
D :)

Under Pressure

I need a little happy today.

Kiddo is driving me nuts, I am PMSing, and I am having trouble controlling my anger. Because we have been cooped up in this house all week with Kiddo's punishment, I think we are getting a little stir crazy.  Add to that the fact we are looking at about $300-500 in repairs/tires for the CRV, just so it will pass inspection this month. I am trying to figure out how we are going to afford it. We *just* paid off our last credit card; I really hate to have to charge something now.

Oh yes, and quarterly taxes are due next week. Joy.

Gah, I hate feeling down like this. I have so much to be thankful for! Aside from just a couple of things, life is pretty good.

The end of summer, school starting, Kiddo's birthday, family vacation, my certification test, the holidays, holiday sessions, my pricing structure launch, client obligations, marketing strategies, scheduling everything, school clothes shopping, school supplies shopping, allergist appointments, doctor appointments, surgery for both my parents and many many more things are piling up on me right now. I can't sort through it all in my head enough to process or get anything done. And I just keep piling it on myself. Never mind the regular home stuff - laundry, cleaning, maintenance, gardening, etc. Oh yeah and I have kids and a husband that needs attention and care as well.

And it is hot outside. My word the heat. And the mosquitos. And the flies. Texas is such a buggy state. blech.

I wish I could pop my brain out of my head for a little while and give it a rest. I can feel it working overtime in there and it needs a break. It feels like it is going to bust through my skull.

There is a lovely visual.

On a good note, tonight I am going out with a couple of friends to a Grease sing-along at the downtown Alamo Draft House. It should be really fun. I am feeling a little bit anxious (the going, the parking, the finding a seat - logistics of it all kind of give me anxiety) but hopefully I will get over it. I will try to remember my camera so I can take pics.

Have a wonderful weekend!
Until,
D :)

Don't Speak

We are on day 3 of punishment and things are going relatively well. The first day, Monday, was a dream! The boys played together all day, the TV stayed off completely and I was blissfully happy with the whole thing. Even the 2 hour "quiet time" went well. Kiddo was bored for sure - he did a lot of staring at the wall, but he didn't whine or complain or try to find excuses to come out. 

Tuesday though was a different story.  It was the first day of in room grounding, and it didn't go so well. Kiddo did great in that he remembered and he willingly stayed in his room all day, but he and Port fought ALL day! Port kept trying to play in there with him, which was fine the day before, but for some reason was not working yesterday. I had to get up and go break up fights a million times. The TV still stayed off until I was cooking dinner and Port requested a Signing Time video. I was happy to oblige him so I could have some peace. The 2 hour quiet time was a mess with Kiddo; he was terribly bored despite bringing in a bunch of books and a drawing board. He fussed and whined and made excuses until I was about to blow my lid. When his 2 hours were up, Port was still napping so Kiddo could not go back to his room. I made him come outside with me and help in the garden.

2 minutes into him helping me fill buckets from our water reserves, he got a nose bleed. I made him go inside and lie down on the sofa. I came back in to check on him a few minutes later and he was playing with toys in the living room floor. uh-huh. So I made him come back outside and he held a bowl while I harvested the days veggies. (I was able to pick a few tomatoes, some okra, several cucumbers and some banana peppers!) He got a little grounding break while I took a shower and by the time I was done Port was up.  The afternoon was a little better as long as I kept the boys separated.

Today I am sure will be more challenging as the novelty of being grounded wears off. Kiddo has been occupying himself with his radio, playing various kid's CDs and rocking out to them. If I have to hear the Kidz Bop version of Big Girls Don't Cry one more time....

In other news, we think Port is about ready for a regular bed. He is too tall now to be in the crib under the bunk his brother sleeps in; when he stands up he bonks his head on the bed above him. He begs me every day to get in Kiddo's bed, and when I let him he lays down, pulls the covers up over himself and says "night night". It is so cute! I am afraid though that he won't actually STAY in the bed once he figures out how to get out of it, so we are trying to come up with a way to lock them in the room so that Port can't get out, but Kiddo can if he needs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Kiddo still cannot open those child proof door knob covers, so we will have to find something else. I don't want them to lock us out either...hmm. It may come down to me laying down with him at night like I did with Kiddo. I would just hate to get in that habit though.

Speaking of Port, I have been meaning to write this down for a while; I wanted to list some of the funny words Port is saying now.  He has a habit of leaving off the first letter or two of certain words and adding letters to other words.

baw-baby = strawberry
asses = glasses
bee-nick = phoenix
bee-me = Grammy
eye-nee = heiney
nok = milk (this is exactly how Kiddo pronounced milk too!)
bopper = diaper (again, a perfect match to Kiddo's pronunciation)
peeze = please
sh!t = sit (yeah that one is fun)
feesh fies = french fries (it used to be wuh-wyes. so cute!)
I luh-loo = I love you

Of course there are many more, but I can't think of them right now. The way he speaks is so sweet.

Sometimes I wish he would stay this age forever.

Until,
D :)

Redeemed

A new letter from the kiddo,

"For God - From Kiddo.
Dear God,
My mom & dad would always
Give me punishments I wish I was nice.
but you are so POWERFUL you can move the 
mountains. You can take 
sins. 
Love, Kiddo"

Sorry it's such a bad pic. I took it with my phone. I find it interesting how he wrote this one in lower and upper case letters, but the punishment one for Hubby and I was in all caps. That little figure after his signature is a Junior from Veggie Tales.

Until,
D :)

Go On

It was a full weekend here at the Fry household. On Saturday morning we got up bright and early for a garage sale. We pulled out all our stuff, got everything tagged and ready to go and then waited. We had ads on Craigslist and a history of very well visited garage sales - our neighborhood tends to be a popular place for them.  In the past we don't even have to advertise, but when we do it is a sure thing we will see a ton of people.

So we waited. And we waited. And we waited.

And between the hours of 8AM and 12Noon, we had 4 cars stop at our house.

4. Yes, 4.

Was it national anti-garage sale day or something?? I can't even blame the weather; it was actually pretty nice out.

Well, regardless of how few people came, we did get rid of some of the bigger items; the Jumperoo, a couple of ride on toys, the TV... but there was still a lot of stuff left. It really kills me to take all of that to Goodwill. I mean, I know it's a good cause and everything, but to me it feels too much like throwing money away sometimes. Oh well. Here is to more walking space in the house! *clink*

Saturday evening I had a photo shoot for a Senior session and it was really fun. We didn't get eaten by mosquitoes, but I did manage to get some stickers in my shirt and they left a mess of itchy bumps all over my arms. Ah joy.

Sunday was just like any other, except after church we splurged and trekked over to Steak and Shake for lunch. YUM! It was soooo good! The boys did really well and we all left full and happy with a yummy shake in our hands.

The real excitement came though at dinner time. Kiddo wanted to watch some show on TV and Port wanted to watch Cars. Port was being particularly fussy and clingy and I desperately needed some space so I could cook dinner. So I told Kiddo it was Port's turn to choose the show and that we would watch his show in a little bit. Kiddo did not like this one bit and of course threw a fit and got sent to his room.  When we sat down to eat, again he asked to watch the show.

Well, he didn't ask - more like he fussed and whined that he wanted to watch the show. And his constant belly-aching about it was really getting on my nerves.  Hubby finally told him that if he would eat his dinner and not say another word about it, we could watch it. That lasted all of about a minute and a half and once again he was demanding in his whiny voice to watch the show. We told him no, because he hadn't finished his dinner and he didn't do what Daddy said by mentioning it again.  Kiddo of course got very angry and he raised a fist in the air in protest. Stern looks from Hubby and I made him drop his hand and then in a small angry voice, looking straight at us, Kiddo mumbled something.

I wasn't sure what it was so I asked him what he said.  He immediately got wide eyed and suddenly had a huge case of amnesia. He normally only does that when it is something really bad.  So, we prodded and prodded and finally told him that if he didn't fess up he was going to get a spanking for it. Finally he mumbled something again and Hubby repeated what he thought he heard,

"you two are going to house tomorrow??"

I asked again, and Kiddo repeated again in his mumble voice. Hubby replied, "house? did you say house? What does that mean?"

Then I realized what it was. Kiddo was saying "hells"

I expected to go through something like this when the boys are teens, but I never thought I would hear my 5 year old tell me to go to Hell.

*sigh*

So we sent him to his room so that we could cool off and finish our dinner. And while he was there we discussed his punishment.  Saying something like that is not something we were going to take lightly.  I had no idea where he heard that phrase or if he even knew what it meant. Regardless, the boy was getting a serious punishment. I wrote down on a piece of paper all the things the punishment entailed so that Kiddo has a visual reference to go by.  Otherwise, I knew I would be answering a million (more) questions a day about his punishment.  We went in to his room and talked to him, asked him if he knew what he was saying and how serious it was, and surprisingly I think he actually kind of knew.  He didn't realize how big of an impact it would have of course, but I do think he knew exactly what he was saying.

After the punishment was laid out it was time for him to quickly finish up his dinner and then we had to get the boys in the bath.  When trying to get Kiddo in the bathroom, he kept saying he needed to write something down. We put him in the bath with Port and I left for my weekly Musing Mommies meeting with Kim.

When I got home there was a piece of white paper on my desk. On it Kiddo wrote, "Stay home in vacation and rake all day when I'm on vacation! Privileges Lost! Mom & Dad"

Apparently, Kiddo was so mad at us he thought he could write out a punishment for us too. Needless to say this did not go over well, especially since he delivered it by throwing it at Hubby while he was on the computer. :(

What has happened to my child???

His punishment for the week is no privileges (that includes all video games, computer time and even things like leapster and any electronic educational games), no TV time and 2 hours of quiet time each day in the spare room. He can read or sleep, but he has to stay in the room, on the bed for 2 hours and not come out. For writing the note with our punishment on it, he is grounded to his room for 2 days, during which time he will clean and organize it from top to bottom. He is not allowed to come out for anything other than meal times and bathroom breaks.

Hopefully he gets the idea and has some time to reflect on what he did.  He told me he's been doing a lot of praying to God. Good thing. Me too.

Day one of the punishment (the room grounding starts tomorrow) has gone exceptionally well. The TV has stayed off completely, and the boys have argued less today than they normally do. It's been amazingly quiet. They have played TOGETHER!!! quietly in their room most of the day.

Spooky.

I kind of like this punishment thing. lol!

Until,
D :)

Early in the Morning

In the past few days I have heard more people than I care to count mention that we are now not only 5 months away from Christmas, we are almost half way through the year.

Say WHAT?!?!

I am so not loving that idea.

Especially because the Christmas decorations are still sitting on the floor of the garage, waiting to be put in the attic. umm....

Yeah, so we are kind of behind on that I guess. What do we do now, just leave them there?

Hubby suddenly decided a few days ago that we were having a garage sale this Saturday, come Hell or high water.  Heh, with the way the weather has been lately, both are possible I guess. ;) I think he has finally reached the point (where I have been off and on for a couple of years now) that if we don't get some of this mess out of our house we will go insane the next time we trip on something. Which - could be any moment now...

So he has placed the add on Craigslist and we have mentally lined up all the items we want to drag out of our home bright and early tomorrow morning.  Bright. and. early.  Thank God for coffee.

And of course, the moment we make up our minds to have a garage sale, the boys miraculously pull out all the toys they haven't played with in MONTHS, if never at all, and suddenly they have all these wonderful things they can't give up. What is up with that?!? And it's not like we pulled them out to inspect them either.  They haven't moved from the pile they've been sitting in since 1894, and now I don't know how I am going to get them away from the boys.

So anyway, wish us luck on that.

I was digging through some picture files looking for some images to send to my mother in law, I came across another of Kiddo's drawings that I meant to share a while back. I thought it was pretty hilarious, as it depicts my two boys and the usual looks they give each other. lol!

I think in this picture they are dueling superheros or something. And um, that is one interesting, um, apostrophe... in the little one's britches. hmm.

Well I hope you all have a blessed and wonderful weekend. Welcome to my new followers; I am so glad to see you here!

Until,
D :)

At the Hop

Hey! I thought I would do something fun tonight. I am participating in a Blog Hop, brought to you by Boutique on Feet!

A blog hop is a great way to find great new reads and also get some new readers to my blog. Since I have been greatly slacking on the posting lately, I thought this might be the kick in the pants I need to get back on here on a more regular basis. :)

So, check out the links below and see if there is something that you find fun and interesting. I am about to go check out all of them myself!

If you would like to participate, click on the link below and add yourself to the list. Then grab the code to add the linky to your site and have fun!

Here's how to play...
Follow These steps:
1. Enter your link and add it
2. Grab the link code and create a blog hop on your blog
3. Follow the blogs listed
4. If the blogs have a FB and Twitter account . . . "LIKE"
and "FOLLOW" them, too!

Confused

Happy Monday everyone!

Oh wait - it's Tuesday isn't it?

Darn holiday weekends! They get me all confused! Never mind the fact that I was up at 5AM with the $#&($#@(#@!)!@ dog, and again at 6 with the baby. *yawn*

We had a lovely 4th of July weekend where we basically did nothing. lol. It was good though, in a strange, slacker sort of way. On Friday Hubby and Happy took the kayak to Wimberley and spent the day on the river. Saturday Hubby took Kiddo out for a short paddle in a local lake. Saturday night, I worked a very big, very interesting party out at a another very fancy home. Thankfully it was close by, so getting off at 11:30 wasn't that big of a deal. The party was very cool - a fundraiser event for a couple of charities. There were TONS of people, tons of kids, tons of food and tons of VIPs. A "teen" celebrity from a show on ABC Family was in attendance and provided me with my first in person experience with a mob of teenage girls devouring their celebrity crush. It was quite a scene. For the first time ever, I felt like a real paparazzi as I was trying to get his photograph without getting in his way. Of course, if I were a real paparazzi - I guess I wouldn't care about getting in his way, now would I?

Anyway, the party was a huge success, despite blowing the neighborhood electrical transformer. Thankfully it was right before the fireworks display, so the big boom and shower of sparks sort of fit in. And, without any pesky lights from the house and other homes on the street, the fireworks were that much more dramatic. See, a win win for all. ;-)

My lovely friend Jen assisted me at the party. It is always fun working with her. And it was so nice to get out of the house, have fun and make some good money in the process. :)

We didn't do anything on Sunday night. We were all pretty exhausted from the weekend so we treated it like any normal night. Of course, my entire street shot fireworks until almost midnight, much to the amusement of all the dogs in the neighborhood. Thankfully the boys weren't bothered by the noise. I felt so bad on Monday though, when Kiddo realized that we had "missed" the fireworks on the 4th. He was pretty upset. I guess next year (and also at New Year's) we need to take the boys to see fireworks. This was actually the first year in a looooong time that the city even allowed fireworks in the neighborhood streets - it would have been fun for the boys had I planned ahead and picked something up. Bad mommy! :(

It was a good food weekend though. On Saturday, we made ribs on the grill. For a few hours before hand, I marinated the ribs in cooking sherry, balsamic vinaigrette and Worcestershire sauce. Hubby seasoned with garlic salt and lemon pepper while they were grilling and they turned out amazingly good! They had a wonderful flavor that I think came from the marinade. I will have to remember that next time too. I also made homemade cinnamon vanilla ice cream and homemade apple pie. I think I will ask for a nice ice cream maker for Christmas. The one we have is really cheap and it is so hard to get it to turn and keep it turning. Then once the ice cream starts to firm up, it won't turn anymore. We have to either sit there and manually turn it or just pour the semi soft-serve in bowls and finish the freezing process in the freezer. On Sunday we grilled burgers and had them with garden fresh cucumber/tomato salad and more apple pie and ice cream for dessert. YUM!

Today I am making a strawberry/banana bundt bread. I had some bananas and strawberries going bad - and I wasn't able to add the bananas to the collection in my already overflowing freezer. I hope it turns out good; as usual I made a lot of changes to the recipe.

...a little later...

Delish! Here is my recipe for your pleasure!

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray pan with cooking spray (can use 2 loaf pans, muffin tins or what I used, a Bundt pan)

Ingredients: 4 eggs, slightly beaten.
2 cups sugar (I used 1c brown, 1 c white)
~1 1/2 cups strawberries, chopped/mashed
3 mashed bananas
splash of vanilla (maybe a teaspoon?)
1 cup oil (I used coconut oil, but any will do, and if I had applesauce I would have used 1/2cup oil and 1/2cup apple sauce)
3 cups flour
1 t baking soda
1 1/2 t cinnamon
1/2 t salt
1 cup + 2-3T rolled oats (divided)

In one bowl, mix flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt until combined. in a mixer bowl combine eggs, sugar, strawberries, bananas, vanilla and oil. Beat at medium speed for 2 minutes. Slowly add in flour mixture and stir until just combined. Stir in oats until evenly distributed.

Sprinkle 2-3 T of oats in the bottom of the Bundt pan and sprinkle another 1-2 T of brown sugar on top of that. If using loaf pans or muffin tins, do this step last. Pour batter into prepared pans.

For the Bundt pan, it took exactly 1 hour and it was perfect. Loaf pans should be about the same, maybe a little less than an hour; I would bake the muffins about 20 minutes (if they are regular size). Check with a toothpick to make sure.

This is the link to the original recipe, though as you can see I changed it up a little. ;-) http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Strawnana-Bread/Detail.aspx

Hope you have a wonderful Monday, er uh, Tuesday!

Until,
D :)

One True Thing

As humans we all try to find our purpose and our place in this world. Some of us find it in our faith; through scripture and spiritual leadership. Some of us latch on to mentors or people we admire, and we carve our lives according to what we think that person has done or what they advise us to do. Some find their paths through music and art, some through their own feelings and understanding of the universe.

I would love to say that, as a Christian I find all my answers in the Word and the teachings of God. But in all honesty, my personal truth is derived through much more than that. I didn't grow up in a Christian home, and many of my early influences were very secular. I learned to be polite and soft spoken from my parents, who taught me behavior based on what they wanted and expected of me. I was taught to walk and sit like a lady by my grandmother who prided herself on being a proper southern woman. She encouraged me to try walking in my first pair of heels and I very vividly remember walking back and forth over and over across her den with a book on my head. But the ideas of being kind and a good person came not from the bible necessarily; I think a lot of it was just in my general nature and also instilled by my parents.

I think I have been searching a lot lately for my own personal truth; my purpose or the meaning of life I guess. Like Billy crystal's character in the movie City Slickers, I am looking for that "one thing". What is that one thing; that reason we are all here?

I mean, I know we all have a special purpose, or if you believe, a plan from God. And that plan is specific to us and our path of life. But in all of that there has to be a universal truth. There has to be a reason that all of this exists.

We were born to love.

These words struck me upside the head the other day as I was listening to a new song. Some of the lyrics;

Horses were made to run
And the sun was meant to shine above
And flowers were made to bloom
Then there’s us
We were born
To love.

I have come to the realization in the past few years that our lives are all about relationships. And that without the relationships, we have nothing. It doesn't matter how much we make, all the things we own, the kind of purse we carry or the car we drive - those things mean nothing, absolutely nothing in my world. To me, it's about the way you treat people and the way you behave even when no one is looking.

And I am not perfect. No one is.

But I am trying, trying, trying so much harder now to remember the relationships first. To remember to just love first. I'm trying not to get caught up in the day to day and the frustration and the irritation and the worry of this life. I am trying to be kinder, gentler and godlier. I am trying to remember daily what all this is for. It is hard - so very hard. It is darn near impossible when the kids are driving me nuts and the house is never clean and there is no money in the bank. And then something breaks and my world is sent into a tailspin. Many times in just the past two weeks I have had to stop and remember,

we are born to love. love your family. love your boys. love your husband. love.

I have heard God whisper to me and I've heard him shout. He's scolded me and encouraged, he's given and taken away. I know, through my own experiences that He uses other people and things in this world to reach His children. He's spoken to me through kind words from friends. He's placed people in my path to guide my way or to change my trajectory. His hand is in all that I do...whether I want Him there or not. ;-) And lately He has been so present, so...HERE in everything. Perhaps it is that I am finally seeing Him in my life again. Maybe I have opened my eyes wide enough to see Him. Maybe it's because I am trying to keep Him in the forefront of my life. And I see things swirling around me, around my life and my business and my family and I know change is coming. I know that after several years of being still, being stuck and stagnant things are finally moving forward.

But as soon as I see all those things; all those swirling, twisting, dancing things getting brighter and happier and shinier, something else happens.

Things start breaking. Mistakes are made. Important stuff is forgotten. Unexpected or unanticipated expenditures bombard our finances. I get frustrated at all the teeny, tiny things that seem to build and add together and chip away at my beautiful swirly cloud of sanity and happiness.

And all I want to do is stop it all. Stop all the momentum, stop all the effort, stop it all. Because it is safer and less stressful to do nothing.

But life doesn't work that way. And so here I sit, trying to make sense of it all; trying to understand what my real purpose is.

The details, I think, aren't really important. For me, it all breaks down to that one, simple phrase.

We are born to love.

And suddenly nothing else matters.

Until,
D :)