Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Here Comes the Sun

Or, rather, Son, as it were...

I had my doctor's appointment yesterday. It was the day of the big ultrasound. Hubby and I were both nervous going in; one, we of course wanted to hear that all was well with the baby and two, we wanted to find out what we are having. As most of you know, I was really hoping for a girl. Hubby was happy either way; he wanted a girl for my sake but would be pleased as punch with a boy.

We are fairly certain the little naked somersaulter in my belly is a boy. When you do the splits in your skivies, certain bits will show! And unless my baby has three legs we are certainly having a boy.

So there you have it.

In other news, the baby so far looks good. He is measuring BIG. And I don't mean a few days or even a week big, I mean he is measuring anywhere from 18 weeks 5 days to 20 weeks 2 days! (in case you didn't do the math, that is almost 3 weeks bigger than he should be) YIKES! At this rate, I most likely will have a 9+ pound-er, and very likely closer to 10 lb baby! The doctor said, "you do realize the second babies are usually bigger than the first." To which I replied, "you do realize that this one is going to come early, right?" I was way more serious than he knows.

I do like this doctor, but I have definitely decided he is not going to be my OB for much longer. Hubby and I discovered he is very hard of hearing, and I am already having nightmares of being in labor and trying to tell him something and he doesn't hear what I say. No, no, no, no, NO!! That is not happening.

So when Medicaid gets their act together and my "plan" kicks in next month I am going back to my old OB. Therein lies a whole other slew of issues, but we'll get into them at another time.

Another development was the results of my ANA Lysine panel (blood work up) they did last visit. It turns out my Sjogren's (pronounced "SHOW-grins") SS-A Antibodies are off the charts, and the doctor is saying it is possible I have Sjogren's Syndrome. Again, this is where I don't think he is quite understanding things - because elevated SS-A Antibodies are also related to Lupus and we pretty much know I have that. But, sometimes Sjogren's Syndrome can accompany Lupus and other autoimmune disorders. Their symptoms are similar and one can be misdiagnosed for the other and vice-versa. Either way, he wants me to see a Rheumatologist; yadda, yadda, yadda.

Who I really need to see is a high risk OB that specializes in autoimmune disorders. Send me that direction and I am set. What I really need is someone who can hear my questions, and who won't treat me like an idiot when I ask them. *sigh* Again, a post for another day. What I really need is more specialized, more frequent care.

But I realize these things may or may not be an option, and so I have to give my worry and my fear to God and pray that He will watch over me and the baby and take care of things. I pray that my doctor(s) will point me in the right direction and that I will have the strength to speak up for myself and do the bast I can with what I have.

I don't know what the options are for people on Medicaid. I need to do more research. I do know that with my history, current issues and my 1st pregnancy issues that this baby needs to be monitored very closely. His kidneys need to be checked thoroughly, his heart rate monitored and his size watched. I need to be watched closely for signs of preeclampsia starting now. I presented at 20 weeks with the first symptoms last time, and no one caught on until I was already in labor and my blood pressure was dangerously high. I really don't want to go through that again.

All of the issues I had were directly related to the Lupus and the fact of the matter is, this doctor doesn't yet realize that I have Lupus, much less does he seem to be willing to treat it any differently than a normal pregnancy. As much as I would love for it to be normal, it simply isn't, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to this baby because I blindly went with what one doctor says.

So I am eagerly waiting for November; for many reasons - but that is a post for another time. ;)

Until,
D :)

Monday, October 29, 2007

Where You Are

We're back!

How a 3 day trip turned into 5 days away, I have no idea! Well, actually I do - the darn car. *sigh* Thankfully though now it should be fixed and I have officially been banished from the car dealer in Pasadena; ordered never to return again. Thank. Goodness.


Now I am on task for a rigorous couple of days of deprogramming the Kiddo. It seems he has come back a bit *cough* spoiled from staying with Grammy and Happy for so long. Though, I cannot place blame entirely on them as I tend to be a bit more lenient when we stay with them. Poor Kiddo didn't know what hit him this morning when the TV was turned off and his request for candy at 9:00 am was shot down. Poor, poor guy.


Fortunately, the weather here is absolutely FABULOUS and Kiddo has been gleefully playing out in the back yard for hours today. Nary a mosquito has pricked his skin. Hallelujah! (and actually, I just realized he is out there right now in nothing but his underwear! Boys.....what are you going to do with them?)


Sunday was a fun day for us. Well, sort of. We ended up missing church because Kiddo has had some potty issues. They started when we were at G&H's house, and what I thought was a clever stalling tactic is actually a grand ole case of constipation for my sweet baby. His body is telling him he needs to go, but he can't; and so he is sitting on the potty for HOURS trying to complete his task. It is agony for all involved; trust me. So, I have upped the apple product intake and supplemented with small doses of Benefiber and lots of natural fiber in hopes of getting things moving. So far, not so much is happening... I am waiting for an explosion..... EEWWWWW!


Anyway, back to Sunday. We missed church, and while Kiddo sat on the potty for over an hour we got things together to go to a friend's kid's birthday party. Her twins turned three, and we barely managed to make it there before things wound down. Thankfully they had a fabulous bouncy house for the kids to play in and Kiddo was in heaven! I'll have some pictures later. Promise!


After the party, we headed off and ran an errand or two, and then took a detour over to a nearby park. It has this cool little pavilion with lots of shade and beautiful stone walls. I have been asking Hubby to take some maternity progress pictures of me for weeks, and we just haven't been able to get our acts together. BUT, with the arrival of a couple of new toys for my camera (an 18-125mm zoom lens and a speed light), Hubby was suddenly more than willing to play with, um, er, use my camera to take a few shots at the park. I managed some great shots of him and Kiddo as well, and as soon as I get them edited I'll post them.


Meanwhile, here is my "bump" in all it's 17 week glory!

Looks like the belly finally caught up with the b- ... um, other curves....

Until,

D :)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Angel Needs a Ride

Remote blogging from the inlaws house...

So we packed up and came to town yesterday. Ever have one of those mornings when you just can't get out of the house? (all the mommies are nodding right now!) Yeah, yesterday was one of those mornings for me. Of course, it never fails that when I feel pressured to be somewhere by a certain time, I am always late.

So the plan (and we know how plans go around here) was to get up, have a leisurely cup of coffee and breakfast, and then throw everything in suitcases and in the car and take off. HAHAHAHAHA!!! I don't know where my brain was yesterday morning, but it certainly wasn't turned on at least and I had the most difficult time getting things together. Kiddo wasn't helping much - as soon as I would get him to pick up a massive pile of toys he would either start playing with the toys or pull out something else. Hubby calls and is frustrated that I cannot provide him with an hour by hour itinerary for the next 3 days. Then, my potty-trained-going-on-3-months-now child for whatever reason decided to pee all over the living room floor. And then he didn't even tell me about it! It was so unlike him - he just walked around in soaked underwear for who knows how long before I discovered the puddle in the floor. So I had to take time out to clean that up and shampoo the carpet and throw all the towels and clothes in the wash. My friend, the one having the baby, calls to tell me she had the baby already (and I haven't even left the house yet!!) and all is well. I feel like such a putz for not even being on the road yet. Thankfully she and the baby were doing fine and trying to rest - so I guess it was good I wasn't there yet.

Then, as I finally got everything together, I started to notice some things that would most definitely need my attention. The soapy dishes in the sink needed to be rinsed off and put in the dishwasher, or when I return in a few days I would have a sink full of moldy dishes. The bulk package of pork chops I bought at the grocery store needed to be divided up and frozen or they would be ruined by the time I returned. Then the dang dog came in from the back yard limping (though now in hind sight I think she might have been faking). Then this needed to be picked up and that needed to be set out and well I better just take that with me because bananas don't last that long and Hubby won't eat them..... see how my crazy mind works???

So I finally get us loaded up and ready to go and we stop at the gas station. I fill up, get back in and as I am pulling out, I glance in the rear view mirror and spy a bee in the back window. *sigh* Being deathly afraid of bees, I throw the car in park, jump out and pop the back window and pray that opening it will get the bee out. Thankfully it does and we are once again on our way.

We get out of our town, and in the next town over on a back road come up to a railroad crossing. I have NEVER seen a train on this particular track, but of course, because we are already late and because I am feeling rushed - there is not only a train there, but it is at the front of the train, it is across the track and it is slowing down. Then it stops. Then it sits there for 15 minutes. Then it backs up. Then forward, then back, then forward. I have one hair left on my head...

30 minutes later we are crossing the track and I am feeling better. But of course, the rest of the 3 1/2 hour trip was filled with me catching every stop light, getting behind every slower than molasses car on the road, rolling into town right as school lets out and getting stuck in road construction traffic jams. It was a long drive.

I didn't make it in time to see my friend and her baby yesterday, but I was able to go to the hospital this morning. He is gorgeous! And so small, and fragile and scary and wonderful and my hormones are all in a twitter now. I can't even begin to express how seeing him got me all riled up over having another child. We talked about her four birth experiences and my one traumatic one and all the things that went wrong with it. It was interesting hearing her version of Kiddo's birth. She remembered things in a way that only a mother could - from the doctors' stupidity and poor handling of things to the way we all felt in certain moments. So much of it I have forgotten or repressed.

I am worried about my friend though - this being her 4th child and her not really having any support system here. She doesn't have the luxury of a mom to help her out or even a mother in law capable of helping. She doesn't have any close friends that stay home that could come by with lunch and give her time to take a shower. She has no one. I live too far away. Her hubby works long hours. She will be left alone with a newborn and 3 others under the age of 6. She will have to shuttle the 2 oldest to preschool and tae-kwon-do and tote the 18 month old and nurse the baby and deal with all that on her own. I don't know how she is going to do it. So I am doing the only thing I can. I am praying and hoping and wracking my brain trying to find a solution. There has got to be someone that can help her out. I can only stay in town so long and I can't afford to come back for a while. How I wish we lived closer to her.

Well, this has gone on for ever so I should close. I am going back to see her again tomorrow before they discharge her from the hospital. Maybe on Friday I can bring her lunch at home. There has got to be something I can do.

I am open to ideas if you have them.
Until,
D :)

Monday, October 22, 2007

Stormy Monday

So where have you been? It's been almost a week already!

Yeah, I know. I was doing so well there for a while and then it seems I fell off the planet. So, here I am back again. Not much to say today. It is c-c-c-c-cold outside! We went from mid 80's yesterday to a frigid 49 this morning. The wind is howling, the trees are swaying and the dog won't go outside to pee. It must be cold!


The past week has been pretty uneventful in our neck of the wood. Kiddo is mastering the art of whining, and finally has figured out how to open the refrigerator. I knew the day would come, but I was secretly hoping he would never have the gumption to really make the effort. He's kind of like that - not overly curious or prone to getting into things. We have been lucky in that respect. However, now that he has access to the fridge any time he sees fit - my cheese stockpile has diminished and I am having to hide things on upper shelves. ugh.

Saturday was a fun day. I got to hang out with some great mommies and have coffee, and then the local photography group I am in did a fun walking shoot in a nearby downtown area. I was scoping out the location for an upcoming shoot and I think the area has some potential. We ended up at a car show which was a fun extension to the shoot. I got a couple of post worthy shots I think...

This railroad sign was very dull and worn. For the group shoot, we had certain words that we could assign images to. I used the railroad sign image to represent the word "muted" and in post processing exaggerated the color saturation to create a kind of mixed symbolism. Does that make sense? Ahh - don't listen to me, I haven't had enough coffee yet.

This shot was representative of the word "perspective". I am always the one on shoots to get down on the ground and lay as low as possible. Hopefully the other girls were looking out for cars so I didn't get hit.


And this was my image choice for "temperature". It is a most fantastic paint job on a beautiful classic Corvette; one of the participants in the car show. I just loved the detail and the colors in the flames.

While we were out, I did something to my left thigh though - and man, oh man it is giving me fits now. Normally when I shoot I do a lot of squatting, so my legs should be used to it. However, I haven't done much since getting pregnant, and between that and the 5 lb bag of camera gear I had slung on my shoulder, I think I did something weird to compensate for the unusual weight distribution. Whatever it was - don't let me do it again, ok? I have had the hardest time walking the past couple of days. My knee is hyper-extending now because my thigh muscle is too weak to stop it, and I hobble around like someone with a new prosthetic.

I am still growing; starting to look more pregnant now rather than just plump (if you want to see a recent picture, go over and see my good friend Mollie. I am the gorgeous hotty (har har!) in the first before and after pics.) Well, I guess that is really only true when I am wearing maternity clothes. Because of the cold weather I dug out a pair of jeans today (size 10) and put them on with a loose shirt. I look fat again. The little belly that is so cute in tight tees and elastic waist pants gets cut in half and mangled in a pair of regular low rise jeans. And the baby doesn't like it one bit. It's been kicking the waist band all day.



One of my best girly friends from college is scheduled to have an induction tomorrow, so the Kiddo and I will be headed off to Grammy and Happy's house for a few days so I can visit with her. He has been asking to see them anyway, so I guess the timing is good. I can't wait to see the new baby - my friend is keeping the gender a secret. This is her 4th and she already has 2 boys and a girl, so they wanted to be surprised this time around. I think the baby might be a boy though, mainly because my friend always refers to it as "he". Either she knows or her instinct is trying to tell us something!



So today I am doing laundry galore and trying to make sure I have everything I need.


Sound like fun? I thought so.


Until,

D :)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

and...

Even though he has been a stinker lately, he is a cute stinker!

Mr. Cool Breeze with his pumpkin and shades.

And sweet smiles for Mommy (I bribed him with ice cream. lol!)

Yesterday he was being cute and I said "You are a stinker!"

He replies "No Mommy, I not stinker! I'm a BOY!" ;)

Until,

D :)

Lemondrops and Clover

The past couple of days with a 3 year old...

Sunday night: The Plan: Get kiddo in bed early if possible (8:30ish) so I have time to take a shower and get everything together and ready to go. Purpose: Monday morning play date at a pumpkin patch over an hour away. Long morning will produce tired babe who must nap at least in the car on the way home because the evening we will spend 3 hours at our church in a Membership Seminar and Kiddo will be in childcare during the time he normally is getting ready for bed.

How it Went: After a screaming match and literally having to drag Kiddo to the bathroom, he was in the shower by 8:00. He decided he didn't want to play in the water at all, so I scrubbed him down and he was out and done by 8:15. Then he wanted me to play, and I was frantically trying to avoid/ignore his requests while I buttoned up the house for the night. While I was shutting down everything and getting his jammies/sippy/nighttime diaper/my water/lights out/dinner put away, etc. he, unbeknownst to me pulled out his "washable" markers and proceeded to color all over his freshly cleaned body. Of course, "washable" doesn't necessarily mean "washable" when referring to skin, so now he looked like he spent the day in a vat of dye. Hands, legs, neck, ears and face were all a new bright color! Hubby went out in the back yard to retrieve forgotten cars in the dirt, and in the process of walking barefoot back to the house stepped on a snake! He says it felt like it was about 2 inches in diameter - yikes!

9:00 I sat down to shut off the computer and got caught in an IM conversation that, though I really wanted to talk, I kept getting interrupted by the Kiddo and I couldn't concentrate on what I needed to say. Finally wrapped up said conversation and hustled Kiddo to my bedroom so he would settle down. As he was climbing into my bed he kicked over Hubby's drink, causing it to spill all over his bedside table, ruining his alarm clock and causing quite a mess on the floor. Hubby bit his tongue to keep from cursing and then offered to clean things up. Finally got Kiddo to bed at 9:45.

Came back to my own bedroom, jumped in the shower and then got ready for bed. Decided to put everything together the next morning. Gave Hubby my alarm clock because his was fried. Fell asleep as soon as head hit the pillow.

The next morning: Woke up and looked at the clock. Thinking it was 7:30, got up early and fixed coffee. While trying to wake up realized that Hubby set the clock 15 minutes fast and it was really only 7:15 - way earlier than I needed to be up. Kiddo woke up and went to my room to do his usual "crawl into bed with Mommy and sleep for another hour" routine only to find me missing and came running, wide awake, into the dining room. He was up waaaaayyy too early, and it made him cranky. He refused to eat anything. I got everything together and we were out the door by 8:30.

He cried almost the entire time we were at the pumpkin patch because he hardly ate anything for breakfast and his empty tummy was making everything anger provoking. All he wanted to do was feed the goats. Once I got some lunch into him he was much better, but by then I was exhausted. On the way home he slept in the car for all of about 30 minutes and then promptly woke up when we pulled into the driveway.

I couldn't get him to eat anything for dinner (he wanted cereal) so I fixed myself something and while I was eating he got in the pantry. He rustled around in there for a minute, then emerged with the inner bag from a box of croutons. As he was munching away, I sighed and wondered how many times moms get to the point that they just don't care. At least he was eating something - so I cut up a chicken dog and some cheese and let him be. Just before we left to go to the church, I rubbed him down with a washcloth, all the while hoping the farm-animal-and-garlic-crouton smell was all a pregnancy induced scent sensitivity and not what he really smelled like. Thankfully he was good in the church childcare (or so they said), but as we were leaving he decided he wanted to go "play music" in the sanctuary (where he got that idea I have no clue - must have been from when he played with the instruments at G&H's church) and when I said no he began to cry. He screamed the whole way home and it was terribly difficult to get him to bed. By the time we got home he had hit his second wind, and didn't go to sleep till almost 11.

Moral of the Story: When you have a 3 year old, never plan anything and keep lots of coffee on hand.

Until,
D :)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Wave Of Light

Today is October 15th.

Tonight we will burn a candle in honor of all the babies lost, and in special remembrance of MTM, sent to Heaven 08/03/04 and KM, sent to Heaven on 2/13/07. Please say a prayer for all the families that have had to endure such heartache.

Blessings,
D

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Under the Water

I'm not really sure what to blog about today, but I know I need to. I don't have a specific subject, so I guess this will just be a series of ramblings.

It has been a challenging week with Kiddo. I have a feeling he is fighting an ear infection, and it is really turning up the intensity of the cranky meter. He has been extra whiny, extra stubborn and extra pig-headed. I have tried my hardest to be patient and kind and soft spoken, but I admit I have lost it or come really close a couple of times. He just wears on me; throughout the day; battle after battle, argument after argument. He goes from sugary sweet to scary mad or crocodile tear sobbing in a matter of seconds.

Part of the problem we are having is the evening hours. In my current condition, for some reason I am no longer content to stay home all day and do nothing. So, I am trying to plan an outing for each day, be it an errand or a play date of some sort. Unfortunately it is killing our gas budget, but at the moment I am trying to ignore that and see it as a contribution to my mental health. However, in the process, Kiddo has become extremely tired in the evenings; to the point of unreasonable at times, and our evening hours are filled now with many a more tear. (mine and his) He has even started taking naps on some of the more strenuous days and that really messes things up. In the process, I have made it a point to try to put him to bed an hour earlier, which seems to help some, but in an ideal world a 2 hour change would be the best thing to do. That really just doesn't work in our house because in order for Kiddo to get the sense that it is time to go to bed, we basically have to shut down the whole house - all the lights have to be out, Hubby and I have to be "ready" for bed too, and well, to do all that at 8:30 is darn near impossible.

Another issue we are facing with him that ties into the whole lack of sleep/being tired thing is that he is trying to night potty train. While I find it encouraging that on certain nights he will wake me up 1, 2 even 3 times to go potty, it makes for a long, interrupted night and no one gets any good sleep. I have been working with him during the day at being more independent when it comes to going to the potty - he has gotten much better at getting undressed (sort of), redressed (sort of) and getting off the potty. Getting on is another story, and often he waits so long to go to the bathroom that by the time he gets in there if I don't swiftly yank his clothes off he will have an accident. Some mornings he is waking up dry and some mornings, even after getting up in the night, he is waking up soaked.

I am tempted to go cold turkey in underwear and see what happens - but the cranky, pregnant woman in me says no way. Who wants to do load after load of wet sheets when he will eventually get it on his own. *sigh* It is a tough call to make.

But darn it if he isn't the cutest thing at times! He is using his imagination so much more now. On the way home from church today he was imagining that Dash (from the Incredibles) was running down the road next to the car. We all had to play along, "seeing him" zoom back and forth across the street. He says some of the funniest things. The other day he was in my lap being all cute and playful and I decided to warn him that he could watch his show on TV for 5 more minutes and then it was adult TV time (what we call it around here when Mommy and Daddy want to watch TV). He said, "no, it not adult TV time" and I replied that yes, in 5 minutes it would be and he asked me why. I said "because I am the Mommy and I say that it is adult TV time in 5 minutes". He replied with, "Well, my name is Kiddo and I say that it not adult TV time in 5 minutes!"

Oh my.

He is confusing senses right now too - when he sees something he almost always says "I hear it". "Mommy I hear a baby lizard. Mommy I hear candy!" I have corrected him and corrected him to no avail; even tried explaining that we see with our eyes and hear with our ears; the concept of sounds and pictures - it's not sinking in.

He is totally, completely, annoyingly obsessed with the new PBS show SuperWhy right now. He has to watch it every day (yay, it's just long enough for me to get in a shower!) and he absolutely does not in the least understand why I will not play it for him on the weekends. He doesn't get the concept of TV programming - having only known DVDs and VHS tapes that can be played at any time. One of the characters in the show wears these rocket roller skates and she flies and skates everywhere. Whenever the show is on, Kiddo has to go get his Thomas the Train slippers and put them on so he can "scape" (skate) around the kitchen. "Mommy I wear my slippers so I can scape! I scape in the kitchen!"

There are so many more that I cannot currently recall, but he is really keeping us in stitches lately.

He is growing up so fast.

I keep dreaming of water. Lots and lots of water. Streams, rivers, swimming pools, floods and water in odd places. I am always swimming, wading and walking through it. Pregnancy dreams are so strange.

Until,
D :)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Over The Rainbow

Hey Julia! You might appreciate this...

I just have to say I totally scored today at the local HEB. When I did my weekly shopping there last Monday, at the checkout I received a couple of coupons. HEB is notorious for this, and 99% of the time the coupons are for things I would never even think of buying, so I just shove them in my purse with the receipt and forget about them. Anyway, I was cleaning out my purse and looked at the coupons, and one was for $7.00 off a Jumbo pack of their diapers!

Now here at the the house of Fry, we mainly cloth diaper, and Kiddo is potty trained now, but when he was in diapers we used sposies for going out and trips and whatnot. The HEB brand of diapers were my favorite by far for the $$, and pretty much what we always used.

So I am thinking this coupon is for their largest box of diapers, which usually runs around $15.00. Half off isn't bad in my book so I decided to go pick up a pack and begin my stash for the new little one. I got to the store and realized that the "Jumbo" pack is actually one of the smaller packs. The price of the pack was $6.97!!! WOO HOO! Free diapers!!

So here's the cool part - when I checked out, the computer gave me another coupon for $6.00 off a Mega pack, which runs about $10.00. So the next pack I buy will only cost me $4!!! So, if you are in the area and you need diapers, do some shopping at HEB!

My stock pile is beginning. You have no idea how exciting this is.

I know, I have no life.

Until,
D ;)

Monday, October 08, 2007

Spivey Leeks

"Spivey Leeks was a drip of a man. He looked like a potato, shoved into jeans..."

Time for a baby update I suppose. I am officially in the second trimester (depending on which book you read it starts at either 13 or 14 weeks).

I have grown again. Last week I had a full day of aches and pains in the tummy area, and I kid you not, the very next day none of my pants fit and I was up 2 lbs. oy. I read in one of my books that most women only gain 2 pounds in the first trimester! For those keeping score, my weight has gone up a full 8 pounds now. *sigh* I don't fit in my size 8 jeans anymore - gonna have to find the 10s...

Yesterday I got a good hour of feeling the baby move. I was sitting on the couch after church and the little one was going crazy in there. It was so neat - the movements were rapid and fluttery; like holding a butterfly in your hand. I remember with the Kiddo I didn't feel him until after 18 weeks and it was more pokey and rumbly than this one. I am surprised I can feel it so early this time. It's been be-bopping around in there today too; such an awesome feeling.

I had never before in my life had heartburn until my last couple of weeks pregnant with Kiddo, and even then I can count on one hand how many times I suffered from it. This time, I have had heartburn all day, every day. My neighbor thinks I am carrying this baby high, so maybe that is the culprit. Whatever the case, Tums have become my best friend.

All day today I have had this nasty pain in my right side. It is up high, just below my ribs on the side. If I bend over too quickly or sit in one position for too long it starts to hurt. I guess it's about that time when everything starts stretching beyond normal capacity. Hopefully it's not something like my gallbladder. I'm thinking it's muscular, but who knows.

My heart has started racing a lot again. Normally I experience this at the very beginning and end of a pregnancy. I don't remember having it in the middle with Kiddo, but it's been hitting me off and on a lot today. I have been light headed as well. I'm going to ask my doctor about iron supplements - I think that might be a bit anemic.

We've been talking to Kiddo a lot about the baby. At first it was too funny; every time we mentioned there was a baby in Mommy's tummy he would laugh the silliest laugh! Then we would explain that the baby would get bigger and bigger and then eventually come out of Mommy's tummy and then we could take it home and he would laugh hysterically again. I guess he is getting used to it now, he doesn't laugh as much. But he is terribly intrigued by the whole thing. He will talk to the baby and rub or pat my tummy. He asks me to help him look for it and will raise up my shirt and ask me where it is. He talks about it a lot and he really loves seeing the pictures of all the different sized babies in my books. He knows that when the baby gets big enough it will "turn upside down and come out". It is hilarious!

I asked Kiddo if the baby in my tummy was a boy or a girl. He told me it was a girl.....and the baby in HIS tummy was a boy. Apparently Daddy is carrying a boy as well! Mercy, we've got a lot of babies comin'!!! I asked him if he was going to be a big brother and he told me no - he's the baby's uncle. um, ok. ;)

In the food department, I am loving anything savory, rich and fattening (not necessarily salty, but that's ok too). Sweets are ok, but not a craving - though I have made more than my fair share of brownies lately. Any kind of soda still tastes awful, but I crave Coke and Dr. Pepper. Go figure. With Kiddo, by this point I was in full on crave mode, and if it wasn't cheese, dairy, cheese, salt or more cheese I wouldn't have anything to do with it.

So I guess that's about it for now. I'll try to get some pictures taken and posted soon.

Until,
D :)

Friday, October 05, 2007

Music Therapy

I had a cranky day yesterday. There really wasn't anything particularly wrong, I was just in a foul mood. Sometimes the heartaches of the world and the people around me pile up all at once and I can't take it. And of course there are the hormones. And the fact that my pants don't fit. And that there was no cream cheese in the house...

But anyway, after a long cranky day I tried a couple of things to cheer myself up. I posted on bbc and as usual, the girls came out in full force to support me and lift me up. I so appreciate those wonderful ladies. Sometimes I don't know what I would do if I didn't have them to lean on. Their words helped tremendously, but I still couldn't quite shake the funk so I planned an outing for the Kiddo and I. We had stayed home all the day before, and I knew the sunshine and fresh air would be good for both of us.

Because it was late in the day, and I didn't have any money to spend, and heavens to Betsy there was no cream cheese in the house (NO CREAM CHEESE!) I decided to go to the grocery store. I know that doesn't sound like much fun, but I chose the BIG store, the newest thing in mega grocery to hit this side of Austin. I don't typically go there for my regular shopping even though it is closer than it's smaller counterpart, mainly because it takes about an hour to get all the way through and it is just too much for my little preggo mommy pea brain to digest. But, yesterday I needed an excuse to meander, an excuse to ponder 500 different types of all natural lotion, and an excuse to walk around looking glassy eyed at everything and yet nothing. Also, the BIG store has a wonderful feature; balloons with suckers at the FRONT door. Oh yes my friends, "Kiddo Occupodo" from the get go!

So with Kiddo happily sucking the hide off of a dime store lollipop, I meandered and wandered, wiggled and jiggled my way through the store for a good hour. It was nice; the hum of the freezer section and the buzzing of other mommies and kiddos racing down the isles - and even better I wasn't trying to hear it over the sound of a whining toddler.

I know - life here is SO exciting!

After putting 3 essential things in my cart (hummus, wheat thins, and CREAM CHEESE) and covering almost every inch of the store we departed. Kiddo happily got back in the car and though both our spirits were lifted, I knew the outing wasn't yet complete. I decided to stop at Sonic. I haven't been there in a while, because for some reason this alien baby inside of me is making it absolutely repulsive for me to drink anything soda or carbonation related. I miss my beloved Dr. Peppers!! I want to want one. I really do. But I just can't drink them. *sigh*

BUT - I can so eat a yummy, grease laden order of mozzarella sticks! woo hoo! :)

We both felt better after the trip but about an hour or so after we got home things started to go downhill again. The whining, the arguing, the pig headedness!!! Oh yeah, Kiddo was cranky too. So I did what any good mommy should do, I turned on my mp3 player, crammed the earphones in as far as they would go and turned up the volume. Thankfully Kiddo was into an Elmo DVD and gave me just enough of a break to get a good sing going. Soon enough we were dancing and singing - Kiddo just about has my mp3 player songs memorized, just from listening to me sing in the car on a few long trips, and so he had a good time with it too.

I made the most yummy, scrumptious, fat free meal I could think of - fried chicken, mashed potatoes and fried okra, and sampled the remaining brownies from the pan I made the night before as I was cooking. Jewel sang with me and we made amazing harmonies together (1000 Miles Away).

I swayed with the soulful, calming tones from Mary Chapin Carpenter (Come On, Come On) and got teary eyed at Nichole Nordeman's revelations of God (Anyway). By the time Hubby got home I was feeling much better. We had a great dinner and I even managed to get Kiddo in the bath just in time for me to watch Grey's Anatomy.

The night went back downhill from there, but that is a post for another time.

There really is nothing like music. It heals me. It completes me. It reminds me who I really am.

Until,
D :)

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Silver Lining

Since I know you are all on pins and needles waiting for an update... ;)

I am happy to report that my appointment yesterday went well. It was overall an interesting experience.

The office itself is really nothing to talk about. It is kind of a hole-in-the-wall; with mismatched, thrown together furniture, a couple of old Norman Rockwell prints in cheap frames on the walls, outdated magazines. But someone takes the time to take care of two pretty ivy plants and a small holly plant; which really add some charm. The office staff and nurse are all extremely nice. I did have to laugh at the sound of one of the girls typing up a patient chart on a real, live typewriter! I haven't heard one of those in years. They still record their appointments in a paper chart; no fancy computer programs here.

It is definitely not what I am used to, but it works for them. The nurse was extremely nice, almost to the point of being annoying because she wouldn't just make a decision.
Nurse: "I need to take some blood, do you want me to take from the right or the left?"
Me: "whichever you prefer. I think most people like the veins on the left".
Nurse: "Well which side do you want then?"
Me: "Oh I don't care, what ever is best for you."
Nurse: "well let's see, ooh, you have a lovely vein on the right. So right or left?"
[insert confused look from me]
Nurse: "Do you want to lie down or sit up?"
Me: "Which ever is best for you."
Nurse: "Well I can do it hanging from the ceiling, so it doesn't matter"
Me: "Now that I would like to see! No, seriously, as long as I don't have to look at it I don't care."
Nurse: "Ok, so sitting up or lying down?"

and on and on and on.... but she is very nice.

The doctor is an older gentleman. He's been practicing for 31 years. This worries me some, in that typically the older docs are more likely to, as my friend so eloquently put it, "cut you from Timbuktu", but hopefully if that is the case, then I still have time to change doctors before the big event. His age did make it frustrating for me though, because he has no idea what Neonatal Lupus is and made me explain things a couple of times before he acted like he *maybe* got it. He ordered an ANA Lysine panel on me (blood work to check for Lupus) in additional to the normal blood work and told me I may have a consult with a Rheumatologist. Then he said "I actually don't think there is anything we can do about the Lupus during a pregnancy". Oh mercy!

Physically he seems like a strong man; I noticed some old man muscle hiding under his scrubs. His face sort of reminds me of an elf - wide in the forehead and very narrow chin, hidden under a way-too-bushy white goatee. But his eyes are kind and twinkly behind his little wire rimmed glasses and in his office yesterday he seemed very personable.

In the exam room however, he is a bit different. Now, I don't exactly expect stellar conversation when someone is inspecting my nether-regions, but, you know, a little "ok, now I'm going to ___" or "you might feel a cold sensation" or something of the like would have made the situation a bit less uncomfortable. At least it was over relatively quickly. To check for the heartbeat, he did a super quick ultrasound. And though I am thankful that I got to see the baby, I sure do wish he had taken the time to let me look a little bit longer. It was like an addiction - I didn't want him to stop looking and I was getting internally furious because he wouldn't quit moving and let me just see the baby move around. Everything looked good as far as I could tell. There is only one in there (as far as I could tell), thank goodness! The baby is measuring slightly larger with a due date of April 1st instead of my chart date of April 6th.

And just for a comparison of my old ob, when I was pg with the Kiddo, every time I had an ultrasound, my ob would be very sweet and wipe off as much of the blue goo as he could before having me sit up. It was a nice touch, especially because the office had warmed blue goo (which you couldn't really feel to clean it off) - instead of the cold shock of the straight out of the bottle stuff. Yesterday, not only did the doc use cold blue goo (which is fine I guess, but the room was ice cold already so it was a bit over the top for my temperature sensitive self) but he squirted about half the bottle on me and then left me there to clean myself up as the goo ran down my sides and into every crevice it could manage. Taking off the goo covered gown was a bit of a feat, and by the time I got dressed and ready to go I felt like jumping in the nearest decorative fountain for a quick rinse. ick, ick, ick!

But - overall the experience was pleasant and thankfully now I am on somebody's charts and when the time comes it will be easier to switch if I need to. My next appointment is in 4 weeks, and he said we will do a full ultrasound. I will only be 17 weeks by then, but hopefully we can find out the sex of the baby.

And I have to say, even if you have seen one before, there is nothing, nothing like seeing a baby moving around inside you. I can't even describe the feeling. There is no word in the English language that defines that emotion. It is the most wonderful thing in the world.

Four weeks is going to go by so slowly...

Until,
D :)

Monday, October 01, 2007

Let Your Tears Fall Baby

I don't even want to tell you all what happened today. But, since I have taken you on this journey and told you all the details thus far, I suppose it wouldn't be fair to leave you hanging where things left off.

I am talking about this ridiculous Medicaid journey of mine. So, I go back down to the department of health today to get my temporary card. I take a number as before and Kiddo and I settle in for the wait. After about an hour, my number was still 5 people away, but I wasn't going to let that get to me. Thankfully though, one of the workers came to the window and asked if there was anyone there who was just there to get a temporary card. I raised my hand and was asked to come to the window. A few minutes later, I had my "card" in hand (the reality is that it is a full size piece of paper - not sure why they call it a card, but anyway...) and we were out the door. Now I am thinking, all I need to do is go home and start making calls to providers.

Except what I didn't realize was that I didn't have a list of providers. Remember that paperwork coming to me in November? um, yeah.

I then remembered my dear bbc friend who told me about certain clinics that will see medicaid patients and back bill if medicaid hasn't gotten everything together yet. I referred to that list again, double checked it on line and called the clinic nearest to me. The receptionist told me that they didn't accept Medicaid. They are on the dad-gum website!!!!!! I was speechless. She told me to call the health department.

So, I tried to call a number that advertises itself as a Healthcare Hotline. Surely they could help me. Nope, they gave me the number to the department of health and then asked me if I was a US citizen. ??? So I called the department of health and purposely dialed the wrong extension because I knew I would get a real live person. Thankfully he was helpful enough to find another "hotline" number that he said would prompt me to an extension that could get me to a list. Wrong. It prompted me to yet another number that didn't really sound like what I needed, but I tried it anyway. After going through their system a few times on dead-end trails, I finally chose an option that, though I didn't think it was going to help me, gave me a live person to speak with. He got on line in his "I've been a call center rep for years and this is completely robotic now" voice and rapid-fire asked me a series of questions that made my head spin. After determining my identity, he finally asked how he could help me. They were the 4 most beautiful words I'd heard all day. I asked him for providers in my area and he gave me a big ole list of 4. Yes, 4. In Round Rock. *sigh*. Thankfully 2 of them were from a clinic I have heard wonderful things about, so I was excited when I got off the phone with him. I did ask before we hung up if there was any way to look this information up on line, and he said no; if I needed more providers I had to call him back.

So I then went to task of calling the providers on my list.

[I have to side step here and tell you that last week when I spoke to the girl that processed and approved my application, I asked her point blank if there were different plans and how did I go about picking one. I had heard from other people there were different plans, including my old ob's office, who refused to even schedule me for an appointment unless I could either verify that I was on the "right" plan or fork over $538 for my first visit. This girl that processed my application told me flat out that there were no plans that it was only Medicaid for Pregnant Women. Are you sure? Yes. Ok.]

So as I was saying, I called the first person on my list. Yes, they were accepting new patients, but what plan was I on? I told her Medicaid for Pregnant Women. She practically laughed in my ear. Yes, dear, but which plan? There are three and we only accept two. I need to know which one you are on. I told her I didn't know, and that I was only told MfPW. She asked me if I had a card. I said no, but I had a Temporary Medicaid Eligibility form. She said that I needed to call and get a card before they could see me. I told her that I was told my card would come in the next mailing in November and that I really needed to be seen by someone before then. Then she asked me how far along I was.

I told her 13 weeks.

She asked me if I had any prenatal care before now.

We all know the answer to that question.

Then she told me that most ob's, their office included, will NOT see anyone over 12 weeks with no prior prenatal care.

I lost it. Absolutely, positively, completely lost it.

I couldn't hardly speak. I was blubbering, sobbing, practically hysterical. How the heck do things like this happen? What on earth did I do wrong? She mumbled something about medicaid being slow and that she was sorry.

Well it's not her fault, but dang.

Once I collected myself she was able to relay to me the possibility of 2 different doctors that she thought might see me. I wrote down the numbers and thanked her for her time.

I called the first and no one answered. The recorded message was mostly in Spanish, and after what seemed like the longest one sided conversation in the history of the world, the Spanish stopped and then came the beep. I left a message.

I reluctantly called the second, and after pressing 1 for English a sweet voice came on the line.

She scheduled me for tomorrow. *sigh*

I don't know anything about this doctor, and frankly I don't really care at this point. I am just beyond frustrated, beyond confused, and beyond angry.

Our system is seriously flawed. How is it that no one realizes this?

I can't even laugh about it anymore. Why is the program even there if no one can use it? How is it that someone can jump through all the hoops, have all their ducks in a row and still be totally shut out? I didn't choose to wait 13 weeks to see a doctor. If I had known that no one would even touch me after 12 weeks you can darn sure bet I would have been putting that outrageous $538 charge on a credit card.

I cannot even fathom how I got here. I certainly hope that for the sake of my baby that everything is ok and all this worry and panic is for nothing.

I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Until,
D :/
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