I wish I could muster some happy happy today, but to be perfectly honest I am pretty stressed out and feeling blue. I'm not sure what has come over me. The boys were being whiny (though they are playing together really well right now) and it is just adding to my stress and frustration.
I am feeling very stifled lately. I'm not sure how to describe it, other than that. I feel like I have so much to say and I can't say it. I feel like I can't be myself right now and I really want to. I am so busy, and it is a good thing for sure, but the weight of my responsibilities is sort of crushing my spirit at the moment. I am sure it is only temporary, but it hurts nonetheless. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes.
It is that horrible feeling that makes one daydream of packing a bag and running away for a while. Shoot, sometimes I don't even want to pack. I want to be irresponsible and grab a credit card and just have some fun. I want to make everything right for once - fix all that is broken and replace all that needs replacing.
I want to free myself, if only for a little while, of the things that keep me tied to my office chair. I am sure I will get some sort of break toward the end of the month, but the urge to run is very strong right now.
I need to figure a way to get the words in my head out of there. They are making me crazy.
Thankfully I can now safely listen to Christmas music without too much ridicule so I do have some relief. The songs remind me of no particular person, event or stage in my life like most do, but only of happiness and family and God. I have had Frank, Bing, Elvis and others in my ears all day and it is wonderful.
Until Port runs up to me and screams, "Mummai, no SINGING!"
Where was that suitcase?