Thursday, November 03, 2011

Feels Like Home | NaBloPoMo day 3

So, this is what I do. This is what I love. I have been a lot of things in my life; I have worn a lot of hats.  And while I have many very strong interests, this, photography, is something that no matter how busy I am, no matter what is going on in life, when I am shooting I am loving it. It feels like, home. I get excited about it, nervous about it, scared...and I love going through it and being exhausted when it's over but still being so revved up that I can't settle down right away when I get home. I love pulling the images up on my computer and seeing all that I have captured. It's like Christmas - I get to open hundreds of little presents with each session. Even if the session doesn't go how I had hoped or something is off, I know that there will always be something stored on that little square card that will make me smile.

For the first time in my life I really feel like I have the potential of being successful in my "job".  I really feel like I can be creative, or even not be creative, and still turn out quality work. It thrills me to the core to know that what I did with the camera made someone happy. For the first time in my life, I really want this thing that I am doing. I really want to make this business something I can be proud of. Now that Hubby is unemployed, my business has taken on a whole new meaning to me. I am more determined than ever to make it work; to make it into more than just a really fun hobby that helps me pay for more camera equipment.

The only other thing that has ever come close to photography is music. For as long as I could remember, I wanted to be a singer, and I tried for many years to get to a place where I felt confident enough to pursue it professionally. Unfortunately, that confidence was never really there, I never felt talented enough, and my fear of failure defeated me.  Now, I still dream of a life that involves being able to sit on a small stage with a guitar or piano player and sing to an intimate audience. And I suppose there is still time for that; maybe it will happen some day.  But I know that singing will never be a full time profession for me. I do hope I get to make it a regular hobby some day.

So, with this passion, and this tangible need for my photography business, I am constantly thinking about it. I think about the business, how I can improve it, how I can provide my clients with the best possible experience, how I can provide amazing products, how I can take on more clients, how I can improve my style, and how I can do it all and maintain some sort of sanity. I think about how I can educate myself, how I can get more organized, how I can update and maintain my website...the list goes on and on and on.

But with 2 little ones around (ok, just the littlest little one mostly) it is darn near impossible to get anything major accomplished that will help my business. I have so much I need to do that I can't do in 5 minute intervals - which is what I am awarded with when the precocious Port is around. So, I am investing in myself and my business and I am booking myself a hotel room for a weekend this month and locking myself inside so I can get some work done.

I started my to-do list today for what I want to accomplish on this all important weekend, and I think I may need to extend my stay for about a week. Or two. heh.

There is never enough time, is there? What extremes have you gone to in order to make your life/job/world better?

D :)

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