Monday, April 19, 2010

Bottom of the Ocean

I am so tired.

I hate to complain, really I do, but I am just at the end of my rope today. Actually, the past few days have been more than trying, and I am really not dealing with anything well. I am cranky (PMS maybe? I don't know) and irritable and oh so tired. Port isn't sleeping well most nights and I am just done with the 3AM wake ups. It could be teeth, it could be a growth spurt (he always wants to eat when he gets up at that time - and usually if I let him he will eat a couple of chicken dogs and a waffle or two) it could be separation anxiety and it could just be that he is a stinker. I don't know and I am tired of trying to figure it out. I just need it to stop.

Last night was actually turning out to be a great night until Kiddo got up to use the potty at 6:00. He woke Port up and the screaming started. And it wasn't his usual "I'm up and I need someone" scream. This was full on, shatter glass, angry scream that I just couldn't ignore. I got him up and even that didn't stop it. He was mad about something, and nothing I did or offered was making him stop. It was awful. I tried everything. The only thing that stopped it for a second was if I stuck my finger in his mouth. I originally did it to check for swollen gums, but it made him laugh so I just kept doing it. He still wasn't satisfied with that and finally an offer of fruit snacks calmed him down. (I know, ick. I am weak, what can I say?)

It doesn't help things that it is a stinkin' 53 degrees outside. Really? Do they know it's late April?

I know, in August I will be wishing for 53 degrees. I know. I know!

But for now, I need sun and I need warmth and I need fresh air. And most of all, I really, really need the ocean.

It has been calling me again.

Nothing else will do. My Pisces body needs to be near a very large body of salt water. I need to smell the sea air and hear the waves. I need to feel the sand in my toes. It is just one of those things I have always had to deal with.

Living in AZ for 3 years was kind of tough.

I may just have to kidnap a friend and plan a crazy day trip down to Port A or something. We could get up early, drive down, walk the beach and drive back. It would be an adventure. And I would feel better.

And I am also dealing with a ton of jealousy lately. Please say a prayer for me. I can't stand this part of myself.

I'm not writing this to get sympathy. I just need to get it out of my head. And this is my "place" to do that sometimes.

Thanks for reading.



Miss Mel said...

Seriously, we are connected. Hang in there girly! I am thinking of you!

倫音倫音 said...

thx u very much, i learn a lot

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