Monday, April 19, 2010

Bottom of the Ocean

I am so tired.

I hate to complain, really I do, but I am just at the end of my rope today. Actually, the past few days have been more than trying, and I am really not dealing with anything well. I am cranky (PMS maybe? I don't know) and irritable and oh so tired. Port isn't sleeping well most nights and I am just done with the 3AM wake ups. It could be teeth, it could be a growth spurt (he always wants to eat when he gets up at that time - and usually if I let him he will eat a couple of chicken dogs and a waffle or two) it could be separation anxiety and it could just be that he is a stinker. I don't know and I am tired of trying to figure it out. I just need it to stop.

Last night was actually turning out to be a great night until Kiddo got up to use the potty at 6:00. He woke Port up and the screaming started. And it wasn't his usual "I'm up and I need someone" scream. This was full on, shatter glass, angry scream that I just couldn't ignore. I got him up and even that didn't stop it. He was mad about something, and nothing I did or offered was making him stop. It was awful. I tried everything. The only thing that stopped it for a second was if I stuck my finger in his mouth. I originally did it to check for swollen gums, but it made him laugh so I just kept doing it. He still wasn't satisfied with that and finally an offer of fruit snacks calmed him down. (I know, ick. I am weak, what can I say?)

It doesn't help things that it is a stinkin' 53 degrees outside. Really? Do they know it's late April?

I know, in August I will be wishing for 53 degrees. I know. I know!

But for now, I need sun and I need warmth and I need fresh air. And most of all, I really, really need the ocean.

It has been calling me again.

Nothing else will do. My Pisces body needs to be near a very large body of salt water. I need to smell the sea air and hear the waves. I need to feel the sand in my toes. It is just one of those things I have always had to deal with.

Living in AZ for 3 years was kind of tough.

I may just have to kidnap a friend and plan a crazy day trip down to Port A or something. We could get up early, drive down, walk the beach and drive back. It would be an adventure. And I would feel better.

And I am also dealing with a ton of jealousy lately. Please say a prayer for me. I can't stand this part of myself.

I'm not writing this to get sympathy. I just need to get it out of my head. And this is my "place" to do that sometimes.

Thanks for reading.

Until,
D

2 comments:

Miss Mel said...

Seriously, we are connected. Hang in there girly! I am thinking of you!

倫音倫音 said...

thx u very much, i learn a lot

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