Your Sunday night ends in a massive explosion on all levels, ranging from the blow out of blow out diapers (resulting in you getting covered in nasty, smelly baby poo) to a fight with the Hubby and lots of silence. Then Monday starts with yet another blow out diaper (resulting in more laundry), cat puke all over the new wood floor and the old Elmo stuffed animal (again, more to wash). You try to put it aside, getting your hopes up with the promise of a new camera at a smokin price, only to find the camera isn't there, neither are any of the other things you were poised to purchase if the price was right and you waste the morning driving all over town chasing something that never was. The kids drive you nuts, the baby won't quit screaming because his mouth is revolting by shoving every tooth it can find through the gums at the same time; the 4 year old asks you the same question he's been asking you for months for the 43,249,032,532,478,390,243,849,732nd time and when you can't muster up enough energy to answer something nicely he crosses his arms, punches the baby and throws something across the room.
The baby refuses to nap, but you survive the grocery store and dinner time and the still angry Hubby comes home just in time for you to put the kids to bed. The baby doesn't settle in your arms like your usual night time routine and instead sits straight up, looks you in the eye and says "nigh, nigh?". And you ask him if he's ready to go night-night and he smiles and shakes his head yes. So you try to lay him back down in your arms and he squirms and fusses and you ask him if he just wants to get in the crib and he shakes his head yes again. So unbelieving you stand and point into the crib and say "this?" and you get another grunt and shake of approval. Begrudgingly you place the baby in his crib, he grabs the bottle from you, turns on his fishy water noise machine all by himself and lays himself down to go to bed. You exit the room with your tail between your legs, trying not to cry and find that life is going on without you in your house.
And all the while, somewhere in Boston, a place you've never been, people you'll never meet are waiting to hear the news about their 5 month old son. People all over the world are praying for him and wearing orange in his honor as he fights for his life in the hands of a cardiac surgeon. The 2 hour procedure that started early this morning is still not over and we wait and we worry and we cry for this little boy so far away.
And I wonder,
how does one stay positive?
Please say a prayer and wear orange for little Stellan today. Because even though life as you know it may not be going so well, he is fighting a battle that no baby should ever have to fight. And his family is suffering in a way no family should ever have to suffer.