Fragile Heart

So, for two nights in a row now I have been waking up with severe leg cramps. It must be a sight to watch a gigantically pregnant woman hopping around on one foot like some one legged bunny! Thankfully Hubby hasn't been disturbed by my late night jump-a-thon.



1 cm dilated is nothing. I could walk around for weeks like this and no one would bat an eye. Well, I would bat an eye I guess because I only have 9 days left till my due date. But what I am trying to say is that there is no need for anyone to panic at this point because I am not in active labor. I guess I should have explained that before I posted stats on my blog.



Anyway, I am fine, but my poor Kiddo is not. He has been so upset since my appointment yesterday. He somehow got it in his head that yesterday was the day that the doctor was going to take baby brother out, so we have been dealing with random melt downs ever since. Several times he has come up to my belly and yelled "Baby brother come out, come out!!! Mommy, I don't think he hears us." :) It is really sweet, but I think the main reason he wants baby brother out is because I keep telling him about all the people that will come see us when baby brother comes.



Today though has been the worst. A few hours ago he was on the floor in the kitchen painting, and just as happy as a clam. Suddenly he burst into tears and I had to sit on the floor, rocking and holding him for a good 30 minutes while he cried. I think all the tension in the house is finally starting to get to all of us, but especially him. He isn't verbal enough to tell me what is wrong other than that he is sad. He can't tell me why he's sad or how I can make it better - so today we sat there and cried together. He is so quick to anger and upset today; just picking up his toys sent him into a fit of sobbing, and then a split second later a fit of anger. I feel so bad for my poor little guy.



At my appointment yesterday the doctor and I briefly discussed induction. The doc has already offered it a couple of times, but I have turned him down. At this point though, it is worth considering. The baby is almost term, so I have very little to fear about him being ready or able to make it on the outside before nature takes it's course. But I am completely torn for a couple of reasons. First, everyone knows that the more interventions one accepts in the labor and birthing process, the more likely more interventions will be needed and also that it raises the chances of c-section. Of course, if you've been reading this blog long enough, you know how against all that I am and that my wish is to have this baby intervention and drug free.



Don't get me wrong though. I am very realistic here and if there is anything going wrong in the process, I am not above doing anything deemed necessary for the safety and health of both myself and this baby.



But, there is a good argument for induction. My chances of having another baby with neonatal lupus are 25%. Not too bad, but not ideal either. And since no one can predict when exactly (or if) my body will decide to pass along the toxic antibodies that create the neonatal lupus, it makes sense to try to get the baby out before there is that opportunity. Logically, Kiddo could have only been sick inside me for a few short days, and had he stayed longer he may not have even made it. By the time he was born he was very, very sick. And aside from his kidney issues and my pre eclampsia symptoms, we had absolutely no idea that anything was wrong with him until I checked into the hospital and they discovered he was in distress. I had a completely normal pregnancy up until then. Sound familiar? That part scares me like nothing else in this world. And every day that goes by brings on more fear and tension inside me. I asked my doctor to do a Non Stress Test yesterday on the baby just for that reason. I have a feeling that as soon as I start having contractions I am going to be bugging him for another one as well. Of course, Port tested fine yesterday, but I am still on edge about all of it.



So I am thinking that if I don't have the baby by my next appointment I will ask for something to help kick things into action. In the meanwhile, I am researching more natural induction methods. And since both my parents and my inlaws read this blog, I most likely will spare them the embarrassment and not discuss those methods here. ;) But if you are curious, just do a quick Google of natural pregnancy induction and read for yourself.

I want to thank you all for your recent comments and ask that you keep us in your thoughts and prayers for the next few days if possible. I will try to post something every day to keep you all informed. I don't know if the hospital has free internet access, so it may be hard to communicate at that point, but I will certainly have Hubby bring my lap top if they do.

And if you have any suggestions for helping out my Kiddo, please feel free to share those as well.
Thank you.

Until,
D :)