Friday, January 18, 2008

It's A Heartache

The heartburn is getting worse. It is constant now, and no matter how many Tums I chew and how much milk I drink and how little or often I eat it will not go away. It is keeping me up at night; and in the moments that I do find sweet sleep, my dreams haunt me with searches for relief and the never ending dialog about the heartburn that gets louder and louder until I wake up just to quiet the voices in my head.

Why are my dreams so loud? Why is there so much talking? Sometimes Kiddo cries in the night and I can't even hear him over the voices in my dreams.

Kiddo has been having nightmares lately. They started about a week or two ago. I don't really know what to do for him. I go in and comfort him; shush him back to a calm state and then give in to his requests for milk or sleeping on the couch. Thankfully the dream only happens once a night for him, but he cries out my name as if I am the cause for the distress; I am the bad guy in his nightly drama.

But his love and affection during the day has gotten more intense. In the mornings he snuggles into my neck and leaves me sweet kisses and tight squeezes around my shoulders. Sometimes he asks to be carried from the car, just to snuggle close and breathe in the scent of my hair. Even more now he asks to sit in my lap and rests his head on my chest for a few moments before running off to play. And at night when I tuck him in, instead of ignoring or tolerating my shower of kisses all over his face in the dark, he leans in and sometimes even will reach for me to kiss me back, and a few times he has said "I love you too Mommy".

My joints have started to loosen and sitting in any position for too long leaves me in a lot of pain. It seems too early, but I guess the second time around the body just remembers what it should do. The baby is getting so big that I can tell his position. I know he is curled up and where his feet and knees are and his bottom rests. I am enjoying it more this time because my skin is still tight and not water logged like it was with Kiddo. Unfortunately, when this baby moves I feel it much more intensely, and often it is slightly painful; as if he is just under a thin stretched skin that could break at any moment. I feel him punch my bladder and my colon and I feel him bump me in the stomach (thus the constant lurching of stomach acid into my throat). Sometimes he rolls to where his back is facing out and all the movement can be felt in my back and kidneys. Sometimes his appendages are facing out, and I catch glimpses of knees and elbows rake across my belly. I am just waiting for that little hand or foot to appear.

I had my glucose tolerance test on Tuesday morning. I don't know the results yet, but I guess no news is good news at this point. I can't believe I am already to the point of having appointments every 2 weeks! That on top of the perinatologist appointments every month and I may as well start renting an apartment in the city. It surely is cheaper than all the gas I will have to buy running into town every week. I guess I need to start scheduling them on the same days, but I am afraid of how tough that may be on Kiddo. He has so far been a dream at most of my appointments, and I am not sure I want to press my luck. We shall see.

He was so good at my appointment on Tuesday. It was extra long because of the test, but he handled all the transitions and the waiting like a champ. He never fussed, never argued; and even though I had to wake him up extra early to get there he was in a good humor the entire time. We went over to Chick-fil-a afterwards because he wanted to "play kids". He did so well there - he played nice and was polite as could be, and so after a bit I gave him the choice of continuing to play or getting some ice cream and going home. He of course chose ice cream, and though he only shared a bite or two with his drooling momma he sat politely and ate then didn't fuss when it was time to go. I was so proud of my little man! We even ran a couple of errands afterwards (re: I drug him through some boring-for-kids stores) and he never protested or fussed. The rest of the day was dreamy as well, that is until 5:00 hit and his body grew weary from the long day. But I so enjoyed spending time with him for once, and knowing that he was just really tired made the crying and fussing in the evening easier to tolerate. It was overall a good day.

I will miss having days like that with him. After April things will never be the same...

D :)

1 comment:

TitanKT said...

Oh, I love it that my son still likes to cuddle. He doesn't like to cuddle and snuggle all the time, but when he does it is so sweet I just let it wash over me and cherish it because I know he will reach a point where he won't particularly want to cuddle at all.

I love it when I know he's comforted by me... like you said, just to be touching me, with his head on my shoulder and his hands in my hair. He's a heavy baby at 54 pounds, but I'm so glad that he's still my baby even if those little glimpses of babyness are fewer and farther between.

Sorry about the increased heartburn. When I was pregnant, I did get heartburn often, but the TUMS would always fix it within a reasonable amount of tablets. I mean, I wasn't chewing them constantly. Mostly just four or five at night, then I was okay.

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