Friday, March 13, 2009

Change My Heart



Hello Lovely Ladies and Gents!
Welcome to Friday Company Girl Coffee! As always, I have fresh coffee in the pot and today I even have hot oatmeal raisin cookies coming out of the oven as we speak!

It is cold, cold here today. About 38 degrees according to my thermometer, but it is also raining and windy so I think it feels much colder. It wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been in the mid 80s all last week. Texas weather....it is quite the saucy minx.

Anyway, I am pleased to report that despite the fact that I have been dealing with a sick baby the past few days I am actually in a decent mood. Don't get me wrong, if the 4 year old asks me one more question I may have to throw something, but overall I think I am in a good frame of mind. ;)

I have to admit I have been pretty down lately. I have tried to not sound like it in my posts, but I don't think I was very successful. I really was holding back a lot of what I have been feeling, but when my husband made mention that I had been "kind of a downer lately" it made me take some notice. But of course, the pessimist side of me says - well I haven't had much to be happy about lately.

Of course, there is so much going on in the world right now, so much sadness and tragedy both near and far. And I try not to think on those things much, because well frankly it's depressing, but also because I feel so helpless to do anything about it. But now of course as with many of us, things are getting bad in our personal lives - you know with the economy and all - we have had our share of cuts and now it seems that the worst of it is yet to come.

But overall we are still very blessed - we have what we need, we do not suffer. And every day I try to remember that and thank God for that. Every day I try to see some good in it all.

But sometimes, like lately, I get down about things; about life in general. About my lack of successes, my lack of close friendships and my lack of time/talent/ambition - the list goes on and on and gets more ridiculous with each passing self pity session. But this week things kind of came to a head and I have to say I hit a low.

My biggest issue right now aside from the obvious financial woes is in the friendship department. I'll probably address it in further detail some other time, but things in that area have really been bothering me. So the other night I got pretty upset and when I went to bed, my usual prayer took an unusual turn. I'm sure I'm not the only one that gets in a prayer "routine", right? Thank you for this day...please watch over and protect us...thank you for my loved ones and the blessings you have given...please forgive me my sins...thank you for coffee... oh what, you don't thank God for coffee??!? ;)

So anyway I decided to do something I should do more often; something I first learned from Miss Rachel Anne; I asked God to take away my worries and fears and anxiety over the friend situation. I asked Him to take away my hurt feelings and expectations and provide me with a peace and an acceptance of the way things are. I asked Him to change ME; change my heart, not the people I was upset about - to change me and make me the person He wants me to be, and to provide me with the support and companionship that will enable me to succeed in His will.

It was a hefty prayer - but I am so tired of thinking that others are going to change; that some how people were going to stop playing games, that I could finally make it into the inner circle...it just isn't going to happen. Some of the relationships I desire I have come to realize ultimately are not good for me, and will only serve to bring me down in a continuous spiral. So I prayed for change for me, change to focus me on the right path and to have peace and patience that He will provide the contacts and the companionship that I need. And that in the times that I feel lonely and isolated I will be reminded of the true friends in my life, the wonderful family I have and that if I just focus on Him - well it will simply be alright.

I don't know if that is a good way to look at it or a good way to pray. I only know that is what I was moved to feel, moved to plea for and moved to think at that moment.

And wouldn't you know it - God is Good!

The very next day I awoke with a huge sense of peace. I connected with someone that I have known for a while, but have not had the opportunity to really hang out with - someone who is very much like me, has the same interests and background and beliefs, someone I could really see myself connecting with. I stumbled upon a couple of great opportunities that I have been looking for - and over all I have a wonderful feeling about the days ahead. I have also been blessed with well placed Bible verses and sentiments, emails and blog comments.

The power of prayer - how wonderful it is!

So my Company Girls and beloved regular commenters, what good things have you been blessed with this week? I want to hear of your joys and successes!

Here are two wonderful things that have caught my eye this week:

1) from an amazing blog called Lots of Scotts, this quote: "Comparison is the Thief of all Joy" - such a true statement. With my current Facebook addiction, I really need to keep this one in mind. ;-)
2) the verse of the month at Home SanctuaryAmen! Oh how I needed this verse this week. Thanks again Rachel Anne!

Thanks for coming by my little blog for coffee! I hope to see you all again soon!
Until,
D :)

5 comments:

Rachel Anne said...

Aww, thank you for the kind words, but you know I'm just sharing from my own places of need and struggle. I SO look forward to the day when I know I have ARRIVED! :) I'll be dead then, so it's gonna take awhile.

I love how God answered your prayers this week. How great is that! It's like just when you really needed it, there was an answer. I'll be praying that the Lord will keep putting people and opportunities into your path.

I'm hoping to get a little garden done, but I've made NO progress whatsoever. At least you have a raised bed to start with. I got nothing. Maybe next weekend I can get out there...the ground is so soaked right now that it will be horrendous to try and do anything for awhile.

TitanKT said...

I find myself praying a lot, too, and I would not say I'm a religious person... but that doesn't mean I don't any faith at all or believe in anything and one of things I do believe in very strongly is the power of prayer.

I've heard more than one person express gratitude in the face of these tough times and I need to count myself among them. I'm worried about the future and praying it will all be all right... but in my heart I know I'm doing the best I can and I am grateful that we have a home and as much as we need. Family and friends are such a blessing.

I'm so pleased to hear that there is more peace in your heart. I know how difficult it is when you feel lonely and isolated, I've gone through those times myself and I think part of the problem is that you simply have way too much time alone in your own head. It's not you, ANYone would struggle in that kind of situation. And anything that gets you out of the loop is a good thing.

Thanks for coffee and cookies... I'm only sorry I can't stop by for real for a cup of coffee and a cookie.

Esthermay said...

Your post is so honest.
Isn't it amazing when God answers our prayers and we are receptive enough to actually see and acknowledge it??!!
I too got really bogged down with the state of things in our country and world -- but I know that GOD is still on the throne and everything that happens is part of His eternal plan. When I dwell on my family and the gifts and responsibilities He as given to ME instead of "current events and politics" - the problems around me get much much smaller -- PLUS... I too have a four years old full of questions.
His QUestions alone should keep my mind occupied for days!
Glad to meet you through Company Girls!
Have a great weekend.
~esthermay

Carrie said...

I am so glad God answered your prayer in a way that was easy to see....right away :)
I very much identify with you and hope eventually to be able to make peace with the friend thing too. Motherhood and homeschooling etc. can be so isolating....there is only so much time in the day. And there are so many little people to take care of and you have to sleep sometime (if you're lucky, right??). I wish we were closer. I'll always thank God for your friendship....from the beginnings of my life....to the far apart middle......and I hope, to the very end, and then BEYOND. Maybe we'll be rocking on a porch someday in our 80s.... Love you!

Julia said...

I think you and I had a conversation about this once before, but I've always felt like everyone (no matter how popular or secure or outgoing) always feels just as you do. You would think that insecurity would just go away as soon as we all grow up, like magically there would be a list of conversation topics that would pop into your head each time you were around different people so you could make deep connections. You know that my door is always open to you, and so are my ears if you ever want someone to talk to. Sorry I missed out on coffee night last week. :( I ended up packing for a weekend trip, but I miss just sitting down and gabbing with you.

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