Thursday, January 31, 2008

Fade Away

Hmm, I guess I am at the point in my pregnancy where I need to become house-bound and keep myself from public view until the baby comes. I went out last night, by myself, to do some Kiddo free shopping. One of my stops was at the local bed and bath store, and while cruising around the big store circle, I was having some serious Braxton-Hicks contractions. In an effort to not sit down in the middle of the isle I was walking around holding my belly up for relief. I was looking around the "kids" section (don't even get me started at how little "kids" type things they had there), one of the employees was standing high up on a ladder, loading things onto a high shelf. He looks down and says to me "you look like you are getting close."

Me: "well, yeah, sort of."
Him: "Any day now, huh?"


I replied that I had a couple more months and he turned a few shades of red before scampering quickly away.

At the next store, I was walking circles around the kitchen section, intently looking for a specific item. I was still holding my belly up because the contractions were still coming, and I guess I must have had a "deep in thought" expression. I walked past an employee who was putting out sale signage and without even looking up at me she says "You look awful, are you having a bad day?"

I was cruising by her quickly, so I did the first thing I could think of and blurted out "oh I'm just tired." then laughed nervously. I zipped on by, and another employee across the isle said "are you talking to me?". The rude lady replies "no, I was talking to this lady that walked by. She looks like that baby has been kicking her hard all day."

Geeze, why don't you announce it to the whole store lady?

I'm going into hiding.

Until,
D :)

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Don't Speak

Kiddo speak for the week:

At the restaurant during lunch after church last Sunday:

Kiddo: "Mommy, I am worried"
Me: "Worried about what, Baby?"
Kiddo: "I'm worried about the church. Let's say a prayer."
Me: "Um, ok. You want to say a prayer for the church?"
Kiddo: "Yes, let's say a prayer. I am worried for the church."
Me: "Ok, close your eyes" - then I say a prayer

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Today, we were "reading" a calendar page and Kiddo comes across Hubby's name. When we read, Kiddo spells out the letters, "H-U-B-B-Y".

Kiddo: "what's that spell?"
Me: "That spells Hubby"
Kiddo: "Hubby?"
Me: "That's Daddy's name, Hubby"
Kiddo: "Nooooooo!"
Me: "Yes Baby, What is Daddy's name?"
Kiddo: " I dunno."
Me: "His name is Hubby"
Kiddo: "Mommy, you're not making any sense!"

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

This morning after spilling juice on his pajama shirt, he walks up to me while taking it off.

Me: "Why are you taking off your shirt?"
Kiddo: "It's wet. I spill my juice."
Me: "Ok, well go put it in your hamper and I'll get you a dry shirt"
Kiddo: "Mommy we need to say a prayer"
Me: "A prayer?"
Kiddo: "Yes, a prayer for my shirt. It's wet. We need to pray to Jesus."

...and so we said a prayer for his wet shirt.

Well, what would you do? The boy has a strong prayer life I guess!

~~*~~**~~*~~**~~*~~**~~*~~**~~*~~**~~*~~

Tonight; while playing in the living room... running and yelling and being silly, he suddenly stops and in the most heartbroken voice says:
"I want to go to JAIL!!!!!!! wahhhaaahaaa, I want to go to JAIL!!!!!"

Oh to be 3 years old.

Until,
D :)

Monday, January 28, 2008

Just So Happens

Yesterday I hit the 30 week mark. 30 weeks!!!! That means I only have about 10 weeks left!!!! Doing the math, um, about 70 days give or take. Holy smokes. There is so much left to do.


I ventured back to IKEA on Saturday with the Hubby. I so love that place! Not only did I find toy bins for a mere $1.95 each (hallelujah) but we managed to get the floor display dresser I found that matches Kiddo's current dresser for only $79! I am so excited. What makes it even better, it is exactly the same size as his current dresser (I thought it was smaller) except it doesn't have the changing table and it is on shorter legs. So, if we ever put the boys together in the same room, they will have matching dressers. And, I don't have to deal with downsizing Kiddo's drawer space. Woo Hoo!!


So, each week I get a little email from Babycenter about the progress of my growing baby and what to expect. I like them a lot, and as soon as they hit my inbox I poor through them like the baby gospel. Unfortunately, since I am now growing a Buddha, the measurements and size comparisons are a bit off. However, this week the rest of the update hit a home run. It went something like this...


Your Pregnancy: 30 Weeks

[I'm going to skip the "How Your Baby is Growing" section because a 3 pound head of cabbage was sooooo last month! lol! ]

How your life's changing:
You may be feeling a little tired these days, especially if you're having
trouble sleeping. [um, yeah]

You might also feel
clumsier than normal, which is perfectly understandable. Not only are you heavier, but the concentration of weight in your pregnant belly causes a shift in your center of gravity. Plus, thanks to hormonal changes, your ligaments are more lax, so your joints are looser, which may also contribute to your balance being a bit off. [Totally. I fell, rather splat in my tile entry the other day after slipping in some water. I am as graceful as a gazelle.]

Also, this relaxation of your ligaments can actually cause your feet to spread permanently, so you may have to invest in some new shoes in a bigger size.
[Do they make a bigger size than a Women's Tug Boat?]

Remember those mood swings you had earlier in pregnancy? The combination of uncomfortable symptoms and hormonal changes can result in a return of those emotional ups and downs. It's normal to worry about what your labor will be like or whether you'll be a good parent. But if you can't shake the blues or feel increasingly irritable or agitated, talk to your doctor or midwife. You may be among the 1 in 10 expectant women who battle depression during pregnancy. Also let your caregiver know if you're frequently nervous or anxious.
[Mood swings. Check. I know Hubby is nodding in agreement right now. Sorry Hon. ]



The rest goes on about common labor fears and all that jazz. I think I am ok with most of that stuff right now. Last time I didn't start worrying until right before I had Kiddo. By then I wasn't working and had lots of time to think about things. Hopefully I can stay busy enough this time that it doesn't worry me. Besides, I am really liking the "giving my worries to God" thing I have implemented. It really has made a difference in my daily life.


Beyond that, I think this little guy has figured out how to take my bladder in both hands and squeeze it like one of those stress relief balls. On the way to church on Sunday I thought I was going to jump out of the car on several occasions. It is the most bizarre feeling! Hubby finds my yelps and lurching humorous. mmmhmmm. Just wait Hubby, just you wait....


Until,

D :)

Friday, January 25, 2008

Shadow of Love

Head spinning... fingers aching.... too.... much.... diaper..... research..... can't.... take.... anymore!

Um, yeah. Cloth diapering is wonderful and I really like it and all but come on people!! There are just too many choices out there!

I have decided I am going with the Chinese prefolds and covers - most likely Thirsties. But the problem now is figuring out where to order them from. I am trying to spend the least amount possible, but at the same time I don't want to order from 10 different places either. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find a good price on both the diapers and covers where I don't have to eat the savings in shipping, and if I find one, they don't have the other, or they are out of the size I need, ugh. I am tempted to buy second hand, but the thought of scouring ebay makes me tremble. I may venture back over to diaperswappers.... it just takes all the fun out of buying them when they are used.

Kiddo woke up this morning with both arms and most of his bed covered in blood. He apparently had a wicked nose bleed in the middle of the night, so I have spent the day working on getting blood stains out of clothing, sheets and the mattress pad. At least he didn't wake up - I don't think I would have reacted well to that much blood while in a half asleep state. I guess I need to put the humidifier in his room for a couple of nights and get those sinuses moisturized. Poor kid.

Kiddo has been so funny lately. I think he is really wanting to meet his little brother. Daily now he will lift up my shirt to feel the baby kick, and he will take his little play stethoscope and hold it to my belly to listen to "baby brudder". For some reason he thinks the stethoscope takes pictures, so we have to ooh and ahh over how cute he is!

Kiddo keeps telling me that the doctor needs to take the baby out. I am trying to convince him that we need to wait a little while longer. He is totally fascinated with babies right now. He has tormented my friends at play dates and also complete strangers in Chili's. When he sees pictures of babies he goes nuts. If he hears them in a store or sees a stroller or baby carrier go by he shouts "de'res a BABY!!!" "lookit dat BABY!!!". At the doctor's office yesterday he was so talkitive when the doctor was visiting with me. "es-scuse me doctor, bleeble blabble, blah, blah, blah". The doctor was highly amused! (or just really nice!)

I certainly hope he maintains this level of excitement once the baby gets here.

Until,
D ;)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Fat Boy

Ok, so I guess I do need to go back to IKEA! Thanks J and V for the suggestions. I did have a chance to look for toy bins at Target today, but what they had was nothing to get excited about.

So anyway, I had another perinatologist appointment today. Everything looks good and they did all the baby measurements again. Last time he was measuring 10 days ahead. This time, most of his measurements were from 7-12 days ahead except for one. His abdomen was measuring over 3 WEEKS ahead!! Holy smokes, my baby is a chunky monkey! The nurse and the doctor didn't seem too concerned; they of course asked me if I had passed my glucose tolerance test. I did have it last week and am still assuming that no news is good news on that. However, I will certainly verify it at my appointment next week.

So, based on the Buddha belly measurements, the nurse said I will most likely be giving birth to a 9.5-10 pound baby! Yikes! Of course, seeing that on both sides of the family the second babies were all over 9 pounds, I shouldn't be surprised. As of right now my little chub weighs a robust 4 pounds, 5 ounces, give or take a few.

After talking to Hubby though, we think that Port (ha! now it makes even more sense!) might be a parts and pieces growth spurt baby. At my first peri appointment, his head was measuring really big, and now it's the tummy. Maybe he will even out.

He's still gonna be a big'un!

Mercy me, I better start my practicing visualization techniques now. I see big, open fields; wide, open spaces, big.....open......big......open.......ohm......

Until,
D :)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A Change is Gonna Come

So this weekend I was able to get some stuff done. I purged a bit (though the "discarded" items are still sitting in my hallway, thanks to the cruddy weather we've been having. I didn't have the heart to pile it all up on the curb for the charity to take; soggy and wet.) and managed to get all of my photography stuff out of my bedroom and into the spare room closet.

My master bedroom really does have a lot of space once you take all the junk out!

Anyway, I moved the crib pieces and the mattress back into the room, and if I can actually find the assembly instructions I will put the crib together this weekend. Unfortunately, I think the instructions may be in a box I made Hubby put up on a very high shelf. Sorry Hubby!

Seeing all that open space in my bedroom gave me the most incredible urge to paint. Oh my.

But now that I kind of have a plan, I am thinking a lot about Kiddo's room and how to make it more spacious and special for him. Since we never really finished his room, I would love to add a few things in there to make it more decorative. I have a couple of small shelves that my neighbor passed on before she moved, and once those are painted I think I will put them up. They are pretty narrow so they won't hold much, but I might be able to put some pictures or decorative items he already has on display.

Once I get all the baby stuff out of his closet, there should be a good bit of room in there. I am thinking that since we will be moving his current dresser into our room for the baby (it has a changing table on top) I might try to find a dresser for Kiddo that would fit in the closet. On a spur of the moment trip to IKEA on Monday, I found a dresser on display that is exactly like the one Kiddo currently has, but smaller (and will fit in the closet). The entire line is discontinued at IKEA, and the one on display is the only one they have in the store, so I am thinking of going back up there and offering a discounted amount to take the floor model off their hands. If I can get that and put it in the closet, then it would open up some much needed space in Kiddo's room. Another idea I have came from an article in the February issue of Parents magazine. Since Kiddo has a tall bed and there is lots of space underneath, I am looking for some bright (and hopefully cheap) storage bins that will line up and slide beneath the bed. Then we can contain in some sort of organized fashion, all of the toys *cough* cars that Kiddo has multiplying in his room. If anyone has suggestions for a cheap way to do this - please let me know.

Now my biggest challenge is going to be getting rid of some of Kiddo's toys. He has a bunch of things that he never plays with, but the instant I pull them out to put away they suddenly become his favorite.

Plus there is the issue of what to do with some of this stuff I am purging. My first instinct is to just give it away, but then my frugal/cheap/stingy side tells me that some of this stuff is worth something, and I should put it up on craigslist. But mercy I just don't want to deal with trying to sell it. But it would help if I could make some money. But is it worth the hassle? ugh!

It's too cold for a garage sale. Not that we ever make anything on those anyway.

What would you do?

Until,
D :)

P.S. my pregnancy treat of the week, onion and chive cream cheese with Wheat thins. YUM!

Monday, January 21, 2008

These Old Pictures

Because lately I have sucked at posting personal pictures...

Here are a couple of Kiddo at the park sometime back in, uh, November - I think.



One Hubby took of Kiddo lounging in the leaf pile in our front yard...

Kiddo's obsession with watches: he decided to make one himself. Pretty good I'd say, though a bit big... :)
The soon to be annual Christmas pillow fight! Look at everybody go!


Daddy gets a good lashing...

Kiddo caught in the cross fire....

Taking a breather...
Not for long!
I think Happy has had enough!

The Christmas bike! One of Kiddo's maiden voyages. If you'll notice the cinder-block set up. It is a Happy/Daddy original design, sure to get Kiddo the peddling practice he needs! yeah, right!

He sure does look cute in his helmet though...


Taking Phoenix for a walk up the road from Happy and Grammy's property...
The sun was bright so I forfeited my sun glasses...
Checkin' out the neighbor's ponies...

Isn't she gorgeous!! I love how the sun lit up her hair!
Come on Mommy!

Our cute little Charlie Brown Tree... with completely edible decorations! The deer really enjoyed this the next day.

Thanks for looking!
Until,
D :)

Friday, January 18, 2008

It's A Heartache

The heartburn is getting worse. It is constant now, and no matter how many Tums I chew and how much milk I drink and how little or often I eat it will not go away. It is keeping me up at night; and in the moments that I do find sweet sleep, my dreams haunt me with searches for relief and the never ending dialog about the heartburn that gets louder and louder until I wake up just to quiet the voices in my head.

Why are my dreams so loud? Why is there so much talking? Sometimes Kiddo cries in the night and I can't even hear him over the voices in my dreams.

Kiddo has been having nightmares lately. They started about a week or two ago. I don't really know what to do for him. I go in and comfort him; shush him back to a calm state and then give in to his requests for milk or sleeping on the couch. Thankfully the dream only happens once a night for him, but he cries out my name as if I am the cause for the distress; I am the bad guy in his nightly drama.

But his love and affection during the day has gotten more intense. In the mornings he snuggles into my neck and leaves me sweet kisses and tight squeezes around my shoulders. Sometimes he asks to be carried from the car, just to snuggle close and breathe in the scent of my hair. Even more now he asks to sit in my lap and rests his head on my chest for a few moments before running off to play. And at night when I tuck him in, instead of ignoring or tolerating my shower of kisses all over his face in the dark, he leans in and sometimes even will reach for me to kiss me back, and a few times he has said "I love you too Mommy".

My joints have started to loosen and sitting in any position for too long leaves me in a lot of pain. It seems too early, but I guess the second time around the body just remembers what it should do. The baby is getting so big that I can tell his position. I know he is curled up and where his feet and knees are and his bottom rests. I am enjoying it more this time because my skin is still tight and not water logged like it was with Kiddo. Unfortunately, when this baby moves I feel it much more intensely, and often it is slightly painful; as if he is just under a thin stretched skin that could break at any moment. I feel him punch my bladder and my colon and I feel him bump me in the stomach (thus the constant lurching of stomach acid into my throat). Sometimes he rolls to where his back is facing out and all the movement can be felt in my back and kidneys. Sometimes his appendages are facing out, and I catch glimpses of knees and elbows rake across my belly. I am just waiting for that little hand or foot to appear.

I had my glucose tolerance test on Tuesday morning. I don't know the results yet, but I guess no news is good news at this point. I can't believe I am already to the point of having appointments every 2 weeks! That on top of the perinatologist appointments every month and I may as well start renting an apartment in the city. It surely is cheaper than all the gas I will have to buy running into town every week. I guess I need to start scheduling them on the same days, but I am afraid of how tough that may be on Kiddo. He has so far been a dream at most of my appointments, and I am not sure I want to press my luck. We shall see.

He was so good at my appointment on Tuesday. It was extra long because of the test, but he handled all the transitions and the waiting like a champ. He never fussed, never argued; and even though I had to wake him up extra early to get there he was in a good humor the entire time. We went over to Chick-fil-a afterwards because he wanted to "play kids". He did so well there - he played nice and was polite as could be, and so after a bit I gave him the choice of continuing to play or getting some ice cream and going home. He of course chose ice cream, and though he only shared a bite or two with his drooling momma he sat politely and ate then didn't fuss when it was time to go. I was so proud of my little man! We even ran a couple of errands afterwards (re: I drug him through some boring-for-kids stores) and he never protested or fussed. The rest of the day was dreamy as well, that is until 5:00 hit and his body grew weary from the long day. But I so enjoyed spending time with him for once, and knowing that he was just really tired made the crying and fussing in the evening easier to tolerate. It was overall a good day.

I will miss having days like that with him. After April things will never be the same...

Until,
D :)

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

What Matters is the Heart

Well, I am officially 28 weeks now. That means that I have less than 3 months to get ready for this baby. I have done absolutely nothing at this point. I don't know what I am waiting for, just that essentially I am at a loss as to what needs to be done.

I am getting that question now, "what do you need for the baby?". Well, honestly, I cannot think of anything we actually need as far as gear, clothes and the common baby items go (except for maybe wipes - but I only pretty much like one brand (Target unscented) and am also debating on using cloth wipes this time too. I could also use a couple of sling/carriers, but I don't know what I want yet.) We pretty much kept everything from Kiddo - and it is all stashed somewhere in this tiny house.

So I have been thinking hard about what I really need. I mean, what really would help me once the baby gets here. Isn't that the real question anyway? Aren't people trying to help? So, here is a partial list of the unusual "things" I need and/or would like to have for little Port.

  1. I need someone to come to my house once or twice (or three times) and help me sort through all of Kiddo's old stuff to see exactly what I have and don't have. We need to make lists and check off needed items, what those items might need (like new batteries, etc.) and find a place to put everything. No small task if you ask me.
  2. I would like to consider putting Kiddo in some sort of 2 day a week mother's day out or preschool program. Another alternative would be to find Kiddo a buddy. He is so lonely and he wants to play with other kids all the time, but I am just too busy, lazy, antisocial, whatever to make that happen for him on a regular basis, and after newbie gets here my motivation will be even less. But, I think a school environment would be so good for him on so many levels, but I just don't know how we can swing it.
  3. I would love a maid/cleaning service or individual to come out once a month or so and deep clean my house for a few months. I can absolutely tell you that I will not be feeling up to cleaning my house for a while. Heck, I'm not feeling up to cleaning it now! Again, something we can't afford, but that would really come in handy.
  4. I would love for someone (or more than one someone) to drop off a dinner every now and then. It would be great to have some frozen meals in my freezer that I can just pop in the oven on the nights I don't feel like cooking.
  5. I would love to have someone to hang out with who has a new baby (and older child) too, and could commit to us helping each other out during the early months when I know I will have lots of "I just want to go hide in the closet" days. We can put the babies on a blanket in the floor together and just talk, or not, or cry, or whatever strikes us at that moment and let the big kids keep each other company.
  6. I need to know that there will be times that I can spend with just the Kiddo, because his mental and emotional health during this big life transition is very important to me.
  7. I also need to know that there will be times of just the baby and I too, so that we can develop a special bond as well.

I know this is not a traditional list and the items on it are not cheap or easy to do. Some of these things I would only expect from Hubby or relatives or very, very close friends. For the rest of you who want to do something nice, it warms my heart that and I am so appreciative, but I really honestly can't think of anything other than just being here for me if I do think of something. And I also want to say that if there are others out there that need/want these things as well when their babies come, I would be more than happy to reciprocate. Heck, I will even help start a program for new moms if need be. I just think that sometimes we all need things that cannot be registered for or bought at the store. I think we need more emotional and practical support, and that we often fall into the trap of trying to find things that would fit in a nice package.


And I have also been thinking of things that I need to do...

  • figure out what kind of diaper to use at the beginning. I am set with cloth for the 6 month on ages, but the newborn stuff is still up in the air. I would love some advice form cd'ing mommas that have done this before. We didn't start cd'ing Kiddo until about 5 months. I have a few newborn cloth dipes, but honestly don't know how to use them or which works best. I am thinking about prefolds and covers, but know nothing about them and have very little money to spend. Help!?!
  • get all the photography stuff out of my bedroom (which means cleaning out the spare room closet and putting it all in there - and possible getting rid of some of it: anyone need some solid colored blankets and odd props?? I am cleaning house!) and go ahead and set up the crib in there.
  • I also need to find a replacement dresser for Kiddo's room as I think his current dresser is best suited for the newbie (it has a changing table on top). Anyone have suggestions for an inexpensive, nice kids dresser? I should probably take a trip to IKEA and also look on craigslist for bargains.
  • I really, really NEED for Hubby and I to spend an entire weekend working together to finally, once and for all put away and throw away all the things that need to be put and thrown away.
  • and all this of course, is on top of all the washing, sorting, assembling and whatnot that comes with preparing for a new baby. Just add all that stuff to the list too. Never mind the fact I need to register with the hospital, pack a bag, pick a coming home outfit, etc. oh boy, this is getting overwhelming.


These are just my random thoughts at the moment. I guess the overall feeling is that I don't really need stuff, I just need help. Does that make sense to anyone or am I being completely weird or selfish here? I don't know. My hormones are all in a tither lately. I can't really recognize rational thought at this point. ;)


I have a huge desire to purge things from the house, but the moment I start the task becomes completely overwhelming and I am frozen with....with....well, I just can't seem to do it. It makes me want to run away that's for sure.


Can I come to your house? ;)


Until,
D :)


p.s. And why is it that even yogurt gives me heartburn??? ugh.

Can't Take My Soul

I think I can pretty confidently say that we all have moments in our lives that we wish we could take back. Do over. Forget about completely as if they never happened. And I think that when you are a parent those moments happen far more often than you would like. It is hard to be patient and calm and rational all the time and sometimes in life's circumstances things get out of control.



Yesterday I took the Kiddo out shopping with me to hit a big sale and use some of the gift cards that have been burning a hole in my wallet. We went to several stores all in the same shopping area, and instead of moving my car all over the parking lot I thought it best (if not healthier) for us to walk to all the stores as we shopped them. By the time we got to the last store, it was getting late and neither of us had had lunch. My blood sugar was dangerously low, but I knew I could make it through the store and back to the car without passing out. What we were picking up was simple, and it should have been a run in, get the stuff and run out kind of trip. We walked across the parking lot to the store and went in. Things were going fine at first, but I couldn't find one of the items I was looking for and we ended up circling the isles several times. Kiddo kept asking me where the item was, and though I tried to explain that the store was out of said item, he insisted on stopping every few feet and saying "is that your powder Mommy?". Frustrated, we left the store without purchasing anything, and as we walked back through the parking lot, Kiddo got increasingly belligerent. He wouldn't walk, he fussed and then he resorted to speaking to me in a tone that was completely unacceptable, and something he gets in trouble for on a regular basis. But by then, I was weak and hungry and had that cold clammy feeling coming over me that usually happens right before everything goes dark.



I got us to the car and put Kiddo in his seat and all the while he was yelling at me and saying not nice things and I just couldn't take it. And without going into details, I retaliated. I didn't hurt him, so don't go calling CPS on me. The look on his face though cut me to the core. He was so stunned that for a few seconds he couldn't speak; his mouth pursed up and that cute bottom lip and chin of his began to quiver. His eyes said way more than his little brain could have produced and I instantly felt such remorse and sadness. I couldn't let him see that though, because I had to make my point, so I walked around the car and got in the driver's seat. By then he had started to cry; that awful, "you just broke my heart" cry and I felt so bad.



I can't get that awful feeling out of my head and heart. I know that he probably doesn't even remember the moment, and I'm pretty sure I didn't scar him for life or anything, but I think it scarred me. We all have those moments when we lose control, but I was out of resources at that point and I should have known better than to let myself get out of hand. The pregnancy hormones aren't helping either, so crying has been a frequent occurrence for me today. I really wish I could take that moment back. Every time I look at Kiddo I want to scoop him up and snuggle him and breathe in his sweetness and tell him I am sorry. I never want him to feel those feelings; the ones that make him question my love for him. I want him to always feel safe and loved in my presence, and I want him to know that no matter what he does I will always love him and cherish him and respect him. I need him to feel he can always come to me to comfort and protect him.

I have had this in my drafts for a few days and have decided to go ahead and publish it. One, because it is about as real life as it gets and two because I think in the coming months I may need the reminder - the reminder that I am too human and have weak moments, and the reminder that with just a little more thought, a little more patience and sometimes only a slight pause before I react, I can spare myself and those around me these moments. I would love to pretend that it didn't happen, and though the incident may have been minor in the grand scheme of things, it did effect me greatly and I want to strive to do better for my children.

Until,
D

Monday, January 14, 2008

The Sweetest Thing

Some great songs I heard over the weekend...
You've Been Talking in Your Sleep - Crystal Gayle


She's Got You - Patsy Cline


The Sweetest Thing - Juice Newton

I think if I were ever forced to a karaoke bar and then forced to sing, these would be my top choices. If it ever happened.

I'm just sayin'.
D :)

Monday, Monday

deleted. republished on Tuesday

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Open Your Eyes

Oh we had such a long night last night. Well at least I did. I woke up the first time about an hour and a half after going to sleep. I was dreaming intensely about the lasagna I had made for dinner and woke up to realize the reason was because I had terrible, terrible heartburn. I definitely overdosed on Tums last night.

About an hour later the cat woke me up wanting out, and then an hour after that Kiddo woke up; I guess because he had a nightmare or something. He was just sitting up in bed sobbing. I took him to the couch, got him a little milk (which he never drank!) and went back to bed. About 2 hours later I heard Kiddo crying again and I got up to check it out. This time he had sneezed and "had a boogie" and needed a tissue. I captured said boogie and in my half asleep state, stupidly let the cat back in the house.

Of course, 30 minutes later she was meowing in my room again, wanting to be fed. So I threw her out the front door. Then an hour later Hubby's alarm went off, and instead of getting up he decided to sleep in. However, he couldn't go back to sleep so he wiggled and squirmed and kept me awake for 30 minutes until he finally got up. 30 minutes later he left and Kiddo came crawling into bed with me. It took him an hour to quit pulling my hair and kicking me and then he finally went into a deep sleep. I laid there for a few minutes and decided to just get up already.

I sat down to my beautiful cup of fresh brewed coffee only to hear "Mommy, GET BACK HERE!" coming from my bedroom.

*sigh* wahhhhhh!

I am so tired.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Kiddo wanted to draw two days ago and so I gave him some paper and a marker. Hubby and I were talking in the kitchen and I looked down at Kiddo and noticed that he was writing his name!!! He has never, ever attempted letters before (except "O", ha ha!) and he just sat down and wrote his name plain as day on the paper. He had trouble with one letter, so I made a couple of practice letters on the page in dots and had him trace them. He was so proud of himself, and I was beaming! See, he's smart despite my bad parenting! lol!

**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

This baby is doing some serious repositioning in my belly. It feels like he's moving furniture in there! He has been head down, side to side and diagonal all within about a 24 hour period. Once he was head down and he turned facing my right side so all the kicks and movement were poking out the right. He is pushing so hard at times it feels like he is about to break through the skin.

My intestinal difficulties have begun to resolve, and I kid you not, I have lots 5+ pounds! Aren't you glad I am telling you all the gory details??!? I feel so much better now. My belly looks smaller too. ;) ;)

I have changed my breakfast to high fiber cereal and a BIG glass of juice (for obvious reasons) and I really miss my egg, cheese and grits breakfast. Plus, all that sugar and carbs (after my one cup of coffee) first thing in the morning makes me crash hard at about 11am. So, lunch has been moved earlier in the day and I am afraid I am about to have to implement the "2nd lunch" program I so enjoyed when I was pregnant with Kiddo. Sometimes I can spread it out though, and instead of "2nd lunch" I have "10:30 cereal" just before bed. I enjoy that more, but it makes the hours in between lunch and dinner agony, and I think I end up eating more in the grand scheme that way. My blood sugar is very sensitive when pregnant, so a handful of almonds here and some cheese there and a strawberry newton after that all adds up to a not so great diet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I was able to meet a friend of mine for coffee the other night and I had so much fun! It was so nice to get out of the house kid free, and talk about anything we wanted. Of course, we talked about our kids, but that's beside the point! I wish I had more evenings like that. I was on a natural high for several hours afterward. (or maybe the high was from the peppermint mocha??)

I suppose that's all I have to say. Besides, a little person keeps shoving a ViewMaster in my face so I am finding it hard to type.

Until,
D :)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Innocence Maintained

Kiddo has, from day one, been a relatively easy baby/child. Granted, he didn't sleep for the first couple of years of his life, but I am coming to realize that issue is small potatoes to what I could have gone through with him. Thankfully we didn't have endless bouts of crying or illness (except for at the very beginning) and once mobile he has been a dream. I have friends that have children that get into everything, and have since day one. They try in vain to child proof their homes to keep their children out of the cabinets and safe - many even have children that can figure out the safety locks and still get into trouble.

Kiddo, I have to brag, has never been that child. We safety locked the doors, he realized he couldn't open them and quit trying. He opened a drawer one time, we told him not to touch and he obeyed. He is not an overly curious or sneaky little guy, and has always been compliant with most of the rules of the house.

So, suffice it to say we have never had to really worry about what he might be up to when he goes into a different room of the house. He pretty much has free reign; no room is really off limits, and those that are (like the office) are secured with a door thingy that keeps him from opening it.

So Sunday night Hubby and I were at our respective computers, and I noticed Kiddo was strangely quiet in another area of the house. I asked Hubby where he was, Hubby responded that he thought Kiddo was in his room, but something about the silence stuck with me. After a couple more minutes I asked Hubby to go check on him. Hubby took his time (as I would have too), drank some water, looked at something else and then finally ventured down the hall to Kiddo's room.

Kiddo wasn't there.

He heard something coming from our bathroom and went in to investigate. I heard nothing from my place in the dining room, and then suddenly Kiddo came running out with wet arms and said to me "Mommy I sorry I made a mess".

Hubby was standing behind him with this strange look on his face. I looked up and dared to ask what Kiddo had been doing.

So Hubby led me to the bathroom. All the way down the hall Kiddo is saying "Mommy I sorry, Mommy I made a mess".

I walked into the bathroom to discover that my non-devious, non-sneaky Kiddo had somehow reached up on the back of the bathroom counter and retrieved 3 bottles. One was his regular bath soap, the next was his lotion and the third was a brand new bottle of expensive, vapor bath wash that I just purchased the day before.

Hubby said when he walked in, Kiddo had the lotion bottle upside down and was squeezing it as hard as he could trying to add to the gigantic puddles of bath wash he had squirted on to the floor.

There was bath wash everywhere; all over the hand towel on the counter, in the box of wash rags, all over the counter itself and then there were the two big puddles on the floor. The entire bathroom smelled like vapor rub!

I just couldn't get mad - I was so in shock! This was so out of character for Kiddo. And he looked so pitiful, knowing full well he had done something wrong; he repeatedly said he was sorry.

I am still stunned. It was so funny!

But I am glad that Hubby discovered it. I cringe to think of what might have happened had one of us walked into the bathroom and slipped on the soapy sticky floor. Especially if it had been me as usually by that time of evening I am running on auto-pilot and not paying attention to what I am stepping on.

Kiddo, without punishment (just a very stern talking to) was extremely helpful and cooperative that night.

Parenting is so interesting. I realize that what he did was really nothing compared to some of the stories I've heard, but for my little Kiddo it was so highly unusual and "kid" like (I don't know how else to describe it) that I am still shaking my head over it. What on earth possessed him?

Anyway, I thought I would try to share another video of him. This one is kind of long, but the end is pretty funny to me. Kiddo is "reading" the holiday cards I stacked up on the kitchen counter after taking down all the holiday decorations.

video

Enjoy!

Until,

D :)

One Left Shoe

The first thing I heard this morning as I lay in bed...

"es-scuse me Mommy, I no sleep tight. I wet."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Our weekend was pretty uneventful. On Friday night I suddenly started to swell, which completely freaked me out. I got in the shower while Kiddo was in the bath and looked down to a blueish/purpleish belly and Vienna sausage toes.

I panicked a little. Got Kiddo in bed and then kinda lost it while watching tv with Hubby. I've been doing so good - not worrying too much and giving all my fears and worry to God - but the swelling threw me. It was so sudden, and my feet felt like they were in fire. I still don't know what the cause was, but by the next morning it had gone away. I guess it was either a fluke or God heard my prayers that night. I just knew I was on my way to preeclampsia; but now I guess I am still safe.

The baby is getting so big! After all the sweets I had over the holidays I was temporarily fearing I had given myself a good old case of gestational diabetes! Hopefully that is not the case - I have somewhat successfully weaned myself off of the constant need for sweets and am feeling ok. I have my glucose tolerance test on the 16th, so hopefully I am able to pass that with no problems. When I was pg with Kiddo, I failed by 4 points, but passed the 3 hour test. Let me tell you, the 3 hour is torture! I certainly hope I don't have to go through that again.

On Sunday night, the baby flipped head down and was riding really low. I kept getting punched in my nether regions - and mercy the case of hiccups he had felt quite strange coming from such a low place! eek! But, it appears that he moved part of the way back and is now sort of diagonal across my belly. His head is down low on the left side and his booty is up high on the right.

My intestinal issues have finally eased up a little. I say a little. I am still not entirely comfortable, but I'll take what I can get at this point. Things only started progressing after I placed a call to the nurse hotline at my ob's office. I guess my body finally figured out I meant business! It was kind of like when your period is late, and you finally break down and take a pregnancy test and it prompts things to start.... but I wouldn't have any experience with that.... ;)

Oh and in case any of you preggos out there are wondering, there are apparently lots of things you can take for your intestinal discomfort. Let me tell you, the message the nurse left me must have been 10 minutes long with an endless list of options. So much for the theory that you can't take anything when pregnant. At least when it comes to this area, the possibilities are pretty endless.

I realized this morning that it has been 5 weeks since we took belly pictures. I am going to have to get the camera out this week and try for some good ones. I can't believe I am already 27 weeks! Things are going by so fast!

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

We actually had to turn on the air conditioner last night! It is freeking January!!!! Unbelievable!

Just some random thoughts for your Tuesday...
Until,
D :)

Friday, January 04, 2008

Right Next to the Right One

I probably have tinsel on my bottom. ;)

I have been working on getting all the holiday stuff put away today; in the process I am also throwing out a ton of stuff. I suppose that is good. Unfortunately I am not throwing out enough stuff to condense boxes down, so we still have too many things that need to go in the attic.


I am also desperately trying to stop thinking about the Hershey kisses in my pantry or the cheese in the fridge and instead find a taste for the wasabi almonds I bought the other day (which are very good, just not when all you can think about is chocolate or cheese). Almonds=fiber=good. Chocolate/Cheese=not good. *sigh*


Anyway, I have been feeling better today - I think the 10 gallons of water I drank yesterday finally got me back to a good hydration, though it didn't do much else. However, taking down the tree decorations left my hands so dry they started cracking and bleeding. ugh, I can't seem to win.


The dog has been tortured for the past few days as I am not letting her spend much time outside in the back yard. Remember my dog?

a picture of her and the Kiddo from last year...

Anyway, my dog - all 40??ish pounds of sweet dogginess, decided a couple of days ago that she could indeed clear a 6 foot fence and jump out of the back yard. Now, we have known this for some time now, but thankfully she didn't and so we never really thought she would try. About 2 or 3 weeks ago, she did it accidentally while chasing a bird and immediately ran to our front door, barked to come in, and when I opened the door she ran in with her head down and tail tucked and hid in her cage. She knew she was in trouble, but of course just the display of "oh carp!" that she made when I let her in kept me from scolding her. too much...

So the other day I was sitting here at the computer and I heard this weird scratchy, claws against wood sound so I stepped out in our back yard to investigate. In 28 degree weather. In my pajamas and robe. With no shoes.

I called the dog. She did not come. I called again, this time louder and I heard the faint jingle of her collar in the distance. We have a pretty large back yard, and an attached side yard as well, so I looked off in the direction of the side yard thinking she had somehow gotten through that gate. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something white moving in the neighbors back yard. We have about 6 houses that back up to our fence in one way or another and there was my dog in the yard of the lady who runs an in home daycare.

Oh mercy.

See, I am the proud owner of a pit bull. I love my dog. Everyone who knows my dog, loves her. She is the sweetest thing in the world, but because of how she looks she is greatly discriminated against. I knew I needed to get her out of that lady's yard and fast.

What the heck was I to do? It was early, and by the time I got Kiddo and myself dressed and around the corner to the street behind me there was no telling where she would be. Most of the fences in this neighborhood are in bad shape, and she most likely would have found a hole and been wandering the neighborhood by the time I made it to my car.

So I called her again. I mean, I figured if she jumped over once, maybe she would do it again?!?

Sure enough, she came to the fence and jumped.

Except this time she didn't quite make it over, and instead had to pull herself up to the top of the wooden fence. Ahh, there was that familiar scratching sound.

Then she did the funniest thing. She perched herself on the top of the fence.

Perched. On tippy toe with all four paws insanely close to each other.

And she sat there for a good two minutes trying to figure out what to do.

Imagine if you can, a very large pit bull perched like a delicate bird on top of a 6 foot high fence, looking around and wobbling back and forth, obviously perplexed at making her next move.

I about wet myself I was laughing so hard!

I called out to her to jump already and so she did, thankfully into another yard. It was the one next to me and the house is empty, so I streaked out my front door and around the house to open their gate and let her out.

I guess we are now going to have to invest in some sort of electric fence or something.

Darn animals.

Until,

D :)

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Can't Fight the Feelin'

Ok, so after the tear jerking yesterday, I was trying to think of something funny for today, but golly I just don't feel funny. I feel gross. I am so bloated and uncomfortable this week. I can't sleep; can't get comfortable, have all kind of weird pains and aches. ugh. I think the baby is going through a growth spurt, and it has really been wreaking havoc on my body the past few days. My belly feels like it weighs 400 lbs. I found a support belt that my wonderful, sweet friend sent me a while back (with a ton of much needed maternity clothes - thank you!!!) and put it on last night while Kiddo was in the bath.

Sweet, sweet relief!

It was really nice for about 10 minutes, and then it started hurting my back a bit. But those 10 minutes, man oh man I was in heaven!

I am having a hard time not eating everything in site. I am experiencing a "I've had little or no chocolate or sugar" headache today and it sucks. I want some chocolate!!

But, I got on the scale this morning so I think I'll pass.

I've had enough water today to float a ship and it is not doing it's job. Been eating lots of apple sauce, drinking apple juice, warm water with lemon, eating whole grains and fiber laden foods, all that jazz and no dice.

You know what I am talking about. Don't make me type it out. uh huh. :/

I feel toxic. Toxic I tell you. It's making me cranky.

But you probably knew that.

And I am so dang cold! I can't get warm this week. It's chilly outside, and I am naturally cold natured anyway so I am pretty much out of luck if the temps drop below 60.

Can I complain about anything else?? Oh yes, I can.

But I'll spare you the details. For now. ;)

If you really wanna laugh, check out a couple of my particularly funny bloggy friends. They rock!

Until,
D :)

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Unwritten

In as much as I hate this "terrible three" age with the Kiddo I totally and completely love it as well. There is so much about his little personality that I want to document and talk about - I just wish I could have a camera crew follow him around 24/7 for a few days so we don't miss anything. I know he is going to change so quickly, and worse yet, I know that once this new guy arrives on the scene, my poor, sweet, wonderful Kiddo is going to have to take a back seat to much of the goings on. I hate that for him. It makes me all weepy just writing about it.

Kiddo really is such an adorable little guy. And he makes me laugh and smile and just squee with joy every day. At the same time he brings out my anger and frustration with such ease, and I marvel at just how good he is at provoking every emotion I am capable of with such little effort.

Just now he wanted "some-ping to eat" and went to the fridge. His usual snack of choice is cheese, so he found the kind he wanted (I keep several on hand) and pulled it out. It was a big block, and needed to be cut so I got up and went to the kitchen. Kiddo wanted to help me, he loves using the marble cheese cutter, so I pulled out the cutter and proceeded to get the cheese out of the ziploc bag. Kiddo is saying to me "ok, now focus!" (visualize Lightning McQueen getting ready for the race) as I am pulling it out and I chuckled. I put the cheese on the marble and he cut a nice slice. I handed it over and he takes a bite, then does his "happy food dance" - the very one he has done since his first bite of avocado at 6 months old. I love that little bobbing dance. I asked him if it was good and he says, "dee-licious!". Man, I love this kid.

I love it when he sings songs - he stops cold for the Pantene commercial that has the song "Unwritten" in it. He loves that song! The other night in the tub he busted out with the full version of the Barney "I Love You, You Love Me" song, complete with all the right words. I couldn't believe it.

Times like this make me really wish we could afford to put him in music lessons or school or something. I feel like I am doing him such a disservice by not affording him opportunities to learn and nurture his underlying talents. I know there is still time for all that, but I do feel the earlier you start these things, the more they are capable of learning. When I think about teaching him myself, I get all tight in the chest and my confidence goes right out the window. I don't think he would listen to me anyway.

But my Kiddo picks up on more and more each day. And in all his frustrations I am seeing so many wonderful moments. I soak them up as much as I can and pray I never forget anything. I want to preserve this age in him forever.

I know that there will be lots more moments and ages that I think are even better, but this is the last few months of it being just he and I, and the last time he will be an only child. I hope he can appreciate having a sibling in a way I was never fortunate enough to experience. I hope I can cope with there being more than one child in the house, and that I can provide just as much love and adoration to this new guy as I have been able to give Kiddo for 3 years. And I hope that I don't lose the intense bond and closeness the Kiddo and I share. He is and always has been so very special to me, and I thank God every single day for blessing me with the most wonderful little boy in the world.

Ack, I can't even see my keyboard anymore to type. I better go dry my eyes.

Until,
D :)

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

New Dawn

Happy New Year!!

I hope you all had a wonderful evening last night - Hubby and I; man we are such party animals! We stayed home, ate lots of bad-for-us snacky type food, watched a couple of episodes of Alias (we finally broke down and rented it - hallelujah!), tuned in the last 15 minutes of the Carson Daly New Year's Eve show, kissed a quick one at midnight and then went to bed at 12:15.

I just love getting older! I didn't even have the energy to bust out the 3 year old bottle of sparkling cider in the fridge! Lol!



Sorry I've been absent lately. We had family in town for a whole week, and Hubby has been off work all this time as well. It's been pleasantly busy around here, but I have to say I am looking forward to tomorrow's promise of normalcy (and the trash man, but that's a whole different story! How much trash can one family produce in two weeks???).

Kiddo has been on a family/holiday detox for a day now, and I think it is going pretty well. However, he is still wishing everyone Merry Christmas! Hubby left a while ago for a bike ride, and Kiddo stood at the window and said "bye Daddy, see you soon, Merry Christmas!". He's so cute!


Other Kiddo speak moments - when out looking at Christmas lights with my parents, we drove down a street that had almost all the houses decorated. I pointed out a manger scene to Kiddo and he says in the most solemn voice "The One True Word of God".

??????? You could cut through the silence in the car with a knife! ha ha!


Of course, he's not always so stoic. A couple of days ago I also overheard him from his car seat say "Cars! Cars is brought to you today by contributions from viewers like you! Thank you!". Hmmm, too much public television perhaps?

So today I am trying to push through the inevitable decompression that comes after a joyous holiday and all the anticipation and excitement that it entails. I am teetering on being depressed, or just tired, or something. There is definitely a let down going on here.

In trying to get back on track, I am slowly tossing out all the remaining goodies from my marathon baking adventures of last week. I can't seem to part with the Neiman Marcus cookies or the German Chocolate Cupcakes just yet, but everything else is gone. The brownies got finished off this morning, the pumpkin spice cake was devoured mid week last week and the fudge is just going by way of the trash can I think (once the garbage men get here tomorrow - did I mention we needed a pick up already! ack!).

I have also been cultivating the most wonderful desires to purge the things in this house. Call it nesting, call it insanity, sanity, whatever - things are about to start moving out. Think Goodwill would want some 35 year old cookbooks?? How about used pillows or maybe the contents of my junk drawer? No? Hmm, well maybe the garbage men will take those things. (oops, I mentioned them again, didn't I?)



Baby Port is going to have a rough week once I stop his hourly fix of sugar laden goodies. I think I gained about 5 pounds last week, and it was not the result of his ever growing body in my uterus. It is the result of my ever growing back side! Ugh! Hopefully I am on the right track today though; I had a wonderful salad for lunch today with lots of goodies that were left over from the holiday festivities (I'm talking the good stuff people!). I added some left over raw broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and some shrimp that was left from last night. YUM! It was a nice change from chicken and tuna and avocado.

As I type, I am listening to this...It was a stocking stuffer and I am pretty impressed (though her hair is kind of scary, but don't let that deter you from the music)! I actually used to be a huge fan of hers, but got kind of turned off after seeing some interviews a few years back. For some reason she got kind of cheesy to me and so I haven't been interested in a while. But, after hearing a couple of songs off this album, I thought I'd toss it on my xmas wish list just for the fun of it. It is a pretty nicely done album. I think I may have a couple of new favorites! (though I think I can do without track 11. ick) I wonder if I can still sing her stuff. I could while in college (and my voice was in good shape) but I'm not so sure about now. I guess I need to upload this to my mp3 and start practicing.


And speaking of Kiddo speak (weren't we talking about that earlier?) I was cleaning off my little point and shoot camera for Hubby when I came across this. Please forgive the poor quality - it was shot spur of the moment with a point and shoot camera and low batteries. He just cracked me up! (oh yes, and the floor is a mess because he was coloring with markers and paint and stickers and all kids of interesting things - so please forgive that too!) I've never posted a video before, so I hope this works...
video



Hopefully I can start posting video more often now as I received this for Christmas!

It is so cute and easy to use! I lurve it!!

So, I guess that is something for you to look forward to - right? Kinda like me and the garbage man...

Until,

D :)

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