Cleopatra, Queen of Denial

Call me the Queen!


My wonderful, caring, sweet, amazing, generous friend who has blessed me and my family for the past 4 years is moving. See, she lives next door to me. I know God put her in that house to take care of me and the Kiddo. I was floored the first day she knocked on my door. Her arms were full of little boy clothes in just the size Kiddo was wearing. And though we had never met, she acted like we'd known each other forever and it was totally normal for her to come to my house. When she handed me the clothes and then turned away, I shut the door and stood there for a long time in disbelief.

Her visits became more frequent; each time she had something to give us. Shoes and sleepers and clothing and supplies for the baby mostly, but each time she would chat for a brief moment before leaving - always staying just long enough for me to enjoy it but not too long to be a bother. And over the past few years we have become pretty good friends. Kiddo absolutely adores her and her kids and I do too. We've exchanged babysitting, watched over each other's houses, hosted garage sales together, gone on girl's nights out, celebrated birthdays and joyous occasions, as well as trials and heartache.

And today the moving company came and packed up her things. Tomorrow they will load up and drive them all to Houston. And here I sit, like it is just any other day, not letting myself feel the sadness that I know is going to hit me soon enough. I can't even begin to imagine what it is going to be like to not have her to lean on when I need her; to know she's not there for a quick word or a long afternoon of coffee and talking. I don't have many friends; certainly not many that are close by and have kids Kiddo's age. She was right there - not more than 20 feet away and I feel like I have taken advantage of it for these few short years. I should have done more with her, gone over more often, put in more time. I should have appreciated her so much more.

Oh how I have appreciated her. Oh how I am going to miss her. I just don't know how I am going to cope once this new baby comes. She was my saving grace with Kiddo, and now I have no one like her to save my sanity.

Tomorrow she is coming by briefly to say goodbye. Oh sure, we will see each other again. She promises frequent trips back and we do go to Houston every once in a while. Thankfully her new house is quite near to the inlaws. But it will be a goodbye, nonetheless. And I can't help but wonder how emotional I'll be. For the past few weeks since we found out they were moving I have been relatively calm about it. Sure, I have had a few panicky moments here and there, but I know the full reality of it hasn't set in yet. I know my feelings are hiding way down; beneath all the work on my plate, this new being inside of me, the doctor's visits and dealing with my darling 3 year old. I know they will rise to the surface soon. I don't know how I will handle it.

Once the house is dark and empty, so will be the space in my heart that her family has filled these past 4 years. I don't know if I can take it.

Until,
D