Last Dance Rodeo

Well here it is my friends, the last post of November, and the last post of NaBloPoMo 07. Thank you all for sticking it out with me through the long, the short and the ridiculous!


The one thing I remembered I forgot (or was it I forgot I remembered?) about NaBloPoMo, is that the pressure of having to post every day (whether I normally do or not) sucks all the creative juices right out of my tiny brain. So, I wholeheartedly apologize for boring you with my drivel and leaving you hanging on a few posts. I know I never finished telling my Dallas adventure story, but after that first post it didn't seem too interesting. And I also realize I still haven't shown you pictures of Kiddo's birthday or his first boat ride. *sigh* I just let it get away from me. And just like when you are in a good fight and are doing the silent stand off thing, the longer you let it go the harder it is to just speak already! So, since it's been 3 months since Kiddo's birthday, pulling up the pictures now seems kind of pointless. I'll probably do it anyway, because after all, this is serving as some documentation of his life. It would be weird to not have that day represented photographically.

Anyway, I have made some great new bloggy friends and have discovered some awesome new bloggy reads. I am so glad I participated!

I also discovered through this that I need to get back to being more real; more raw, more in the moment. Just the sheer number of comments left on my post the other day told me that. All of your words were so kind and so thoughtful. It made me realize that not only do you all read, but you care - and it is ok for me to be less than glossy here.

So my friends, now that November is behind us, we are plunging head first into Christmas and all it has to offer. I hope you stick with me through the triumphs and frustrations and the inevitable assortment of baked goods and funny stories. I look forward to reading about yours as well.

Until,
D :)

Connfessions of Love

Overheard in a conversation between Dinaco Blue Lightning McQueen and The King:

The King: "I love you!"

Lightning McQueen: "NO you DON'T!! You don't love me!!"

The King: "Yes I do, I love YOU!"

Lightning McQueen: "Oh no you don't!"

The King: "Yes, I love you!"


??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Where does he get his stuff?

Until,
D :)

Life's a Great BIg Mystery Show

Aww, my heart is so warm today! Thank you all for your sweet comments on my last post. I am feeling much better now. :) :)

Yesterday really didn't get much better. After spewing all over my blog I did feel better, but then later on that evening, as I was cooking dinner, Hubby called to inform me that he had locked his keys in his car when he went for a bike ride. Across town. And at that moment he was sitting in the dark using a stranger's cell phone to call me and he needed me to come and unlock the car. Why oh why do we not have AAA???

The problem was I was in the middle of cooking fish - not exactly something I could stop cooking and cover until later. Plus Kiddo and I were starving - I didn't really know what to do. I didn't want to waste good salmon and yet my Hubby was stranded.... what to do, what to do?

I'll have to admit I was not being a Godly wife. I was mad and frustrated. The day had been so emotional already and all I could do was get angry. Hubby didn't do any of that on purpose of course, but I just didn't see it as anything but an inconvenience to me. I vented to a friend on instant messenger and huffed and puffed for a good five minutes or so and my phone rang again. Hubby had managed to pull off a windshield wiper and poke around in the window until he got the door unlocked. The boy could be MacGyver I tell you.

Anyway, by the time he got home I had cooled off. But I have to say God had a good talk with me when I went to bed last night. Consider me lovingly scolded.

So today was the big level II ultrasound. I have to say it was at one of the most beautiful doctor's offices I've ever seen. They used to be in a ratty old office by the medical center, and boy have they stepped up! Anyway, the doctor was wonderful - very personable, knowledgeable and informative. He listened to what I had to say, really knew what he was talking about and treated me like I actually have a brain in my head (though the jury is still out on that one!). And I am completely thrilled to report that after thorough inspection, the baby looks amazing and healthy and wonderful! Everything is where it should be, the size it should be and functioning properly. He is actually measuring about 4-5 days ahead, as opposed to earlier reports of 2-3 weeks. The doctor was very positive about that because most Lupus babies run the risk of being small. So as long as he stays on track things should be good. He wants to see me once a month until 36 weeks and then every week after that. He also wants me to start taking a baby aspirin a day, extra calcium and flax seed oil to hopefully help delay and/or prevent the onset of pre-e. It's not a proven method, but it couldn't hurt.

The unfortunate side of the visit is that I have to do a couple of tests. The first being a 24 hour pee test. Ugh! I got the wonderful parting gift of a half gallon jug and instructions on collecting my samples for 24 hours. Joy. His parting words were, "just don't go hunting for the apple juice in the fridge in the middle of the night!" Oh the humor! Once the samples have been collected, I have to go to the lab for some more blood tests. Vampires! Oh well, it is totally worth it. But I fear I am going to need a bigger jug.... do they know how much a pregnant woman pees??!? I wonder what they'll do when I walk in with a couple of milk jugs in tow...

I warned you all I would tell you the good, the bad and the gross. Don't act like that. ;)

I have lots of good ultrasound pics from the visit. This boy is not near as cheeky as Kiddo was. He was lounging most of the time during the exam; his little legs were crossed at the ankle and he was using the placenta as a pillow under his head. It certainly didn't stop him from kicking the ultrasound tech a few times though. He's an active little bugger!

So if you want some stats on lupus, heartblock, preeclampsia and second pregnancies I can give you a few. For pre-e, a first pregnancy woman has about a 15% chance of developing it overall. If you add Lupus to that the chances multiply by 6. So, it was inevitable that I had pre-e the first time. The second time around (if the father of the baby is the same) the normal chances are about 5%. A woman with Lupus on her second pregnancy (with the same father) is again multiplied by 6 - so about 30%. If the father is different the second time around, the normal percentage is again 30% and with Lupus x6.

If I do actually have Lupus (which we still are not sure because it is such a hard disease to diagnose; AND I am missing one symptom to actually diagnose me with it) the chance of the baby having heart block is about 5%. The chances of the baby having heart block severe enough to require a pacemaker is less than 1%. Since my SS-A antibodies are severely elevated, pointing to the possibility of Sjögren's syndrome, the chance of heartblock is slightly higher, but I think it still breaks down to less than 1% for pacemaker. Are you confused yet? I certainly am. The point is, the chance of anything going wrong is very small - which is glorious news, but the chance of Kiddo having the troubles he had was very small as well. He was practically a medical miracle if you look at all the "odds". But anyway, it is good to focus on the positive.

So, all in all, Hubby and I are in love with my Perinatologist. He is a great guy and I am looking forward to having him on the "team". Now to find a rheumatologist.... the hunt begins. ;)

Until,
D :)

6th Avenue Heartache

I am a hormonal mess today. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have been on the verge of tears all day long. I just want to sit and cry, or throw something, or stare into thin air, David Puddy style. I am stressed out, and tired and everything is a mess. The house especially. I need to clean but I need to get my work done and I just don't feel like anyone cares.

I probably shouldn't be writing a post when I feel this way, but I need to get it out. I have far too much going on and no one to support me even with the smallest things. I need a break. I keep telling myself if I can just push through this week, it will all be better, but of course there is so much I want to do this week that I don't want to put off any longer and I know none of it is going to get done. I want to get the holiday decorations up. I want to get things picked up and put away, even if it is only for a little while. I want to go to a friend's house on Wednesday night and relax and smell the fall Scentsy stuff and not think for a while, but I doubt it will happen because I just can't get away.

I just feel like it is all heaped on my shoulders right now and it's not fair.

I am getting frustrated at the littlest things; the car being out of gas, the car not being completely unloaded from our trip, the trash laying around two feet from the trash can, the car seat being on the other side of the car now instead of the middle. It is so inconvenient. I got mad at myself for forgetting my reusable shopping bags when I went to the grocery store because they got taken out of my car and I didn't realize it until I was already there. The grocery clerk charging me for the wrong kind of tomato that cost 3Xs as much as the one I had, and I couldn't tell him to change it because Kiddo was pitching a fit. Kiddo pitching a fit because the grocery store didn't have the blue Chick Hicks that they advertised in the paper.

I want to crawl back into bed, but I wouldn't be comfortable. I am not sleeping much lately. Either I am getting leg cramps or having weird dreams that wake me up or the neighbor dog is barking or Kiddo is getting up to potty - it never ends at night. Why do I even bother going to bed?

And being pregnant is just sucking lately. I remember with Kiddo, I felt so good pregnant. I felt special and healthy and had this sort of zen understanding of the circle of life and was all goo goo eyed about bringing a new life into the world. Now I feel ugly and fat and unimportant. People don't care about a second baby as much I guess. Plus, there are all the wonderful (spoken with sarcasm) things that happen to your body when pregnant. I mean, beyond the discomfort and the leg cramps, you get the exciting world of acne and stretch marks and dry skin and strange twitches. My right eye lid has twitched for a week now. And the snot - my gracious the SNOT! What the heck is with that??!? It's not something you can blow or wipe away. It just drains and sticks in the back of your throat and chokes you at every given moment. I am keeping Puffs tissue in business my friends. My fingernails are growing rapidly and breaking off even more rapidly. I cut them short and they are still popping off.

And I really want Christmas to be special this year because I really thought Kiddo was finally going to understand everything - but he is driving me crazy and ruining any good holiday feelings I can muster up because he is so about getting all kinds of toys and junk he sees in the papers and has no concept of time and that Christmas is a month away. (can you say run-on sentence?) He thinks that if we go see Santa he is going to get a Lightning McQueen car. I don't know where he got that, but now I am afraid to take him to Santa for pictures because he's going to expect some kind of gift. And when he doesn't get it he's going to pitch another fit - like we don't get enough of those in one day. I am so sick of the whining and the crying about EVERYTHING - I could just scream. I try to be nice and make things special for him every now and then, but ultimately he will whine or fuss or be outright rude about something and I have to take it away and then I am the mean mommy because I changed my mind. I am tired of being the mean mommy. I want to have sweet moments and special times and he is completely keeping me from being able to do that. I have not really had any fun with him for weeks and I miss it.

Ugh, this is the most depressing post ever. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I am going to drink a Dr. Pepper now and hope it makes me feel better for a little while. I doubt it will.

Until,
D :(

Standing Still

Ugh, I think I have carpel tunnel now. I have been non-stop editing for the past 2 days and my wrist and my elbow (of all things) is killing me!

I haven't even had the chance to read any blogs today! Oh the shame!

I still have one more session to proof and then I am done. Yippie! Kiddo gets his mommy back! Christmas decorations may actually go up; the floor will be visible once again. Ok, well, the floor will be visible for a minute or two at least.

In baby news, I am doing good. He is moving around all the time now. I have a level II ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday and I am so excited. And nervous. And excited. And stressed. I am afraid of what they might find, but glad for the opportunity to see the baby in such detail. I pray that all is well. Lord, please give me strength.

I guess that is it for now. I am too brain dead for much else at the moment.

A little Jewel for you... Standing Still
Until,
D :P

You Can Sleep While I Drive

Ok, I've had my morning coffee, I've had 3 sausage kolaches (4, 5, ok 6 - but they are small; like a cocktail weenie wrapped in 1/4 of a biscuit. Leave me alone! ;) ) to stifle my hunger and I think I can effectively blog now. Although, that last sentence was riddled with spelling errors!

Anyway, we had a nice holiday "weekend" with the parents in LA (that's Louisiana for you west coasters!). We drove up there Wednesday afternoon. The drive is always a chore, but this year with Kiddo newly potty trained and a huge cold front coming in, it was even more taxing. We had to stop several times for potty breaks and fighting the gusting winds from the front really took a toll on my stamina during the 6 1/2 hour trip. But, we made it there safely, and with only one hiccup from the CRV's iffy "car health". Somewhere in the middle of the drive we pulled up to a stop light and it started it's chugging thing again, but the check engine light thankfully didn't come on.

Visiting with the folks was nice, but hard on my blogging as you may have noticed. I didn't get a lot of time to just sit and reflect. I did manage to get some work done, but not as much as I was hoping for - so the next 24-48 hours are going to be a marathon edit session for me. Hubby needs to just keep the water and snacks coming and keep the Kiddo out of my hair and we should be ok.

The weather here is disgusting. Last week we had 80 degree temps and now it is in the 30's and raining. And that leads me to the drive home yesterday...

On a clear day, the drive from my parents house to mine should take a reasonable person with a child about 6 1/2 hours. (it only takes my Dad 5, but that is a post about his crazy driving for another time!) On the way there on Wednesday that was about how long it took. Yesterday though, we were dealing with severely cold temps and rain (severely cold for TX y'all, not the north, ok) so everyone was driving a bit slower than normal. I was a nervous wreck - in my younger years driving in the rain didn't bother me at all, but in October of '04 I was in my first major car accident when Hubby, Kiddo (5 weeks old) and I hydroplaned in the rain on the interstate and hit a concrete barrier. The wreck was terribly traumatic for me and has forever left me with a nervous driving demeanor in less than dry weather. I no longer appreciate the tapping of rain on the roof of the car or the rhythmic swish of the windshield wipers...

Anyway, we cruised along most of the way at about 10 mph below the speed limit and for the most part things were going well. After a couple of stops (for potty and food) we were about 3 1/2 hours into the drive and Kiddo said he needed to potty again. So, I pulled off the road into the driveway of some little closed up business in the middle of nowhere and Hubby took Kiddo out to tinkle (lucky boys that can pee anywhere...). We got back on the road and a couple minutes later I commented to Hubby that the car sounded like it was driving "rough". It didn't feel weird or anything, there was just an odd rhythmic sound coming from what I thought was the engine. Hubby commented that it sounded like the tires to him, and that we should consider having them balanced and rotated when we got home. The sound got progressively worse, and finally Hubby told me to pull off the road so he could have a look.

Our front passenger tire was completely flat! Joy.

Now - I have to interject here that there is something about my Hubby that causes any situation like this to never by "typical" for him. He can't just have a flat or a car malfunction. Something has to be weird or unusual about the situation. I on the other hand, tend to be lucky in matters like this. My first flat tire happened as I pulled into my parent's driveway (I was in high school). My car caught fire as I pulled into my own driveway several years later and we were able to put it out quickly, suffering minimal damage because the hose was right there. Various other car issues happened to me with little incident - cars would die and coast perfectly into well lit, safe parking areas. God has always watched over me and blessed me greatly in times like these.

But my poor, poor Hubby. Unfortunately, my good luck is completely negated when I am with him. His track record for unusual, seemingly impossible situations is stuff of legend in our family (or at least it should be). For example, shortly after we were married we moved to AZ. We had returned to TX a few weeks later to attend a family wedding and to pick up our van that had been left here in the move. After the wedding we were supposed to drive a couple of hours and stay overnight with Hubby's grandparents, then the next day finish the drive to AZ. On the way out of town, something happened with the van and we had to stop in a gas station to make a repair. Thankfully Hubby's parents hadn't left town yet, and they met us at the station to help out. Hubby left the van running and was working on something when his dad got in to check out something else. His dad got out, and in the process accidentally hit the automatic door lock on the door. The van was locked up, empty of passengers and running. Hubby's keys were of course in the ignition and mine were in my purse in the van. We had no way of getting in. After fretting for a good long while, I kind stranger noticed our situation and realized that his youngest child might be able to squeeze through a tiny back sliding window that we just happened to have cracked. Sure enough, the skinny kid slithered though the opening and unlocked the doors. A miracle!

After that, we were on the way to the grandparent's house and got a flat tire. Hubby changed the flat only to find that the spare was also flat. So we called the grandparents (very late at night mind you) and they had to go to Walmart to buy a pump and bring it too us. We were stranded on I10 in the middle of nowhere in the pitch blackness and only by the grace of God did Hubby's grandparents find us! Well, airing up the tire caused our weakened car battery to die, so they had to maneuver their car around backwards on the shoulder to give us a jump. Hubby's grandfather, God rest his soul, was at the age where his senility was starting to set in and for some reason he thought he could stand in the middle of the dark freeway and flag down the big rigs flying by (at oh about 80mph) so they would move over to the far lane. He was standing in the middle of the road, waving his arms like a lunatic and poor Hubby had to tackle the surprisingly strong man and wrestle him back to the safety of the shoulder. Grandmaw and I just sat in the car, trying not to watch and praying with all our might. We finally got everything fixed and arrived at their house quite late.

And I cannot even begin to relate to you Hubby's riding adventures; filled with near death experiences and miracles upon miracles. God works overtime to protect this boy, let me tell you!

Anyway, back to yesterday and the flat tire. Of course, it couldn't be typical. Of course, the rain was falling and it was sooooo very cold. Of course, we didn't have a lug wrench - WHAT??!? That's right, no lug wrench. Poor hubby was using a socket wrench and the seat post from his mountain bike (yeah, you read that right) to try to get the lug nuts off the tire. And, the pièce de résistance, of course, the spare was flat! Oh boy. We were miles from the nearest town, with no real tools or anyone to help us and Hubby was risking pneumonia out in the rain. Hubby remembered he had a hand tire pump for his bike (the small, compact, about 10 inches in length kind) so there he was, out in the freezing rain, pumping like a mad man trying to get some air in the tire. After about 15 minutes, by the grace of God once again some total stranger drove by and saw him furiously pumping away on the side of the road. The man had just purchased a bicycle tire pump for his daughter for Christmas (the kind you stand on and pump up and down with your arms) and thought to himself that at least it might be more effective than the little thing Hubby was using. He turned his truck around and pulled in to help. He and his friend helped Hubby get the tire aired and changed and with only a heartfelt thanks from us were on their way.

We got back on the road, found a Napa auto parts store in the next town and bought a can of fix-a-flat. Thankfully though, the air held all the way home.

We still don't know what caused the flat. Hubby checked the tire for nails and such but saw nothing. I am just so thankful for the kindness of strangers. Those two men didn't have to stop, much less make a u-turn on a busy road to help us. They didn't have to stand out in the cold rain while their hands burned from the cold and the harshness of manual labor. And the driver certainly didn't have to unwrap his daughter's Christmas present to help a stranger! But because they did my family is home now and safe and dry. I pray God blesses them in a special way for doing such a kind act.

So, a few more bathroom stops and much driving later, we made it home after 8 hours on the road. As I said yesterday, I am SO thankful to be home; so thankful for my warm bed and ratty old robe to lounge in; so thankful for my family and the little goodness that is left in the world.

I apologize for the empty blog posts as of late. Hopefully now I can get back to writing so much you have to take your own potty break in the middle! I hope you had a great week, and many wonderful weeks to come this holiday season.

Until,
D :)

Homeward Bound

It is so good to be home! Hubby, Kiddo, Dog and I ventured forth this holiday week to the wilds of Louisiana to spend a couple of days with my parents.

The drive both to and from was taxing and frustrating, but for different reasons. Good grief, I want to tell you about it but something is not connecting between my brain and my fingers and it has taken me 10 minutes to type out 3 lines of text. I think I will go to bed and try for this tomorrow.

Sleep tight!

Until,
D :)

Black Friday (there should be a song for this)

One more day and I should be back to regular posting. Until then, I hope you are having a great holiday weekend with friends and family. Did you go shopping today?? I am not brave enough to venture out into the mall on Black Friday so we didn't do any real shopping. I did hit a local craft show though, and spied some cute things to file away in the recesses of the old brain.

Anyway, I hope you have a lovely day.
Until,
D :)

Thanksgiving Song

Until,
D :)

Too Darn Hot

It's Thanksgiving eve, and we are with family preparing for the feast tomorrow. I am so ready for some turkey and dressing and all the goodies that come along with it. Thankfully the weather has finally figured out that it is winter, and the 80 degree temps of this morning have given way to the 40-50 degree temps expected for the next few days. It's a good thing, because I was having a really hard time getting into the "holiday spirit" when I had to dress in short sleeves and shorts!


My posts will most likely be short and sweet for the next couple of days, but know that I am thinking of all of you and hoping that your holidays are filled with joy, laughter and good memories. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family, and an amazing on line community to call home as well.

I wish you all many blessings.
Until,
D :)

Don't

My clever little boy knows that he is not to touch Daddy's laptop (which happens to be sitting on our coffee table right now). So, tonight as Hubby and I were running around getting stuff done all over the house, I realized I hadn't checked on Kiddo in a while. I peeked into the living room to see what he was doing and he was standing in front of Hubby's computer, kind of dancing around it as if the temptation to touch was overwhelming. I gently reminded him that we don't touch Daddy's computer, and left the room. Several minutes later I hear a "clackity, clack, clack, clack!" Coming from the living room. I rush in there, already scolding him for pounding on the keyboard. When I rounded the corner and got a good look, I was shocked.

Kiddo had gone to his room and retrieved his keyboard (an old desktop model that we let him play with). He then took the keyboard and set it on top of Hubby's laptop and was pretending to work on Daddy's computer by clacking away at the keys! Sneaky, sneaky! He of course couldn't get in trouble because he wasn't technically touching Daddy's computer, and it is ok for him to pound on his own keyboard.

What am I going to do with such a clever boy??

Until,
D :)

Weeping Tree

What am I going to do with this child??!? I know age three is supposed to be bad, but this is ridiculous. He can be such a good boy sometimes, and then in the next moment so extremely aggravating and defiant that I hardly recognize him. I miss my sweet, cuddly little man. I miss him snuggling up with me at any time of day and talking sweet to me while he strokes my hair. Now, I may get a cuddle or a hug but every time it is immediately followed by a whine or a demand (or a hit or a "NO!"). What changed? Am I doing something different?

His newest thing is saying "I'm sad" and then fake crying or dramatically throwing himself down with a hand over the eyes (and no, I do not let him watch soap operas!). I'm not even sure he knows what "sad" means - but it does concern me that he uses it in out-of-the-blue type situations. He will just burst into tears or suddenly start whining. Maybe it is an attention getting tactic? That doesn't make sense though, because most of the time I try not to react.

I do think his bed time needs to be moved back again. He just seems so tired in the evenings. Bath time is becoming increasingly difficult and he goes to sleep very fast once we get him to bed. It is so hard though to put him to bed earlier; I don't know how people do it because by the time Hubby gets home from work and we eat dinner it is usually around 8:00. Then we do a bath and shut things down around the house and I can get him to bed by 9:15 - 9:30 at the earliest. I suppose I could switch baths to mornings, but then I don't know if he would actually be able to wind down in the evening without one.

I just don't know how I am going to do this with two. I really don't. I am so busy right now. And though I realize I won't be so busy with photo shoots and such when the baby comes, I do intend to keep working as much as I can. But how the heck am I going to take care of Kiddo, a newborn, and my work? I hope the newbie sleeps a lot!

Speaking of sleep, I should head to bed. I've got lots to do tomorrow.

Until,
D :)

Little Sister

Hubby and I survived the church nursery this morning. Hubby ended up in Kiddo's room and I was next door. He actually liked being in there because he could watch how Kiddo interacted with all the other kids and also how he behaved. For some reason lately, Kiddo has been terribly moody; he will tell us he's sad and will burst into tears for no apparent reason at least once a day. I don't know if he is just trying to understand everything that is going on with the neighbors moving, or if it is because we have all been very busy and Mommy and Daddy both have gone out of town a couple of times, or what. Maybe it is just a growth spurt or a faze, but whatever it is, today was no exception and Hubby said Kiddo burst into tears on a couple of occasions during Sunday School. He also said Kiddo wasn't really interested in the songs or the other kids; that he just kind of kept to himself and was in his own little world. The disconnect doesn't surprise me much, Hubby stays in that private little world a lot so I know where that comes from (and I mean that in the best way, Dear). But not being interested in the music was a bit shocking because Kiddo sings all the songs at home all the time with such passion and joy.

I was christened at the very beginning of the class when a little girl had to go potty. Since women are the only ones who can take the little ones to the restroom and I was the only woman in the room, I had to take her in. They have these little shared bathrooms between the classrooms that have a real, little potty and a couple of portable kid training potties. The real potty was occupied so I had to put her on the trainer. Let me just say, without going into too much detail that it was not pleasant and there was lots to clean. *ahem* I mean, I wouldn't mind that if it were my own child, but it was just a bit nauseating cleaning up after someone else. My hat is off to the janitors of the world. I could not do your job. I think the worst part was that even in potty training the Kiddo I never had to clean out the little training potty. He just preferred the big potty so it was not an issue. I think I got REAL lucky!

So lunch was filled with conversation about the kids we watched and all the things that happened. I am very proud of Hubby for making it through and actually getting somewhat involved (whether he wanted to or not!). I know how nervous he was.

I had another photo shoot this afternoon. The weather is really testing my faith right now - but once again we managed to get a good hour in and the rain held off. The clouds were actually beneficial in that they evened out all the light and kept me from getting nasty shadows.

So that is the update. I am sorry I am not more interesting, but it is late and I have been editing all afternoon and my brain is fried. Maybe I can get some early posts in this week that will be a bit more thought provoking. Ahh, who am I kidding?

I appreciate your loyalty though. Thanks for reading.

Until,
D :)

Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters

Another long day today - two photo shoots, lots of driving, editing and just general activity and I am pooped!

The shoots went well. I was a bit worried because there was some rain in the forecast, but thankfully things held off in the shoot areas until after I was done. Praise God! Even with a last minute change of venue, I was able to get them both done. I have another shoot tomorrow, and then I have to shift gears and get ready for the Thanksgiving holiday. There is so much to think about there. You know, I need a grocery list so I can got all the ingredients for all the cookies and stuff I am going to bake. Priorities, priorities!

And of course I will be editing my hiney off as well! No rest for the weary my friends! Ahh, it is so good to be busy though. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to have so much business right now. It really feeds my soul.

We may have had a breakthrough in the car situation. There was a recall put out on the Honda CRV for a faulty ignition switch and that could have been what caused the sudden death of my vehicle as I was driving the other day. Thankfully the local Honda dealer has the part in stock and can replace it for me on Monday. All this is progress yes, but we still don't know what caused the trouble in Dallas last weekend and we are leery of driving the darn thing for any great distance before we figure it out. And we don't know if any or all the problems we've been having are related. Why can't cars be simpler? *sigh*

So anyway, I think I shall turn in early tonight. Hubby and I are volunteering in the nursery at church tomorrow, so I should probably get all the sleep I can in preparation!

Until,
D :)

New Day

Oh what a day. I was finally able to get an appointment with my old OB, and it was this morning. Poor Kiddo had to go with me and endure an hour and a half wait in the exam room before the doctor came in. Poor little guy, he was bored to death. I brought some things for him to do but it just wasn't enough to hold his interest. I think next time I will have to plan ahead and pack some totally new coloring books or something.

Anyway, I am so relieved now to know I have someone on the same page as me. The doctor listened to (and heard) my concerns and we decided together on a game plan of sorts for this pregnancy. He told me that most of the time Lupus pregnancies are just like any other, and as long as we are watching for and prepared for anything that could happen we should be ok. He wants to put together a team of sorts; a perinatologist, a rheumatologist and himself - and familiarize everyone with my particular case so that we are all up to speed when the time comes. I think that is a fabulous idea. He asked me to schedule a Level 2 Ultrasound for two weeks from now so that the baby's heart and kidneys can be thoroughly looked at and also so I can get a good measurement on this gigantic kid. He also has referred me to a rheumatologist so I can give him/her my history. As for the history of pre-eclampsia, he suggested that we might have me take a baby aspirin a day. Apparently there is something about aspirin that makes you produce the enzyme/hormone/something I can't remember that women who develop pre-e are lacking. Did that make sense? Anyway, I tend to bleed a lot so we are going to consult with the other "team" members to see if that is a viable option. It may just be that I have to taper it toward the end.

So, today I feel much more confident in my care. I am hoping Medicaid doesn't kick back all these referrals - please pray that I will not have too much trouble getting things covered. Most everyone I have talked to in similar situations says they had no trouble getting things paid for, but I am skeptical because of all the issues I've had thus far. I'm honestly beginning to think that it is the TX system, (specifically my county) and not Medicaid as a whole that has the problems. But, that is neither here nor there, I just need to be diligent and calm and patient and , and, and...yeah. Please pray for my sanity!

So I guess that is the update. The rest of my week has looked like this:

• My neighbor and friend is gone. I am just so deeply saddened. I couldn't even tell her goodbye. She is not a crier and I am so we just hugged quickly and turned away. I can't believe she's gone.
• Kiddo is having potty training issues. He has had an accident every day this week. I think he is just too busy playing to get to the bathroom in time. On the other hand, he has been waking up dry almost every morning! Go figure!
• The car. My word, where do I start? I had issues in Dallas. We thought we kind of had it figured out. Then yesterday on the way home from the grocery store it flat out died on me. while I was going 40mph. dead. I coasted off the road, put it in park and started it up again. It ran fine all the way home. I am totally baffled.

Ack there is more but this is depressing me. I have a busy weekend ahead and need to focus people!

Talk to you tomorrow.

Until,

D :)

Cleopatra, Queen of Denial

Call me the Queen!


My wonderful, caring, sweet, amazing, generous friend who has blessed me and my family for the past 4 years is moving. See, she lives next door to me. I know God put her in that house to take care of me and the Kiddo. I was floored the first day she knocked on my door. Her arms were full of little boy clothes in just the size Kiddo was wearing. And though we had never met, she acted like we'd known each other forever and it was totally normal for her to come to my house. When she handed me the clothes and then turned away, I shut the door and stood there for a long time in disbelief.

Her visits became more frequent; each time she had something to give us. Shoes and sleepers and clothing and supplies for the baby mostly, but each time she would chat for a brief moment before leaving - always staying just long enough for me to enjoy it but not too long to be a bother. And over the past few years we have become pretty good friends. Kiddo absolutely adores her and her kids and I do too. We've exchanged babysitting, watched over each other's houses, hosted garage sales together, gone on girl's nights out, celebrated birthdays and joyous occasions, as well as trials and heartache.

And today the moving company came and packed up her things. Tomorrow they will load up and drive them all to Houston. And here I sit, like it is just any other day, not letting myself feel the sadness that I know is going to hit me soon enough. I can't even begin to imagine what it is going to be like to not have her to lean on when I need her; to know she's not there for a quick word or a long afternoon of coffee and talking. I don't have many friends; certainly not many that are close by and have kids Kiddo's age. She was right there - not more than 20 feet away and I feel like I have taken advantage of it for these few short years. I should have done more with her, gone over more often, put in more time. I should have appreciated her so much more.

Oh how I have appreciated her. Oh how I am going to miss her. I just don't know how I am going to cope once this new baby comes. She was my saving grace with Kiddo, and now I have no one like her to save my sanity.

Tomorrow she is coming by briefly to say goodbye. Oh sure, we will see each other again. She promises frequent trips back and we do go to Houston every once in a while. Thankfully her new house is quite near to the inlaws. But it will be a goodbye, nonetheless. And I can't help but wonder how emotional I'll be. For the past few weeks since we found out they were moving I have been relatively calm about it. Sure, I have had a few panicky moments here and there, but I know the full reality of it hasn't set in yet. I know my feelings are hiding way down; beneath all the work on my plate, this new being inside of me, the doctor's visits and dealing with my darling 3 year old. I know they will rise to the surface soon. I don't know how I will handle it.

Once the house is dark and empty, so will be the space in my heart that her family has filled these past 4 years. I don't know if I can take it.

Until,
D

Things You Don't Say

Oh man, this is getting tough. I've been trying to think about something to write about all day and I am just at a loss. I am sitting here in bed with the laptop (which is one of my favorite things to do) and I am watching a rerun of Letterman. (why???? I don't know - too lazy to change the channel I guess)

Anyway, since I am at such a loss today, I am going to steal and idea from a thread we have on bbc today, which is titled "Things I Like". So here is my list.

Things I Like:

• the smell of my son after a bath
• clean sheets
• my Baked Apple Pie scent in the Scentsy warmer
• feeling my baby kick inside of me
• hearing my Hubby say "I Love You"
• fried chicken, mashed potatoes and fried okra
• anything mint and chocolate
• sweet toddler kisses and hugs
• the sound of my son singing
• the way my son says "Jesus"
• the sound of a choir singing
• the way I feel when the praise team at church performs
• the smell in the air the first few days of Fall
• the way Hubby smells after he shaves
• Christmas music
• my first sip of coffee in the morning
• the fizzing of an ice cold Dr. Pepper being poured over Sonic ice
• campfire breakfasts
• the smell of garlic and butter cooking
• a nice fitting pair of jeans
• a great hair cut and color
• making a client happy with a photo shoot
• hot showers
• God's grace and love

I'm sure there are more, but this is what I can think of right now.

If you'd like to make your own list, I'd be more than happy to tag you, meme style. ;)

Until,

D :)

The Way You Wait

Hi All,
I am elbow deep in editing photos right now and just not much is going through my head other than photoshop techniques.

But I have been feeling nostalgic lately, what with the holidays coming up and all, and so I have been surfing around during my breaks and came across an old friend of mine. I once had the absolute honor of singing with this man on a few occasions, and as I will tell you about later, they were some of the best times of my life.

But, before I get all into that, I thought you might want to hear some of his work. Ladies and Gents, may I introduce to you Mr. David Shepherd Grossman.

The Way You Wait


Darkness (from an appearance on the local Fox station in Phoenix, AZ)


Silent Eye


Oh how I miss those days...
Until,
D :)

Race Car Driver

The weekend...

As soon as Hubby got home from work on Friday, I left for the big D (little a, double l, a, s). Normally when I leave Kiddo with Hubby, I kind of sneak out or leave when he is preoccupied with something else. This time however, we decided I should tell Kiddo that Mommy was going on a trip and would be back in a couple of days.

I'm not sure when the screaming stopped, but I was most definitely out of the city limits by that time...

When I got to the downtown area, I was immersed in the tangle of highways and interchanges and I happened to look down and notice that my "check engine" light was flashing at me. I called Hubby on the cell and jokingly asked what it meant to have that light flash at you.

"Get off the road!! Get off the road and pull over NOW!!" was the reply.

Um, well, let me look to my left; three lanes of solid cars moving at about 60mph. Let me look to my right; concrete. Yeeee-ahhhh.

So I am still talking to him and we are discussing what could be the problem and he asks me what happened when I pulled over.

I was still on the freeway.

There was no way for me to get off anywhere at that moment. I was stuck between concrete and cars and there was no way pulling over was even an option. I began to shake; fearing that the car would just stop by itself and I would come rolling to a halt, only to be creamed by some distracted driver. I was in a panic, and I think Hubby was too somewhat. Finally, after getting on to another freeway I found an exit that went down to surface streets.

I pulled over into the parking lot of an abandoned building and shut down the car. Hubby told me to look in the car manual and see if it said anything about the check engine light. I opened the glove box to a stash of napkins, paper and various condiments...

So after rapid internet research on Hubby's end, he determined that I could turn on the car again; I did and everything seemed ok. The light was on but steady and the car was running fine. With Hubby still on the phone, he used a satellite image on Google Maps to guide me back to the freeway. Gotta love technology!

I made it to my friend's house after a misguided tour of the neighborhood, and was greeted warmly by my friend and her hubby. After some great conversation, we went over the plan for the next day and retired to bed. I couldn't wait to spend the day with my friends and my camera.

Until,
D :)

Leave the Lights On

Here I am, third night in a row posting at almost midnight.

Well, I have had a wonderful weekend! I went to Dallas to visit with some friends and do a couple of photo shoots and all in all it was a nice getaway. Kiddo and Hubby had a bit of a boy's weekend; they hung out together and on Saturday night they actually had a weenie roast and camped out in a tent in the back yard.

I truly enjoyed my time away. I was finally able to meet my friend's absolutely gorgeous twins and for a little while it was nice to not be "the mommy".

But I have to say, seeing my Kiddo's face when I got home was such an awesome sight. He had just woken up and was so sweet and cute for all of about 5 minutes when he suddenly passed out again in my lap. Apparently, boy's weekends are pretty tiring!

So, once I collect my thoughts I will post more about the goings on of the past few days, and hopefully will be able to share some pictures as well.

Until,
D :)

Under the Wire

Hope I get this in before midnight...

I don't really have much to say. I had an exhausting day today filled with lots of fun stuff - but I can't really talk about it right now. I realize I am not winning any new readers with these sub-par posts lately, but once things settle down for a day or two I'll try to get back to writing more interesting stuff.

In baby news, the little one has decided to move his residence from the bottom of my pelvis to higher ground under my rib cage. All evening this evening I have been tortured by him rolling upwards and squishing vital organs out of their comfy homes. His kicks, that were very low this morning, are now protruding through my mid section. I don't know where he thinks he is going, but he is making his mommy extremely uncomfortable! The biggest problem is he can't decide which place he likes better so he rolls up and then down; and then up, and then back down. Mercy!

So I am going to bed now because it is way past my bedtime and I have had a long day. Tomorrow may be challenging as well, so say a little prayer for me, please? I am having potential car issues once again and am not in a good spot for something like that to happen.

Much love to you all.
Until,
D :)

Highway Man

An open letter to the guy on the freeway...

Dear Sir (or Madam),
Did you not see the gigantic 18-wheeler in front of me tonight? Did you not notice that we were in heavy traffic? Did you not realize that riding my tail for over an hour wasn't going to get me to move any faster, nor was it going to get me out of your way because we were surrounded by cars and concrete?? Sir, I beg of you - in the future, please do not torture your fellow driver so by driving mere inches from their back bumpers! You are in a taller vehicle; did you not realize that your headlights practically blinded me for over 60 miles?

I understand that you are the center of the universe and your obligations of getting home so you can guzzle beer in front of your wide screen far outweigh the safety of me and my unborn child, but could you, for one moment perhaps, think of that poor trucker? He's been up for 48 hours straight and is high on speed - give the man some room!

I hope that you made it to your destination in time. I hope that you made it there safely. I feel for the next person that gets trapped in front of you.

Thoughtfully yours,
D :)

Yo

It's been a long day. I had a really fun photo shoot this morning and have been editing all afternoon. I have to have these images done for her in a very short amount of time and so I am working nonstop for the next few days.

Hopefully I will have something more to tell you tomorrow, but if you are curious, I am about to post a sneak peek on from the shoot today on my photography blog.

Check it out!
Until,
D :)

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

My favorite all time Holiday album. I know, it's probably too early for most of you, but I pulled it out today and added it to my mp3 player play list. Next I am going to find The King:
This one, this one, Or this one.
But they may be hard to find.

I really wish I had this...

although the original recording had a bunch more songs on it. We had it on 8-track when I was a little girl. (does that date me a little??) My first car had an 8-track player too.... YIKES!


Some new ones I would love to own: this one

or this one,

because I bet they are spectacular!

But the thing about putting holiday cds on my xmas list, is that by the time I get them, it will be too late to listen to them! Oh, the irony.

What to do....what to do...

Lookit this! The best of both worlds! Jewel sings Elvis!

It may be a Merry Christmas after all! ;)

Until,

D :)

See Sassy

I hate shopping for maternity clothes.

Seriously. It is the most ridiculous thing in the world. They are ugly, they don't ever fit right, and frankly, why on earth would I want to spend so much money on something I am only going to be able to wear for about 6 months?? It's insanity.

But, unfortunately, I need them. There isn't much more doctoring I can do with my regular clothes that doesn't leave me looking like a hillbilly with a rope belt. No offense to hillbillies or anything, just not the look I'm going for.

I was finally able to get all of my maternity clothes back from my friend in Houston, and sadly opened the container only to find that almost every shirt in there was either a tank top or was sleeveless.

Oh, yeah, I was pregnant in the summer last time. Doh!

So.....I guess I need to acquire something with a bit more warmth if I plan to go out of the house this winter. drat.

So I've been looking, and looking and though I have found a couple of things I might like, I refuse, refuse to spend over $30 on a shirt for crying out loud. I did however spend $32 on an absolutely fabulous pair of maternity jeans yesterday. It about killed me.

As most of you know I am a tall girl. 6' to be exact. And though that may not seem terribly tall by today's standards, if you knew the length of my inseam your eyes would open far to wide. So, finding jeans is a feat in of itself, but maternity jeans...next to impossible. However, I stumbled into Old Navy the other day and noticed they had low rise maternity jeans (this means the waist goes under the belly - woo hoo! No big, stupid, rolling down all the time panel!) AND they came in long lengths! *angels singing "Hallelujah!!, Hallelujah!!"* I was a bit discouraged though in that they were sized S, M, L - but thankfully the Small size fit me perfectly! So I spent the money. I will now be living in these jeans until March. Sorry if that offends you.

My experience at Old Navy with the girl running the dressing room left little to be desired, and if that wasn't the only Old Navy that sold maternity in town I would never return. But that is a story not worth telling.

Thankfully, the thing about maternity clothes is that most women are kind enough to share their wardrobes, and pass them around from preggo to preggo. And, consignment shops are a great place to find gently used maternity as well. I just haven't had the funds to spare for clothing at the moment so mismatched and awkward I go; dressing for comfort and coverage, rather than dressing to be the "cute pregnant lady".

Of course I guess that's not far from my daily, non-pregnant attire too...

Until,
D :)

I Shall Be Released

So I guess you may be wondering why I am so excited that it is November. Well, there are lots of reasons.

1) Supposedly this is the month all my Medicaid stuff kicks in - that is, I will officially be on a "plan" and hopefully I can go to my old OB and then to a referred, desperately needed specialist. I am excited that this baby might finally get the care he needs.

2) I am busy. I know it sounds strange, but I have at least 4 photo shoots booked to happen in the next 2 weeks and I am going to be swamped!! But, it is totally a good thing and I am looking forward to it.

3) 2 of the aforementioned photo shoots are taking place in Dallas. I am so excited to have a chance to get away (without the Hubby or the Kiddo) for a couple of days. Even though I will be working, it is basically my one and only chance to get any kind of break since the Kiddo was born; and it is the one and only chance for a break that I will get for a long time. Because, let's be honest, once baby #2 gets here my life will not be my own anymore. What very little "me time" I have now will be non-existent. I won't get breaks, I won't get sleep, and I certainly won't get to do anything without another little being strapped to me for quite some time. I NEED this getaway to Dallas. I deserve some time alone.

4) November is the start of the "holiday season" for me!! I love everything about this time of year. I can't wait to pull out my holiday music cds and sing my little heart out. It does make me a bit sad in that I am reminded that I am not involved in any sort of choir, but I can get over it. I know a lot of people don't like looking at and being bombarded with all the Christmas stuff before Black Friday - but I say bring it on!!! (just not before November 1st, ok? Santa should never be placed along side the Grim Reaper - that's all I'm sayin' about that.) Thanksgiving wouldn't be the same without the decorations and family and food and I think all of that ties in with Christmas too. You can't have on without the other. As a matter of fact, I dreamt I was singing Christmas music last night. It is time!

5) Of course I have to say I am excited about November because of NaBloPoMo! I love participating, making new friends and discovering fabulous new blog reads.

There is more, but the Kiddo is yanking on my leg and typing has become difficult. Besides, if I write too much now, I won't have anything for tomorrow, right?!?

What are you thankful for this month? What gets you excited? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Until,
D :)

Marital Carnival

DOH!

The third day of NaBloPoMo and I missed posting. Ack! Sorry about that.

Well, if it is any consolation, I was out most of the day working on my marriage.

Whoa! Back up the truck! Working on your marriage?? you say?? Yes. Don't jump to any conclusions here, Hubby and I just attended a marriage conference hosted by our church. It was truly wonderful. And, though no pregnant woman should commit to sitting in any chair for for 5 hours at a stretch, I would have to say my hip pain today was totally worth it.

The conference, taught by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his lovely wife, Sarah, was called Love and Respect. It is a teaching based on the biblical verse, Ephesians 5:33. Husbands must love their wives and wives must respect their husbands.

The basis of the conference is the differences between men and women and in how they communicate. I know, you've heard it before, but I highly encourage you to check out the website and the clips from the conference if you have some time.

Now, after two days of this conference, Hubby and I did not leave with earth shattering, life altering information that "blew our minds". Actually, it was quite the shocker that a lot of what was said was logical facts that we already kind of knew - but it helped to reinforce some of the things we've been doing right and it emphasized some of the things that we may have found insignificant. I guess, for me, it kind of cleared the cobwebs. Anyway, I guess i need some time to marinate on it all a bit before trying to have a discussion. But suffice it to say that it was good money and time spent.

In the midst of all this, Kiddo got to have some good quality time with G&H, and even spent the night with them out at their property. When we picked him up on Saturday afternoon he was worn out and cranky. He had actually put himself down for a nap!

Today we all went to church together. It is always such a blessing to be able to worship with family. The service was great and lunch after was so nice too (despite the bee that kept invading our table!)

What a great start to November!
Until,
D :)

Jupiter

So I've got a busy day today and I wanted to share some pics from the park the other day. Enjoy!

Hey Bud, come here and give Mommy a kiss!

mmmmmwah!

Isn't he gorgeous!!?!I just love this one! Too bad you can't see Hubby's face...

Daddy scared him when he came around the corner...

Until,

D :)

Sweet and Salty

That's my boy. He is goodness and light, aggravation and frustration. He can make me crack up laughing, smile through tears or pull my hair out all in the course of a few minutes.

Yesterday was a trying day; he whined and fussed and fought me tooth and nail on every issue. I banished him to his room more times than I can count. I threatened punishment and followed through and it broke my heart much more than his. His memory for these things is short. He doesn't stay angry for long. I wish I had that talent.

But today, today was different. He has been sweet and easy going and kind. He has been funny and silly and loving. His troubles with constipation have gone the other direction today - perhaps all this sweetness is from not feeling well. He says he's ok though, so who knows.

It is fun to watch him swing back and forth on the pendulum. I guess he is still trying to figure out who he is; testing boundaries and my patience; trying to find his own limits as well.

Last night we went trick or treating for the first time. We only hit a few houses and spent the rest of the night handing out candy to the local kids. He loved having all those kids coming to the door and was so very sad when they stopped coming. He really wanted to hang out in the driveway all night, talking to people and watching them walk past our house. He loves to be on the fringes of social activity. hmmm, that sounds familiar...

Anyway, I promised some pictures and so here they are. My boy is getting so big!

Salty...I asked him to show me his muscles!

Sweet.... a cute face. :)

His first ever trick or treat! (he got a treat of course!)

So today I watched as he indulged in his one piece of candy for the day. It was a small bag of Runts he got last night. He eagerly munched down on several pieces and then, very gently placed the 3/4 full bag on the table next to me. He proceeded then to steal my snack, some chex mix.

Sweet and Salty. That's my boy.

Until,

D :)

It's November 1st!

And you know what that means.... ok, maybe you don't. November is NaBloPoMo!! One month out of the year thousands of bloggers participate in a world wide blog posting month. The goal is to post at least once a day. I participated last year (I almost made it) and I so enjoyed it because, not only did I get introduced to lots of new, exciting blog reads, it really helped me get into blogging more myself.

So this year I am doing it again, and you can all expect to see a post a day from me (I hope). If you haven't noticed yet, I have listed some of my new NaBloPoMo friends in my sidebar. If you are feeling particularly saucy, check them out! ;)

I will probably be back later today with some pics from last night's Trick or Treating. Kiddo had an absolute blast and was such a stinker when we tried to explain to him that all the kids coming to our door had to go home. He did NOT want to get in the bath and wind down for the evening.

Meanwhile, I need to get off my duff and get this house cleaned. G&H are coming in today for the weekend and I am sooooooo unprepared! My preggo brain made me forget the fact that I needed to clean. Yikes!

Have a wonderful November!
Until,
D :)